Girlfriend (f24) broke up with me (m29) suddenly, did I approach the breakup in the right way? or was I cold-hearted?

[anonymousparrot1]

I’d been with my girlfriend for 5 months (3 of them in a relationship). We shared a lot of good fun memories, etc but this was her first proper relationship, she never had real dating experience and she had mentioned to me last month she felt overwhelmed with family/friends asking about us. She had also been seeking council for her mental health and she also works as a teacher where she’s constantly in argument with kids.

 

Anyway a week ago we went on a holiday for a couple of days, everything was positive, body language, physical touch, etc.

 

Everyday after that this past week she reached out to me and on Thursday she said “have a lovely day, can’t wait to see you this weekend”.

 

Friday, she mentioned plans had changed and to come down Sunday instead of Saturday.

 

Saturday she called me saying “hey, i think we should break up, no spark and sees us more as friends”. I was shocked and I reacted quite cold with one word answers like “ yep, ok, fine, fair enough, bye”.

 

Shortly after her dad deleted me from facebook (i assume he must’ve been there with her as she called me, maybe heard how I sounded). I changed my profile photo and she deleted her cover photo of us

 

I went about my day later on posting a positive status on facebook such as “great start to the weekend! Football and beer with friends” not acknowledging the breakup.

 

My friend posted a photo of me with a drink on his Facebook, shortly after my ex deleted my friend but kept me on there.

 

The next day, Sunday morning, I sent her a text saying “Hey, just to be clear I understand how you feel, but it’d be a lie from me to you if I agreed to being friends. I don’t see you as just a friend because when I see you I want to kiss you, and since you only see me as a friend I’m going to have to move on instead. Let me know if you ever change your mind, otherwise it's best we cut things off completely going forward”.

 

Obviously I got no reply and wasn’t expecting one, but I just couldn’t agree to being friends. It was either a relationship or nothing at all.

 

Later that day I tagged myself at a bar in town with a photo of a couple of beers and a glass of gin. I noticed someone I know had commented on my status asking if I was on a date. I eventually saw the comment and replied that I was with a mate, but I’d noticed my ex had removed me from facebook after this (both her and her sister). Her mum still has me on there though.

 

Anyway, a couple of questions…

 

1. Did I approach this breakup in the right way?

2. Should I at least send another message stating that even though we broke up I still valued our time and memories spent together? (I’d hate for her to think that I never cared)

3. is there a possibility she could’ve assumed I was on a date? The photo was up for interpretation, it didn’t state who I was with

 

Part of me feels like I acted cold-hearted and that it looks like I’ve “moved on” so quickly, that our time together might look like it meant nothing to me, but it did. I understand her deleting me based off my text wanting to cut contact completely as I couldn’t stay friends, but I hope it wasn’t because it appeared I moved on so quickly and that she might have assumed I went on a date the day after she broke up with me - i did not. I’m guessing it was probably because of my text requesting we cut contact off completely.

 

I had sent a heart felt message to her mum wishing her happy birthday, thanking her for inviting me over and telling her that despite the breakup with her daughter I still cherished the time and memories spent with her, so hopefully this gets back to my ex that I did actually care.

I know she’s not my concern now but I don’t want to burn any bridges in future incase she does want to reach back out, so I hope she doesn’t resent me thinking I was trying to make her jealous, hence the delete (guess she did it based on the text I sent). Obviously I’m going to move on with my life but wanted some thoughts on this!

Edited April 18, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[BrinnM]

4 hours ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

1. Did I approach this breakup in the right way?

2. Should I at least send another message stating that even though we broke up I still valued our time and memories spent together? (I’d hate for her to think that I never cared)

3. is there a possibility she could’ve assumed I was on a date? The photo was up for interpretation, it didn’t state who I was with

 

1) Yes, you acknowledged her decision, and as she broke up by text, your short reply was in order. (“ yep, ok, fine, fair enough, bye”) There wasn't more to say. Her mind was made up.

