Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 (edited) I think I understand what went wrong. She likes being pursued because it puts her in the position of power. If she's in the position of power she gets to decide if she rejects or accepts somebody. And it takes her out of the position of possibly getting rejected. She wants to be the decider because she's afraid of rejection. This is also why she didn't make much effort. She was afraid that if she made effort that her effort might not be good enough and she would get rejected. This ironically made me feel like I wasn't worth her effort. One time I asked her why she never asks me to hang out and she said "I know I've seen you almost every day for the past 2 weeks and I want to see you again but I don't want to seem needy". I think the same thing applies to why she took so long to reply and why she never messaged me first and why she never made any effort. She did really like me a lot but she was just terrified of rejection. Does this make sense to anybody else? Now on the subject of making effort, she was very affectionate in person and I have no complaints about our time spent in person because she fulfilled my needs when we would hang out. Edited April 11, 2022 by Hankypanky9229 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 Honestly, I think you should hold off from dating until you get over this. Kindly, your head's all over the place and it's unfair to be dating new girls when you're still so hooked on the one before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: Honestly, I think you should hold off from dating until you get over this. Kindly, your head's all over the place and it's unfair to be dating new girls when you're still so hooked on the one before. I understand you're right. I know it's gonna be a long process and I'm prepared for that and am taking a hiatus from dating for a few months. I just come here to express my thoughts and process things. Today I feel better like I'm getting over it. I was thinking about what we went through and what went wrong so I could find areas I need to improve in. Like my communication. I like the examples you gave me the other day like this one "I'd love it if you'd invite me over to your place sometimes". I'm gonna practice saying things like this so I can get better at my communication. And right now I feel like I don't really care if she comes back so that's a plus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 When you no longer feel the need to write and analyise her behaviour, that's when you'll be ready to start dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 1 minute ago, basil67 said: When you no longer feel the need to write and analyise her behaviour, that's when you'll be ready to start dating again. Oh no it's gonna take a lot more than that. I have to fix my needy behavior and insecurities as well but that stuff's coming pretty easy so far. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2022 Share Posted April 12, 2022 8 hours ago, Hankypanky9229 said: Does this make sense to anybody else? It seems you're really over-analyzing this and trying to find a way to make this all hurt a lot less. In truth, you don't know her well enough to conclude what her fears are (or aren't) Nobody can know someone that well after a few weeks of dating. All you can do is focus on your own fears and why they appear to be such a driving force here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 12, 2022 Author Share Posted April 12, 2022 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It seems you're really over-analyzing this and trying to find a way to make this all hurt a lot less. In truth, you don't know her well enough to conclude what her fears are (or aren't) Nobody can know someone that well after a few weeks of dating. All you can do is focus on your own fears and why they appear to be such a driving force here. Well this is me so it is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 12, 2022 Share Posted April 12, 2022 On 4/10/2022 at 4:47 AM, Hankypanky9229 said: I don't understand. I was always myself with her and never played any games. What I meant was the girl we're talking about taught me this lesson to not give so much in the beginning. Even though who I am myself is that I give a lot in the beginning because it's in my nature to do so when I like and care about someone. It comes from a place of care, not that I want to do it to keep them around. It seemed you were hoping for more effort from her, but also keeping her emotionally distant. It may just be a matter of finding that sweet spot in the future where you're able to show yourself love and still be emotionally open and giving to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hankypanky9229 Posted April 12, 2022 Author Share Posted April 12, 2022 9 hours ago, Alpacalia said: It seemed you were hoping for more effort from her, but also keeping her emotionally distant. It may just be a matter of finding that sweet spot in the future where you're able to show yourself love and still be emotionally open and giving to others. I was already like that but I'm over it now. It is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts