Girlfriend (f24) broke up with me (m29) suddenly, did I approach the breakup in the right way? or was I cold-hearted?

[anonymousparrot1]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

No one knows what caused her abrupt departure, which is no doubt difficult to understand.

I can understand your desire to seek answers, but I believe we tend to overvalue things (or "read too much into" them) when things are unclear.

As you also mentioned, she was single for five years, so in a sense it is like she's trying to learn how to ride a bike again. All the other things you mentioned about her compounded things.

In any event, I'm glad things are looking up for you.

100%. I’ve spent too much time overthinking every possibility and it’s exhausting, but that’s probably a good thing so the thought of it all tires me out!

Yeah it’s all new to her. Her last relationship was apparently not much of one and was around 6 weeks, she was a teenager then. 

Offloaded on a female stranger today whilst I was waiting for something, she was very supportive and suggested it sounded like my ex was overwhelmed, even before mentioning to her that my ex said that a month ago. She was right that I have to focus on myself now

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[anonymousparrot1]

2 hours ago, glows said:

It may feel cathartic getting this off your chest yet stay focused on moving on. Leaving the door open to a friendship while dating someone else may not be realistic if you still have feelings for her. Don’t be that guy who can’t choose or realizes he hasn’t closed one door or a chapter of the past before starting another. I think you’re still hurt and trying to make sense of the break up. 

The less contact you have with her the better chances this will fade and you find better happiness with someone else, fully with your whole heart. Travel light. Don’t drag the past with you.

Yeah, just leaving the door open in general really. If i’ve met someone new and I feel like friendship with my ex will in-balance that then I’ll avoid it. If I’m still single then I’d probably see if she wanted to get a drink. If she never reaches out, then she’s my past.

If a new relationship is going to happen with someone else, I have to know that I’m over my ex. It wouldn’t be fair on the new girl.

Yeah I’m still raw, but I’ve generally felt better today. Gone over all angles such as if that girl I saw with that guy was her, then i’m well rid, if she’s met someone else then I don’t need someone who’s going to trade me in suddenly, if she’s overwhelmed then just giving her space, if she generally isn’t attracted to me then that’s fine too. 

I know i’ll get over this eventually, I have with previous breakups despite this being my favourite relationship yet. But after the last girl I dated, never expected my ex to come along either.

[anonymousparrot1]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

1.  Yes.  Pretty much perfectly, in fact.

2. No. Either she knows this or she doesn't, but nothing you can say now will make her know it if she doesn't already, and any message you send will just create drama.

3.  Doesn't matter. She ended it and as such has no further rights to knowing if/whether/whether/who you date.

1) That’s good. I’ve acted a lot more mature compared to previous breakups. Progress.

2) From our time spent together she’s always praised how well I’ve arranged dates and fun activities. Yeah I guess she’s experienced the care and effort I put into everything. I just hoped I hadn’t ruined that at the end

3) That’s true, date or not, whether she was triggered that I appeared to move on is none of her concern. Had she not broken up, my post wouldn’t have looked like that

I don’t think she got the reaction she was expecting out of me. I think lack of assertiveness might have made her lose attraction for me, but least I’ve shown it in not wanting to be friends.

My friend posts a photo of me of me having a drink? She deletes him

I post a photo and tag myself the next day having a good time? She deletes me

It triggered her enough to delete me and remove all her photos of us and any tags I had her in (although maybe she did all that for the new guy, who knows!)

Edited April 19, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[glows]

I wouldn’t go down that route thinking this is about another guy. She may have not felt enough spark with you and just wants to move on. 

You mentioned earlier about keeping the door open in general. Some people don’t do that. Actually a lot of people prefer not to do that. So just because you behave in one way doesn’t mean someone else should. Leave room for people just not wanting to have anything to do with you. It may be a blow to the ego but let it go. And that also leaves more room for those who do want your company. 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by glows

[anonymousparrot1]

12 hours ago, glows said:

I wouldn’t go down that route thinking this is about another guy. She may have not felt enough spark with you and just wants to move on. 

You mentioned earlier about keeping the door open in general. Some people don’t do that. Actually a lot of people prefer not to do that. So just because you behave in one way doesn’t mean someone else should. Leave room for people just not wanting to have anything to do with you. It may be a blow to the ego but let it go. And that also leaves more room for those who do want your company. 

 

I think it’s more keeping the door open for if she ended up missing me or regretted the break up now there’s distance between us as feelings can change. Do I expect this to happen? No. That’s the reason why I’m not waiting around for anything like that and will continue to date others, but if she came around again and I wasn’t serious with anyone then sure.

