Friend got mad over a small thing. Should I let this friendship go?

[rose009]

Basically my friend and I got into a fight because I sent him a picture with some text that was a little long and he replied as the following meme goes "I aint' reading all that, im happy for u tho, or sorry that happened". I then told him "well I aint't watching your lenghty 10 minute videos too then lol". I basically didn't even know such a meme existed, so I think this is a somewhat normal reaction from someone that thinks his friend is just being rude? I told him sorry anyway, even if I felt like I had nothing to apologize for. But he blew everything out of proportion and said that I overreacted and that he doesn't need an apology, and untill I realize exactly what I have done wrong he can't continue this friendship with me and that I shouldn't text him. He also called me toxic. I think he sounds really unreasonable for blowing up over such a small thing. I even told him to let it go as it isnt't such a big deal.  We have been friends for 8 years, and we are nearing our 30s so for me this seems a bit childish. We havent't talked since this incident, so maybe this friendship sadly really is over. I dont know if I should contact him as he really hurt me and he will think that he is in the right if I do.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, rose009 said:

We have been friends for 8 years, and we are nearing our 30s so for me this seems a bit childish. We havent't talked since this incident, so maybe this friendship sadly really is over. 

Sorry this happened. Were you ever more than friends at any point? It seems rather emotionally-charged for a 'just friends' exchange, no? 

Just take a deep breath and let the dust settle. It will be fine when cooler heads prevail. Scale back on this much chitchat.

[rose009]

46 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Were you ever more than friends at any point? It seems rather emotionally-charged for a 'just friends' exchange, no? 

Just take a deep breath and let the dust settle. It will be fine when cooler heads prevail. Scale back on this much chitchat.

He actually admitted a few years back that he liked me more than a friend. He was making drama like this a lot of times before this. Maybe I should just give him some space so he can figure out his things.

[basil67]

Do you remember being 5yo and an argument between girls would involve hands on hips with the statement  "You're not coming to my party!"  and the response would be "Well you're not coming to my party!"   That's pretty much what just happened here.

His response to your text was undeniably rude.  But your response was simply tit for tat, much like those school girls.    And I'm not sure how you managed to apologise when you don't see that you did anything wrong.  That it was a non-apology, 

I'd go back to the beginning.  Was the text you sent something really personal you wanted to share?  Or something from the news which you knew he'd be interested in?  In this case, his response was completely unacceptable.  Or were you spamming him with inconsequential stuff?   If that was the case, his response was still rude, but few of us like being texted with spam so his reaction was more understandable.  

So where to now?   If you were sending inconsequential stuff, your apology should be something like "I'm sorry for spamming you, I should have realised that a lot of people don't like getting this stuff.   I'm also sorry for how I reacted to your response - it didn't see it coming, I felt hurt and shocked and didn't think before I reacted"

However, if what you sent him was thoughtful - related to something which you thought would interest him or you were sharing something which happened in your life and he reacted like this, I'd just cut him off. 

Edited April 3, 2022 by basil67

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, rose009 said:

He actually admitted a few years back that he liked me more than a friend. He was making drama like this a lot of times before this. Maybe I should just give him some space so he can figure out his things.

Ah, so this friendship is based on you not being interested in him in that way, and him accepting friend status as the consolation prize... while seeing you dating other guys and so forth? He probably had underlying resentment, you caught him on a bad day, and the text was an excuse to explode and get it all out. Opposite sex friendships are often difficult, and are rarely successful long-term. But if one fancies the other, and the other doesn't reciprocate... that never works. It only works if there is [virtually] no attraction, firm boundaries, and some type of hobby or common interest acting as the binder. I'm surprised that it survived as long as it did. A real friend wouldn't blast you the way he did over a text that he felt was too long. 

If you want to make the first move on trying to patch it up, just send a text and say you're sorry for the misunderstanding and value his friendship. That at least leaves it open so that he doesn't have to overcome his ego to make the first gesture.

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by salparadise

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, rose009 said:

He actually admitted a few years back that he liked me more than a friend. He was making drama like this a lot of times before this. Maybe I should just give him some space so he can figure out his things.

Since you know he has a romantic interest in you and you don't feel the same about him, just leave him alone.  You cannot be his friend.  The kind thing to do would be to leave him alone.

