Conflicted on if I should break up with my girlfriend of three months. I feel conflicted because she got robbed and assaulted 3 days ago

[Omarthegroove]

I apologize the wall of text and the bad grammar in advance. I’m doing this on my phone. 

So, my girlfriend and I have been together three months. On Monday she was out with her gay best friend when she was robbed and assaulted. The robber attacked her friend and then attacked her. She blacked out but woke up with a black eye, bruises, a serious head contusion, and was bleeding profusely. That night she called me and told me not to be alarmed but wanted to let me know she’ll be a little m.i.a that night because so many people from the police department were asking her questions (we typically talk around 10pm). We periodically talked that throughout the night. At one point I let her know that she didn’t sound like herself (very slow speech). Every time we would talk it would be cut short because someone from the PD would ask her more questions and she’d get off the phone. She called me one last time in the evening, around 1:30am, saying she was finally able to go home and all she wanted to do was to go take shower to get all of the blood off and go to sleep. I told her to let me know when she made it home. She texted me “home”. I called and texted her a few more times after that but she didn’t pick up or respond to my text. The next morning she called me but I was in a meeting. She sent a text apologizing for missing my calls and texts - she had just knocked out when she got home. 

I finally got a chance to FaceTime her later that afternoon. She started off by apologizing again for the night before for not really being able to speak to me when I was calling to check on her. I told her that I wanted to talk to her once she got home to make sure she was okay but she had thought we had wrapped up for the night since she said she was going home and going to bed after she texted me that she was home. I let her know that her saying home was impersonal but I was taking into account what happened the night before. She said her head was pounding today and was exhausted. She also said see had felt overwhelmed with so many people (police and detectives) calling her and asking her questions between the night before and that afternoon . Also, that it seems like everyone was being so dramatic since she wasn’t shot or stabbed. I told her she was just probably in shock and in denial. I let her know that if she needed me to come over I could or if she needed anything to let me know. She said thank you and that she appreciated it but she was going to her mother’s house 1.5 hours away (mom doesn’t have a car). 

I asked her how she was feeling and she said she was still bleeding a bit (about 12 hours now) and very sore all over but the medics checked her out and said she was fine. I told her she needed to go to the clinic. She said she would go the next day because she still so tired and sore from everything. I told her I would be very angry with her if she didn’t go that afternoon and I wouldn’t stop bothering her until she went. She went to the clinic later that evening around 7pm. They told her she needed to go to the ER for a CT scan for internal bleeding and a skull fracture. She told me she wanted to go back to sleep, then drive to her mother’s house the next day so that her mom could watch her dog while she was in the ER since the wait is usually really long. I told her that was a bad idea and she needed to go immediately. She said again that she has no one to watch her small dog, so dropping it off at her mom’s is easiest. She then said she could just leave that night, drive back home, drop off the dog, and go straight to the ER. I told her that was a bad idea too. I let her know again that both ideas were bad and I wasn’t going to say anything else about it. She said okay and got off the phone. 

I called a little later to ask her what she planned to do. She said her friend, who is a teacher on spring break, would come pick her up, take her to the ER, and watch the dog for her. I said I was glad she finally came up with a good idea and that I knew she could come up with a good plan because I kept pushing her. That I knew it was because of me pushing her. She kind of laughed and said that’s not true. I told her to stop fighting this and pointed out again why her ideas were bad in the first place. She said “okay”. This really pissed me off. I said, “Okay? There you go having an attitude. Here I am trying to help you. I’m getting really angry right now, so I’m getting off of the phone. Let me know how it goes with your scan tomorrow”. She said, “Wait, because I simply said okay you’re angry with me? You repeatedly told me how I wasn’t doing something right. What else am I supposed to say? I’ve been through a lot in the last 24 hours and instead offering to help watch the dog or take me to the ER you just wanted to let me know how bad my ideas where”. This really really pissed me off. Admittedly, I started yelling and cursing saying that she was blaming me when I had asked her earlier if she needed anything and it was on her to ask me for help. She said don’t yell and curse at her. I told her again that I didn’t want to talk and got off the phone. 

