Why would a guy compete for a woman's attention [UPDATE Should I ask if he has a girlfriend]

[ExpatInItaly]

56 minutes ago, PinkIceCream said:

I texted her the other day asking if she was going out eat. And she said no and that she was waiting on her check. Then she texted me again the same day asking if I wanted to meet up

How did you respond?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, PinkIceCream said:

She was telling me about how she’s going through a divorce and about other things. A lot of things that I thought it was kind of strange because I don’t know her.  We exchanged numbers and I texted her the other day asking if she was going out eat

As long as she's not a weirdo or clinger it's fine to meet people and be friends. However refrain from providing too much personal information.

[Foxhall]

Shes identified you as a placid non judgmental individual who will be a good sounding board for her,

I dont know - I am guessing you will find this ok in small doses- but I would recommend you are not always available for her as too much of her ramblings will frustrate you.

[ShyViolet]

If she weirds you out, or you don't really want to be friends with her, then why did you go out to dinner with her, and why did you text her?  You are sending her mixed messages.  If you don't want to be friends with her then just don't respond to her, or say you're busy if she asks you to do things.

[Sea_Database_6744]

Three years ago this guy cheated with me (he was in a relationship) we slept together once. And then a year later he tried to sleep with me again but I didn't sleep with him because I didn't know if he was in a relationship or not. I see him a lot where he works because he's a cashier at a store I go to a lot. When we see each other he'll tell me what he's been up to. And he'll ask me how I'm doing etc. Once he saw me laughing and talking to one of his coworkers and he interrupted our conversation.

So I notice he's always standing next to one of his coworkers. And when he's near her he doesn't speak to me. Today I saw them together and when I came in I saw him walk away from her. I've also seen pictures of them together (it was him, her and another one of their coworkers). And on one of her other social media accounts I saw a picture of them with his face cut off.

When I see him again I'm going to say "I didn't know your girlfriend worked here too" just to see what he'll say. Sometimes when I see her she looks at me and smiles.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why waste your time with this?

He's not a good-quality man. I would raise the bar and find someone else to crush on. 

[Sea_Database_6744]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why waste your time with this?

He's not a good-quality man. I would raise the bar and find someone else to crush on. 

When she's around he acts like I'm not there so I'm going to ask him if she's his girlfriend. 

[basil67]

If he wanted you to know, he would have already told you.   Who he's dating is none of your business

 

[Sea_Database_6744]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If he wanted you to know, he would have already told you.   Who he's dating is none of your business

 

I don't see the harm in asking especially when he ignores me when she's around. It wasn't his business when I was talking to one of his coworkers either. But he interrupted our conversation. If he wanted me to know? Of course he doesn't want me to know but I already know anyway. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by Sea_Database_6744

[basil67]

Asking just makes you look foolish and like a busybody.   Yes, he also looked like a foolish busybody, so you really don't want to lower yourself to that.

Also, if the next time you see him is in his workplace, don't ask him there.  It's really uncool to bring your personal issues to his place of work.

 

[Versacehottie]

what is your end goal with this? Serious question you should be asking yourself.

You should be focusing your attention on things and people that will get you what you want. I don't see that in this situation. If you want to spin your wheels and join a situation where you are 2nd best, this is a good way to set yourself up for that--or less

[Sea_Database_6744]

4 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

what is your end goal with this? Serious question you should be asking yourself.

You should be focusing your attention on things and people that will get you what you want. I don't see that in this situation. If you want to spin your wheels and join a situation where you are 2nd best, this is a good way to set yourself up for that--or less

Can you explain how I would setting myself up as anything by simply asking a question? 

[glows]

You’d probably just give him the satisfaction of looking like the jealous other woman or side piece. And he may lie. Do you expect a cheater to tell you the truth about anything?

I get it. You just want to know if he’s single so you may not feel so guilty if he asks for sex again. Yet this man hasn’t asked you out on a date or shown you any respect befitting someone he’d rather be dating instead of just shagging.

If you think it’s his gf trust your own instincts. It’s not like he left his girlfriend for you back then 3 years ago. He just wanted sex from you. Do you really need him to confirm anything at all after he has confirmed that all he wants is your body? He wasn’t interested in what you think or what his gf thought at the time. If he had an ounce of respect for either of you he wouldn’t have done/be doing what he did or still attempts to do with you by trying to use you for sex.

Think this through a bit more and try to come to some conclusion about how you wish to be treated especially when dating. If you’re married or in a relationship yourself deal with what’s going on at home and leave before starting something new.

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

Can you explain how I would setting myself up as anything by simply asking a question? 

Because your interest in him is obvious, that's why. 

Why do you want a guy who's a cheater? Don't scrape the bottom of the barrel. 

[Sea_Database_6744]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because your interest in him is obvious, that's why. 

Why do you want a guy who's a cheater? Don't scrape the bottom of the barrel. 

