mortensorchid Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 I have known a few people who are very close with their siblings. In some cases, they are best friends with them. In other cases they may not be best friends but they are certainly close enough that they socialize together, have a good time doing things, and enjoy each other's company. Not me. I have one sister who is four years younger than me. She's a surgeon, a scientist, can do no wrong. I am the screw up - I have been through a million jobs, I'm an artist, an odd duck. People ask my parents how they managed to produce two so different all the time once they find out how different we are. They said they are not sure, if they had at least one other child or if they had had many others, then they would know but that's another story ... My sister and I are two very different people. I have learned over the years (not just with her but with others) to keep my mouth shut, not joke around with others, and just be a blank slate / neutral. It's a business relationship and that's fine with me. I think it is with her as well. My concern, however, is what our relationship will be once my parents die. Both of my parents will be 80 this year, not sure how much longer they will be here, but I have a feeling once they die she and I are not going to have a relationship anymore. She is now married, has two step kids who are teenagers, and has a career. I'm the bohemian old maid. Has anyone ever had this happen to them? I fear this will happen to me and her. If so there's not much I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 I'm "kind of" in the same boat. I haven't spoken to my sister in 25+ years. No regrets... Somewhat similar to you, I was the nomad (in my family) that moved away, didn't settle down and retired in the desert. My mother always told people I was on permanent wanderlust. My mother has prepared for her eventual death. My brother-in-law will contact me and be the go-between for my sister and I. My sister does not want to speak with me and I don't want to talk to her. I have no problem working with my brother-in-law on any estate matters, but once everything is settled, I won't be talking with him either. That chapter of my life will be completely closed, never to be opened again. Which is fine with me. There will come a time when you will no longer speak to your sister and have no relationship with her, whatsoever. This is not a bad thing... trust me on this one, I know!! Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 I have two sisters (am the middle one), and I am close and on good terms with my older sister, and she with me. We usually talk 2-3x a month, which I feel good about, and text. My younger sister is intellectually smart but can’t seem to keep her emotions in check. She is impossible to deal with, and me and my older sister keep her at a distance. I wish it wasn’t like this but she brings chaos and emotional stress just engaging with her. We do text at times (even that can go off the track for no reason) but I try to keep a line of communication open for many reasons. One is that we are family (both parents have passed on so the family is shrinking!) She also lost her house and almost all her possessions in a fire in 2020 - it’s unreal to me how hard this must be. She had fire insurance of course but it’s an ugly thing to go through. I invited her to stay with me, and she lasted for I think two days before she stormed out in a rage, all because I needed her to help keep one of her dogs from messing in the house, and I even came up with simple solution. She also left a door open in the middle of the night (I heard her so got up, fortunately) as she took her dog out, putting my dog at risk of getting out and running loose, which really made me angry. Family relationships are so hard! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 I've always had a close relationship with my sister, but after some major life events, she has been somewhat removed from us for a while. The two of us are still involved in each other's lives, just in a limited capacity at the moment, but I'm not concerned about it too much these days. Despite your best efforts, you cannot predict what will happen in your relationship. The only thing you can control is the present moment. Would you like a closer relationship with your sister? Although I might be wrong, it seems that you would have preferred a different relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2022 Author Share Posted April 3, 2022 17 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I've always had a close relationship with my sister, but after some major life events, she has been somewhat removed from us for a while. The two of us are still involved in each other's lives, just in a limited capacity at the moment, but I'm not concerned about it too much these days. Despite your best efforts, you cannot predict what will happen in your relationship. The only thing you can control is the present moment. Would you like a closer relationship with your sister? Although I might be wrong, it seems that you would have preferred a different relationship with her. I would have liked to have had a better relationship with her other than the one we have. I am very close to my parents, dare I say we are a very loving family even if it's just us four. My parents say that I am by far more attentive to both of them than she is. But, it's what it is with me and her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 I don't see anything broken between your sister and yourself that can't be fixed. No matter how you were raised you are both adults now that can see behind your upbringning. Have you made an effort to keep in touch or you're waiting on her to reach to you? So you're different, I don't see why a scientist couldn't be friends with her artist sister. Accept you're different but if you ever get closer you may be surprise how alike you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 Therapy could help you get out of these assigned roles that dysfunctional families often have such as "black sheep", "golden child" etc. