Angrywife32 Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 Hi everyone 👋🏻 I have been married with an Arabic man for almost 4 years now. I am not happy with my marriage and I had already accepted that marrying him was a big mistake. He is greedy, selfish, controlling, manipulative, possesive and more. Before I married him, I was a jolly outgoing person. Now, I am stuck in hell! My husband is not a muslim and not very traditional but his culture is of course the same as any Arab culture. Since I married him, I had to avoid all my male friends because he gets jealous and it always ends up in a fight. He even gets jealous with my female friends and monitor me when I go out, face time calls multiple times to see where I am…. It’s very exhasting being married to him. He accuses me of cheating all the time…. He is greedy and I pay more in expenses too. We never go out as he never wants to spend money. I am planning my excape and got to the US and stay with my mom. I want to leave but scared that he may never let me go… he always tells me that he will never let me go. One time, he told me that he would locked me up at home if I keep going out. He say these things then when I remind him he denies it. He gaslight me. I don’t think that he is capable of hurting me physically… but you’ll never know.. don’t want to leave without telling him because I don’t think that’s fair… I want to leave and settle everything properly… but it looks like he won’t let me… I am also scared that what if I tell him and he hurts me? What do I do? Please help me.. my life with him is hell.. I just want to be as far away from him. Thank you in advance for your help. 🙏🏻 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 I'm sorry you're in this situation. If I were you, I'd get everything in order and flee without telling him in advance. Now, for the practicalities. Is your passport in your possession? Is it a US passport? Can you leave the country without his permission? Can you buy a ticket without him seeing the transaction in your bank account? Assuming that you can leave the country without telling him, don't tell him about your plans. He's already threatened to lock you up, so take him as his word. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 Telling him everything is what keeps you under his grasp. Do the opposite if you’re breaking free. You seem torn and that’s not unusual considering he’s been trying his utmost best to control you and use you. You’re conditioned into telling him everything and used to his punishment and ill treatment of you. Abused people like you try several times to leave abusive relationships as first attempts aren’t successful. Individuals keep going back. You don’t owe him anything especially if he’s been treating you this way and you’ve decided to end the marriage. Once you make up your mind, don’t go back and work on moving forwards and getting out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angrywife32 Posted March 31, 2022 Author Share Posted March 31, 2022 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm sorry you're in this situation. If I were you, I'd get everything in order and flee without telling him in advance. Now, for the practicalities. Is your passport in your possession? Is it a US passport? Can you leave the country without his permission? Can you buy a ticket without him seeing the transaction in your bank account? Assuming that you can leave the country without telling him, don't tell him about your plans. He's already threatened to lock you up, so take him as his word. Thank you so much for 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm sorry you're in this situation. If I were you, I'd get everything in order and flee without telling him in advance. Now, for the practicalities. Is your passport in your possession? Is it a US passport? Can you leave the country without his permission? Can you buy a ticket without him seeing the transaction in your bank account? Assuming that you can leave the country without telling him, don't tell him about your plans. He's already threatened to lock you up, so take him as his word. Thank you so much for the response. I have a Canadian passport and yes I have my own bank account. I have been saving to get out of here… and yes I think I will leave without telling him… he once told me that if I am planning to leave him, I would have to run otherwise he would never let me go. He is a very manipulative man. I have no freedom whatsoever… 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angrywife32 Posted March 31, 2022 Author Share Posted March 31, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: Telling him everything is what keeps you under his grasp. Do the opposite if you’re breaking free. You seem torn and that’s not unusual considering he’s been trying his utmost best to control you and use you. You’re conditioned into telling him everything and used to his punishment and ill treatment of you. Abused people like you try several times to leave abusive relationships as first attempts aren’t successful. Individuals keep going back. You don’t owe him anything especially if he’s been treating you this way and you’ve decided to end the marriage. Once you make up your mind, don’t go back and work on moving forwards and getting out. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, much appreciated. 🙏🏻 Yes, I am abused emotionally and mentally. But I am no longer in love with him. I think I have fallen out of love because of the way he is. I know that if I leave there will be no going back… I honestly think that he is all talk… I don’t think that he is capable of hurting me, but of course I am not 100% the reason why I want to talk to him and end things in a civilize manner is that I don’t want him going after me.. I am so ready to regain my freedom and move on. Life is too short to be in hell of a marriage. He needy and exhausting to be with. I can’t take it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 Be safe @Angrywife32 It's time to look after yourself now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 (edited) Where are you? Did you move to his country? All you need is a ticket to wherever you came from/where family is. If you have money or friends and family who can send money/get you a ticket that's the first place to start. Worry about divorce/paperwork later. First get out of wherever you are. You're in an abusive relationship. Was this a forced or arranged marriage? Edited March 31, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 5 hours ago, Angrywife32 said: the reason why I want to talk to him and end things in a civilize manner is that I don’t want him going after me.. I am so ready to regain my freedom and move on. Life is too short to be in hell of a marriage. If he’s what you say he is nothing you say is going to stop his controlling or deranged mind from trying to go after you so plan your exit accordingly and ensure you are as far away from him by the time he finds out what’s happening. The marriage is over. And yes life is too short for a hellish marriage or any poor company whatsoever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 12 hours ago, Angrywife32 said: He is greedy and I pay more in expenses too. Save every dime you can. Plan your exit down to the day and time. Make all arrangements, then leave. Don't take more than 2 suitcases when you go as you can buy more clothes after you reach your destination. No you cannot talk to him and have a peaceful exit. He might hurt you. Trying to leave a husband is dangerous to most women if the husband doesn't want to let you go. Act normal as possible until the exit day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted April 4, 2022 Share Posted April 4, 2022 On 3/30/2022 at 11:05 PM, Angrywife32 said: don’t want to leave without telling him because I don’t think that’s fair… I want to leave and settle everything properly… but it looks like he won’t let me… I am also scared that what if I tell him and he hurts me? What do I do? Please help me.. my life with him is hell.. You should make your exit plan without telling him and not feel guilty about it. This is no way to live. When you do get back home with your family, you may find you need therapy because you could have a mild form of PTSD from his controlling behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 I agree with others that you should plan to leave in secret and then, ideally, make sure you are out of the country before your husband realises. Arab countries have a different culture and a different understanding of what marriage means. Family is a matter of honour. Women are most at risk when leaving or having left an abusive man. Do not assume that his friends/family are trustworthy and that they would not tell him. Keep it entirely to yourself and be careful with any search or chat history on devices he has access to. Make sure everything is password protected and delete search history. I do not know but perhaps someone else could advise on this - I wonder if it would help to contact the Canadian Embassy in the country you are in? It can’t be the first time they have come across this issue and maybe they can support you with a safe and efficient way to get out of the country and possibly other advice on doing this safely? Do not give your husband details of your friends/relatives/ex colleagues in Canada (though he probably already has some). Good luck! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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