Meeting my ex from 5 years ago

[PowerEngers]

I'm sorry if this is too long, but I will try to give some context:

I had a relationship with this girl for almost 10 years, she was very intense with seeing each other, and I did like it tbh, we see each other everyday since we were free from work until late night, Saturdays we always spent the whole day together and it was like that while the relationship lasted, she was the one who broke up with me saying that she didn't see a future with me because I never moved with her and didn't want a kid at the time either. The reason I never did is because I knew her before we started dating, she was always telling me how she wanted to be a doctor, how she wanted to have a big wedding, etc. I took her dreams about her career as my own goal too and when she was about to go to the college (it was around our 3rd year) I decided to hold back my own career because I was already working on my area and wanted to use that money to pay hers (I had financial issues at the time so couldn't pay both) , because I always told her that I would never take her our of her place or have a kid with my situation at the time and if I did all that I doubted that she could do her career, and didn't want to have a kid who would struggle with my situation at the time.

I'm very good friend of her family which I knew since before I met her (mostly her cousins, aunts and grandma), she of course met mine after dating, and she is a great friends of my whole family but we would never meet each other even tho her family lives close to her and she visits mine, well, 5 years after the break up, in all honestly, I never got interested in meeting anybody else, friends would help me presenting me to girls so I can be over her, I would chat with them and everything, a lot of them were cool but never got interested, and I would keep thinking about my ex eveyday, not missing even one, thinking about how is she, remembering her bday, and things she likes to do on specifics date, but never try to contact her because I always think if she is fine, then I'm fine.

Well, 10 days ago my sister gave birth to my first nephew, and when I went to see her and the kid guess who I found in the room?, yes, she was there (she may even be his godmother), she said hi to my mom, and I sat in a couch away from everybody, she came to me after like 5 mins and stretched my hands saying hi, after that every question I made open to the room she was the one answering me directly.

When I was leaving my sister out of nowhere asked me if I could give her a ride, her safety has always been 1A priority for me so even tho I would ignore talking to her to avoid my feelings getting over me I would give her the ride because it was late at night, but she seemed so uncomfortable when my sister asked me to give her a ride that I told my brother in law to ask her for a cab

When I got home I of course asked to my brother in law if she arrived safe, like 1hr later, but my instagram goes off, it was her, asking if we were enemies or anything, that she doesn't consider me an enemy and that "it was nice to know that still have warm hands" (she used to say that and put my hands in her arm or anywhere she felt cold). I told her it was not the case and it was better to not talk about it, she kept insisting until I told her that, we broke up, she moved one, I didn't, that I still think about her everyday, everytime. She told me that she also have being thinking about me the last 2 or 3 years, then started to send me pictures of gifts I gave to her since we started until we broke up, she also started saying that she also lost a friend, a boyfriend, the one she wanted to be the father of her kids etc. Then she would keep saying anything about my supposedly gf which I told her several times I don't have one, she kept , she also told me she is alone, we kept talking for like 5 hours.

Since then she has been giving me the good morning and good night everyday, send me pictures of her doing whatever she's doing in the moment, asking if I ate, if I took any medicine I had to take, etc. She proposed to meet and get a lunch together, sounded like a date to me (considering all  we have talked on chat). So we went out last saturday, I went to pick her up, she says hi to me stretching my hands again and we were off, whenever we past by a place we have been when we were together she would point it out, while talking if I mentioned a date she would mumble something like "we were still together back then".

But the thing is, face to face it was like, yeah she was cool but, it didn't seemed like she wanted to get back, or at least to me, she brought some topics from our old relationship, in the end nothing happened after "the date", I took her home, not even hands this time to say goodbye, as always she asked me to tell her when I get home, I stopped on dark and lonely minipark and stayed there for like 2hrs thinking about the day, my feelings and what to do, she messaged me asking if I got home, I told I was close but no quite, she asked why and told her where I was, she suspected it had to do with her because she told me she was sorry if she said anything wrong, I told her to not worry, she didn't say anything wrong. next day which is last sunday I tried to no talk to her a lot, I mean, I have IG on my laptop open just for her the last 10 days, just waiting for her to talk to me, I don't think that will do me any good if I misunderstand things, I have made peace with myself acknowledging that she left me and I can't get her back even tho I keep thinking about here all the time, so getting false hopes would destroy me.