It sucks how it took her 5 months to realise there was “no spark” though. She was constantly making physical contact with me, teasing me, always initiating contact every single day (i’d do that once a week but it was mostly her), she’d stop me and pull me in for a kiss and vice versa. I would always return this back. She even said we had a great connection and she felt she’d won the lottery with me. Even a few days before breaking up she was teasing me using cute emojis.

I know I had issues with my ED when getting sexually intimate so it was mostly foreplay and we did PIV once, she knew about my ED getting to me especially psychologically. That was 3 weeks before our holiday a week ago. I avoided sex whilst we were at the hotel due to wanting to see a doctor about my ED. She said “shall we leave it for now and try it in a couple of weeks when you come over to mine?” and she seemed understanding, but I do really wish I made an attempt. Maybe she felt unwanted sexually hence the break up. I start to think, had I at least tried, would she have still broken up with me seeing as everything else was great?

She seemed great that night on our holiday when we went out to bars, etc, although part of our conversation she said “i like to think if it didn’t work out that we’d still be friends due to our great connection”. Maybe I should’ve seen that as her hinting for a breakup

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[glows]

5 hours ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

I think it’s more keeping the door open for if she ended up missing me or regretted the break up now there’s distance between us as feelings can change. Do I expect this to happen? No. That’s the reason why I’m not waiting around for anything like that and will continue to date others, but if she came around again and I wasn’t serious with anyone then sure.

It sucks how it took her 5 months to realise there was “no spark” though. She was constantly making physical contact with me, teasing me, always initiating contact every single day (i’d do that once a week but it was mostly her), she’d stop me and pull me in for a kiss and vice versa. I would always return this back. She even said we had a great connection and she felt she’d won the lottery with me. Even a few days before breaking up she was teasing me using cute emojis.

I know I had issues with my ED when getting sexually intimate so it was mostly foreplay and we did PIV once, she knew about my ED getting to me especially psychologically. That was 3 weeks before our holiday a week ago. I avoided sex whilst we were at the hotel due to wanting to see a doctor about my ED. She said “shall we leave it for now and try it in a couple of weeks when you come over to mine?” and she seemed understanding, but I do really wish I made an attempt. Maybe she felt unwanted sexually hence the break up. I start to think, had I at least tried, would she have still broken up with me seeing as everything else was great?

She seemed great that night on our holiday when we went out to bars, etc, although part of our conversation she said “i like to think if it didn’t work out that we’d still be friends due to our great connection”. Maybe I should’ve seen that as her hinting for a breakup

Sorry to hear that. It seems she initiated contact more often and was physically affectionate. I’d continue with therapy or seeking support and opinion from your doctor regarding the ED. Even if she contacts you again because she misses you I’m not sure why you’d want that. She’s already tried a relationship with you and vice versa. You don’t know why she broke up with you and neither of you seem to have had enough communication. 

[anonymousparrot1]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Sorry to hear that. It seems she initiated contact more often and was physically affectionate. I’d continue with therapy or seeking support and opinion from your doctor regarding the ED. Even if she contacts you again because she misses you I’m not sure why you’d want that. She’s already tried a relationship with you and vice versa. You don’t know why she broke up with you and neither of you seem to have had enough communication. 

Yeah she seemed really into me, so it has shocked me. I’m sure there’s a reason, either another guy or realised she felt too overwhelmed again or just lost feelings.

It really depends if she knew what she wanted and where I would be at that point. I’d like to give a second chance as I did feel complacent with tiredness last couple of weeks and wish I had a chance to redo that. Although I guess maybe I felt too comfortable with everything, if she couldn’t accept me for me then fair enough I guess. Do wish I tried a bit more towards the end.

When you say “neither of you seemed to have had enough communication” do you mean in terms of the breakup? She mentioned no spark and being friends on the phone, I asked if it was due to the sex and she said no. We didn’t really go into detail as I didn’t want to try to convince her and just respect her decision

 

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

It sucks how it took her 5 months to realise there was “no spark” though. She was constantly making physical contact with me, teasing me, always initiating contact every single day (i’d do that once a week but it was mostly her), she’d stop me and pull me in for a kiss and vice versa. I would always return this back. She even said we had a great connection and she felt she’d won the lottery with me. Even a few days before breaking up she was teasing me using cute emojis.

I am not sure if your absence of sexual initiative made her feel bad, but maybe it did.

A number of your posts speculate that another man is involved. While it remains to be seen if this is true, it may have turned her off if it persisted into the relationship.

Even so, it may not be about you in the end. 

Based on how you describe her, it sounds as though she finds herself in good company for the first few months. The first few months have been fun for her. She begins to plan ahead for what's to come after everything goes well. In reality, those expectations were destructive after a few months. The little things you do (or don't do) upset her because you don't live up to what she expects from you.

