I have no clue

[Zigzag801]

Okay, I'm new here, so, hello. I've been having a few problems for the last year, so, here it goes:

 

I suppose that my only real problem right now is what to do with myself. I was with my first love, we'll call him John, for two years and nine months. Everything about our relationship was wonderful. He is a fantastic guy. We almost always got along, and when we didn't we were really good with getting to the root of the problem. He is perfect for me.

So... what happened, right? Well, college and distance happened. I'm about 200 miles away and both of were wrapped up in extremely hard classes and demanding schedules. By last October, I was starting to get depressed with the whole situation and started thinking about ending the relationship. Everytime I thought about it, I burst into tears. But I decided that we were both a bit unhappy with the situation and that it wasn't going to be getting better because the distance wasn't going to disappear.

When I first mentioned possibly putting the relationship on hold, he wouldn't have any of it. We fought and went back and forth about it until two months later. I came home from winter break, we went to see a movie and that night he called me right after he had dropped me off and told me that if we were not going to be official then he just didn't want anything to do with me at all.

I was completely devastated. I wanted to give up and get back together with him, but I knew that the situation was still the same. I'd go back to school, and be miserable all over again.

Well, to make a story that could be much longer short... Two days after my birthday this past summer he called me and wanted to talk about stuff. During the conversation (which was very civil and weirdly comfortable) we both decided that neither of us had done anything wrong to make the relationship end and that there was no reason not to atleast keep in touch.

So, currently, we talk maybe once or twice a week. Light conversations, usually, although last week I did help him and listen to him when he was having family issues. Our conversations last anywhere from 10 minutes to 45.

I'm currently dating someone else, but it's just not the same. I try hard to focus on what I currently have, but even after a few months I'm not anywhere near felling what I felt for John. I think it would be healthy for me to be seeing other people, but I just feel like maybe I'm wasting my time. I constantly think about John and worry about him. I care for him so much. I don't know what to do. The situation still hasn't changed... we still live 200 miles apart. But I can't hardly stand it anymore. I don't want to mistreat the one I'm currently with, and I do care for him, but it's just not the same. Help me.

[Baz]

I know this is a stupid question but may I ask how old you and John are?