I basically don't know what to do, I don't know if she is really into me again, or does she really wants to just be friends. Because even tho I told her I don't know how to act around her, and I don't want to be a nuisance to her, she keeps insisting wanting to talk to me. 

Thoughts? and thanks for reading

 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, PowerEngers said:

she also started saying that she also lost a friend, a boyfriend, the one she wanted to be the father of her kids etc

Since she is a friend of the family be polite, but she's on the rebound so it's not about you it's about filling a void.

[glows]

What’s going on with your career now? She wanted to marry you and be with you but you didn’t propose. None of the above matters if you’re not happy with yourself. She may still have feelings for you but if you can’t accept who or what you are relationships will always be a struggle for you. 

If you are happy with where you’re at, then tell her that you care about her still and want to give it another go. If she declines, move on and limit the conversations. She’ll take the hint.

[vla1120]

31 minutes ago, glows said:

If you are happy with where you’re at, then tell her that you care about her still and want to give it another go. If she declines, move on and limit the conversations. She’ll take the hint.

I agree with this. Tell her how you feel and ask if she wants to try it again. If she declines, stop the communication and keep things cordial but distant and informal when you cross paths in the future. 

[PowerEngers]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Since she is a friend of the family be polite, but she's on the rebound so it's not about you it's about filling a void.

Yes I know, I just don't wanted to bother her or any bf she may have, example when we went out this saturday I wanted to hug her and kiss her so much, I didn't but I don't want to my feelings get over my head and do it without she wanting me to do it. But yeah, is wrong to do what I did.

So you mean she may just want to be friends?

Thanks

30 minutes ago, glows said:

What’s going on with your career now? She wanted to marry you and be with you but you didn’t propose. None of the above matters if you’re not happy with yourself. She may still have feelings for you but if you can’t accept who or what you are relationships will always be a struggle for you. 

If you are happy with where you’re at, then tell her that you care about her still and want to give it another go. If she declines, move on and limit the conversations. She’ll take the hint.

I never got back to it, pensum changed while I was away for few years so I have to restart. Yeah I didn't proposed to her I don't know if it was the right thing but I always thought that in the situation I was with not being able to take care of here living together and she wanting so much a kid a move with me if I'd proposed her I would kinda feel pressured for it. Don't get me wrong I did really want to marry that woman.

if you mean happy where I'm at as a comparison of my financial issues with back then when I didn't proposed etc. then yes, I am in the very best moment of my life. And yes I'm thinking of on ask her out to some place and talk about it, which I honestly thought we would do last sat.

Thanks

[chillii]

Well , being together again she was feeling the way you were feeling , awkward and strange and not knowing what to expect , and just feeling things out between you. lt wasn't her being cold to you or anything like that. Your both feeling this out.

Did she have a child ? , did she become a doctor ? Just supposing you were together again now, would you want to marry now, and have a family ? 10yrs together was a long time, so no surprise she's still thought about you if no one else has worked out for her meantime and here you both are single.

8 hours ago, vla1120 said:

I agree with this. Tell her how you feel and ask if she wants to try it again. If she declines, stop the communication and keep things cordial but distant and informal when you cross paths in the future. 

l agree. You obviously still feel a lot for her deep down and probably her you from the way she's acting. lf you are happier with your situation now  would you think of her in a marriage and family way now ? lf so then yeah, see her again, talk more spend some time. And if it still feels right tell her how you feel and why it's different now. lt's a risk for you to lay it on the line but there's really no other way to find out what this is now. PS, she obviously talked to your sister a little about you and that's why your sister would've suggested you give her a ride. Good luck anyway.

