Dating a new lady (combined thread)

[Helicon5]

I just made plans for this Friday to see lady I met on this past Friday night at a bar. We've texted a few times since then (nothing elaborate about 4 hours apart), but mainly to coordinate plans. I hardly know anything about her (not even her last name or what she does for a living). She wrote her first name and number on a napkin. lol. We only got to speak for the last hour of the night watching a band play. She seems very nice, interested, and we hit it off well. I think she's just very reserved and private upon meeting (which is understandable until she gets to know me better). She works during the weekdays (as do I). Now that the plans are set should I text her back and tell her I'll text her on Wednesday to confirm and see how her week is going? Or should I just say 'okay, I'll see you then' and leave it at that until I see her on the date? This is the tough part about dating, not knowing what someone expects as far as how much to communicate. Going 5 days without saying anything at all until the night if the date seems like a long time. What do you think ladies?

Edited May 1, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
update title post merge

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

 She wrote her first name and number on a napkin. lol.. Now that the plans are set should I text her back and tell her I'll text her on Wednesday to confirm and see how her week is going? 

Stay on the radar but focus on meeting again in person. Try a quieter scenario where you can get to know each other in a more comfortable setting.

[introverted1]

14 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

Now that the plans are set should I text her back and tell her I'll text her on Wednesday to confirm

I think this is a good idea.  I wouldn't let an entire week go without touching base and then just expect her to show up.  Yes, I know that's what you both should do since you've made a plan, etc., but ghosting is so common that it makes sense to do a quick check-in on Wednesday, confirm your plans, and let her know you're looking forward to seeing her again.

[Helicon5]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stay on the radar but focus on meeting again in person. Try a quieter scenario where you can get to know each other in a more comfortable setting.

I chose a place where we'd be able to have a legible conversation. On her last reply she put "okay, sounds good, ttys 🙂". I'm assuming that means she would rather talk more (sooner rather than later). I would like to, but I'm trying not to get caught up in idle chit chat of 'how was your day' type stuff, or asking questions before the date. I'm good conversationally, more so when I know someone, but don't want to get into too much over text. It's easy for things to go south if there's a misinterpretation or to get caught in monotonous dialogue. I've had that happen.

[Helicon5]

36 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I think this is a good idea.  I wouldn't let an entire week go without touching base and then just expect her to show up.  Yes, I know that's what you both should do since you've made a plan, etc., but ghosting is so common that it makes sense to do a quick check-in on Wednesday, confirm your plans, and let her know you're looking forward to seeing her again.

Unfortunately it took too long to get advice about it, now I'm screwed. lol. I messaged her back, but cut out the part about texting her Wednesday. I just put "Have a good day tomorrow 🙂" at the end. Her response was "Okay, have a wonderful night, ttys 🙂". Now the ball is back in my court whether or not to text her tonight and ask how her day was, or say 'good morning' on Tuesday morning. Ugh 🙄

I know ttys means she'd rather talk sooner rather than later, but since I barely know her, I don't want to get caught up in too much idle, "how was your day" type conversation or have to ask questions. It's impossible to have a conversation with someone you barely know over text  without asking questions or having it get monotonous. I can have awesome conversations with people I don't know, but in person. It's more difficult to get things started through text.

Edited April 11, 2022 by Helicon5

[introverted1]

It's ok. All is not lost, lol.  You can drop her a quick text tomorrow.  Make it something fun - there's nothing worse than "how was your day" imo. If you can't come up with anything original, it's fine just to say "Hope your week is going well, looking forward to seeing you Friday."  If you do that tomorrow, then I wouldn't text again (unless she initiates conversation) until Thursday, when I'd restate the details of the date: "See you at X place at Y time tomorrow!" or something like that.

You've got this! 