2) No more messages, no! You already followed up with one additional message, and that wasn't necessary. You didnt have to spell it out to her that you don't want a friendship, that you'd rather kiss her, and that she should contact you if she changes her mind, etc. Your last message would've been enough, followed by silence. She could have drawn this conclusion by herself. Now, after sending this – what more do you want to say?

3) probably/maybe, but if you commented that you were there with a "mate", she probably saw that, too (I wouldn't worry about it, plus, she broke up, so you can go out with as many women as you'd like)

This was a short relationship, so you should be able to move on quickly. Cease all contact with her mother, too, that birthday message wasn't necessary at all. Everybody else in her family has already deleted you, and probably for a good reason. There's no reason for you to wish anybody in that family a happy birthday, or to stay in touch with them. Focus on yourself and move on. If she changes her mind, she will let you know.

 

Edited April 18, 2022 by BrinnM

[anonymousparrot1]

12 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

1) Yes, you acknowledged her decision, and as she broke up by text, your short reply was in order. (“ yep, ok, fine, fair enough, bye”) There wasn't more to say. Her mind was made up.

2) No more messages, no! You already followed up with one additional message, and that wasn't necessary. You didnt have to spell it out to her that you don't want a friendship, that you'd rather kiss her, and that she should contact you if she changes her mind, etc. Your last message would've been enough, followed by silence. She could have drawn this conclusion by herself. Now, after sending this – what more do you want to say?

3) probably/maybe, but if you commented that you were there with a "mate", she probably saw that, too (I wouldn't worry about it, plus, she broke up, so you can go out with as many women as you'd like)

This was a short relationship, so you should be able to move on quickly. Cease all contact with her mother, too, that birthday message wasn't necessary at all. Everybody else in her family has already deleted you, and probably for a good reason. There's no reason for you to wish anybody in that family a happy birthday. Focus on yourself and move on.

 

FYI - she broke up over the phone, so I’ve only texted her once. Ideally not wanting to be friends was something I should’ve said on the phone so sent it as a follow up text

 

In regards to 3, I commented that I was with a mate after she deleted me, so when she removed me the last comment she’d have seen would’ve been my friend asking if it was a date.

Yeah that’s true, I can date who I want as it was her who broke things off.

Her mum eventually removed me today, but my ex could’ve just got her phone and done that herself.

I noticed that after removing me, she deleted all our photos too. I do find it a shame because despite everything I’ve kept my photos of us on there because they were nice memories. It seems very sudden that she went from “can’t wait to see you this weekend ☺️“ on Thursday to breaking up and deleting me/all our photos at the weekend. It’s confusing but I’ve got to focus on my future without her now, I’m sure someone better will come along. She wasn’t perfect by any means and had her flaws, found myself annoyed in some parts but also liked her enough to keep seeing her.

I did put a facebook status on after she deleted me thanking family and friends for their support, that breakups big or small are never easy, etc. All my posts are set to public by default, so if she snooped she might see that so wondering whether to just private everything 

Edited April 18, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[glows]

I can see it's upsetting and hurtful that she broke up with you so suddenly when you had previous plans. If her parents or family disapproved of the relationship, it's unlikely to rekindle. Her parents seem to have known about the break up, namely her father, quite soon/quickly so one might wonder if he was aware of any misgivings or hesitations his daughter had about the break up for some time. Or, if he had something to do with it.

Her mother removed you today as a contact so treat it as such, without thinking there's some other meaning behind it or whether her daughter did it. This is an appropriate way to handle a break up, not stay in contact. I don't think her lacking experience in relationships has anything to do with the way she's broken up with you or maintained her privacy. On the contrary, she seems quite mature and is handling this responsibly by limiting that contact that you have with her and her family. Try to respect those boundaries and not reach out to any of her friends or family. It doesn't look good for you if you can't respect her wishes and lowers your chances of ever getting back together although I think your chances are pretty slim if her family is against it. 

