Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I have a hard time explaining it. Almost like being affected by a gravitational force. Just one of those things you can't quite put your finger on. Please do not follow my example. In retrospect, I wish I had made peace with it long ago instead of wasting so much time trying to hold onto it. The feeling I have is different. It's like a calm confident feeling of knowing that she's going to come back. I've felt it in my chest multiple times a day every day for the last few days and no matter how hard I try I can't shake it. Either way, I'm going to move forward with moving on and if she comes back, great. If not, I'll be okay with that too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 But you clearly weren't happy with her. Why would you want her back? And why would she return to a guy who made his displeasure abundantly clear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) Good questions. I guess the only thing I can say is that space gives us time to think about things and see things clearly. I was wrong about a lot of things about her, like that she didn't care or didn't make any effort. It was all in person that she did those things. I'm just not used to how she does things. Took time to see it but I do now. Edited April 10, 2022 by Hankypanky9229 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 That's why you'd take her back. Why would she take you back after the verbal attack you gave her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: That's why you'd take her back. Why would she take you back after the verbal attack you gave her? I don't know. Understanding that maybe she did make mistakes too, and that's why I lashed out? I can't know unless she tells me. Until then I can only speculate. When I had relationships and dated in the past, I knew for certain when it was over even when they didn't explicitly tell me so. This feels way different. Despite if I'm right or wrong, this is how I currently feel and part of healing is embracing how you feel and going through the motions you need to in order to heal. My end goal is getting over her. This what I'm going through now is just the process leading up to that. And if she comes back and we work it out, great. If not, I'll be okay with that too because I have it in mind to get over her. Edited April 10, 2022 by Hankypanky9229 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) It sounds to me like you just need more time to move past this. It's only been a few days. Give yourself time and space to process it, and this feeling will likely dissipate as you move forward. Edited April 10, 2022 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: It sounds to me like you just need more time to move past this. It's only been a few days. Give yourself time and space to process it, and this feeling will likely dissipate as you move forward. It's been a week and a half. My way of processing it is coming here and talking about my thoughts and how I feel. Some days I feel sad for a little while, other times I feel really hopeful and positive and excited for the future. I learned a lot from this and I'm happy with what the future holds. Plus I learned a lot on how to talk to girls, to not give so much in the beginning and make them work for what I have to offer and I've been practicing it with the girls I've been talking to. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 One of the reasons you felt taken for granted was because she did not text you as often as you would have liked or take the initiative to make plans with you. I cite this as an issue with the man I mentioned in this thread because he wanted me to text more and initiate more whereas at the same time he didn't want the relationship to advance too quickly and would seem to hold me emotionally at a distance. Sometimes I felt that I just couldn't win with him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Hankypanky9229 said: It's been a week and a half. Yes, exactly. It's been a few days. Be more patient with yourself. 3 minutes ago, Hankypanky9229 said: Plus I learned a lot on how to talk to girls, to not give so much in the beginning This is important too. It's crticial not to rush head-on into something before you get to know the person. Don't assume that a couple good dates means someone is suited for a relationship with you. Give things time to unfold naturally, and understand if the interest is truly mutural. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, exactly. It's been a few days. Be more patient with yourself. This is important too. It's crticial not to rush head-on into something before you get to know the person. Don't assume that a couple good dates means someone is suited for a relationship with you. Give things time to unfold naturally, and understand if the interest is truly mutural. The interest was for sure mutual. I won't go into detail but I can tell you for sure it was. I think she just has a very different way of going about things. She's not like any girl I've ever dated before and I don't say that in a "I'm head over heels" way because I'm not. Heck she's not like any girl I've ever met before to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: One of the reasons you felt taken for granted was because she did not text you as often as you would have liked or take the initiative to make plans with you. I cite this as an issue with the man I mentioned in this thread because he wanted me to text more and initiate more whereas at the same time he didn't want the relationship to advance too quickly and would seem to hold me emotionally at a distance. Sometimes I felt that I just couldn't win with him. All I wanted was more effort on her part and I would've been happy. But I got stuck doing everything because I think she saw me doing everything as me pursuing her, which is what she told me she wants and she said she won't make an exception for pursuing. But she just has the wrong view of what pursuing is. Pursuing doesn't mean making someone else do ALL the work. But I guess in her eyes, even sending a good morning text means she's pursuing me. Or maybe she just doesn't feel the need to text all the time, because she sees it as if we take a while to get back to each other, it gives us time to miss each other and want each other more. Gives me a new perspective on texting, if the latter is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 7 minutes ago, Hankypanky9229 said: The interest was for sure mutual. I won't go into detail but I can tell you for sure it was Then what she doing communicating with some other dude while on a date with you? As a woman, I can guarantee you that if I were on a date with a man I was really into, I sure as hell wouldn't be paying attention to another guy who is messaging me. No way. I would be focused on the man in front of me, because my inherent desire would be directed to him. Not a random guy popping up on my socials. She might have been interested at some point, but it burnt out quickly for her. That is what you need to take a lot longer than 4 dates figuring out if someone is interested over an extended period. Not just the first few weeks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 Yes, but in fairness (according to his other thread) he was also talking to some woman on and off too, albeit, he said he was seeing someone (the woman from this thread). 