[Helicon5]

11 hours ago, introverted1 said:

It's ok. All is not lost, lol.  You can drop her a quick text tomorrow.  Make it something fun - there's nothing worse than "how was your day" imo. If you can't come up with anything original, it's fine just to say "Hope your week is going well, looking forward to seeing you Friday."  If you do that tomorrow, then I wouldn't text again (unless she initiates conversation) until Thursday, when I'd restate the details of the date: "See you at X place at Y time tomorrow!" or something like that.

 

I can't come up with anything original. 😂🤣🤣😂.....jk. I know she likes funny, but don't know her sense of humor yet. I'll give it a shot. 😁

It's ironic how dating works. She's probably sitting at home saying "should I text him?" 🤣😂 Ridiculous isn't it? LOL!

[introverted1]

She's checking her phone to see if you've texted. 

Have fun on your date.

[Helicon5]

10 hours ago, introverted1 said:

She's checking her phone to see if you've texted. 

Have fun on your date.

If we get to that point without me screwing it up. LOL

I texted her at 7:26 this morning and simply said "Hope your mornings aren't too crazy. Just wanted to give you this quick rose to start your Tuesday.🌹😊"

That was an hour ago. No matter what age you are or how much dating and relationship experience you have it never gets any easier. Every person is different as far as expectations.

 

[Helicon5]

I had my first date with this lady I met last weekend. When the night was over she went straight home and texted me she arrived safely and asked if I made it home okay. I told her I was going to stay to talk for a bit with a guy friend who showed up, but I would be leaving shortly. I replied back a half hour later that I made it home safe. In the morning around 10am she responded back and said she'd fallen asleep (with an lol) as soon as she got home, but was glad I made it home okay. I replied back that I was wiped out as well when I am got home (with an lol). I told her that I was glad that she came out and that I had a nice time and hope she did as well and she agreed saying "I had a very nice time as well. Thank you. *Note: she always puts smiley faces at the end of her replies.

Anyway, I asked her if she would like to get together again and asked when she would be free. She replied back a couple of hours later and said she would really like that, but she said she would probably has to work next weekend and asked if I'd like to meet her the following weekend. I have yet to reply. The first day we met she said she works Mon - Fri, but can usually get out on on the weekends. I'm not sure how to read this. Do you think she just wants to take it slow or is she stalling hoping I'll lose interest? I plan on responding back saying "that would work out great because I have plans next weekend as well (which I really don't as of yet). Frankly, as good as the date went and her reactions in text I took a chance that she would like to get together again sooner rather than later. It was tough enough the first week deciding if, or how much to text before the date. On the date she told me she actually prefers calling over texting, but we have yet to do that. I felt did the right thing holding off for a few days before texting her back the day before the date letting her know I get there a little early to get us a table just in case he was busy. She said "Okay, see you soon. 🙂"

Basically what I'm asking is when I reply back that I'm good waiting 2 weeks, how often should I keep in touch with her? Should I? 

 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

She replied back a couple of hours later and said she would really like that, but she said she would probably has to work next weekend and asked if I'd like to meet her the following weekend. I have yet to reply. On the date she told me she actually prefers calling over texting, but we have yet to do that.

 

Sounds like it went well and she seems interested. She did say when she's free again, so that's good. Stay on the radar perhaps text her asking when would be a good time to call. Also reply that next weekend sounds good. Take it from there.

[Helicon5]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like it went well and she seems interested. She did say when she's free again, so that's good. Stay on the radar perhaps text her asking when would be a good time to call. Also reply that next weekend sounds good. Take it from there.

I think I screwed up. I replied back saying that would work out well because I spoke with my sister a couple of days ago and she said she may need help moving, but has to see if she can rent a truck first. Why would I ask her when she's free if I may be obligated that weekend? Dumb move on my part.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

I had my first date with this lady I met last weekend. When the night was over she went straight home and texted me she arrived safely and asked if I made it home okay. I told her I was going to stay to talk for a bit with a guy friend who showed up, but I would be leaving shortly. I replied back a half hour later that I made it home safe. In the morning around 10am she responded back and said she'd fallen asleep (with an lol) as soon as she got home, but was glad I made it home okay. I replied back that I was wiped out as well when I am got home (with an lol). I told her that I was glad that she came out and that I had a nice time and hope she did as well and she agreed saying "I had a very nice time as well. Thank you. *Note: she always puts smiley faces at the end of her replies.