Edited April 4, 2022 by chillii

[PowerEngers]

14 hours ago, chillii said:

Well , being together again she was feeling the way you were feeling , awkward and strange and not knowing what to expect , and just feeling things out between you. lt wasn't her being cold to you or anything like that. Your both feeling this out.

Did she have a child ? , did she become a doctor ? Just supposing you were together again now, would you want to marry now, and have a family ? 10yrs together was a long time, so no surprise she's still thought about you if no one else has worked out for her meantime and here you both are single.

l agree. You obviously still feel a lot for her deep down and probably her you from the way she's acting. lf you are happier with your situation now  would you think of her in a marriage and family way now ? lf so then yeah, see her again, talk more spend some time. And if it still feels right tell her how you feel and why it's different now. lt's a risk for you to lay it on the line but there's really no other way to find out what this is now. PS, she obviously talked to your sister a little about you and that's why your sister would've suggested you give her a ride. Good luck anyway.

I guess I was kinda selfish thinking that I was the only one not knowing what to expect from it, I didn't thought about that,  you're right!!

No she doesn't have a child, I also know her last boyfriend wanted a kid with her but she didn't, no, sadly she didn't became a doctor, she kept trying after we broke up but she and her family couldn't afford it. Yes!, I would marry that woman, is the one I want to have my family with.

Yeah I will talk to her about it, and well she talks with my whole family and friends, same as I do with hers, but the ones who talk to her about me are mostly their family and our common friends  , in my case only our common friends talk to me about her, some of them trying to make us be together again but she told me a few days ago that she never thought I did really was sending them to her, and no I didn't.

 

 

 

 

 

[glows]

On 4/4/2022 at 8:32 AM, PowerEngers said:

So you mean she may just want to be friends?

That's hard for anyone to tell. As far as you know you've only met her once and you're quite thrown off, wondering about what she's thinking. I also got the sense in your first post that you're trying to read her mind and reassure yourself that she wants to get back together with you before you ever bring up the topic. You're not in a relationship with her and you're not quite friends either so I don't know what you have to lose by just telling her how you feel. 

At least by knowing if she's dating someone else or not interested, you'll have the opportunity to move on with your life and close this chapter for good. If she keeps messaging you good morning and good evening and she has a boyfriend, there's something off there. 

 

[PowerEngers]

1 hour ago, glows said:

That's hard for anyone to tell. As far as you know you've only met her once and you're quite thrown off, wondering about what she's thinking. I also got the sense in your first post that you're trying to read her mind and reassure yourself that she wants to get back together with you before you ever bring up the topic. You're not in a relationship with her and you're not quite friends either so I don't know what you have to lose by just telling her how you feel. 

At least by knowing if she's dating someone else or not interested, you'll have the opportunity to move on with your life and close this chapter for good. If she keeps messaging you good morning and good evening and she has a boyfriend, there's something off there. 

 

You're right, I kinda wanted to figure her out on the day we went out together, I'm a very analytical person tbh, which sometimes can be pretty bad because I tend to overthink a lot and that what it seems like, that I'm trying to read her mind. Yesterday she called me and we started talking random stuffs, joking around, and we making laugh each other, when she had to leave in the end of the call she asked me if I was going to one of her cousin's yesterday (they live like a block away), which I told her yes, she was dropping a pack over there so I can give it to my sister, I agreed, I also asked her if she could take it over there at X time because I wanted to talk something with her, of course I forgot she had plans with her dad and brother so she said she couldn't do it yesterday but we could arrange to meet at some place so we could talk, man I got so nervous and that's when I started overthinking things, in the end she told me that she had to go, but if I have something say let her know.