17 minutes ago, Hankypanky9229 said: All I wanted was more effort on her part and I would've been happy. But I got stuck doing everything because I think she saw me doing everything as me pursuing her, which is what she told me she wants and she said she won't make an exception for pursuing. But she just has the wrong view of what pursuing is. Pursuing doesn't mean making someone else do ALL the work. But I guess in her eyes, even sending a good morning text means she's pursuing me. Or maybe she just doesn't feel the need to text all the time, because she sees it as if we take a while to get back to each other, it gives us time to miss each other and want each other more. Gives me a new perspective on texting, if the latter is the case. There isn't anything wrong with wanting a more equal partnership. Then again, it was 4 dates so still in its infancy stage. It sounds like you would have liked her to step up more. Of course, not everyone likes to be connected by text all the time, but I'm not sure that's something you necessarily have to moderate if it's something that makes you feel more connected. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Yes, but in fairness (according to his other thread) he was also talking to some woman on and off too, albeit, he said he was seeing someone (the woman from this thread). I don't get the impression OP was communicating with these women while actually on a date with the woman in this thread. Edited April 10, 2022 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't get the impression OP was communicating with these women while actually on a date with the woman in this thread. Right but it doesn't sound like she was communicating with some man while she was on a date with the OP. Rather the OP saw a missed call (snapchat) on her phone. I'm not exactly sure how "snapchat" works so maybe OP can fill us in? Edited April 10, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Hankypanky9229 said: I learned a lot on how to talk to girls, to not give so much in the beginning and make them work for what I have to offer and I've been practicing it with the girls I've been talking to. Interesting. This could be related to why she gave up and ended it. When you play games, unfortunately you end up losing. Be yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Right but it doesn't sound like she was communicating with some man while she was on a date with the OP. Rather the OP saw a missed call (snapchat) on her phone. I'm not exactly sure how "snapchat" works so maybe OP can fill us in? Basically there was another guys name in her Snapchat messages. He was 3rd on the list and she's a snapchater so she has to know who he is. I never saw her snapping him, just saw his name. Later that night I asked her who he was and she said she doesn't know him or anyone by that name. She was also avoiding eye contact and looked guilty like she was hiding something. Then the next day it got brought up again and she tried to explain who he was, but me being me, I told her she didn't need to explain who he was because I wanted to trust her and thought maybe I was just being not trusting. Stupid on my part I know I should have gotten to the bottom of it while I had the chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Interesting. This could be related to why she gave up and ended it. When you play games, unfortunately you end up losing. Be yourself. I don't understand. I was always myself with her and never played any games. What I meant was the girl we're talking about taught me this lesson to not give so much in the beginning. Even though who I am myself is that I give a lot in the beginning because it's in my nature to do so when I like and care about someone. It comes from a place of care, not that I want to do it to keep them around. Edited April 10, 2022 by Hankypanky9229 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) I sent her a goodbye text today. Time to move forward with my life and pick myself up Edited April 10, 2022 by Hankypanky9229 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 On 4/4/2022 at 7:28 PM, Hankypanky9229 said: In the heat of things she got irritated and said some stuff and then said "maybe things should end here". She ended this a week ago no? If that's the case no contact is best. What did your goodbye text say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: She ended this a week ago no? If that's the case no contact is best. What did your goodbye text say? Little more than a week and a half ago. It says "I appreciate what we had and I will always have good memories of our time together. I'm letting go of the hope that you'll come back someday and moving on. You’re a great woman and I wish you only the best. I hope you find the happiness that you deserve. Goodbye and good luck" I feel like I had to send this text to be able to close the door and move on. For my peace of mind and hers Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 OP, I once had a guy I'd barely dated send me an email like that when I called things off. It honestly confirmed for me that I'd made the right choice. It was too over-the-top for a guy I'd only been out with a few times, and it was certainly incongruent with how dissatisfied he'd seemed with me. He suddenly thought I was amazing when the previous date he too had pointed out a bunch of things he was unhappy about. It didn't ring sincere to me. I don't mean to come down on you, but I don't think you're going to get the response you're hoping for. Having said that, you have now spoken your mind. Perhaps you will be able to put her behind you now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, I once had a guy I'd barely dated send me an email like that when I called things off. It honestly confirmed for me that I'd made the right choice. It was too over-the-top for a guy I'd only been out with a few times, and it was certainly incongruent with how dissatisfied he'd seemed with me. He suddenly thought I was amazing when the previous date he too had pointed out a bunch of things he was unhappy about. It didn't ring sincere to me. I don't mean to come down on you, but I don't think you're going to get the response you're hoping for. Having said that, you have now spoken your mind. Perhaps you will be able to put her behind you now. It was more than just a few dates. There was a deep connection there for sure and I don't think either of us were ready for it. If it confirms that she made the right choice in her head then so be it. Only thing I can do from here is become a better version of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, I once had a guy I'd barely dated send me an email like that when I called things off. It honestly confirmed for me that I'd made the right choice. It was too over-the-top for a guy I'd only been out with a few times, and it was certainly incongruent with how dissatisfied he'd seemed with me. He suddenly thought I was amazing when the previous date he too had pointed out a bunch of things he was unhappy about. It didn't ring sincere to me. I don't mean to come down on you, but I don't think you're going to get the response you're hoping for. Having said that, you have now spoken your mind. Perhaps you will be able to put her behind you now. Did you have a deep emotional connection with said guy? Or was it actually just a couple dates you went on and nothing more? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 11 hours ago, Hankypanky9229 said: Did you have a deep emotional connection with said guy? Or was it actually just a couple dates you went on and nothing more? No, precisely because it was only a few dates. Maybe 5 or 6. Nowhere near enough time to develop a deep emotional connection, which is why his email made me uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
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