Anyway, I asked her if she would like to get together again and asked when she would be free. She replied back a couple of hours later and said she would really like that, but she said she would probably has to work next weekend and asked if I'd like to meet her the following weekend. I have yet to reply. The first day we met she said she works Mon - Fri, but can usually get out on on the weekends. I'm not sure how to read this. Do you think she just wants to take it slow or is she stalling hoping I'll lose interest? I plan on responding back saying "that would work out great because I have plans next weekend as well (which I really don't as of yet). Frankly, as good as the date went and her reactions in text I took a chance that she would like to get together again sooner rather than later. It was tough enough the first week deciding if, or how much to text before the date. On the date she told me she actually prefers calling over texting, but we have yet to do that. I felt did the right thing holding off for a few days before texting her back the day before the date letting her know I get there a little early to get us a table just in case he was busy. She said "Okay, see you soon. 🙂"

Basically what I'm asking is when I reply back that I'm good waiting 2 weeks, how often should I keep in touch with her? Should I? 

 

if this date was last weekend…..

 

this weekend is Passover/ Easter/ Ramadan holidays. It’s a common situation where people travel the weekend to visit with family….otpr because of others traveling, she stays behind to cover for them.

 

sjphesounds liked he enjoyed it. And she wants to meet again.

[Helicon5]

20 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

if this date was last weekend…..

 

this weekend is Passover/ Easter/ Ramadan holidays. It’s a common situation where people travel the weekend to visit with family….otpr because of others traveling, she stays behind to cover for them.

 

sjphesounds liked he enjoyed it. And she wants to meet again.

No, our 1st date was last night. She was talking about skipping this coming weekend and getting together the following weekend 29th or 30th.

[Ami1uwant]

3 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

No, our 1st date was last night. She was talking about skipping this coming weekend and getting together the following weekend 29th or 30th.

 

3 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

No, our 1st date was last night. She was talking about skipping this coming weekend and getting together the following weekend 29th or 30th.

Even so…she coukd still have plans already next week…saying work avoids talking about it and getting questions.

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

When the night was over she went straight home and texted me she arrived safely and asked if I made it home okay. I told her I was going to stay to talk for a bit with a guy friend who showed up, but I would be leaving shortly. I replied back a half hour later that I made it home safe. In the morning around 10am she responded back and said she'd fallen asleep (with an lol) as soon as she got home, but was glad I made it home okay.

Re what's in bold, I'm confused, was she or you drunk?  Was it a long drive? 

My mom always insisted I call her after arriving home, which I never really got, I lived five minutes away!   Lol

But she was my mom so.....  😆

 

Edited April 16, 2022 by poppyfields

[Helicon5]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Re what's in bold, I'm confused, was she or you drunk?  Was it a long drive? 

My mom always insisted I call her after arriving home, which I never really got, I lived five minutes away!   Lol

But she was my mom so.....  😆

 

No, we weren't drinking. I had a little further drive than her (about 25 minutes). It's just a courtesy  because it was a Friday night with drunks on the road. I've been on dates or in relationships with others who've done that. If she likes to do that I don't mind. It's nice to know she cares. 🙂

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

No, we weren't drinking. I had a little further drive than her (about 25 minutes). It's just a courtesy  because it was a Friday night with drunks on the road. I've been on dates or in relationships with others who've done that. If she likes to do that I don't mind. It's nice to know she cares. 🙂

I see.  And perfectly fine. 

Sometimes I feel it can be contrived and a bit much (overkill), but it's very sweet and as you said a courteous and polite thing to do.  

I think two weeks is fine, touch base a few times a week in between.

 

Edited April 16, 2022 by poppyfields

[Helicon5]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

Even so…she coukd still have plans already next week…saying work avoids talking about it and getting questions.