I don't think you've done anything wrong with your posts on social media, nor does it sound casual/flippant in the way you were having a good time. You deserve that - to be able to go out with your buddies freely and have a good time. She let you go after all so I wouldn't pretend not to be happy about it or keep yourself from being happy by appearing down just to keep up that appearance. You're hurt so process that hurt and do whatever you want to do now as a single man. You are free to hang out with your friends and meet new people. 

Edited April 18, 2022 by glows

[Alpacalia]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

It seemed like she ended things rather abruptly, huh?

Your reaction seemed rather cold to me. Which I guess is to be expected. It sounds more like your subsequent social media activities are more hurt-driven than anything else, as you replied with, "OK, no big deal." Then went out and partied. 

She did not fare any better. 

But I am sure your reaction was more a knee-jerk reaction.

Considering that, what are you supposed to do? As much as I would want answers if I were in your position, they are not something that you can force someone to give. 

Since you do not know what their daughter is saying to them about your breakup, figuring out what the family's motives are for their social media activity will not help you move forward.

Try to not use social media to gauge what someone else is thinking or to evoke some reaction from them.

Hope you're doing better. For something to end so abruptly is hard.

Edited April 18, 2022 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

If you get dumped, going out and partying up with your mates is a perfectly acceptable response.   As was your stoic acceptance of her breaking up.  It showed far more strength than begging for reasons or promising change. 

I think your mistake was in contacting her or her mum with messages afterwards.  And your public status of thanks for help wasn't great either.  It would have been far wiser to just continue with the attitude of blunt acceptance and delete the whole family.  Also thank your supporters privately.  Obviously, you can't undo that now, but when it comes to breakups, it's wise to hold your cards closer to your chest.  Don't let the dumper have any idea of what you're doing or how you're feeling.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

 my ex had removed me from facebook after this 

Sorry this happened. Was this a distance situation? 

Don't try to impress her with your partying. It's backfiring.

Just delete and block her  and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps.

Move forward. Make sure your social media content doesn't depict you as a frat boy type.

[anonymousparrot1]

9 hours ago, glows said:

I can see it's upsetting and hurtful that she broke up with you so suddenly when you had previous plans. If her parents or family disapproved of the relationship, it's unlikely to rekindle. Her parents seem to have known about the break up, namely her father, quite soon/quickly so one might wonder if he was aware of any misgivings or hesitations his daughter had about the break up for some time. Or, if he had something to do with it.

Her mother removed you today as a contact so treat it as such, without thinking there's some other meaning behind it or whether her daughter did it. This is an appropriate way to handle a break up, not stay in contact. I don't think her lacking experience in relationships has anything to do with the way she's broken up with you or maintained her privacy. On the contrary, she seems quite mature and is handling this responsibly by limiting that contact that you have with her and her family. Try to respect those boundaries and not reach out to any of her friends or family. It doesn't look good for you if you can't respect her wishes and lowers your chances of ever getting back together although I think your chances are pretty slim if her family is against it. 

I don't think you've done anything wrong with your posts on social media, nor does it sound casual/flippant in the way you were having a good time. You deserve that - to be able to go out with your buddies freely and have a good time. She let you go after all so I wouldn't pretend not to be happy about it or keep yourself from being happy by appearing down just to keep up that appearance. You're hurt so process that hurt and do whatever you want to do now as a single man. You are free to hang out with your friends and meet new people. 

Thanks for your reply.

I don’t think her family disapproves of me as I’d spent the day at their other daughters wedding getting to know all their family and they really liked me. They also invited me to stay over the weekend a while ago which I did.

My ex was currently off work for two weeks, so she’s travelled to her parents to stay there over Easter (it was her mums birthday on Sunday). Most likely she broke up with me on the phone whilst her dad was in the same room. He might’ve heard my tone where I was giving one word answers. I never said anything hurtful I just said ok, yep, fine, bye etc to what she said.

When I sent her mum a message it was wishing her happy birthday and that i’ll always care for her daughter, cherish our memories and she replied being thankful and nice about it. I just think it’s like you say, no point them having contact with me now the relationship is over. My ex probably insisted for everyone to remove me.

