Girl always says she's busy but hates when I stop taking to her.

[Rico3]

I work with this really pretty Indian girl. I want to date her and see where it goes. Been asking her to hangout for a long time but she always says she’s busy. 
 

Every time she does I start ignoring her so I can get over the attraction but it really bothers her and every time she hassles me a lot and asks me why I stopped talking to her. We literally argue every time. 
 

is she playing games or is she really not understanding that I like her and want to be with her?

[basil67]

This is a workplace - not a school playground.  Ignoring a workmate because she won't date you is both rude and highly unprofessional.  It is not fair of you to make her workplace feel awkward because she's not interested in dating you. 

There are no games on her side.  All she wants is to be treated with respect in the workplace. 

 

 

 

 

[glows]

At least greet her as you would your other colleagues and exchange pleasantries. She seems a bit of a pest if she’s nagging you to “talk” to her. I’m under the impression here that you’re looking to keep to yourself and get your work done while she’s bothering you to entertain her during work hours. Do you have to work on any projects together or are you largely able to complete your work hours independently? 

To be fair I think you both could handle this a little better. Try to find some middle ground but don’t give into her antics. Keep it civil and don’t give out any personal information or details about your personal life. For ie, if she asks you how your weekend was, say something generic such as “It was great. Thanks. And how was yours?” If she tries to pull you into a conversation just be polite and then mention you need to get back to work. 

[basil67]

Another thought about her not wanting you to stop talking with you....

First and foremost, she considers you as a friend and she doesn't want to lose you as a friend.  And therein lies the problem with being friends before asking a woman out: she will see you as a FRIEND.  You basically friend zoned yourself.  

If you withdraw and ignore her now, she'll realise that what she thought was a friendship wasn't a true friendship at all....instead, it was a ruse to get her to date you.  And this is the part which is really problematic in the workplace.

 

 

Edited April 16, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Rico3 said:

she hassles me a lot and asks me why I stopped talking to her. We literally argue every time. 

Unfortunately you want a GF and she wants a text-babysitter.

Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

You're under no obligation to buzz around in the friendzone or be her fan.

 

[Rico3]

8 hours ago, glows said:

At least greet her as you would your other colleagues and exchange pleasantries. She seems a bit of a pest if she’s nagging you to “talk” to her. I’m under the impression here that you’re looking to keep to yourself and get your work done while she’s bothering you to entertain her during work hours. Do you have to work on any projects together or are you largely able to complete your work hours independently? 

To be fair I think you both could handle this a little better. Try to find some middle ground but don’t give into her antics. Keep it civil and don’t give out any personal information or details about your personal life. For ie, if she asks you how your weekend was, say something generic such as “It was great. Thanks. And how was yours?” If she tries to pull you into a conversation just be polite and then mention you need to get back to work. 

I do respond when she talks to me. She just wants me not to be so quiet. We sit next to each other but our jobs do night require us to interact at all. 

[glows]

1 minute ago, Rico3 said:

I do respond when she talks to me. She just wants me not to be so quiet. We sit next to each other but our jobs do night require us to interact at all. 

I’d stay focused on your work and exchange polite words of greeting, say good eve to everyone when you’re leaving work or go about your day as usual. You don’t need to treat her with any extra graces but with the same treatment as everyone else around you. If she continues interrupting your work keep mentioning you have a lot to do. 

Don’t give anyone at work a reason to complain about you. The last resort if things become hostile or uncomfortable is to speak with your boss about moving your desk away from her as it’s affecting your productivity and she’s preventing you from working. I say last resort as you do need to be sincere and make an effort to get along with everyone. 

[Rico3]

5 hours ago, glows said:

I’d stay focused on your work and exchange polite words of greeting, say good eve to everyone when you’re leaving work or go about your day as usual. You don’t need to treat her with any extra graces but with the same treatment as everyone else around you. If she continues interrupting your work keep mentioning you have a lot to do. 

Don’t give anyone at work a reason to complain about you. The last resort if things become hostile or uncomfortable is to speak with your boss about moving your desk away from her as it’s affecting your productivity and she’s preventing you from working. I say last resort as you do need to be sincere and make an effort to get along with everyone. 

When she's nice to me it gets my hopes and I start asking her to hangout again. That's why I try to ignore her.

[jspice]

14 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

When she's nice to me it gets my hopes and I start asking her to hangout again. That's why I try to ignore her.

This is on you though. You know she doesn’t want to date you because she’s never said yes to going out with you up to now. 
Understand that when she’s nice to you,  she’s not going to say yes to a date. Have some pride. 
 

She’s selfish and childish. 
 

You can’t “block her” from anything if you work with her. Just keep all communication professional and civil. Say hello and goodbye. Talk to her like you talk to other colleagues and move on from the “I like her” phase. It’s easier said than done but don’t let her do this to you every time. 
 Unless she says “I want to go out with you”, don’t engage outside of work convo. 

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

When she's nice to me....

"When" she's nice  to you? Step far away from her. As far as friends and dates you can do much better than this.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Rico3 said:

When she's nice to me it gets my hopes and I start asking her to hangout again. That's why I try to ignore her.

Why are you confusing her friendship with romantic interest?

[Rico3]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Why are you confusing her friendship with romantic interest?

I’m trying to break out of the friend zone.  Lol. 
 

she seems like she wants to hangout sometimes. Before she used to tell me she plans everything 2 weeks ahead. 