And me reading this after writing it makes me feel stupid because now that I read it I think that was the best opportunity, is like I always say, my brain shuts down being around her

[glows]

16 minutes ago, PowerEngers said:

You're right, I kinda wanted to figure her out on the day we went out together, I'm a very analytical person tbh, which sometimes can be pretty bad because I tend to overthink a lot and that what it seems like, that I'm trying to read her mind. Yesterday she called me and we started talking random stuffs, joking around, and we making laugh each other, when she had to leave in the end of the call she asked me if I was going to one of her cousin's yesterday (they live like a block away), which I told her yes, she was dropping a pack over there so I can give it to my sister, I agreed, I also asked her if she could take it over there at X time because I wanted to talk something with her, of course I forgot she had plans with her dad and brother so she said she couldn't do it yesterday but we could arrange to meet at some place so we could talk, man I got so nervous and that's when I started overthinking things, in the end she told me that she had to go, but if I have something say let her know.

And me reading this after writing it makes me feel stupid because now that I read it I think that was the best opportunity, is like I always say, my brain shuts down being around her

That happens when we like someone. In your case you didn't ever get over her so she has been taking up all that real estate in your heart for how many years since you both broke up. Chances are that you've put her so high up on a pedestal she's what you remember or imagine her to be instead of focusing on what she is to you right now... which is only an acquaintance.

If you're analytical then stay on the present moment and not what you both shared or what you want her to be. She's someone you know in mutual circles but you haven't met up more than once after a break up. If you're going to meet with her tell her how you feel but don't get carried away with thinking that she's someone you know. A lot could have changed in the time apart. She may or may not be with someone else. She may be reeling after a break up and not in an ok state of mind. Be cautious and keep things down to earth around her. Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

[chillii]

Yeah that'd be pretty obvious in a situation like yours. Of course you don't wanna lay anything on the line unless you can feel she's on the same page , of course it'd be a kick in the guts if you did and she wasn't.

But given what you've said about how you feel, even after all these yrs,that's very big stuff you might never feel that way about anyone else. l'd def see her again and try to feel things out, hopefully things will relax more between you and get talking. lt'll probably all just come up naturally then on it's own anyway. You can bet she'd be thinking about it all to.

Edited April 5, 2022 by chillii

[mark clemson]

On 4/4/2022 at 7:20 AM, PowerEngers said:

Thoughts? and thanks for reading

It sounds like she's looking for someone and she thought perhaps to rekindle things with you, so did exactly that (tried to anyhow, and you tried to as well).

I suspect she thought it would be like old times, but now the chemistry is different. Perhaps you are clingy/insecure around her or similar? Dunno, but it sounds like somethings "off" and so you both can't quite get into the groove of things again. I think sometimes it's hard when one partner really likes the other one - it can become awkward as they sort of "hang on" the other person. It's very hard to help this sometimes, so don't beat yourself up.

Another possibility is that really you've been friendzoned and this was a "walk down memory lane" for her. Maybe a bit of both, it's hard to know with these things sometimes.

At any rate, IF she gives it another attempt/date, by all means try and maybe try to "act" a bit more confident/independent, etc, and possibly things will go better. I suspect there is a LOW chance of this happening, maybe a ballpark 10-25% chance (since she has already reached out).

My suggestion would be to NOT pin your hopes on this, but instead look for someone else, as it sounds like (for better or worse) things aren't likely to work out with her. IF it happens to turn around for the better with her, then certainly go for it, but again it doesn't sound likely.

Consider working on your appearance and confidence and then actively seeking new women. You could try reading the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" which is a rather long read, but really just the chapter on female attraction. If you can grasp and apply this stuff, along with keeping your appearance well-maintained, it could go a long way towards getting you back into the dating game.

[PowerEngers]

18 hours ago, glows said:

That happens when we like someone. In your case you didn't ever get over her so she has been taking up all that real estate in your heart for how many years since you both broke up. Chances are that you've put her so high up on a pedestal she's what you remember or imagine her to be instead of focusing on what she is to you right now... which is only an acquaintance.