I was just hoping that my photo of a couple of drinks and my friend asking if I was on a date hasn’t annoyed her or her family though. It wasn’t a date I was on but it was open to interpretation so she could’ve thought that. Both her and her sister deleted me after it, but I suppose she could’ve also given a false story to everyone so they don’t like me maybe, who knows.

Whilst I will be moving on, I also want to keep the door open with her in future should she decide to come back. Not expecting her to and people say I’ve dealt with it correctly but I always like to feel there’s a chance down the line whether it happens or not

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Wiseman2]

After 12 weeks dating and a breakup, there's no reason any of her people need to be in touch with you or connected on social media.

 

[anonymousparrot1]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Was this a distance situation? 

Don't try to impress her with your partying. It's backfiring.

Just delete and block her  and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps.

Move forward. Make sure your social media content doesn't depict you as a frat boy type.

Distance was fine. She lived 25 minutes away on the train and she was fine making that journey on a week night for the last 5 months. We also spent a lot of our weekend time at her place so it was me doing a lot of the travelling and that was fine as I liked seeing her.

Yeah I was just posting that I was having a good time and enjoying myself despite what happened, I didn’t want to appear that I was looking down. Maybe I should’ve just gone completely silent. She deleted my friend the day before after he posted a photo of me drinking a beer, although you can tell I was trying to block my face from being photographed

This is what worries me because I don’t want her to think our good memories or relationship meant nothing, because it did. It’s why I was almost tempted to message her and said that given what’s happened I do still value our time together and I’m disappointed the way it’s gone - but I know that would be a bad move.

[anonymousparrot1]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

After 12 weeks dating and a breakup, there's no reason any of her people need to be in touch with you or connected on social media.

 

Yeah that’s true, I think i’m over analysing them removing me as if she’s said something that’s made them hate me when in reality it’s pointless having me on there if the relationship is over.

In terms of the “frat boy” I didn’t want to appear like that, just someone who was getting on with their life and trying to be happy. My ex aways used to joke about my “other girlfriends” when we were together but I always assured her there was nobody else.

[anonymousparrot1]

9 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

It seemed like she ended things rather abruptly, huh?

Your reaction seemed rather cold to me. Which I guess is to be expected. It sounds more like your subsequent social media activities are more hurt-driven than anything else, as you replied with, "OK, no big deal." Then went out and partied. 

She did not fare any better. 

But I am sure your reaction was more a knee-jerk reaction.

Considering that, what are you supposed to do? As much as I would want answers if I were in your position, they are not something that you can force someone to give. 

Since you do not know what their daughter is saying to them about your breakup, figuring out what the family's motives are for their social media activity will not help you move forward.

Try to not use social media to gauge what someone else is thinking or to evoke some reaction from them.

Hope you're doing better. For something to end so abruptly is hard.

Thanks, yeah it hit me unexpectedly as things seemed to be going well, texting me every day and saying she couldn’t wait to see me then breaks up a day or two later. I sort of expected it could be that as well as she called me out the blue.

Yeah it was cold from me but I wasn’t sure how else to react. I was a little shocked but I felt the only way was to just agree because her decision was already made.

I’m analysing this myself and I do feel like I’m entitled to party or go out for drinks after a breakup, if she saw that as an issue then I suppose it was her problem because she ended things at the end of the day. Maybe she wasn’t expecting this sort of reaction from me I guess.

I think if she removed me because of that then it obviously triggered her. I just don’t want her to think of me as a jerk and have it ruin all our great memories and time together. I like to believe if she misses me down the line she’ll think about the good stuff and forget I went out for drinks after the breakup and keeps the door open in future.

I’m obviously going to move on with my life but i’d like to keep the door open. I just hope the photo she saw and my friends comment saying “you on a date?” hasn’t made her resent me or made her hate me for good.

Both the photo and his comment was up for interpretation 

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Wiseman2]

Just move forward. You'll be fine. Don't try to send cryptic messages via social media posts. It comes across as licking your wounds or drowning your sorrows, even though your intention was "ha! look at me! I'm so over you!"