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 18 hours ago, mortensorchid said: My sister and I are two very different people. I have learned over the years (not just with her but with others) to keep my mouth shut, not joke around with others, and just be a blank slate / neutral. It's a business relationship and that's fine with me. I think it is with her as well. Can you clarify this a bit more? It’s your perception of her but she may be busy with the kids and other issues. You seem to talk yourself down with an inferiority complex or feel you’re too different. “I’m the screw up” What I’ve done in the past is keep invitations open. There was a time when I was so down that I’d lost touch with some family members who mean a great deal to me but that period (of about 15 years) passed. People transition to different phases of their lives and may realize suddenly what they’ve been missing or doing wrong or neglecting. I don’t have any misgivings or regret about it. I’m very proud of them also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2022 Author Share Posted April 3, 2022 38 minutes ago, glows said: Can you clarify this a bit more? It’s your perception of her but she may be busy with the kids and other issues. You seem to talk yourself down with an inferiority complex or feel you’re too different. “I’m the screw up” What I’ve done in the past is keep invitations open. There was a time when I was so down that I’d lost touch with some family members who mean a great deal to me but that period (of about 15 years) passed. People transition to different phases of their lives and may realize suddenly what they’ve been missing or doing wrong or neglecting. I don’t have any misgivings or regret about it. I’m very proud of them also. She hasn't just recently become busy with her work / personal life, it's always been like this. We are just two completely different people and that's that. I have extended things to her in the past of invites and potentially doing things together, but she isn't having it. So that's that. It's a business relationship and that's fine. I wish we had a better relationship than we do, but that's just how it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 22 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: She hasn't just recently become busy with her work / personal life, it's always been like this. We are just two completely different people and that's that. I have extended things to her in the past of invites and potentially doing things together, but she isn't having it. So that's that. It's a business relationship and that's fine. I wish we had a better relationship than we do, but that's just how it is. Yeah, I get it and empathize. It takes two. When I let go completely is when I found peace but my door was always open and they knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 13 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I would have liked to have had a better relationship with her other than the one we have. I am very close to my parents, dare I say we are a very loving family even if it's just us four. My parents say that I am by far more attentive to both of them than she is. But, it's what it is with me and her. The relationship between you and your sister seems to be pretty accepting of you. Ideally, you would want to be closer, but that doesn't always happen. It is good that you and your parents have a good relationship (I do too). So that's something to be thankful for. What's that saying? "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family" or something to that effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 28, 2023 Author Share Posted March 28, 2023 For example : last Thanksgiving my parents and I were driving to her place. She had just bought a new house and wanted us to see the place. My dad didn't know her address and said he was just going to recognize it (which he didn't). After the 3rd circle around the same street I texted her "we are lost please help and give me your address". She texted me back with the address, I put it in the GPS and we found the place. Afterwards on the way home I texted her "Thanks for hosting and your assistance will you be seeing us at Christmas?" She didn't bother to respond to that. The answer was no as I didn't see her at Christmas. I haven't reached out to her since. It's a business relationship, it's what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Did none of you guys, parents included, see her at Christmas? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 29, 2023 Author Share Posted March 29, 2023 2 minutes ago, BrinnM said: Did none of you guys, parents included, see her at Christmas? She is a doctor so she was working on Christmas. I'm sure they heard from her. On my birthday she texted me "Happy birthday", and I replied with a "thank you". And I text her on her birthday as well, but that's the extent of the relationship. Like I said, business. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 She sounds very ambitious and career oriented. And since she only has step kids that are older, and none of her own, things like Christmas are probably not on her radar that much. I’m sad for your parents, but they’re probably also very proud of her, and they have you, too, to take care of them. Sorry you don’t have a close relationship as sisters, though. Sometimes, when a person is not very family-oriented, this can change if they marry a person who is. Doesn’t seem to be the case here, either, though. ☹️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Hey mort, don't ask her any more questions. Just keep it short and sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
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