chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 But around her friend or when your out places, how does she act ,how are you two together at those times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 6 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I am referring to an actual date, where she plans an outing, picks you up, pays, etc. Not a casual invite to accompany her on an outing she already has scheduled with a friend. See above - also not a date. You seem very invested in her in spite of her lack of reciprocity. I hope you get what you want from this. If you look at it that way, no, she hasn't done anything of those things. I hope so as well. We'll see on Saturday how far things go. Hopefully she'll surprise the crap out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, chillii said: But around her friend or when your out places, how does she act ,how are you two together at those times. We slow danced last time in front of her friends. We may have kissed during the dance, but I don't remember. They could obviously see how I feel about her. When we got back to the table we converse closely (cheek to cheek) and she is sweet, smiley and talkative with me, but she doesn't put her arm around me, hold my hand or try to kiss. She may not be big on public affection, although it doesn't explain her lack of it anywhere else unless I initiate. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Tbh , just on those times and things you've described, not really anything a miss there. l mean she's not 15 she's not gonna wanna be all over you in front of them so soon but you danced and kissed and sat close so it's not like she was hiding that you are together as such. Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 She's never not replied to my texts without positivity and enthusiasm, or when I call her. She's always happy to hear from me. When I text she'll reply back within an hour and a half, and when I call she'll pick up the phone after the second or third ring. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Yeah right , l mean that's all good stuff even if she isn't the most outgoing lady with you. She's also wanted you to meet people , even her dad, best friend , forget the dad didn't happen it's probably nothing, someone was busy or something. l dunno , from what you say it's def' not all bad. Could she feel a little intimidated , you being well established and performing and such , or worried about the reputation of band guys ? Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 16 minutes ago, chillii said: Tbh , just on those times and things you've described, not really anything a miss there. l mean she's not 15 she's not gonna wanna be all over in front of them so soon but you danced and kissed and sat close so it's not like she was hiding that you are together as such. No, not at all. Her friends know we're together, and so does the band and band friends as well. It is obvious. It isn't like she tries to distance herself from me. I was very confident with her on Saturday night. We sat at a full table, but her friends were in the way of the band view of people behind her at our table, so they moved to another table 10 feet away. She stayed next to me for a while, but I told her I don't mind if she wants to go sit with them, which she did for about 10 minutes before she invited me over to sit next to her at their table. I did it to show her I don't mind her being with her friends without me and then I'm not worried about her being fair game in the bar not having a guy sitting next to her. Thankfully no guys made and he moves to come over to them. LOL She was hands down the cutest woman in the bar. She stands out like a sore thumb. On a couple of our dates we have told each other that we're glad we met. She's never not replied without positivity and enthusiasm when I text her or call her. When I text she'll reply back within the hour and a half, and when I call she'll pick up the phone after the second or third ring. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Ahhh , man ya see it's all in the detail and that all sounds really nice. l dunno. She might be just trying to pace it atm , and wkdays and such. Or maybe she has things going on she's just not ready to get into yet who knows, maybe she's been single a long time but l doubt they're anything bad going on by the sounds of all that. Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 24 minutes ago, chillii said: Yeah right , l mean that's all good stuff even if she isn't the most outgoing lady with you. She's also wanted you to meet people , even her dad, best friend , forget the dad didn't happen it's probably nothing, someone was busy or something. l dunno , from what you say it's def' not all bad. Could she feel a little intimidated , you being well established and performing and such? No, it isn't that bad. Yes, it could be that. Maybe she's worried about blowing it with me by being forward because I told her my ex's were that way. It's a possibility. When I told her that after our first date she was like "So, that's the reason why you're so forward, because you're used to women who are like that". Despite the fact that she hasn't been overly affectionate or kept promises about me meeting her dad and her bandmates, I can't hold it against her because I'm not sure why yet. She does have different reasons for putting it off, but I'm trying not to assume the worst. We'll see what happens on Saturday. I'm going to bring it up to her that I would like to be closer including spending time during the week and meeting these band guys she always talks about. It would be another baby step in the right direction to show she feels confident in me and wants us to progress. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Wouldn't even bother with her band guys just let it happen it will when it's ready and she's comfortable, only been a few mths , ps, your sounding pushy, atm that's her space, she'll let you in when she's ready.. Confidence in ea other takes time man, it's earned, like respect/ trust. Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 12 minutes ago, chillii said: Wouldn't even bother with her band guys just let it happen it will when it's ready and she's comfortable, only been a few mths. Confidence in ea other takes time man, it's earned, like respect. I'm trying. I've been BS'ed in the past, so now I'm always on lookout for it, especially now being with someone who wants to take things so slow. I'm not used to that. I wearing my heart on my sleeve and been accused of falling for people too quick. I trying not to with her. I'm surprising myself with my patience, which I guess is a good thing. I have shown slight frustration, but nothing too bad. I think she understands. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) cancelled Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 22 minutes ago, chillii said: Yeah , but she probably has to don't forget. She's either smart enough to know by now not to go jumping in feet and all anymore, a very slow burn , or it's lacking for her. Not sure which but with your times out and stuff, the other things, me , l def' wouldn't be writing it of just yet. Yes, she wants to be sure because of her past with her 5 year relationship with the stalker - bully before she jumps into anything serious. Hence her wanting to be friends first and getting to know me. I still believe it isn't because she's not attracted to me sexually. I get the feeling she is by her body language. It's subtle, but it's there. Sex is great, but in reality it is better to hold off to get to know each other, so it isn't based on that, but how do I know when the time is right or when she's ready since she's not forward and waits for me to make the first move? I can't be sure, but I may be the longest dating experience she's had since she ended things with her long time ex. I don't know. I do think it's a test of my patience for her. Like we've all been talking about, slow is supposedly good, but how slow is too slow? It isn't easy to put a label on. