Attention from women I'm not attracted to

[Lewis321]

Been broke up since September and have mostly gotten over her. 

Over the last couple of months I have had a few different women make it super obvious they are into me but I have no attraction for any of them so haven't allowed things to progress with any of them. 

Is it normal for men to turn down women that are basically offering it to them on a plate? 

For context I am 32 and have only ever had 2 long term relationships, so I've never had anything short term or one night stands.

 

[glows]

It's not a big deal if you're not attracted to them. Why does it surprise you that women may be interested?

[Lewis321]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

It's not a big deal if you're not attracted to them. Why does it surprise you that women may be interested?

It doesn't surprise me that they are interested. I have been brought up around people who would 'shag anything' so it just feels strange to me to have women chasing after me and I am turning them down instead of taking advantage of it.

[glows]

Just now, Lewis321 said:

It doesn't surprise me that they are interested. I have been brought up around people who would 'shag anything' so it just feels strange to me to have women chasing after me and I am turning them down instead of taking advantage of it.

Our needs change as we go along. What might have seemed interesting or enticing some years ago may pale in comparison to what we look for now so I wouldn't worry about it. Treat it as a compliment and carry on with whomever or whatever you may be looking for in a partner.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Lewis321 said:

haven't allowed things to progress with any of them. 

How do you now them? Don't date people you're not attracted to. That seems more common than jumping on anything that happens along.

[Lewis321]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

Our needs change as we go along. What might have seemed interesting or enticing some years ago may pale in comparison to what we look for now so I wouldn't worry about it. Treat it as a compliment and carry on with whomever or whatever you may be looking for in a partner.

Right now I think I would prefer something casual but feel like I am throwing opportunities away by rejecting these women. 

[Lewis321]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How do you now them? Don't date people you're not attracted to. That seems more common than jumping on anything that happens along.

Mainly mothers whose kids go to the same school as my daughter. 

I've had some who want to date and others who want just sex. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Lewis321 said:

Mainly mothers whose kids go to the same school as my daughter. 

Oh yeah, steer clear of that type of mess completely. Just tell people your not interested in "I'm talking to someone at the moment".

[glows]

27 minutes ago, Lewis321 said:

Right now I think I would prefer something casual but feel like I am throwing opportunities away by rejecting these women. 

Don’t worry. There will be other opportunities. Avoid anyone related to your children’s schooling. 

[salparadise]

24 minutes ago, Lewis321 said:

Mainly mothers whose kids go to the same school as my daughter. 

I've had some who want to date and others who want just sex. 

Why are you not attracted to them? Usually women who are that forward have confidence that they are attractive. Do you mean you actually find them physically unattractive, or is it more the context, or perhaps you're put off by them being so aggressive? 

You certainly have the right to be choosy if you want to be –– heaven knows women consider it to be laudable –– but if I (or most men) were seven months out of a relationship and not seeing anyone special, and if said women were even halfway attractive, I'd select one or two and exercise the impulses that nature gave me. You said you'd be up for something casual, so why not be casual? 

I can't help but think your brain is somehow short-circuiting your libido. Of course if you have options out the yin-yang then you naturally have a higher bar than average... but still, you're a man. What's killing your mojo?

[Lewis321]

14 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Why are you not attracted to them? Usually women who are that forward have confidence that they are attractive. Do you mean you actually find them physically unattractive, or is it more the context, or perhaps you're put off by them being so aggressive? 

You certainly have the right to be choosy if you want to be –– heaven knows women consider it to be laudable –– but if I (or most men) were seven months out of a relationship and not seeing anyone special, and if said women were even halfway attractive, I'd select one or two and exercise the impulses that nature gave me. You said you'd be up for something casual, so why not be casual? 

I can't help but think your brain is somehow short-circuiting your libido. Of course if you have options out the yin-yang then you naturally have a higher bar than average... but still, you're a man. What's killing your mojo?

I don't find them physically attractive, I'm not put off by how forward they are they just don't exite me. 

I am learning that I am indeed quite choosy and selective with women. One in particular is 13 years older than me which just doesn't appeal to me. 

I guess part of me wants to satisfy that urge but part of me fears regretting it afterwards. 

[healing light]

It's your life, do what feels good to you. Personally, I think it's a good idea to steer clear of women you're not attracted to, especially if they run in circles that could cause you drama. What benefit would FWB bring where they could potentially catch feelings or in the very least assume you wouldn't be sleeping with them if you weren't attracted? Wouldn't some of that come across in the quality of sex that's had? But that's just me, I'm on the extreme end of the spectrum where I don't engage in casual sexual relations. 

I think it's attractive when men have standards, btw. So I don't think that any prospective partner is going to be looking at you wondering what's wrong with you that you're not having sex with people you don't have sexual feelings for. I would think it was the opposite--why sleep with someone that you don't find physically appealing?

[Lewis321]

7 minutes ago, healing light said:

It's your life, do what feels good to you. Personally, I think it's a good idea to steer clear of women you're not attracted to, especially if they run in circles that could cause you drama. What benefit would FWB bring where they could potentially catch feelings or in the very least assume you wouldn't be sleeping with them if you weren't attracted? Wouldn't some of that come across in the quality of sex that's had? But that's just me, I'm on the extreme end of the spectrum where I don't engage in casual sexual relations. 