If you're analytical then stay on the present moment and not what you both shared or what you want her to be. She's someone you know in mutual circles but you haven't met up more than once after a break up. If you're going to meet with her tell her how you feel but don't get carried away with thinking that she's someone you know. A lot could have changed in the time apart. She may or may not be with someone else. She may be reeling after a break up and not in an ok state of mind. Be cautious and keep things down to earth around her. Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

I never got over her, but don't get me wrong I do put her very high as since we've met, but I know she is not 100% the same person I was with, I'm very aware of that. I know she's alone right now, but yes, I should keep in mind if she's being affect by her last break up. Thanks

 

17 hours ago, chillii said:

Yeah that'd be pretty obvious in a situation like yours. Of course you don't wanna lay anything on the line unless you can feel she's on the same page , of course it'd be a kick in the guts if you did and she wasn't.

But given what you've said about how you feel, even after all these yrs,that's very big stuff you might never feel that way about anyone else. l'd def see her again and try to feel things out, hopefully things will relax more between you and get talking. lt'll probably all just come up naturally then on it's own anyway. You can bet she'd be thinking about it all to.

Exactly, that was my initial fear!!, that's why I wanted second opinions on this.

Yeah, I mean, I even talked to friends about it and how I personally think that after all that time it wasn't even healthy to keep feeling like that after we broke up, but I wasn't able to stop feeling like that for her, no that I wanted to forget everything about her, but just couldn't just acknowledge she was gone for good as I just did with all my ex's before her. Tbh the mood between us is cool since we started to talk, is very relaxed, I was trying no to mix things up but I'm definitely going for it and God please help me lol

16 hours ago, mark clemson said:

It sounds like she's looking for someone and she thought perhaps to rekindle things with you, so did exactly that (tried to anyhow, and you tried to as well).

I suspect she thought it would be like old times, but now the chemistry is different. Perhaps you are clingy/insecure around her or similar? Dunno, but it sounds like somethings "off" and so you both can't quite get into the groove of things again. I think sometimes it's hard when one partner really likes the other one - it can become awkward as they sort of "hang on" the other person. It's very hard to help this sometimes, so don't beat yourself up.

Another possibility is that really you've been friendzoned and this was a "walk down memory lane" for her. Maybe a bit of both, it's hard to know with these things sometimes.

At any rate, IF she gives it another attempt/date, by all means try and maybe try to "act" a bit more confident/independent, etc, and possibly things will go better. I suspect there is a LOW chance of this happening, maybe a ballpark 10-25% chance (since she has already reached out).

My suggestion would be to NOT pin your hopes on this, but instead look for someone else, as it sounds like (for better or worse) things aren't likely to work out with her. IF it happens to turn around for the better with her, then certainly go for it, but again it doesn't sound likely.

Consider working on your appearance and confidence and then actively seeking new women. You could try reading the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" which is a rather long read, but really just the chapter on female attraction. If you can grasp and apply this stuff, along with keeping your appearance well-maintained, it could go a long way towards getting you back into the dating game.

Honestly I'm kinda insecure, but she was the one clingy with me, and that's why we have lot of friends in common, they are all my friends she met, whenever I had something to do and she couldn't for X or Y reason her brother always would call me asking when I'm coming back because she kept staring at the door for me to get to her place, I used to knock the door in a funny way and they started to imitate me because they say she always came running to open the door thinking it was me.

The walk down memory lane may be a possibility.

Yes!!!, if I get another chance I will try to be more confident, that is something I really to keep working on.

I'm trying to keep my hopes no too high on it, well after I said yesterday, 2 days ago I told her I wanted to tell her something and then I just froze, well, last night before she went to bed we were talking and she offered me to "pay me" the lunch because last Saturday when we went out it was because she "owed" me a lunch but when we were there I refuse to let her pay and I paid for it, now she wants to go out and this time "pay me" the lunch and while at it also wanna talk about what I was about to say. After me being so clear to her when we started to talk about how I feel I think she must have an idea about what I wanted to talk to her. I'll try to do it this very week and see what happens.