[anonymousparrot1]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you get dumped, going out and partying up with your mates is a perfectly acceptable response.   As was your stoic acceptance of her breaking up.  It showed far more strength than begging for reasons or promising change. 

I think your mistake was in contacting her or her mum with messages afterwards.  And your public status of thanks for help wasn't great either.  It would have been far wiser to just continue with the attitude of blunt acceptance and delete the whole family.  Also thank your supporters privately.  Obviously, you can't undo that now, but when it comes to breakups, it's wise to hold your cards closer to your chest.  Don't let the dumper have any idea of what you're doing or how you're feeling.

Yeah it seemed acceptable, I didn’t want her thinking I was feeling sorry for myself.

In regards to the status, I put this up after she deleted me from Facebook although I’ve only recently set the privacy of that status to “friends” as it was set to “public”, so if she’s looked at my profile in the past day after deleting me then she might have seen it. If not, then I’ve changed the privacy settings now. All my statuses going forward will be fun/positive so if she does visit my profile she’ll see that.

I also had another status after that where I took photos of a walk I went on saying “Always great to go on a walk, helps to clear my mind!”. I’ve edited the wording of the status to remove the “clearing my mind” bit. Will be putting activities and anything positive to public so if she snoops then she can see me having a good time or just getting on with life

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[anonymousparrot1]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just move forward. You'll be fine. Don't try to send cryptic messages via social media posts. It comes across as licking your wounds or drowning your sorrows, even though your intention was "ha! look at me! I'm so over you!"

Thanks. Yeah I’m not purposely putting up statuses just for her, I’m just going to continue putting up photos/statuses of any activity I do like I was doing when she was in a relationship with me. So I’m just continuing as I’ve been doing for the last few months, but also not showing it’s affecting me.

My status about thanking friends/family for supporting me was posted after she deleted me so I’ve set it to private now (was public so she could’ve seen it if she visited my profile in the past 24 hours) as I don’t want it showing it’s affecting me. She may have seen it she may have not, I know her mum probably did as she was still on my friends list until the next morning.

Anyway yeah, all I can do is move forward and enjoy life, meet someone else, etc. if she ends up missing me and reaches out, great. If not then it’s her loss, but end of the day she broke up with me for there being no spark so I have to accept it for what it is, even if it took her 5 months to realise that. Maybe the spark just faded off or she met someone else and the grass was greener, I’ll never know

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

Maybe the spark just faded off or she met someone else and the grass was greener, I’ll never know

Exactly.  You'll never know when it's a sudden 180 like that

There's really no good break-ups or right or wrong way to break up. So basically whatever works for you personally to move forward is the best approach.

[anonymousparrot1]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly.  You'll never know when it's a sudden 180 like that

There's really no good break-ups or right or wrong way to break up. So basically whatever works for you personally to move forward is the best approach.

Sorry for the ranting, just letting it all out there makes me feel better like I’m letting off steam. I’d rather not bottle it up so here goes...

——————————————————

Yeah she could’ve just tried to keep going the last couple of weeks in hope that her feelings would change. She’s been reaching out to me like, everyday, for 5 months without fail - I feel like she’s not given herself a chance to miss me.

Hopefully when she returns home, reality might hit her as she lives on her own and I was a massive part of her social life (she didn’t go out much). Maybe she’ll miss me, maybe she won’t. I’ve got to focus on me.

Personally I think there’s someone else. Just seemed a bit sudden. When I was out on Sunday, me and my friend left the train station and we were approaching a girl holding a guys hand - she looked the spit of her (hair, face, style, body type). The reason why I didn’t think it was her was because it was her mums birthday and they have family around for a meal, she’d have to travel an hour there and back. I was gonna be there all day with her that day, plus she prefers lazy days on sundays, can’t see her wasting half a day of her mums birthday. I almost wish I approached her and asked for directions because it has been bugging me.

But that right above ^^^^ is why I have to get over this as soon as possible or it’ll affect my mental health. Whether that girl was her or not, the outcome remains the same… She broke up with me!