Whenever she's there and he sees me he ignores me but when she's not there he talks to me. So I want to know if he's with her so I'll know the reason why he acts the way that he does. So when I decide to ignore him again this time it'll be for good and he'll know why. 

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

Whenever she's there and he sees me he ignores me but when she's not there he talks to me. So I want to know if he's with her so I'll know the reason why he acts the way that he does. So when I decide to ignore him again this time it'll be for good and he'll know why. 

Why does it matter?

For whatever reason, he values the opinion of the female co-worker more than he values you, hence why he does not acknowledge you when she's around.  Does it matter if they are already dating or if he's just hoping that will happen in the future?

This guy is not interested in you outside of a booty call so there is no point in continuing to chase him.

[Sea_Database_6744]

5 hours ago, glows said:

You’d probably just give him the satisfaction of looking like the jealous other woman or side piece. And he may lie. Do you expect a cheater to tell you the truth about anything?

I get it. You just want to know if he’s single so you may not feel so guilty if he asks for sex again. Yet this man hasn’t asked you out on a date or shown you any respect befitting someone he’d rather be dating instead of just shagging.

If you think it’s his gf trust your own instincts. It’s not like he left his girlfriend for you back then 3 years ago. He just wanted sex from you. Do you really need him to confirm anything at all after he has confirmed that all he wants is your body? He wasn’t interested in what you think or what his gf thought at the time. If he had an ounce of respect for either of you he wouldn’t have done/be doing what he did or still attempts to do with you by trying to use you for sex.

Think this through a bit more and try to come to some conclusion about how you wish to be treated especially when dating. If you’re married or in a relationship yourself deal with what’s going on at home and leave before starting something new.

It was a date we went to the movies, restaurant and then to a hotel. Yeah and I also want  to know why he ignores me when she's around. And then talks to me when she's not there if he lies he'll still know that I know what's going on. 

 

[Sea_Database_6744]

4 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Why does it matter?

For whatever reason, he values the opinion of the female co-worker more than he values you, hence why he does not acknowledge you when she's around.  Does it matter if they are already dating or if he's just hoping that will happen in the future?

This guy is not interested in you outside of a booty call so there is no point in continuing to chase him.

It matters because he's shady and when I ask him about her he'll know that i will know that something is going on. Asking him a question isn't chasing he values her more than me? Yeah ok. Well then there should be no problem with me asking if he's in a relationship with her. He should be happy to share the news since he values her so much. 

And I also get tired of the looks that I get from her too.

Edited October 12, 2022 by Sea_Database_6744

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

So when I decide to ignore him again this time it'll be for good and he'll know why. 

If you want to ignore him STOP going to the store where he works and then you won't see him.  If he were interested in you he would ask you to go out on a date.  He wouldn't just have sex with you and then say good bye.  Also if you want to know if he is still has a girlfriend come out and ask him that instead of "who is she to you" about his co worker.

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

It matters because he's shady and when I ask him about her he'll know that i will know that something is going on

Why do you want him if you think he's shady?

[Sea_Database_6744]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

If you want to ignore him STOP going to the store where he works and then you won't see him.  If he were interested in you he would ask you to go out on a date.  He wouldn't just have sex with you and then say good bye.  Also if you want to know if he is still has a girlfriend come out and ask him that instead of "who is she to you" about his co worker.

I've been going to that store for years why do I have to stop going because of him? I've ignored him before in the past and then he said "well hello". Like why are you ignoring me? Then when I was talking to his male coworker he interrupted us while we were talking. 

 We did go out on a date it wasn't just sex and then a year later he tried to come back and see me again but I didn't meet up with him. If I want to know if he still has a girlfriend come out and ask him? What do you think I'm doing? Asking him if she is his girlfriend is asking....

Edited October 12, 2022 by Sea_Database_6744

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

If I want to know if he still has a girlfriend come out and ask him? What do you think I'm doing? Asking him if she is his girlfriend is asking....

What you're doing is asking this forum if you should ask him, not actually asking him the question.  How in the world would we know?  Plus this guy never tried to talk to you for a year after you had sex with him?  You should just let it go.

[Sea_Database_6744]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What you're doing is asking this forum if you should ask him, not actually asking him the question.  How in the world would we know?  Plus this guy never tried to talk to you for a year after you had sex with him?  You should just let it go.

I am actually going to ask him if she's his girlfriend when I see him again either today or tomorrow. I'm asking the forum because I want to know if me asking him is wrong or a bad idea. 

[Sea_Database_6744]

I think it's odd that he tries to get my attention when I ignore him. And I'm also tired of her looking at me and giving me a fake smile. That's why I'm going to ask him so he knows that I know he's full of it. It's ok if he lies but he'll still know that I know. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by Sea_Database_6744

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, Sea_Database_6744 said:

I'm asking the forum because I want to know if me asking him is wrong or a bad idea. 

IMO ask him the question the next time he's with her.  That way you'll know if he's telling you the truth.  If she is his gf he will have to say it and if she isn't she will know if he has one or not so it won't be easy for him to lie.