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Well , it's a few mths , but it isn't , so is it slow, or not , don't know but it sounds very wise and understandable of her part then , to me anyway. But l wouldn't like to say yea or neigh tbh . Given things you've been talking about tonight be interesting what others are thinking now though. Edited May 25, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 49 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: I'm going to bring it up to her that I would like to be closer including spending time during the week and meeting these band guys she always talks about. Are you concerned that she is dating one of those band mates? Or that she is dating others during the week when she states she's busy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 4 minutes ago, chillii said: Well , it's a few mths , but it isn't , so is it slow, or not , don't know but it sounds very wise and understandable of her part then , to me anyway. But l wouldn't like to say yea or neigh tbh . Given things you've been talking about tonight be interesting what others are thinking now though. It's been less than 2 months. About 7 weeks. 6 dates in 7 weeks. I'm pretty sure it'll be a "yay" with her. The question is how long is it going to take for her to give herself completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you concerned that she is dating one of those band mates? Or that she is dating others during the week when she states she's busy? Well being I can't verify anything there's a possibility. Am I a little concerned? Naturally. Who wouldn't be? I could ask her if we are being exclusive or if she would like to be. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 20 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: Yes, it could be that. Maybe she's worried about blowing it with me by being forward because I told her my ex's were that way. It's a possibility. When I told her that after our first date she was like "So, that's the reason why you're so forward, because you're used to women who are like that". Perhaps this explains why she hasn't moved as swiftly as her predecessors. If someone told me after our first date that all of his ex-partners are "fast," my first reaction would be "he's telling me that he prefers a slower pace." I might also think about why he was attracted to that type of dynamic. Remember that as a lead singer for your band, women are likely to throw themselves at you all the time physically. Could be that she's disinterested in being a fast notch. I don't know what each of your dates entails, but it seems like neither one of you has planned much beyond going over to her house, hers to yours, and seeing you perform. However, I think after six dates, she would be more inclined to plan a romantic outing for you and her. I remember once I suggested to a man I was dating about going to an outdoor cinema that was in a beautiful park and he kind of shrugged at that idea, so I felt kinda funny about planning dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 2 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: Well being that I have no proof of anything there's definitely a possibility. Am I a little concerned? Naturally. Who wouldn't be? I don't think meeting her bandmates or asking again about weeknights will prove or disprove anything. Why would she be with you then? What's bugging you seems to be that she is cold and distance and the friendzone thing, even though you accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: I don't think meeting her bandmates or asking again about weeknights will prove or disprove anything. Why would she be with you then? What's bugging you seems to be that she is cold and distance and the friendzone thing, even though you accept it. If we saw more of each other she wouldn't have time to date others. At least if I met her bandmates I could rule out any interest she has in the healthy band member (if there even is a band). Then I wouldn't care if she if had band practice without me. I know it's distrustful, but given the fact she does keep me at arm's length and keeps telling me she would like me to meet them, but then gives me all kinds of reasons to dissuade me, it makes me wonder what's going on. I feel like she's hiding something about this from me. I just don't know why. If she says she wants to be friends first, it can be taken as we're not exclusive, which only adds to the doubt about why she's keeping me away from her band members. If she won't bring me to meet these guys anytime soon then I'm just going to tell her, since you'd rather be friends first I'm assuming you're not interested in being an exclusive and see what she says. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Part of getting to know each other is bringing each other into your lives so you do feel more comfortable. Isn't that the point? How am I (or she) supposed to progress if we/she doesn't do that? With so many dishonest people in the world should I assume she's being honest in what she tells me and go on blind faith? I could go out with others and not hang my hat on her, but I like her a lot and don't want to assume that she has other interests if this whole band member thing is all innocent, but at this point I can't even be sure there is a band or if she's even home and out with someone else. She doesn't seem to care what I'm doing during the week or on Sundays. I don't know why if she's so interested in "getting to know me". I don't know. Things are going well except for this one little hiccup. Edited May 25, 2022 by Helicon5 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 Maybe dating someone who's in a band isn't a good idea for you. You seem unusually worried and anxious about meeting her band members. Sure, there was that one time where she said she'd introduce you to them and then went back on it. Perhaps that's still weighing on you. If you're seeing someone who's inconsistent that's all part of the dating process. Make sure you don't waste your time making the same mistakes repeatedly. If you're the kind of person who dates exclusively quite quickly or prefer seeing one person at a time, you can mention your preferences early on. That again boils down to compatibility and someone may disagree with you yet be a decent match overall. The point is you don't agree on the way you approach dating. It's not a reason to keep hanging on to something unfulfilling. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helicon5 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 3 minutes ago, glows said: Maybe dating someone who's in a band isn't a good idea for you. You seem unusually worried and anxious about meeting her band members. Sure, there was that one time where she said she'd introduce you to them and then went back on it. Perhaps that's still weighing on you. If you're seeing someone who's inconsistent that's all part of the dating process. Make sure you don't waste your time making the same mistakes repeatedly. If you're the kind of person who dates exclusively quite quickly or prefer seeing one person at a time, you can mention your preferences early on. That again boils down to compatibility and someone may disagree with you yet be a decent match overall. The point is you don't agree on the way you approach dating. It's not a reason to keep hanging on to something unfulfilling. Should I ask her if we're being exclusive and if that's what she would like? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 49 minutes ago, Helicon5 said: She doesn't seem to care what I'm doing during the week or on Sundays. I don't know why if she's so interested in "getting to know me". This is a dealbreaker. I mean, where is this person? Is she even here? It feels like thin air. You may like the idea or potential of what she could be, some of her mannerisms and it's still early days but hearing this is sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 I agree OP. Time to pull the plug on this. I really don't think she lives up to your ideal so best you part ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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