Sould I keep my cheater???

[angel206]

Back in late January my college roommates and I threw a huge party with all our friends from back home. This was where I met my current boyfriend of 5 months. He and my roommate had been friends for years. From the beginning my roommate told me to stay away from him, that I would have nothing but trouble with him, but I didn't listen to her. Well needless to say I fell for him, HARD. We had spent every weekend together, and would even come surprise me at school in the middle of the week. We were always together. He was there when I graduated college, and he was there to help me move into my first apartment in Boston(5 minutes away from where he lives). Everything had been going great, and we had all these plans for an awesome summer. Well this past week I came home (which is 2 hours away from my apartment and my boy) to pack more stuff and spend time with my family before I move for good. While I was home my boyfriend, my roommate and their whole group of friends went out on the town. Mind you, my roommate and her best friend were both there to tell me if my guy was misbehaving, which he tends to do when he is drunk. Well turns out they left the bar after it closed and went to get something to eat. My boyfriend at this point was extremely intoxicated. The fact that he was drunk doesn't bother me, hey we're kids ya know, but the way he gets when he is drunk does. He gets really flirty, and he never remembers the next day. Anyways (according to my college roommmate) on the way to grab food they ran into another group of friends, and they all said hello and hugged and kissed. Well while everyone was saying hello, my guy ran into a girl who he hadn't seen in a while so they were saying hello. After everyone had said there drunkin hello's my boyfriend was still holding on to her. I was told about ten minutes went on and he still had her in his arms. Then apparrently my roommated looked over and saw them making out. Well he ran over to my roommate and her friend (who I am also friends with) and denied everything saying she stuck her tounge down his throat. Then he tried to tell my friends not to tell me. Then he said that he didn't care, that he would take care of it. So when he got home at 3 am he called me and told me about this girl that stuck her tounge down his throat, and that he pushed her away and that there was nothing he could do, and he called to tell me before I heard it from someone else. Later that day my roommate called me and told me her side. When I talked to my boyfriend last night he was furious that my friends had told me a "twisted" story, but my boyfriend was extremely drunk and my friends weren't. Anyways, he is telling me it wasn't a big deal, that I shouldn't be upset, and that he really cares about me. He told me to call him when I decided what I want to do about this, and told me how sorry he is. I think I know what I have to do, but I really hate to lose him. Should I keep my cheater?

[Tony T]

Does your college teach the use of paragraphs? I am so sorry but I developed a headache halfway through reading your post and had to stop.

[Laurynn]

First of all, it's plain to see that you should believe your roommate's version.....he was NOT drunk, your flirty-assed b/f was.

 

You've pretty much indicated that your b/f has a problem with booze, in that, he gets really flirty (read: has the potential to do "stupid things" like 'go too far/cheat') and then he apparently doesn't remember the next day. Oh that's a good one. So what, if he ended up sleeping with that chick, would he just tell you that he "didn't remember?" Yeah, college is a fun time, sure.....but if you're in a relationship with someone and you can't act like an adult/control yourself when drinking, then you don't deserve a relationship. You can only 'blame the booze' so much. It's still your boyfriend that drinks..nobody forces him to. Sounds like he's immature and just wants to make excuses.

 

Think about it....do you really think it's possible that he's going to change? I doubt it. It's summer....he's going to party, have fun, drink......it's what he does. Can you really be happy, sitting and wondering and worrying what he's doing/who he's with/wondering if your friends are there to 'spy on him'/watch him?

 

What would have happened if your roommate HADN'T been there? You already admitted that you were happy that your roommie and friends where there to make sure he didn't misbehave. Does the guy you date really need a babysitter? If nobody had stopped him from makin' out with the chick, where would it have lead to?

 

I say dump his butt.....not necessarily because of kissing the girl (she was friends of yours, too? So why was she kissing YOUR boyfriend? Nice friend)...but because he already has a known history of drinking too much, acting like a sleazebag........he has the potential to really break your heart. He already has a bad reputation, right?

 

L

[Maniacal Rationalizer]

I totally agree with Laurynn. He does not have license to do whatever he pleases because he gets intoxicated. The "I am young and I am just having fun" angle is old and incredibly immature. It sounds like he needs another 10 years to grow up.

 

Ask yourself why you are involved with a guy that you have to have monitored so he doesn't "misbehave". That is not a real relationship. A true relationship has a foundation of trust and you obviously don't fully trust him. Nor should you from what you have said.

[Miss Mojo]

....and why do you not want to lose him??? this guy seems to be full of excuses and is probably sitting there right now thinking, "i can do whatever want, because she will come running....how cool, i have a hold over her and i can have my cake and eat it too". he will lose whatever little respect he has for you if you take him back.

 

cheaters do not deserve to be chased, and cheaters do not deserve to have someone loyal as their partner. sticking by his side will only confirm that he can do this sort of thing and get away with it eventually.

 

i was once with a guy who once pulled the "...but i was drunk" excuse on me. heavens to mergatroid! i'm sorry, but i don't give a crap how drunk you are, you don't all of a sudden forget you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or forget what it is to be loyal. the "i was drunk" line is okay if you're single because you don't have any loyalties but to yourself, but it is a pathetic excuse when you're in a relationship.....and they never remember the next day, funnily enough (my hat they don't always remember)....and of course he's sorry...sorry that he got busted.

 

this guy has a track record of being an inconsiderate ass, and i can tell you now, he is young, he probably enjoys being a flirt, you were warned about him, and he is going to shatter your heart into a million little pieces and leave you for dust if you don't leave him first. do you really think you deserve to put yourself through this? it's obvious the main person he is concerned about here is himself. if he truly respected you as a person with feelings, he would control his drinking and/or padlock his pants and his mouth.

 

you deserve a trillion times better. don't short change yourself.