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[glows]

Give yourself more time for this to sink in. I think you’re still in shock because it felt so sudden and there were no reasons about your break up. She may have been wanting to break up with you for awhile and needed that distance and support with them to do it. If that’s the case it’s unlikely she’ll think otherwise and decide to change her mind. Even if she does it’s debatable trusting her again. 

I wouldn’t let someone treat me like a yo-yo either. Leaving, coming back, using break ups as a way to test someone’s patience and limits. Avoid on/off relationships. She showed you that you aren’t needed or wanted in her life. 

Don’t worry about impressing her or offending her on social media. Be yourself and from what you’ve written so far you seem quite levelheaded.

[anonymousparrot1]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Give yourself more time for this to sink in. I think you’re still in shock because it felt so sudden and there were no reasons about your break up. She may have been wanting to break up with you for awhile and needed that distance and support with them to do it. If that’s the case it’s unlikely she’ll think otherwise and decide to change her mind. Even if she does it’s debatable trusting her again. 

I wouldn’t let someone treat me like a yo-yo either. Leaving, coming back, using break ups as a way to test someone’s patience and limits. Avoid on/off relationships. She showed you that you aren’t needed or wanted in her life. 

Don’t worry about impressing her or offending her on social media. Be yourself and from what you’ve written so far you seem quite levelheaded.

Yeah I’m getting there day by day, feel a bit better. It’s just completely out the blue, but when I saw my phone ring I kind of thought it would be a break up.

When you say “needed that distance snd support with them to do it”. Do you mean her staying at her familys place for a while? She’s a teacher so she always goes there when her school is off for a week or two. She did the same over christmas and early March.The original plan was for me to stay over there with them all.

I agree, rather not be a yo-yo, but I’m happy to keep the door open should she get in touch (dependant on if I’m in a new relationship, then i’d settle for friendship).

Once she’s back from her familys, she’ll be back in her small town where she’s on her own at the start of next week. I was a large part of her social life and she always loved meeting up with me during the week and weekends because it gave her something to look forward to from her teaching job. Guess we’ll see in a few weeks once reality hits her and she’s back to her normal lifestyle whether she misses me or not.

I know feelings can change especially in space and distance, but I’m not getting my hopes up obviously.

FYI - she has mentioned mental health issues and seeing a councillor about it. She also told me last month she was very overwhelmed with life as well as her family/friends always asking about us. She did also use to ask me how she sees it going with us and joked about “all my other girlfriends” so she had some insecure traits too. She hasn’t had a date for 5 years due to always being ghosted, catfished, etc so this is her first proper relationship introducing me to friends and family 

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[anonymousparrot1]

Also — I don’t know if the contraceptive jab affects moods and hormones as she got this done before our small holiday. I’ve noticed since then the way she acts has been a bit “one end to the other”. I’m most likely clutching at straws with that though.

Any other changes I noticed was two weeks ago her delivery driver who delivered her food came back to give her his number. She openly told me she took it, but she felt she had to as she was on her own and didn’t want him to react badly, this when we met up but told me he looked like he was on benefits and on drugs. I made a joke about it and wasn’t jealous.

Again, thinking about this way too much. Maybe he was someone she was attracted to and she traded me for him.

Anyway got to focus on myself. Get everything off my chest makes me fee better

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like this might be the "meat of it." 

34 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

. She did also use to ask me how she sees it going with us and joked about “all my other girlfriends” so she had some insecure traits too.

23 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

Any other changes I noticed was two weeks ago her delivery driver who delivered her food came back to give her his number. She openly told me she took it, but she felt she had to as she was on her own and didn’t want him to react badly, this when we met up but told me he looked like he was on benefits and on drugs. I made a joke about it and wasn’t jealous.

An unfamiliar (or fairly new) relationship seems not to do well with interactions of this nature.

[anonymousparrot1]

20 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds like this might be the "meat of it." 

An unfamiliar (or fairly new) relationship seems not to do well with interactions of this nature.

