Going to get my last stuff back from my ex tomorrow. feeling devastated ;

[Minty33year]

I were in a relationship for 8 months with a 30 year old man (im 33). He recently broke up cause he said he is not ready to seattle down yet but want to party, travel and be free till he is "satisfied" and ready for the next more serious step (which for us would be moving in together, engagement, marriage.. kids). But he never was sure if he wants kids or not so I think this breakup might be for the best since im 33 and stressed to start a family before its too late. I got endometriosis which make it even more diffucult to get pregnant. Anyway, im devastated because we love each other, but he is not mature yet for us to thrive more.

During our 8 months we have same friends, parties, travel 1 week, met each other families/parents, celebrated both christmas and our birthdays. The only big issue ive noticed is we are quite diffrent in terms of values about money, he likes to save and i want to spend... and also our lifestyles are diffrent (he likes to drink and i want to excersise he never does for example..)
Yet we found love in each other and i wanted us to continue our relationship but he feel its better i find someone older and more goal-oriented since he doesnt know what he want... He says he might regret losing me but it might take time, months or years.. He wants to be done partying but feels corona came in the way and he probably has a 30-crisis cause he feels he´s getting older (grey hair etc).

We decided im getting my last stuff at his appartment tomorrow and start no contact directly after that. But im TERRIFIED. We have had contact several times/hours a day ever since we met and he is my comfort and safety. I dont want us to stop talking and all but i know its probably for the best since he can´t be my boyfriend anymore right now...

I hope he´s gonna miss me and want me back fast in the most 1 month, but im afraid the process might take years.. I' m also afraid he might be sleeping around despite he says its not what he´s looking for. I foresee it might be hard for me to digest if he has been with other women and comes back to me but i know thats probably what might happen

I´m very sad, heartbroken and depressed right now.. only thing i do is work, excersise and clean appartment... I should meet my friends (they wanted to take a coffee tomorrow but im really not keen on acting happy when im feeling dead inside). I have a best friend im talking to on the phone a lot though, it helps me get through this perhaps.

My questions are:
1. Basted on the above; how much chance 1-100% is it he might be coming back and want to have me as wife for life?
2. When do you guess he might come back? (He told me after summer the least... which im angry about, since i waited all winter with him for the summer fun activites we would do otherwise)
3. What should i SAY and DO when i meet up with him tomorrow to give me best chance he comes back fast? (Im thinking about trying to look my best and act nice, trying not to cry too much... he never cries and im a cry-baby)
4. How can i cope with the upcoming no-contact? Im already trying to do "healthy distractions" but its gonna be very hard when i get the big urge to talk to him (imagining it would help him coming back but probably not) and I must restrict myself

I might add I have anxious attatchment due to almost never having my father in my life. And he has both parents still married so its secure attachment.

Wish i wasnt this sensitive, have cried so many tears already and many to come 💔
/Brokenhearted

Edited April 9, 2022 by Minty33year
forgot

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Minty33year said:

I were in a relationship for 8 months with a 30 year old man. I´m very sad, heartbroken and depressed right now..

Sorry this is happening. Breakups are difficult but you are doing the right thing since he wants to party and be free. 

Dating 32 weeks is to get to know each other and see if there is a good fit, if you have the same values goals etc. In this case you do not. 

 Do not hope he changes or hang on or stay friends. You dodged a bullet because even if you did live together, marry etc he could still be out drinking and partying.

[SingFish]

52 minutes ago, Minty33year said:

he is my comfort and safety.

He really isn't. Maybe go for counselling if you need it after grieving- everyone is upset at first with a breakup, all part of the process. 

Hope you feel better soon.

[Alpacalia]

It sounds like you're still rather tender and not in a good position to be seeing your ex.

Especially considering all the garbage he's been feeding you.

Would a friend be able to pick up your stuff instead?

[stillafool]

I agree that you aren't in the right frame of mind to be seeing an ex who just dumped you.  It would be better and say a lot more to him if you had someone else pick up your stuff.   Please don't fall into bed with him for one last time or you'll end up feeling used.  I'm sorry you're hurt but he's right you need someone older to start a family with and he probably is going to want someone younger who has time to wait before having children.

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with everyone else who suggested you send a friend to pick up your belongings. 

Seeing him again is going to emotionally destroy you. 

As far this working out, unforuantely I don't see him coming back. You two are in completely different places in your life and he doesn't want what you want. He was right to let you go, painful as that is for you. He knows he can't be the one you settle down with and doesn't want to waste your time.