[glows]

Have you asked her out on a date yet this week? 

[PowerEngers]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

Have you asked her out on a date yet this week? 

I'm doing it tonight

[chillii]

 

l mean it sounds good from her side too l think she's thinking and feeling out all the same things .

Good luck.

[PowerEngers]

Update:

The last week ended and I didn't did a thing, we just kept talking as we have been for the last 2-3 weeks, we are getting comfy with each other more and more, she has changed yeah so did I, but as far as I have noticed is the type of changes we saw in each other since we were friends, not something like we're unrecognizable or something (we met like 5 years before we started dating). Last Thursday I was thinking on ask her out and tell her, but then I thought "we have been NC for 5 years, yes, I still loved her all those years but, we both have changed, for better or worse but we did, and even tho I still like and love what I have seen so far we're both getting to know each other once again, and for me go to her just asking to get back just because I'm the one still in love like we just broke up a few days or weeks ago is not a good idea, so is better to keep knowing each again until we get there".

I know some may think things like "oh man you're being friendzoned, you ain't getting together again", and maybe that could be the case, but doesn't seems likely, because since last Sunday she was having a bad day (work and family problems) so we spent the whole Sunday talking in various videocalls and chat, yesterday she was still in bad mood, near to the gym I go there is this ice cream store (she looooooooves that ice cream), I started to tease her sending her videos about me going there and she getting none, so me joking around told her I could take her some if she tries to calm down and called me with a smile, after all the joking around I told her I had to go nearby her place early in the night so I could take her some if she wanted, she said if I was ok she preferred to go out there with me to buy it, so I said ok and around 9pm we took off, we got our ice creams, talked a bit and me thinking is Monday late at night I think I should take her home already because she has to wake up early, she told me, she wanted to keep being with me and wanted to go play some pool, so we went to play and we started betting right away(we used to bet in anything we play, not money), one of the bet she wanted was if I lose we'll go out again (yes I did lose on purpose). After I took her home for the first time she gave me a kiss the cheek and got off the car (so far we haven't said hi to each other than shaking hands, not even a hug). So I don't know why but I called her name after the good night kiss and was about to tell her, but I didn't, I thought she didn't hear clear because she just looked back smiling and said bye with her hands, well, she goes in her house and I left, like 15 mins later she writes me to see if got home safe and then asking me about what was I wanted to tell her, after insisting so much I told her and she basically told me the same thing I said above too, she likes being around me, likes to talk with me a lot, but we both have changed and we getting to know each other again, so she thinks we should keep talking, going out and see what happens because she thinks we don't know each other as we used to and getting back right now it would be because of how we both remember each other and not for what we are right now and that could be a mistake, but still she wants to go out with me again.

 

Sorry, I have always been bad resuming things lol, but, I think we're going the right way, what do you think guys?

[glows]

She told you she’d like to continue seeing you so you both are dating/seeing one another with no labels or expectations. See where it leads and trust your instincts. Things seem to be flowing quite nicely. 

 

[PowerEngers]

2 hours ago, glows said:

She told you she’d like to continue seeing you so you both are dating/seeing one another with no labels or expectations. See where it leads and trust your instincts. Things seem to be flowing quite nicely. 

 

Yes, she has honestly no reason to accept to get back with me other than old memories, I understand I have to show her that I'm not the same as before, that I've tried and changed any toxic trait I was aware off, but of course is not only about me, I expect the same from her too if I really want this to work out, so yes, I think this is the healthiest way to proceed for both of us, of course no wanting too but keeping in mind this could go wrong, I can't allow myself to get over my head and believe everything will go how I want to, I need to keep my feet on the ground (something I wasn't thinking straight when I started this thread)

 

Thanks

[vla1120]

18 minutes ago, PowerEngers said:

Yes, she has honestly no reason to accept to get back with me other than old memories, I understand I have to show her that I'm not the same as before, that I've tried and changed any toxic trait I was aware off, but of course is not only about me, I expect the same from her too if I really want this to work out, so yes, I think this is the healthiest way to proceed for both of us, of course no wanting too but keeping in mind this could go wrong, I can't allow myself to get over my head and believe everything will go how I want to, I need to keep my feet on the ground (something I wasn't thinking straight when I started this thread)

 

Thanks

You're right. This is a good way to start, slowly - getting to know each other once again.