Edited April 16, 2022 by Rico3

[basil67]

41 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

I’m trying to break out of the friend zone.  Lol. 

Keep it up and you'll be on a fast track to being reported to HR.  Try respecting that she sees you only as a friend.

[Rico3]

34 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Keep it up and you'll be on a fast track to being reported to HR.  Try respecting that she sees you only as a friend.

Lol. Nah, I’m not that aggressive. 

[basil67]

Well just stop playing games and be normal to her.  This is your workplace.

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Rico3 said:

I’m trying to break out of the friend zone.  Lol. 

That's not how it works. 

If she doesn't see you in a romantic light, continuing to ask her out is only to be annoying. So, stop asking her out. 

[glows]

17 hours ago, Rico3 said:

When she's nice to me it gets my hopes and I start asking her to hangout again. That's why I try to ignore her.

Both of you are playing games with one another. Just leave her alone and crush on someone else outside of work.

[Rico3]

Update:

Well it's been over a month since I've been treating her like a co-worker and not as friends. And just yesterday she snapped. I was talking to another co-worker and this girl started making sarcastic remarks like, "Look like he talks to everyone but me. He talks so nice to everyone but me. etc. etc.". I simply told her please stop. (And I was just talking about work related stuff, nothing nice or personal) And at the end of the shift she looked very P.O.'ed I heard her telling another co-worker as they where trying to lock the door. "Co-worker: Ask him if he's going to lock the door. Her: You tell him, I'm not speaking to him. I'm tried of it. I have enough issues at home to be dealing with him."  While looking very mad as she walked out (I made eye contact with her). Me and my co-worker just gave each other a surprised look.

Of course I texted her soon after apologizing and asked her what did I do? Of course at first she denied it and said she was just joking and nothing was wrong. When I asked her why she told our co-worker she wasn't speaking to me she had no answer. So I decided just to be upfront. I texted her fine. I'll tell you what's wrong. I like you. I think you're pretty and I like your personality and your sense of humor. But you don't want the same as me so just let me handle it the best way I know how. And that's just keep our relationship work related only. And keep to myself.

Her response was:

"Thank you. I don't want to date for personal reasons. I want to stay single and happy."

 

So this is where we stand today.

[glows]

17 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

Update:

Well it's been over a month since I've been treating her like a co-worker and not as friends. And just yesterday she snapped. I was talking to another co-worker and this girl started making sarcastic remarks like, "Look like he talks to everyone but me. He talks so nice to everyone but me. etc. etc.". I simply told her please stop. (And I was just talking about work related stuff, nothing nice or personal) And at the end of the shift she looked very P.O.'ed I heard her telling another co-worker as they where trying to lock the door. "Co-worker: Ask him if he's going to lock the door. Her: You tell him, I'm not speaking to him. I'm tried of it. I have enough issues at home to be dealing with him."  While looking very mad as she walked out (I made eye contact with her). Me and my co-worker just gave each other a surprised look.

Of course I texted her soon after apologizing and asked her what did I do? Of course at first she denied it and said she was just joking and nothing was wrong. When I asked her why she told our co-worker she wasn't speaking to me she had no answer. So I decided just to be upfront. I texted her fine. I'll tell you what's wrong. I like you. I think you're pretty and I like your personality and your sense of humor. But you don't want the same as me so just let me handle it the best way I know how. And that's just keep our relationship work related only. And keep to myself.

Her response was:

"Thank you. I don't want to date for personal reasons. I want to stay single and happy."

 

So this is where we stand today.

Ok inappropriate discussion but it's out. Distance yourself from now on and be busy with work. Treat her like anyone else cordially and professionally. This means greeting good morning and saying goodbye at the end of the day if needed but nothing more. Do not text her anymore. 

[Rico3]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

Ok inappropriate discussion but it's out. Distance yourself from now on and be busy with work. Treat her like anyone else cordially and professionally. This means greeting good morning and saying goodbye at the end of the day if needed but nothing more. Do not text her anymore. 

She's just going to get mad at me again. Can you explain what she is doing? I'm so confused.

[glows]

Just now, Rico3 said:

She's just going to get mad at me again. Can you explain what she is doing? I'm so confused.

She's not doing anything except behaving unprofessionally and like an overgrown child. Just focus on your work.

[stillafool]

14 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

She's just going to get mad at me again.

Who cares and so what?  She will treat you better when you stop being her throw rug.

Can you explain what she is doing? I'm so confused.

She's acting like a bratty, immature child because you allow it.  Focus on your work and ignore her. Stop texting her asking what's wrong.  Stop caring about her and just focus on you.   She will respect you for it because that will show her you are a strong man.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Rico3 said:

She's just going to get mad at me again.

So? You don't have to let people string you along or manipulate you. It's up to you who you text.

However I suspect you would like to date her. But there's no need to waste time on someone like this when there are better women for you.

[basil67]

You used her friendship with her to try and get a date.  When you couldn't get a date you withdrew you friendship. 

She's pushing for friendship and your previous friendly demeanor because she can't get her head around the idea that you were never a true friend to start with.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, Rico3 said:

She's just going to get mad at me again. Can you explain what she is doing? I'm so confused.

She likes having your attention and is mad that you're not going to fluff up her ego anymore. 

Ignore her. She's behaving like a teenage throwing a tantrum. Let her get mad if she wants - it's not your problem.