[rose009]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I'd go back to the beginning.  Was the text you sent something really personal you wanted to share?  Or something from the news which you knew he'd be interested in?  In this case, his response was completely unacceptable.  Or were you spamming him with inconsequential stuff?   If that was the case, his response was still rude, but few of us like being texted with spam so his reaction was more understandable.  

So where to now?   If you were sending inconsequential stuff, your apology should be something like "I'm sorry for spamming you, I should have realised that a lot of people don't like getting this stuff.   I'm also sorry for how I reacted to your response - it didn't see it coming, I felt hurt and shocked and didn't think before I reacted"

However, if what you sent him was thoughtful - related to something which you thought would interest him or you were sharing something which happened in your life and he reacted like this, I'd just cut him off. 

I sent him something that happened in my life yes. The thing is when I sent him that a bit lenghty text he told me "I aint' reading all that, im happy for u tho, or sorry that happened". I dont know if you heard of this meme before, i havent. Well people usually post this meme as a joke to others that send them long texts to read. And as I didnt know this was a joke I then said to him if he isnt gonna read the stuff I send him then I will also not read his long texts or watch his long videos. I think that almost anyone would react in almost the same manner if they though their friend was being serious? Thats why I was having a hard time apologizing because I apologized for something I didn't even know was a joke. But I apologized anyway for the sake of the friendship.

[basil67]

 I haven't heard of that meme before and I agree think it's rude.  

However, I don't agree that nearly anyone would simply return fire without thinking it through.   Sure, some would, but others would take a little bit of time to think it through and come up with a solution which isn't likely to further inflame.   For example, simply responding with a 'confused' emoji would have been far less inflammatory. 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, rose009 said:

He actually admitted a few years back that he liked me more than a friend. 

Since you have been in a relationship for years, focus on improving that with your BF.

While this friends attention may be a pastime, it's too emotionally charged to keep up the pace.

Yes. Scale way back. Focus on your primary relationship.

[glows]

17 hours ago, rose009 said:

Basically my friend and I got into a fight because I sent him a picture with some text that was a little long and he replied as the following meme goes "I aint' reading all that, im happy for u tho, or sorry that happened". I then told him "well I aint't watching your lenghty 10 minute videos too then lol". I basically didn't even know such a meme existed, so I think this is a somewhat normal reaction from someone that thinks his friend is just being rude? I told him sorry anyway, even if I felt like I had nothing to apologize for. But he blew everything out of proportion and said that I overreacted and that he doesn't need an apology, and untill I realize exactly what I have done wrong he can't continue this friendship with me and that I shouldn't text him. He also called me toxic. I think he sounds really unreasonable for blowing up over such a small thing. I even told him to let it go as it isnt't such a big deal.  We have been friends for 8 years, and we are nearing our 30s so for me this seems a bit childish. We havent't talked since this incident, so maybe this friendship sadly really is over. I dont know if I should contact him as he really hurt me and he will think that he is in the right if I do.

How long ago was the fight? 

His response was rude. This doesn’t sound like a person who thinks of you as a friend. Don’t keep apologizing and don’t reach out. 

Privately reflect on why you’re still hanging onto this friendship when it seems long expired and not mutual. What’s the reasoning behind this? Or do you have latent feelings for him you haven’t dealt with?

[vla1120]

The fact that he called you toxic would be enough for me to let the friendship cool off a little bit. Did what you sent him have anything to do with another guy? Is it possible he still has some feelings for you? Maybe give it a little time. If you do decide to contact him, tell him you didn't know that meme existed, didn't realize he was joking, and it hurt your feelings. 

[rose009]

3 hours ago, glows said:

How long ago was the fight? 

His response was rude. This doesn’t sound like a person who thinks of you as a friend. Don’t keep apologizing and don’t reach out. 

Privately reflect on why you’re still hanging onto this friendship when it seems long expired and not mutual. What’s the reasoning behind this? Or do you have latent feelings for him you haven’t dealt with?

Just to add:  this was a meme when he said he isnt gonna read that text. I thought it was rude of him to say that. But then he told me it was a meme, a joke basically, and he didnt mean it seriously, and told me I overreacted. I think I reacted somewhat normal for a thing I tought was serious? I apologized because I reacted in a way, even if I didnt know it was a joke.