Yeah, by this point it was only 2 and a bit weeks in.

She told me not to worry about it because of how he looked and acted so I brushed it off saying to her to take it as a compliment.

For all I know she could’ve taken it (might have been attractive), resulting in breaking up with me, but she could’ve just not brought up that moment at all.

On Sunday, outside the station, I’m pretty sure me and my friend walked past a girl who looked like her (similar hair, face, style, similar striped jumper and body type). As we were approaching I saw this girl drop the guys hand, stop and look to the side into a shop window. The guy she was with had scruffy hair etc, like a 4/10 lol. I had to look a few times, but I don’t think it was her just very similar.

This was at 2pm and I knew she was over at her parents house (an hour away) and it was her mums birthday where she was cooking a meal for everyone, so most likely was someone who looked similar. She’d have been too lazy to go out on a Sunday especially it being her mums b’day. Also would’ve had sunglasses on a sunny day like that day.

If it was her then I definitely dodged a big bullet and I do feel sorry for that guy, but if it isn’t, for whatever the reason she broke up with me.

I do feel like it could be from that delivery driver situation, she did go to a shopping mall the day before she broke up with me. Who knows if she might’ve met this guy.

Anyway, again sorry for the long essays! It has hit me but I’m feeling better

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

Yeah, by this point it was only 2 and a bit weeks in.

She told me not to worry about it because of how he looked and acted so I brushed it off saying to her to take it as a compliment.

For all I know she could’ve taken it (might have been attractive), resulting in breaking up with me, but she could’ve just not brought up that moment at all.

On Sunday, outside the station, I’m pretty sure me and my friend walked past a girl who looked like her (similar hair, face, style, similar striped jumper and body type). As we were approaching I saw this girl drop the guys hand, stop and look to the side into a shop window. The guy she was with had scruffy hair etc, like a 4/10 lol. I had to look a few times, but I don’t think it was her just very similar.

This was at 2pm and I knew she was over at her parents house (an hour away) and it was her mums birthday where she was cooking a meal for everyone, so most likely was someone who looked similar. She’d have been too lazy to go out on a Sunday especially it being her mums b’day. Also would’ve had sunglasses on a day like that day.

If it was her then I definitely dodged a big bullet and I do feel sorry for that guy, but if it isn’t, for whatever the reason she broke up with me.

I do feel like it could be from that delivery driver situation, she did go to a shopping mall the day before she broke up with me. Who knows if she might’ve met this guy.

Anyway, again sorry for the long essays! It has hit me but I’m feeling better

No one knows what caused her abrupt departure, which is no doubt difficult to understand.

I can understand your desire to seek answers, but I believe we tend to overvalue things (or "read too much into" them) when things are unclear.

As you also mentioned, she was single for five years, so in a sense it is like she's trying to learn how to ride a bike again. All the other things you mentioned about her compounded things.

In any event, I'm glad things are looking up for you.

[glows]

It may feel cathartic getting this off your chest yet stay focused on moving on. Leaving the door open to a friendship while dating someone else may not be realistic if you still have feelings for her. Don’t be that guy who can’t choose or realizes he hasn’t closed one door or a chapter of the past before starting another. I think you’re still hurt and trying to make sense of the break up. 

The less contact you have with her the better chances this will fade and you find better happiness with someone else, fully with your whole heart. Travel light. Don’t drag the past with you.

Edited April 19, 2022 by glows

[introverted1]

23 hours ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

1. Did I approach this breakup in the right way?

2. Should I at least send another message stating that even though we broke up I still valued our time and memories spent together? (I’d hate for her to think that I never cared)

3. is there a possibility she could’ve assumed I was on a date? The photo was up for interpretation, it didn’t state who I was with

1.  Yes.  Pretty much perfectly, in fact.

2. No. Either she knows this or she doesn't, but nothing you can say now will make her know it if she doesn't already, and any message you send will just create drama.

3.  Doesn't matter. She ended it and as such has no further rights to knowing if/whether/whether/who you date.