basil67 Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Oh, what a mess. You clearly don't trust her - so why are you continuing to date her? She's going to get pretty fed up with your behaviour in the not too distant future. Are you prepared that she may end it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Just because the guy is married - doesn’t mean they haven’t done inappropriate things together. she didn’t invite you initially - to the jam session - because she expected to be alone with him. and there’s reasons why it felt tense. I wouldn’t see her again. I don’t think she being honest about things. Not with her jam sessions, the other guy and not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 (edited) I wanted to add: dating is about finding someone who fits with us perfectly. Having 18 pages about your concerns with someone you've only been with for three months should be a glaring red flag that she's not a good fit for you. Is this really who you want to be? You say the studio was tense - I'd be tense too if my started to get controlling and insisting he attended things with me. I do understand that the control comes from a place of mistrust, but is really who you want to be? I strongly suggest you cut her loose and find someone you're comfortable with. Edited July 3, 2022 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 (edited) In my only personal view ... (OMG, hope that with this prolog I´m enough saying what should be obvious, that if I say something is cos I think so as every one does).... It´s not about insecurity neither about trust. It´s not about cheating and neither about morals / character. It´s not about (again IMO) other than that you both have NOT the same views on dating. Includding the meaning and scope of being mutually exclusive. She is not wrong or malitious, is doing what she thinks it´s right but you don´t think it is. You are not wrong not insecure and neither controlling. You are wishing / expecting what you think it´s right but (factually) she don´t act like she thinks like you. And as the views on dating (just in my experience) have some roots in our implicit views on relationships, this MAY be a wider issue on compatibility. Not her fault, not yours, you and her may not be a good match for each other. Even if each one of you would be a treassure for other ones. Don´t expect magical turns in any predictable future. Would lead you both to frustration. And please, do NOT settle for less than what you want but do it with someone that wants the same about what is core stuff. Best wishes Edited July 4, 2022 by Uruktopi Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 This is not just about this one man though, OP. This entire thread indicates that there have been problems from the get-go, and you have never really trusted her. Dating shouldn't be this complicated so early on. It's not going very well between you two, and more and more incompatibilities are cropping up. Ask yourself why you're getting all tied in knots and whether this is really worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 On 7/3/2022 at 8:48 AM, Helicon5 said: My gf and I have been going for 3 months now. So you are officially bf and gf? Having sex? Because when we last heard from you, this was not the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted July 15, 2022 Author Share Posted July 15, 2022 (edited) My gf had an old guy friend hit her up after not seeing her for 7 years. She said he was good friends with her family and they used to be good friends. She also said he had an interest in her at one time (of course). He's been married a long time. Originally we were supposed to go out as couples, but she told me he told her his wife doesn't want to go because she doesn't like going out much. She's older than him (mid-late 60's). She tried to tell him that maybe we should wait until she can go, but I guess he convinced her to go without his wife. She asked me if it was okay and if I still wanted to go and I agreed just to make her happy. She wouldn't have went without me if I said no. That I'm sure of. He's not much to look at. My gf said we'll probably only end up hanging out this one time. My question is why would he want to hang out with her without his wife? and if she's only going to see him once what's the point of meeting up with him? Is there ulterior motives on his part? My gf is a very attractive, petite blonde. I don't understand the point of wanting to get in touch with her, especially without his wife. Edited July 15, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 20 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: She asked me if it was okay and if I still wanted to go and I agreed just to make her happy. He's not much to look at Did you go with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted July 15, 2022 Author Share Posted July 15, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you go with them? I have never met him or his wife. Her and I are supposed to go out to dinner with just him later. After telling me last night his wife wasn't going, this morning I talked to her and now she said his wife 'might' go, but I doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 7 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: Her and I are supposed to go out to dinner with just him later. Ok, then go whether the wife goes or not. After all you were previously complaining that you don't meet her friends or bandmates, so no she is offering that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 i'm just making a wild guess, but maybe he wants to meet up because they are friends and haven't seen each other in 7 years and want to catch up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Helicon5 said: My gf is a very attractive, petite blonde. You mention this in every thread you create. May I ask why? If I were to hazard a guess and based on your previous threads, it's because you feel jealous and threatened by every man she encounters no matter how casually. You need to get a handle on your insecurity otherwise you WILL lose her. Go to dinner, have fun, enjoy, be happy. Edited July 15, 2022 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 (edited) Interestingly, your girlfriend complained about a past relationship that resembles your current one with her, and you appear to have fallen into the same pattern (i.e. jealous, mistrustful). In the future, as long as he hasn't behaving inappropriately towards her, go out with him and relax a little bit and you will be fine. Edited July 16, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 With the band member, you were mistrusting because you'd never met him. But now you have an opportunity to meet this old friend - and accompany her - and you're still mistrusting. Is jealousy and mistrust an issue which has plagued you in previous relationships? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 Do you tend to look for problems in your relationships, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
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