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Dating a new lady (combined thread)


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2 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

I'm making her Mediterranean pasta

Good choice

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32 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

What we talked about must have resonated with her. She just texted me good morning and wish me a great day. She hasn't done that after we've set up a date. 🙂

That's good to hear. Use the wait and see approach and enjoy your next date.

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I guess now would be a good time to end this 251 reply thread, unless you're all dying to find out if we have sex after dinner on Friday. LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.......just kiddin'. I'm not making any moves unless she decides to rip my clothes off. I'm not going to stop her. 🤣😂🤣😂

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

I guess now would be a good time to end this 251 reply thread, unless you're all dying to find out if we have sex after dinner on Friday. LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.......just kiddin'. I'm not making any moves unless she decides to rip my clothes off. I'm not going to stop her. 🤣😂🤣😂

 

 

 

 

Well at least we have a better idea of what's been stressing you out.

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9 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

Honestly, I can see why her ex stalked her. She's vague and doesn't let people in. It's too early to tell anything. I'll give it a couple more dates. If I feel she isn't wanting to give more, I'm out.

Nobody deserves to be stalked.  It's a criminal act and her ex chose to stalk her for his own twisted reasons.  

I'm glad you won't be wasting too much time on this if it doesn't progress.  At the moment, the thill of chase may be enticing but you're really just spinning your wheels and feeling frustrated in the process.

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6 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

I'm not going to stop her. 🤣😂🤣😂

No???????????????????????? 🤣

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Mediterranean pasta sounds really good.

Just be sure to use the long pasta so you can recreate the whole "Lady and the Tramp" thing. 🍝 + 😃 = 😍

 

Edited by Alpacalia
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2 hours ago, Uruktopi said:

No???????????????????????? 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Mediterranean pasta sounds really good.

Just be sure to use the long pasta so you can recreate the whole "Lady and the Tramp" thing. 🍝 + 😃 = 😍

 

LOL......right? 😁😁😁

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ExpatInItaly
6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Nobody deserves to be stalked.  It's a criminal act and her ex chose to stalk her for his own twisted reasons.

Yeah, what the heck, OP?

Being distant or aloof does not make stalking logical or remotely acceptable. 

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Okay, so basically another Friday night date that  ended the same way as the last two Fridays with me leaving her house at 4:30 a.m. and her saying I probably won't be up, but text me when you get home.

Do I?

Edited by Helicon5
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21 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

 Friday night date that  ended the same way as the last two Fridays with me leaving her house at 4:30 a.m. 

What happened to you making her dinner? Don't stay this long. Leave at a reasonable hour.

Focusing on the "I'm home" text seems inconsequential compared to doing the same old routine of hanging out at her place way too long and way too late. This routine seems dull and old.

Why can't you two do something interesting or different?

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8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What happened to you making her dinner? Don't stay this long. Leave at a reasonable hour.

Focusing on the "I'm home" text seems inconsequential compared to doing the same old routine of hanging out at her place way too long and way too late. This routine seems dull and old.

Why can't you two do something interesting or different?

We had a nice dinner at my place, then after a couple hours she hinted that she would like to go see a band, and she said she knew a place where we could go, but when we got there, no band playing. From there I was at a loss because all the bands I usually go see we're playing too far away. She was  apologetic for dragging me out. At this point it was 10:15 and she said we can end the night here and go guitar shopping tomorrow, but I opted not to do that, in which we ended up back at her place where the same scenario happened. This time she said maybe we can get together on Sunday. 

Edited by Helicon5
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1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

We had a nice dinner at my place, then after a couple hours she hinted that she would like to go see a band. 

Ok 👌 good. That the dinner went well.

Did you meet her in a bar/club? She seems like a one-trick-pony in that regard. It's always bars and clubs till the wee hours. 

Don't go shopping together. That's friendzone stuff.  

Is Friday night all she has? Unless you're a night owl, her vampire hours could get very old very fast. Same with her obsession with bars, clubs and drinks.

Why can't she do interesting or daytime or nonalcoholic things? Frankly she seems rather dull. Like some karaoke queen or barfly.

