bluefhill Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 Hi All I have posted a couple of times about finding it really difficult after being dumped by someone, who was initially asked me out. The strange thing is we were dating for a very brief period of time (a month and a half) but over 6 months later I just can't move on. I do have quite a lot of other stressors in life (some quite significant), but I have been miserable since the brief period of dating them ended and I have got worse. As I have mentioned before I have minimal experience of dating despite being in my early 30's due to a lot of factors relating to stressful work situation taking up a lot of time and generally being quite shy (I am sociable but shy when it comes to relationships). The difficultly moving on was worsened by the person contacting me a couple of months later and seemingly keen to meet up, and did meet up with me. In a moment of weakness I asked them out again a couple of weeks later but was rejected. Not 100% sure what I am looking for but I really just need to find ways of moving on and looking to see the best ways people have done this. I am probably not neurotypical and perhaps this is exacerbating my difficulty moving on. I am meeting up with friends and family, trying to keep busy but I constantly think about her and feel depressed it didn't work out. I am trying to date but having minimal success meeting up with anyone, which isn't helping and emphasising the feeling that it will never happen for me and ill stay single for good. The whole thing is worsened by me not having almost no proper relationship experience before and it really feels confirmed I will never find anyone. Any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 14 minutes ago, bluefhill said: The strange thing is we were dating for a very brief period of time a month and a half but over 6 months later I just can't move on. There's a few steps you could take. One is deleting and blocking her and ALL her people from ALL your social media, messaging apps and devices. Another is going to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. See if the protracted sadness, lethargy and inertia has physical causes . Ask for a referral to a therapist for ongoing support and help with coping with stress. If you are ready, get a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Get involved in sports fitness and a healthy lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 What are the other stressors in your life? The breakup pain will fade when you’re willing to accept it ended for good reason. What was the reason it ended? Do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefhill Posted April 3, 2022 Author Share Posted April 3, 2022 Yes I have deleted her number (didn't have her on social media). The other stressors are related to a family member facing horrible bullying at work leading to bankruptcy and legal issues. I am in the same sector so I find work very stressful. At the time of seeing this person the legal issues my family member was facing was reaching a climax (thankfully things ended ok) and I took on a few extra roles which took up lots of time and caused a lot of stress.Because she ended things abruptly by a message I never got the chance to talk to her about these things. When she met up with me a couple of months afterwards I didn't bring this up either and acted as though it was just a friendly meet up. She just told me she didn't feel a romantic spark. Looking back I never acted like myself when I saw her as I was so happy she asked me out but also quite surprised. I therefore felt anxious when seeing her as I didn't want to mess things up. This showed quite a bit, and I didn't act confident around her and I get why she didn't feel the spark. The worrying thing is I feel like I would make the same mistake if someone I liked similarly as much came along, and that adds to the feeling it will never happen for me. As mentioned I am probably not neurotypical and that affects my ability to be intimate, especially in public places where we went on dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) If someone is into you they’d be all over it regardless of hard days or tension in your life. it sounds like just not enough chemistry. She might have sensed you have low self-confidence in general and if so that’s something that you’ll have to work on. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. You had concerns when you met up last time but silenced them. Also, you were too nervous at the start so maybe you didn’t give yourself a chance to open up. How is someone to know you if you won’t reveal yourself? I’d suggest practice meeting with people and speaking with strangers regularly in person and having conversations, making new friends. Are there interests or hobbies you’re into? See whether there are meet ups in your area. Edited April 3, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 28 minutes ago, bluefhill said: I am probably not neurotypical and that affects my ability to be intimate, especially in public places where we went on dates. Have you seen a physician about this? That's the first step. Also being depressed, stressed, ruminating etc could be any number of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefhill Posted April 3, 2022 Author Share Posted April 3, 2022 Yes I have and being treated for the stress/depression already. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts