3rd break up from same BF

[SerenityNow13]

I’ve been with my now ex for more than 10 years, but it was a long distance relationship so it was already hard on both of us, we come from different countries and different cultures. 
he first broke up with me 8 years ago when I told him that I didn’t trust his new friends and that they were a bad influence on him, he told me I don’t know them, I shouldn’t judge etc. So I let him go. 2 years later, he writes me an email apologizing and explaining what happened ( he almost overdosed! )  apparently his friends initiated him on cocaine and long story short, he ended up in the hospital.
By now, I got over him, but went back with him anyway. Second time, he broke up with me because he cannot handle the distance anymore, I again, let it go but I told him, I know he is going to do it again but this time I won’t be back. 
Again, he emailed me a few months later, apologizing and like an idiot I went back to him. He has depression and because of it he couldn’t continue to work, tried to get part time jobs but he cannot handle work anymore, I work with an INGO and go on missions in different locations but we try to see each other, once a year which is not enough. He comes from a western country and I’m from North Africa, which means I need to apply for a visa etc…our last vacation was in January 2020 and I paid for the studio that we rented. Last week he asked if I can come to him, I told him I need to apply for a visa and it will probably be refused because he doesn’t have a job, I thought he understood. This morning, he messaged me saying that he cannot do this anymore etc.. I kind of knew it was coming, I’m not heartbroken, just angry at myself for not having the courage to break up with him first and I wanted to, many times, but I was worried it would affect his mental health… so here I am,  dumped 3 times by the same guy that I don’t even love anymore, I don’t know why I wasted my time with him, why didn’t have the guts to do what he did to me 3 times!  Only last week he told me he loved me lol

I’m just venting, my first post so be gentle, thanks 

[stillafool]

Please don't go back to him this time and waste another 10 years of your life on this man.  I don't know if you want marriage and kids but if you do this guy was never a good candidate for a husband and father.  I wish you better.

[Wiseman2]

40 minutes ago, SerenityNow13 said:

 I’m from North Africa, which means I need to apply for a visa etc…

Sorry this happened. All you can do is date local interested men who you can see on a regular basis and build a relationship with.

[SerenityNow13]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Please don't go back to him this time and waste another 10 years of your life on this man.  I don't know if you want marriage and kids but if you do this guy was never a good candidate for a husband and father.  I wish you better.

No, I don’t want kids. You just reminded me that he wanted to marry but I asked him to wait, maybe I knew it wouldn’t work…

[clia]

You need to move on and find someone local.  He has no job, drug problems, why are you holding on to this?  You haven't even seen him in over two years!  This is a huge waste of your time.  You deserve better.  

[glows]

1 hour ago, SerenityNow13 said:

I’ve been with my now ex for more than 10 years, but it was a long distance relationship so it was already hard on both of us, we come from different countries and different cultures. 
he first broke up with me 8 years ago when I told him that I didn’t trust his new friends and that they were a bad influence on him, he told me I don’t know them, I shouldn’t judge etc. So I let him go. 2 years later, he writes me an email apologizing and explaining what happened ( he almost overdosed! )  apparently his friends initiated him on cocaine and long story short, he ended up in the hospital.
By now, I got over him, but went back with him anyway. Second time, he broke up with me because he cannot handle the distance anymore, I again, let it go but I told him, I know he is going to do it again but this time I won’t be back. 
Again, he emailed me a few months later, apologizing and like an idiot I went back to him. He has depression and because of it he couldn’t continue to work, tried to get part time jobs but he cannot handle work anymore, I work with an INGO and go on missions in different locations but we try to see each other, once a year which is not enough. He comes from a western country and I’m from North Africa, which means I need to apply for a visa etc…our last vacation was in January 2020 and I paid for the studio that we rented. Last week he asked if I can come to him, I told him I need to apply for a visa and it will probably be refused because he doesn’t have a job, I thought he understood. This morning, he messaged me saying that he cannot do this anymore etc.. I kind of knew it was coming, I’m not heartbroken, just angry at myself for not having the courage to break up with him first and I wanted to, many times, but I was worried it would affect his mental health… so here I am,  dumped 3 times by the same guy that I don’t even love anymore, I don’t know why I wasted my time with him, why didn’t have the guts to do what he did to me 3 times!  Only last week he told me he loved me lol

I’m just venting, my first post so be gentle, thanks 

He can say he loves you all he wants but his actions don’t paint a similar picture.

In future just watch a person’s actions and pay less attention to what they say. They should make sense to you.

You seem to have good instincts about certain people as you didn’t like his friends. Unfortunately you remained blinded about him. If you go for a certain type of man re-evaluate your reasons or why you’re attracted to that. 

If you’re trying to leave your country do it on your own terms, not using a man or anyone else to leave. 

[SerenityNow13]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

He can say he loves you all he wants but his actions don’t paint a similar picture.

In future just watch a person’s actions and pay less attention to what they say. They should make sense to you.

You seem to have good instincts about certain people as you didn’t like his friends. Unfortunately you remained blinded about him. If you go for a certain type of man re-evaluate your reasons or why you’re attracted to that. 

If you’re trying to leave your country do it on your own terms, not using a man or anyone else to leave. 

I’m not trying to leave my country, I like it here and it’s much cheaper and has nicer weather  

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, SerenityNow13 said:

No, I don’t want kids. You just reminded me that he wanted to marry but I asked him to wait, maybe I knew it wouldn’t work…

To wait for what?  Another 10 years.  My goodness you've already wasted a whole decade of your life on this guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

This has been a colossal waste of your time. 

I can't imagine it's been a very satisfying relatioship, only seeing each other once a year. That's barely anything. Why haven't you sought out more sustainable, local connections? With men you can actually spend time with?