That very well could be. She told me in a text last week that she works during the weekdays, but usually can get out on Friday or Saturday nights. She works in an office, so I don't know what work she needs to do on a Friday and Saturday night, but hey...... We only went on one date so far, so I'm in no position to question anything. She just replied back and said she's looking forward to getting together with a smiley face, so I can't assume anything bad. All I can do is take her at her word.

Edited April 16, 2022 by Helicon5

[Helicon5]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stay on the radar perhaps text her asking when would be a good time to call. Also reply that next weekend sounds good. Take it from there.

It would be nice if she suggested calling sometime in-between. I don't want to feel as though I'm always asking and chasing her. That's all I've been doing so far. She's been sweet and always agrees in kind whenever I ask about wanting to get together, but still.....you know how that goes once you fall into that pattern. amiluwant mentioned that she probably already has plans and she's just telling me she has to work to avoid taking about it or answering questions which sounds plausible.

Edited April 17, 2022 by Helicon5

[Lotsgoingon]

You don't know her. So you don't really know her work schedule.

She gave you the overall view of her work schedule. Her answer seems quite direct to me. You do know that when we go out on first dates, we share overall information. We don't share specifics. You could ask her what's up. 

[Helicon5]

16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You don't know her. So you don't really know her work schedule.

She gave you the overall view of her work schedule. Her answer seems quite direct to me. You do know that when we go out on first dates, we share overall information. We don't share specifics. You could ask her what's up. 

I know, but it doesn't look good if after the first date I start questioning why about her job. All it'll do is making me look suspicious, controlling and needy. If she doesn't want to get into specifics and using work as an excuse because she may have other plans this coming weekend she doesn't want to divulge, I'm just going to have to roll with it and do my own thing.

Edited April 17, 2022 by Helicon5

[Lotsgoingon]

9 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

I know, but it doesn't look good if after the first date I start questioning why about her job. All it'll do is making me look suspicious, controlling and needy. If she doesn't want to get into specifics and possibly has other plans she doesn't want to say, I'm just going to have to roll with it and do my own thing.

"Oh, I thought you had weekends off--" ... You say it drained of suspicion. Or better yet, "Oh, you got a special assignment. You told me you had weekends off."

That second one is better. And if she can't give you a convincing answer, then that's something to note. 

But if you are going be suspicious, as you are, you owe it to her and yourself to ask the question. In fact, I think you should still ask the question since it's on your mind. 

Oh and she did tell you that she can usually get out on on the weekends, right? . That "usually" is huge. Usually means there are times when the opposite is true. "Usually" is not "always." Right?

Did you like going out with her or not? 

Edited April 17, 2022 by Lotsgoingon

[Helicon5]

25 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

"Oh, I thought you had weekends off--" ... You say it drained of suspicion. Or better yet, "Oh, you got a special assignment. You told me you had weekends off."

That second one is better. And if she can't give you a convincing answer, then that's something to note. 

But if you are going be suspicious, as you are, you owe it to her and yourself to ask the question. In fact, I think you should still ask the question since it's on your mind. 

I'm not suspicious. Someone mentioned that the reason she told me she may have to work is because she may have other plans, which makes sense if she said she usually has Friday and Saturday nights free, but I can't assume that just because she isn't offering up details means that any plans she has plans with someone other guy. Maybe it's a test to see if I start questioning her about specifics because that shows distrust. I don't want to go there.

 

Edited April 17, 2022 by Helicon5

[Helicon5]

Although there's a caveat. She did mention that she's been long time friends with a famous actor that's always wondered why they never became a couple. She showed me who he was, but I don't remember. He's very good looking though. She said she's not interested in him that way. She said he lives 2.5 hours away from her. Still, I'm not going to jump to conclusions thinking that the reason she can't get together this weekend is because she's going to hangout with him and doesn't want to say because she thinks it may bother me. It wouldn't. I don't want to start out distrusting. I have no reason to doubt what she's telling me at this point.

Edited April 17, 2022 by Helicon5