 

This was on friday last week. We havent spoken 4 days now. Maybe its really for the best

 

 

 

 

 

[rose009]

6 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

The fact that he called you toxic would be enough for me to let the friendship cool off a little bit. Did what you sent him have anything to do with another guy? Is it possible he still has some feelings for you? Maybe give it a little time. If you do decide to contact him, tell him you didn't know that meme existed, didn't realize he was joking, and it hurt your feelings

No it was nothing about a guy. It was an interesting article I sent him actually.

I already apologized tho. And I also told him I am a little hurt because he is making a big deal out of a little misunderstanding. But he told me anyway that he cant continue this friendship unless I realize what I did. I dont think I made such a big mistake. Im not gonna beg for his friendship. I think he still has some feelings, maybe thats why he acts like this.

[glows]

1 hour ago, rose009 said:

Just to add:  this was a meme when he said he isnt gonna read that text. I thought it was rude of him to say that. But then he told me it was a meme, a joke basically, and he didnt mean it seriously, and told me I overreacted. I think I reacted somewhat normal for a thing I tought was serious? I apologized because I reacted in a way, even if I didnt know it was a joke.

 

This was on friday last week. We havent spoken 4 days now. Maybe its really for the best

 

Memes are sarcasm dressed as low brow humour and we all know there’s some truth in sarcasm. If you didn’t find it funny, the joke is lost. Leave him alone if he keeps insisting he’s joking when nothing he says is actually funny. 

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, rose009 said:

I dont know if I should contact him as he really hurt me.

You seem way too emotionally  involved so a break for a while to cool off is a good thing.

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, rose009 said:

But he told me anyway that he cant continue this friendship unless I realize what I did. I dont think I made such a big mistake. Im not gonna beg for his friendship. I think he still has some feelings, maybe thats why he acts like this.

You've extended the olive branch and that's enough. This guy has issues and is acting like an a-hole. I wouldn't jump through any hoops or act like you owe him something. Just terminate; block him on social media and be done. And don't feel bad, he did it to himself.

[dramafreezone]

On 4/3/2022 at 2:09 PM, rose009 said:

Basically my friend and I got into a fight because I sent him a picture with some text that was a little long and he replied as the following meme goes "I aint' reading all that, im happy for u tho, or sorry that happened". I then told him "well I aint't watching your lenghty 10 minute videos too then lol". I basically didn't even know such a meme existed, so I think this is a somewhat normal reaction from someone that thinks his friend is just being rude? I told him sorry anyway, even if I felt like I had nothing to apologize for. But he blew everything out of proportion and said that I overreacted and that he doesn't need an apology, and untill I realize exactly what I have done wrong he can't continue this friendship with me and that I shouldn't text him. He also called me toxic. I think he sounds really unreasonable for blowing up over such a small thing. I even told him to let it go as it isnt't such a big deal.  We have been friends for 8 years, and we are nearing our 30s so for me this seems a bit childish. We havent't talked since this incident, so maybe this friendship sadly really is over. I dont know if I should contact him as he really hurt me and he will think that he is in the right if I do.

Maybe just let things blow over and act like nothing happened.  Maybe he is unreasonable, maybe you were the unreasonable person.  Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

Quote

He actually admitted a few years back that he liked me more than a friend. He was making drama like this a lot of times before this. Maybe I should just give him some space so he can figure out his things.

I missed this part.  This colors the entire friendship in a different light.  I've been in that situation a long time ago in my early 20s, in the friendzone like your friend.  As it turned out I had a lot of pent-up resentment because the friend didn't reciprocate my romantic feelings and I remember one time (don't know what instigated it) where I sent her an angry email and really let her have it, I called her selfish and a bunch of other things, just unleashed years of frustration on her.

She acted like nothing happened, and we moved on from it, never had any other contentious moments but we were not quite as close as he had been previously, which was probably for the best.  Looking back she was more kind to me than I deserved in that moment.  But maybe distance yourself so that he can actually find someone that will reciprocate his feelings.  Doesn't mean don't be his friend but give him space.  Friendzone situations can be powder kegs.

Edited April 4, 2022 by dramafreezone