meamea1 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 I'm in a relationship with him for about a month and a half. Before that we were dating, but mostly through the phone as it's a long distance. Recently I have found out that a few days before we became official he kissed other girl and didn't confess until now because he was scared I would instantly back off. I'm very confused...he says we weren't official at that time and he was unsure about where was this going, but when a few days later we were official, he said "it was just a formality". So like he changed his whole mind in a few days, from a person who's so unsure that can kiss other people to a person who can be all of sudden committed? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 (edited) 8 minutes ago, meamea1 said: I'm in a relationship with him for about a month and a half.but mostly through the phone as it's a long distance. Recently I have found out that a few days before we became official he kissed other girl Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? How old is he? He doesn't seem to be able to handle long distance. It is difficult and frustrating. He is using the "well, we weren't "official" then" loophole, but he really wants to date others. You should also question the wisdom of tying yourself to a phone and a distance situation, when you could have a local guy who you can see, date and have fun with in person. When two people are happy and satisfied they don't have to smooch with others Edited April 11, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meamea1 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? How old is he? He doesn't seem to be able to handle long distance. It is difficult and frustrating. He is using the "well, we weren't "official" then" loophole, but he really wants to date others. You should also question the wisdom of tying yourself to a phone and a distance situation, when you could have a local guy who you can see, date and have fun with in person. Yes, before that kiss incident we already met once, but we were talking every day. We meet like once, twice a month. He's 24, a year older than me. I think you might be right. It's also a new thing for him as he hadn't been in a ldr before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 Are you still long distance and when will that gap close? What's the intention for the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author meamea1 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 4 minutes ago, glows said: Are you still long distance and when will that gap close? What's the intention for the future? Yes, we are. We agreed to keep it until we graduate, so more or less 4-5 months. The future seems rather cloudy in terms that he wants to keep working where he works currently, but I would need to move to his city to actually be with him irl. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 5 minutes ago, meamea1 said: Yes, we are. We agreed to keep it until we graduate, so more or less 4-5 months. The future seems rather cloudy in terms that he wants to keep working where he works currently, but I would need to move to his city to actually be with him irl. Would you be able to find employment in his city or would you want to move to be with him? If so let the relationship remain open-ended and enjoy your time with one another in the next 4-5 months to a year until you're both in the same city. Don't move for a relationship either and make sure that the move benefits you financially or allows for ample opportunities for you to grow. Your priority is remaining financially independent regardless of where you live or who you're with. I wouldn't get too caught up in who he kissed prior to being exclusive with you. If you find that he's shady or not to be trusted, don't speak with him anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meamea1 Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 Thank you guys for helping me see this matter from different positions! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2022 Share Posted April 12, 2022 9 hours ago, meamea1 said: We meet like once, twice a month. If you have only been together for 1.5 months, does that mean you've only met in person a couple times? Link to post Share on other sites
Author meamea1 Posted April 12, 2022 Author Share Posted April 12, 2022 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: If you have only been together for 1.5 months, does that mean you've only met in person a couple times? Yes, we would more but the distance Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Man Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 More than anything, I'd consider how this confession came to be. If he just volunteered it with no suspicion, then he is essentially admitting to something he thought was inappropriate in a relationship, even though you were still kind of just heading towards the official relationship. Was there a talk about making it "official" or something to that extent? If so, he probably realized that coming clean on the previous recent encounter was a way to create trust and admit to what he saw as a mistake regardless. And in either case, if the relationship is still long distance chances are he could have just never told you about it at all. Keep in mind that especially with long distance relationships, trust and honestly are even more important. If you have miles between you and are constantly worried about the actions of the other, chances are you won't make it very long. You need to talk about where to set boundaries so that both of you are comfortable. Better to do it now and see if you are both comfortable with the desires of the other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 (edited) You barely know this guy and well he can tell you anything and you wouldn't even know if he was lying or not. Proceed with caution. Edited April 13, 2022 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
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