I think it's attractive when men have standards, btw. So I don't think that any prospective partner is going to be looking at you wondering what's wrong with you that you're not having sex with people you don't have sexual feelings for. I would think it was the opposite--why sleep with someone that you don't find physically appealing?

I agree with what your saying, as I said although I have never had anything casual it is appealing to me to try. 

The woman who is 13 years older than me went from suggesting just sex to then going for a coffee, I am mindful not to lead people on just so I can have some fun. 

I agree that because I am not attracted to them then the quality of sex wouldn't be the same.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Lewis321 said:

Mainly mothers whose kids go to the same school as my daughter. 

 

[Lewis321]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

HAHAHA I LOVE IT! 

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, Lewis321 said:

Been broke up since September and have mostly gotten over her. 

Over the last couple of months I have had a few different women make it super obvious they are into me but I have no attraction for any of them so haven't allowed things to progress with any of them. 

Is it normal for men to turn down women that are basically offering it to them on a plate? 

For context I am 32 and have only ever had 2 long term relationships, so I've never had anything short term or one night stands.

 

It's not unusual at all to turn down someone you're not physically attracted to.

 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Lewis321 said:

The woman who is 13 years older than me went from suggesting just sex to then going for a coffee, I am mindful not to lead people on just so I can have some fun. 

What about the younger ones?  Are all the interested ones unattractive?

[Coasting1991]

7 hours ago, Lewis321 said:

It doesn't surprise me that they are interested. I have been brought up around people who would 'shag anything' so it just feels strange to me to have women chasing after me and I am turning them down instead of taking advantage of it.

Nothing wrong with turning people down. If you're not attracted, you're not attracted. Despite the stereotype, plenty of men don't "shag anything"; just be gracious/kind with your rejections and keep looking for women you are attracted to! 

 

Edited April 14, 2022 by Coasting1991

[Atwood]

Personally I think you sound really healthy. I know there must be stereotypical pressures on men not to turn down sex for any reason but I think we are all becoming more cognizant of that being a load of rubbish. Having sex with someone you're not attracted to because you can't cope with passing up the opportunity would be worrying. We don't make good decisions when we're being driven by desperation and unmet needs. Not to mention, sex without chemistry or attraction isn't going to be worth having anyway, and we owe it to others to act in good faith and be honest about our intentions. 

TL:TR trust yourself, you know what you want and what you don't want and you should stick with that. Nothing good will come of doing anything else.

[Lewis321]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

What about the younger ones?  Are all the interested ones unattractive?

There was this particular woman and some that are my age, but yes all unattractive to me anyway. 

I get lots of looks from what I consider attractive women but nothing of high interest. 

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it's perfectly normal to turn down people you're not attracted to, unless one is very desperate for sex or has no standards. 

[Alpacalia]

Is your ex still attractive to you?

In the aftermath of my ex's departure. I was in the same boat as you. Even when I thought I was over it I couldn't get attracted to new people.

Maybe something to consider too.

Your last relationship can leave you lacking a little in confidence too about choosing wisely your next partner as a result of its failure.

Not unusual.

Edited April 14, 2022 by Alpacalia

[mark clemson]

On 4/13/2022 at 11:22 AM, Lewis321 said:

Is it normal for men to turn down women that are basically offering it to them on a plate? 

For context I am 32 and have only ever had 2 long term relationships, so I've never had anything short term or one night stands.

Sure, if there are good reasons to decline the offer. IME most women communicate indirectly about these things, but there are those who can be surprisingly direct at times. Sometimes it's the man who is a bit overloaded/taken aback or feels rushed.

You sound conflicted, which is understandable. Some folks have an easier time than others with NSA sex/FWB/multi-dating, and it's simply not for everyone. I get the sense that perhaps your gut is telling you that IF you start something with one of these women who you're not that into, you risk being stuck in a relationship with one and/or having to extricate yourself from the arrangement when you find what you're really looking for. Or perhaps you feel that (for you) it's not right to casually date them knowing you're probably not going to want a deeper relationship with them.

I think the bottom line is that if FWB-ing these ladies was right for you, you'd be doing it.

[Lewis321]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Is your ex still attractive to you?

In the aftermath of my ex's departure. I was in the same boat as you. Even when I thought I was over it I couldn't get attracted to new people.

Maybe something to consider too.

Your last relationship can leave you lacking a little in confidence too about choosing wisely your next partner as a result of its failure.

Not unusual.

Yes she is still physically attractive to me, it would be fair to say I don't look at other women the same way I looked at her. 

[Lewis321]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Sure, if there are good reasons to decline the offer. IME most women communicate indirectly about these things, but there are those who can be surprisingly direct at times. Sometimes it's the man who is a bit overloaded/taken aback or feels rushed.

You sound conflicted, which is understandable. Some folks have an easier time than others with NSA sex/FWB/multi-dating, and it's simply not for everyone. I get the sense that perhaps your gut is telling you that IF you start something with one of these women who you're not that into, you risk being stuck in a relationship with one and/or having to extricate yourself from the arrangement when you find what you're really looking for. Or perhaps you feel that (for you) it's not right to casually date them knowing you're probably not going to want a deeper relationship with them.

I think the bottom line is that if FWB-ing these ladies was right for you, you'd be doing it.

I want a FWB situation but with women that I have high attraction for, these women don't exite me atol. 

But I feel like I am being fussy.