Amanda92 Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 I have a problem with my cousin. We grew up together and we like each other, but I feel overwhelmed. He visits me twice a week. When I say that I am tired and busy he is like "so you don't have time for me ", so I let him come for a while and he stays till midnight. I told him several times that I want to go to sleep, so please go out earlier the next time. When we talk and I say "I am so sleepy, can we end the meeting", he is like "are you kicking me out?" Nothing works till I won't start preparing myself to sleep and just walk him to my doors. It's not very comfortable to me to say "go out", but I really don't want to sacrifice my sleep just because he wants to spend so much time with me. Only once he got up and told me he is going home. I always have to ask him to leave and he never invites me... My question is: does he not respect my boundaries or maybe should I be more firm?
basil67 Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 (edited) When you want to create boundaries you need to be firm. When he asks if you're kicking him out, say "Yes I am. Some of us need our beauty sleep" Out of curiosity, is it at your invitation that he spends two evenings a week with you? It sound like it needs to be reduced to once per week. I mean, I'm sure you're great company, but does he not have a social life or other evening activities? Edited April 5, 2022 by basil67
Wiseman2 Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 51 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: I have a problem with my cousin. We grew up together and we like each other, but I feel overwhelmed. He visits me twice a week. When I say that I am tired and busy he is like "so you don't have time for me ", so I let him come for a while and he stays till midnight. I told him several times that I want to go to sleep, so please go out earlier the next maybe should I be more firm? Just don't invite him over this much. Be very busy. Tell him you have things to do. If he's not there in the first place, the "it's time to leave" battle wouldn't happen.
stillafool Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 Find him a girlfriend and then you won't have to worry about this anymore.
glows Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Amanda92 said: I have a problem with my cousin. We grew up together and we like each other, but I feel overwhelmed. He visits me twice a week. When I say that I am tired and busy he is like "so you don't have time for me ", so I let him come for a while and he stays till midnight. I told him several times that I want to go to sleep, so please go out earlier the next time. When we talk and I say "I am so sleepy, can we end the meeting", he is like "are you kicking me out?" Nothing works till I won't start preparing myself to sleep and just walk him to my doors. It's not very comfortable to me to say "go out", but I really don't want to sacrifice my sleep just because he wants to spend so much time with me. Only once he got up and told me he is going home. I always have to ask him to leave and he never invites me... My question is: does he not respect my boundaries or maybe should I be more firm? He doesn’t care. It’s really that. He doesn’t care about what you need or what you say. And he won’t take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously. In your case it’s your sleep schedule or time off to yourself. The problem with ingrained habits like this is it creates a dynamic that’s hard to change over time. He expects to stay longer and you give in. Change things and don’t have him over at all if you need your sleep. If he guilt trips you into not having time for him, respond that you’ll have time later in the week when you don’t have to be up early. Edited April 5, 2022 by glows
ShyViolet Posted April 6, 2022 Posted April 6, 2022 You need to learn to be more assertive. "Are you kicking me out?" The answer is "Yes, I'm really tired and I'm going to sleep." Period end of story, it shouldn't be that hard. If he doesn't respect that then don't invite him over as much or at all. 1
Stret Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 You always meet at yours and that's where the problems start - invite him out to a café bar and then you can chat as long as you want and leave. Or go to his place and you can leave when it suits you. Avoid inviting him over because he seems to be one of those people that doesn't have much consideration for others. I would feel ashamed if someone had to warn me to leave.
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