Because you knew one another previously, I don't think there is anything wrong with being upfront about the improvements/changes you've made to eliminate any of those toxic traits she might be on the look out for. On the same hand, there is nothing wrong with watching for any behaviors (from either of you) that might have lead to your relationships demise previously and addressing them openly. While you don't want to judge each other on the past, it's okay to recognize there were issues and acknowledge the changes in each of you that might make another try at your relationship more successful. (I hope that makes sense.) Trust your instincts. 

[flitzanu]

you need to be really careful that you're not just her new girlfriend now.  

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, PowerEngers said:

she likes being around me, likes to talk with me a lot, but we both have changed and we getting to know each other again, so she thinks we should keep talking, going out and see what happens because she thinks we don't know each other as we used to and getting back right now it would be because of how we both remember each other and not for what we are right now and that could be a mistake, but still she wants to go out with me again.

She doesn't want to jump right in so lay back a bit. Ask her out but try not to come on too strong.

[PowerEngers]

2 hours ago, vla1120 said:

You're right. This is a good way to start, slowly - getting to know each other once again.

Because you knew one another previously, I don't think there is anything wrong with being upfront about the improvements/changes you've made to eliminate any of those toxic traits she might be on the look out for. On the same hand, there is nothing wrong with watching for any behaviors (from either of you) that might have lead to your relationships demise previously and addressing them openly. While you don't want to judge each other on the past, it's okay to recognize there were issues and acknowledge the changes in each of you that might make another try at your relationship more successful. (I hope that makes sense.) Trust your instincts. 

Yes I did understand you perfectly, we didn't fight when we broke up or anything, I never lay a finger on her in any way,  we didn't cheat on each other either (we didn't even had the time for that lol), just letting clear that our toxic traits weren't things like that, now, we both were jealous AF, wasn't a big issue but yeah we were like that,  but yeah I'd like to avoid making the same mistakes I,. or better said, we did back then.

 

 

1 hour ago, flitzanu said:

you need to be really careful that you're not just her new girlfriend now.  

Hmmm, I wouldn't say is not a possibility but is very unlikely, I mean, is something I wouldn't discard but I guess the only way to find out is me trying going for it as somebody here said a few days ago here, but as I described myself here being somebody that tends to overthink a lot I think I should take the risk anyway and not try to build a wall between us until I feel safe, maybe I'm wrong maybe not but that's how I'm seeing right now

 

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She doesn't want to jump right in so lay back a bit. Ask her out but try not to come on too strong.

Exactly!!!!!, thanks God I thought about that last week, about going easy and not just tell her to get back together, because, when I started this thread that was mentality like "ok finally we talking again after 5 years let ask her to get back with me", I mean it wasn't even that she was looking for me, we just coincidentally met again and took off from it, I didn't know her true intentions when she started to talk me if it was either wanting to keep me just as a friend, see what happens while we see each other (like we are right now), or get back together right away. What I do know are my intentions and as far as I'm concerned I have to work for it. So yeah, I'm going easy on it

 

Thank you all for your replies

[PowerEngers]

Another week is gone, we have been talking everyday all the time, she would send me a good morning early in the morning, when she do it with a voice note you can tell she has just woke up and good night before going to sleep (yeah she won't be online anymore until the next day). Last Wednesday we were talking about random stuff and laughing etc, then she asks me if she can tell me something offtopic, I say sure, she started saying that we started dating very young and how when she as a woman starts to wanting things as adult blind themselves when they think or feel ain't happening (I'm pretty sure she was talking about marriage, moving together, etc), she kept saying that we spent almost 10 years and I didn't see a future for us, and that because of it she was disappointed because she thought for me she was not the one. But that still she now realizes that we had so many good things that she hasn't seen in other couples and because of that she thanks me because of that.