This late night bar scene all the time would be a deal breaker for me as well as the avoiding intimacy. She's really way too old for this playing coy stuff combined with her college campus lifestyle.

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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ExpatInItaly
1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

 her saying I probably won't be up, but text me when you get home.

Do I?

Sure. Why wouldn't you? 

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introverted1
2 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

We had a nice dinner at my place, then after a couple hours she hinted that she would like to go see a band, and she said she knew a place where we could go,

So she got you out of the house and away from an environment where anything could escalate physically. 

 

2 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

At this point it was 10:15 and she said we can end the night here and go guitar shopping tomorrow,

So how did you end up back at her house until 4am?  Whose idea was that and what did you do until 4am?

 

2 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

her saying I probably won't be up, but text me when you get home.

Do I?

I think this should be the least of your questions.  Text or don't text, I fail to see how this will have any bearing on your "relationship" with this woman.

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6 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

So she got you out of the house and away from an environment where anything could escalate physically. So how did you end up back at her house until 4am?  Whose idea was that and what did you do until 4am?

Unfortunately, this is also my take on her maneuver .

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4 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

We had a nice dinner at my place, then after a couple hours she hinted that she would like to go see a band, and she said she knew a place where we could go, but when we got there, no band playing. From there I was at a loss because all the bands I usually go see we're playing too far away. She was  apologetic for dragging me out. At this point it was 10:15 and she said we can end the night here and go guitar shopping tomorrow, but I opted not to do that, in which we ended up back at her place where the same scenario happened. This time she said maybe we can get together on Sunday. 

In future, go home. See what she's up to on Sunday and stop overthinking those text messages. Not sure why it's such a big deal to text someone you're home and they don't see it till the following morning. If you don't want to, don't do it. She's not forcing you to. It seems you're dating casually and she enjoys your company but this isn't moving at a pace you'd like and you're very anxious all the time. 

Think back to what you'd like out of a potential partner and rethink what you know about her. 

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6 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

Okay, so basically another Friday night date that  ended the same way as the last two Fridays with me leaving her house at 4:30 a.m. and her saying I probably won't be up, but text me when you get home.

Do I?

Ohh.

I take it there was not a lot of pasta...

Making.

 

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11 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Ohh.

I take it there was not a lot of pasta...

Making.

 

May be the pasta was not "al dente", a must of course. 

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On 5/21/2022 at 10:00 PM, introverted1 said:

So she got you out of the house and away from an environment where anything could escalate physically. 

Yeah , it was the perfect situation for things to finally go even a little further, but she wants to go out. Then back to hers later for more nothing on the couch. She might be stringing you a long romantically as a way of keeping you around as a friend and company, but she'd know damn well whether she does or doesn't want more out of you two .

Edited by chillii
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The two of you have been dating for a month now. That's one month. Not everyone jumps into bed with a new partner right away.

In agreement with the other poster, why all the home dates?

If you feel that sex is something you want from a relationship one month in then she needs to know that. If you're not on the same page, you have a busy life and don’t have time to spend with someone that’s not compatible.

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Yeah fully agree that's why l only mentioned "even a little further" . There should be building interest in at least being closer in some ways romanticly, doesn't sound like there's even that.

Edited by chillii
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May be because I have some kind of allergia to what may smell like "ambiguous on purpose" (not being the same ambiguous than uncertain and not the same on purpose than concious) I would get out of that kind of emotional shadow boxing.

Do you enjoy her company as it is? Meet her like the friend she is now.

Do not chase what don´t seem enthusiasticaly welcome.

Once removed for some time the dating appearances and her role of gatekeeper of your intents, she may react to the implicit in some more explicit way.

Being it accepting the friendship with no further expectancies, asking for the next step or........dropping you cos you don´t play her game.

I´m NOT advising you this as a tactics to get more (sex, affection, romantic commitment). No.

Instead, it MAY lead to a more transparent situation.

Whatever you do, do not become an orbiter.

Best wishes. 

 

    

Edited by Uruktopi
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