I felt bad so I texted her about an hour later and said, “I may be upset right now, which doesn’t and shouldn’t overshadow what you’ve been through, but I care about you. If you really truly feel that I’ve been insensitive or at fault for not doing enough, then we can talk about that another time. The only important thing right now is your health.” She didn’t respond. I texted her early the next morning (Wednesday) asking how the scan was. She texted that she was still waiting. I asked again later and she said that she has a mild skull fracture and concussion. I asked if she was free to talk and she called me. I asked for more details, which she gave me, and then things got quiet. She said they gave her a Percocet for the pain and she was tired so she was going to sleep. I texted her around 7pm asking what her plan was. She said she just woke up and was going to her mom’s within the hour. I asked if she was stopping by before she leaves. She hadn’t t responded yet so I called. She texted back that she didn’t think it was a good idea because she was still upset about yesterday. I asked her if she wanted to resolve this. Time passed again with no response. So, I called her. No pick up again. I then texted her that ignoring me or avoiding me wasn’t going to help and if she wasn’t interested anymore let me know. She eventually texted back and said, “Im just tired from the past few days and just need a little time to sort things out. We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

I said, “I don't know what you mean by 
needing a little time to sort 
things out. 
How about you take all the time 
you need. I don't appreciate the 
way you've handled my offers for 
help and advice and concern. 
You've ignored me for the most 
part since last night. And you've 
tried to make me out to not being 
thoughtful. 
You also decided to not even see 
me on your way down to your 
parents. It shows a lack of 
respect and that you just don't 
care. 
Just so I'm clear, this is a huge 
red flag for me. I'll be stepping 
away from our relationship until 
you figure out whatever it is you 
need to figure out. 
I hope you make it down there 
safely and that you recover soon.” 

No response. Even if she does respond I can’t help but think of how childish and disrespectful she is. If/when she reaches out should I call it quits for good?

[Gaeta]

I would break up with you. 

Why didn't you run to her when she told you she was attacked?? If ever something like that happens to me I'd expect my bf to run to me, take care of me, take care of my dog, and I'd expect him to wait the long hours with me at the ER. THEN I'd expect him to take me home and watch over me while I rest because I had a head injury. 

[Omarthegroove]

Just now, Gaeta said:

I would break up with you. 

Why didn't you run to her when she told you she was attacked?? If ever something like that happens to me I'd expect my bf to run to me, take care of me, take care of my dog, and I'd expect him to wait the long hours with me at the ER. THEN I'd expect him to take me home and watch over me while I rest because I had a head injury. 

She told me not to come because there were a ton of officers questioning her and her friend. I did what she asked.

[Gaeta]

Just now, Omarthegroove said:

She told me not to come because there were a ton of officers questioning her and her friend. I did what she asked.

That was when she was at the police station, then she needed you there, not on the phone. She explained to you her mother was 1.5 hour away, she needed to get to ER, she had no one to take her dog out during that time and you didn't think of running to her? 

[chillii]

Holy mother of God , l couldn't even finish that you were so damn necrotic with that poor woman.

After everything she went through here you are nagging her into the ground, getting angry with her , the "home" was impersonal , some rubbish about her okay, your idea, and on and on and on , WTH !!!!!. You'll be a lucky man if she doesn't straight out dump you after all that.

Edited April 15, 2022 by chillii

[Omarthegroove]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That was when she was at the police station, then she needed you there, not on the phone. She explained to you her mother was 1.5 hour away, she needed to get to ER, she had no one to take her dog out during that time and you didn't think of running to her? 

When she brought up the ER thing I told her she should’ve asked me, since my other efforts were shot down. I thought if she wanted my help she’d ask me.

[Gaeta]

Just now, Omarthegroove said:

When she brought up the ER thing I told her she should’ve asked me, since my other efforts were shot down. I thought if she wanted my help she’d ask me.

Listen, she was the victim of a brutal attack, she was bleeding, she had a head injury, imagine the distress she was under. Under these circumstances you don't listen, you get up and run to her and you take over! I'm a woman and I am telling you that's what she needed from you especially she had no one!! 

[Gaeta]

And this happenend last Monday, we're Friday and you still have not gone see her? 

 

[Omarthegroove]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

And this happenend last Monday, we're Friday and you still have not gone see her? 

 

Not last Monday, this Monday. I sent her that text on Wednesday and haven’t heard from her.

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, chillii said:

You'll be a lucky man if she doesn't straight out dump you after all that.

I think she already did dump him in a roundabout way.

And to the OP, three words - Get Over Yourself. 

I'm kinda hoping this is a troll thread because your response to her situation was one of the most egocentric and self-serving I've seen.

Nevermind being with her at the ER, it was this:

>>I don't know what you mean by 
needing a little time to sort 
things out. 
How about you take all the time 
you need. I don't appreciate the 
way you've handled my offers for 
help and advice and concern. 
You've ignored me for the most 
part since last night. And you've 
tried to make me out to not being 
thoughtful. 
You also decided to not even see 
me on your way down to your 
parents. It shows a lack of 
respect and that you just don't 
care. 
Just so I'm clear, this is a huge 
red flag for me. I'll be stepping 
away from our relationship until 
you figure out whatever it is you 
need to figure out. <<

The girl was just attacked and injured for goodness sake, do you have any idea how traumatic that is?