I told her that, I did always told her about what I was trying to do, and that I did wanted to marry her but it wasn't the time for it, that she was kinda blinded about just jumping forward to marry and have a family without taking in consideration our status at the time, but I also apologized because even if what I did/thought at the time was correct or not I was also kinda blinded on doing it my way when it should have something we could have communicated better to each other, I mean, whenever she brought the topic I would shut her down with the same thing about her career first then we'd build our family. The topic ended with me saying that I failed to her for basically taking the decision by myself and also failed to help her with her career. I asked her why she suddenly told me that, she only told me that it just came to her mind.

The last Thursday while saying hi and was she, she told me that she was sad because how the car broke and spoiled her trip to the beach, I was mocking her trying to make her laugh giving her ideas on how to go, I didn't offered myself right away because I've been doing it for a lot of things and even tho she accepts I feel like I'm getting very intense, well even tho she did laughed a lot and said she wasn't mad anymore but still wanted to go to the beach I offered if I'd ask her she would go with me, she immediately said yes, but raining day so we didn't but she told she would like to go to my sister's to see the baby. We went there and while all 4 of us were talking she and me would end up like talking a lot to ourselves, like a lot of internal jokes we used to laugh about, that's when my brother in law, which never met us when we were a couple asked if she were my gf, because he have never seen me so "friendly" with anybody and that we really looked like a couple since forever, my sister explained to him, and then he asked if we got back together, she just smiled and we didn't say anything, I feel like this was good.

Now this where I'm mixed up, a few days ago I uploaded a status on whatsapp about a movie I would go to see the 2 days later, coincidentally she wanted to see that movie I asked her if she wanted to go with me, she said yes but no the Saturday because she got late to her place when we got out last Monday and when we were on my sister's last Thursday so she needed to take care of her dad who is leaving soon, so I reserved the tickets as I always do, I didn't bother on Saturday because I wanted to give her some space for her to be with her dad,  she wrote me in the night that if anything wrong that I haven't said hi, I told her the why and she said is ok, I can write text her and she would get me as soon as she can, we talked a bit, movie's day is here, after the good mornings we didn't talked, 2hrs before the time she asked me if we could go another day because she had a lot of things to do, I told her is fine but I would still go because I already got the tickets, then she told me ok she would try to do everything she has to do and we'll meet as planned, in the end she told me she won't make it and she was sorry I told her is ok and we could go on another day, she kept apologizing and if there was a way to change the time for the tickets, I honestly didn't know but I told her is ok we could go another day, I was able to change the date for her ticket to be used in the next 7 days, I told her and went to watch a movie, while watching the movie we were talking and then she "remembered" I must be watching a movie and stopped texting, this was like 6pm and she went offline on both IG and WS, at the end of the movie I told her that I already was out of the cinema and she replied my at 2am if I enjoyed the movie and went to sleep, we haven't talked since then.

My issue here is, now whenever we go out she would kiss me in the cheek, not like she does it to any friend, but kinda slow, but sometimes, like today, I basically inexistent, the last 3 or 4 days I'm the one starting a conv, aint got a problem with that but I'm starting to feel like I'm kinda bothering her, I don't know if I'm being too intense or what, that's why I'm writing here before me doing a rushed stupidity as always.

Sorry for the long post

[glows]

When is her dad leaving? You mentioned she has to take care of him. Is he very elderly or needs help with mobility or is it an illness?

You're not really dating, just seeing one another. It may also just be a trip down memory lane to heal past hurts.