Physically and emotionally? And you're throwing that BS at her?

Shaking my head, seriously.

Yes, break up with her if she hasn't with you already, SHE deserves better. 

P.S.  I'm sorry that was harsh, if you want this to work, a big apology from you is in order. 

And some sympathy and empathy for what she experienced and continues to experience, emotionally and physically. 

 

 

Edited April 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[Omarthegroove]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think she already did dump him in a roundabout way.

And to the OP, three words - Get Over Yourself. 

I'm kinda hoping this is a troll thread because your response to her situation was the one of the most egocentric and self-serving I've seen.

Nevermind being with her at the ER, it was this:

>>I don't know what you mean by 
needing a little time to sort 
things out. 
How about you take all the time 
you need. I don't appreciate the 
way you've handled my offers for 
help and advice and concern. 
You've ignored me for the most 
part since last night. And you've 
tried to make me out to not being 
thoughtful. 
You also decided to not even see 
me on your way down to your 
parents. It shows a lack of 
respect and that you just don't 
care. 
Just so I'm clear, this is a huge 
red flag for me. I'll be stepping 
away from our relationship until 
you figure out whatever it is you 
need to figure out. <<

The girl was just attacked and injured for goodness sake, do you have any idea how traumatic that is?

Physically and emotionally? And you're throwing that BS at her?

Shaking my head, seriously.

Yes, break up with her if she hasn't with you already, SHE deserves better. 

 

 

I know that this was traumatic for her physically and emotionally. However, she was the one who kept saying she was fine and thought everyone else was being dramatic about this. So, she seemed to be fine and handling things really well.

Also, why do you think she’s already dumped me in a roundabout way? 

Edited April 15, 2022 by Omarthegroove

[glows]

You may not be realizing the severity of her injuries because you’re at a distance and head trauma or concussions take awhile to show the gravity and damage. You might have seen for yourself the extent of the damage if you had seen her at the hospital or visited her. You also picked up on slowed or slurred speech.

 The way you’ve talked to her would cause a lot of people to stay away from you and avoid you unfortunately. I can see you have good intentions but you didn’t act on anything meaningful such as being by her side, visiting her or offering to take her dog. She doesn’t have to ask you for that. As a partner you do it and be by that person’s side. You see the true intentions and heart behind romance when someone takes that initiative.

I have to ask if you’re newly out of another relationship or if there’s something keeping you at bay or having reservations about this relationship. 

You are NOT responsible for her injuries but the way you reacted was very slow and questioning her or asking to talk about the relationship seems exceedingly inappropriate for the circumstances. I also don’t quite get why you didn’t pick her up and drive her to the ER yourself. Do you drive? It’s ok if you don’t. 

Since she hasn’t responded to you don’t keep texting her. I think this one is over. What’s your intention for this relationship in the first place? Were you even that into her or ? 

[poppyfields]

Just now, Omarthegroove said:

I know that this was traumatic for her physically and emotionally. However, she was the one who kept saying she was fine and thought everyone else was being dramatic about this. So, she seemed to be fine and handling things really well.

Being attacked and physically assaulted is traumatic and she needed time to sort through her emotions.

Instead of offering sympathy and empathy, you took it personally and proceeded to verbally/emotionally assault her.

Her needing time to herself after experiencing what she did is a red flag? 

You accusing her of having bad ideas and getting bent because she didn't praise your ideas is a red flag? 

Along with the rest of it. 

I hope you can see how you added to her trauma and again if you want this to work, you need to apologize. 

[Omarthegroove]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Being attacked and physically assaulted is traumatic and she needed time to sort through her emotions.

Instead of offering sympathy and empathy, you took it personally and proceeded to verbally/emotionally assault her.

Her needing time to herself after experiencing what she did is a red flag? 

You accusing her of having bad ideas and getting bent because she didn't praise your ideas is a red flag? 

Along with the rest of it. 

I hope you can see how you added to her trauma and again if you want this to work, you need to apologize. 

Her needing time isn’t the issue. Her ignoring my calls and avoiding me, instead responding via text is a red flag. She wasn’t communicating.

[glows]

1 minute ago, Omarthegroove said:

Her needing time isn’t the issue. Her ignoring my calls and avoiding me, instead responding via text is a red flag. She wasn’t communicating.

Yes, she doesn’t want to deal with anyone’s overbearing attitude when she’s in pain. She’s doing you both a favour by not speaking to you any longer. It doesn’t seem this was going to work.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Omarthegroove said:

Her needing time isn’t the issue. Her ignoring my calls and avoiding me, instead responding via text is a red flag. She wasn’t communicating.

She was just attacked and physically assaulted mate.  

Again, sympathy and empathy. 

NOT taking it personally, getting bent and verbally assaulting her.

Edited April 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Yes, she doesn’t want to deal with anyone’s overbearing attitude when she’s in pain. She’s doing you both a favour by not speaking to you any longer. It doesn’t seem this was going to work.

Very good point. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Omarthegroove said:

Monday she was out with her gay best friend when she was robbed and assaulted. The robber attacked her friend and then attacked her. She blacked out but woke up with a black eye, bruises, a serious head contusion, and was bleeding profusely.

 she said that she has a mild skull fracture and concussion. 

Sorry this happened. Stop pestering and arguing with someone who just sustained serious head trauma. Let her friends and family take care of her.

[poppyfields]

OK, I've had a chance to calm down, lol and trying to understand your thought process and why you reacted as you did.

I'm a firm believer in there's more to a story or situation than meets the eye. 

So, how was your relationship prior to this happening?  In your eyes, did your gf have a tendency to become overly dramatic about things? 

Did you feel she was being overly dramatic about this situation? 

Do you believe she suffered extreme trauma versus embellishing for dramatic purposes? 

Again, just trying to understand where your reaction came from, it must have come from somewhere, reactions like yours don't just happen out of nowhere, in my opinion and experience.

Edited April 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[Omarthegroove]

19 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OK, I've had a chance to calm down, lol and trying to understand your thought process and why you reacted as you did.

I'm a firm believer in there's more to a story or situation than meets the eye. 

So, how was your relationship prior to this happening?  In your eyes, did your gf have a tendency to become overly dramatic about things? 

Did you feel she was being overly dramatic about this situation? 

Do you believe she suffered extreme trauma versus embellishing for dramatic purposes? 

Again, just trying to understand where your reaction came from, it must have come from somewhere, reactions like yours don't just happen out of nowhere, in my opinion and experience.

No, she’s not dramatic at all. If anything she’s anti dramatic, which is exactly what I said to her a few days ago. Also, why I said she was trying to fight this. She repeatedly said she was fine and since she wasn’t stabbed or shot this wasn’t a big deal. 
 

We went to dinner on Sunday and we were discussing that we were different but I welcomed the differences. I pointed out how when I ask about her day she’ll say it’s fine, which kind of bothers me. She said some days nothing good or bad has happened, that I know how slow her work has been lately, so there’s nothing to really say other than it’s “fine”. I asked if she thought I had expectations, to which she said yes and no. She then asked me if I thought I had high expectations and I was honest in letting her know that I know I do. I do have high expectations but that’s because I fully expect people to disappoint me, so when they do meet my expectations I’m surprised. That same dinner I told her I was telling my mom about her,  which is a really big deal. I really really cared/care about her. 

Edited April 15, 2022 by Omarthegroove

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Omarthegroove said:

No, she’s not dramatic at all.

Agree. Being assaulted and having a skull fracture/head trauma and being upset/quiet and  in pain is far from dramatic. Just leave her be for now. She knows your contact info if she wants to talk.

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Being assaulted and having a skull fracture/head trauma and being upset/quiet and  in pain is far from dramatic. Just leave her be for now. She knows your contact info if she wants to talk.

Agree of course it was traumatic, again just trying to understand where OP's harsh reaction came from and why he took her response so personally.

Thank you for explaining further OP.

I'm still confused, but good luck whatever happens. 

Edited April 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Omarthegroove said:

Her ignoring my calls and avoiding me, instead responding via text is a red flag. She wasn’t communicating.

People generally do not feel like text chitchats after severe head trauma. She need rest and recuperation for now.

[Omarthegroove]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

People generally do not feel like text chitchats after severe head trauma. She need rest and recuperation for now.

But what about my calls?

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Omarthegroove said:

But what about my calls?

>>I said I was glad she finally came up with a good idea and that I knew she could come up with a good plan because I kept pushing her. That I knew it was because of me pushing her. She kind of laughed and said that’s not true. I told her to stop fighting this and pointed out again why her ideas were bad in the first place. She said “okay”. This really pissed me off. I said, “Okay? There you go having an attitude."

>>Admittedly, I started yelling and cursing saying that she was blaming me when I had asked her earlier if she needed anything and it was on her to ask me for help. She said don’t yell and curse at her. I told her again that I didn’t want to talk and got off the phone. <<

I think this^ is what started the downward spiral and why she was/is avoiding you. 

Yelling and cursing, telling her that her ideas were bad, you were pissed off, that she had an "attitude" and were "red flags," all while she was dealing with the aftermath of being physically attacked and suffering a head injury were just too much. 

She needed to distance herself from it and you. In order to heal. 

I hope you will come to eventually understand that OP.

Edited April 15, 2022 by poppyfields