That's on her.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

Yeah she seemed really into me, so it has shocked me. I’m sure there’s a reason, either another guy or realised she felt too overwhelmed again or just lost feelings

Try to let it go. Occasionally people mistake novelty with interest. Meaning the promise of new exciting people, but they really don't know you so the interest at that stage is not necessarily about you. Conversely the loss of interest is also not about you so that's the silver lining.

[anonymousparrot1]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

I am not sure if your absence of sexual initiative made her feel bad, but maybe it did.

A number of your posts speculate that another man is involved. While it remains to be seen if this is true, it may have turned her off if it persisted into the relationship.

Even so, it may not be about you in the end. 

Based on how you describe her, it sounds as though she finds herself in good company for the first few months. The first few months have been fun for her. She begins to plan ahead for what's to come after everything goes well. In reality, those expectations were destructive after a few months. The little things you do (or don't do) upset her because you don't live up to what she expects from you.

That's on her.

Just wanted to thank you guys for your advice and support so far, I appreciate it.

She was always pessimistic constantly saying “if we’re still together too, she had dome insecurity. Makes sense after constantly being ghosted, stood up, etc.

100% never showed jealousy or hinted at her with other guys. Only thing that made me suspect anything was 2 weeks ago when she mentioned the delivery driver coming back with his number. My response was chuckling and saying “take it as a compliment”. If anything she did that with me saying “all your other girlfriends” in a jokey tone

True, although I’ve kept doing what I was doing since the start. Maybe she had unrealistic expectations of where the relationship should be going given her only relationship lasted 6 weeks. Maybe she’ll think about it and regret it, maybe not.

It’s definitely on her like you said, I did everything I possibly could and she always praised me for it! She said several times she felt like she hit the jackpot but actions over words I guess

[anonymousparrot1]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to let it go. Occasionally people mistake novelty with interest. Meaning the promise of new exciting people, but they really don't know you so the interest at that stage is not necessarily about you. Conversely the loss of interest is also not about you so that's the silver lining.

Yeah, she mentioned feeling overwhelmed with life and people always asking about us last month. Maybe that stress took away what interest she had. End of the day, she can’t control how she feels and it isn’t her fault.

i just felt like meeting 2-3 times a week for 5 months would be enough to know whether you at least have interest tbh. But again, maybe she thought the grass was greener with someone else and liked the newness of meeting someone else. We’ll never know I guess and it’ll drive me nuts, but I’ll get there eventually. I’m just wasting my time working it out when she already made her decision

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

Just wanted to thank you guys for your advice and support so far, I appreciate it.

She was always pessimistic constantly saying “if we’re still together too, she had dome insecurity. Makes sense after constantly being ghosted, stood up, etc.

100% never showed jealousy or hinted at her with other guys. Only thing that made me suspect anything was 2 weeks ago when she mentioned the delivery driver coming back with his number. My response was chuckling and saying “take it as a compliment”. If anything she did that with me saying “all your other girlfriends” in a jokey tone

True, although I’ve kept doing what I was doing since the start. Maybe she had unrealistic expectations of where the relationship should be going given her only relationship lasted 6 weeks. Maybe she’ll think about it and regret it, maybe not.

It’s definitely on her like you said, I did everything I possibly could and she always praised me for it! She said several times she felt like she hit the jackpot but actions over words I guess

I'm glad I could help.

The problem isn't about the two individuals but about the dynamic they have together - she is insecure and that's a problem you can't solve.

Without closure, it can be very difficult. I understand.

It is obvious that this relationship was very important to you.

In any case, I hope that you have found some comfort here.

[anonymousparrot1]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm glad I could help.

The problem isn't about the two individuals but about the dynamic they have together - she is insecure and that's a problem you can't solve.

Without closure, it can be very difficult. I understand.

It is obvious that this relationship was very important to you.

In any case, I hope that you have found some comfort here.

It definitely has. Still swinging from being fine to feeling lows of sadness but I’ll get there. Still thinking how did it seem to go so well to her ending it. Then my mind overthinks there’s another guy and our memories/time together were all for nothing. Thinking things that are out of my control just ruins my happiness. No matter what I think or how I justify what happens, it doesn’t change the decision she made

[glows]

You were both insecure. If this was as complete and you felt that you did everything in the relationship or weren't complacent you may not be leaving that door open. That you do feel you had left stones unturned, so to speak, suggests that you feel there was unfinished business on your part or you didn't do as much. To be frank few women will handle sparse affection if you felt it was difficult to overcome that physical barrier or have ED or felt that ED was affecting you emotionally or psychologically. 

I think it's best to focus on yourself and put your best foot forward when the time comes to meet someone new. She explained she had no spark and being friends on the phone but I don't think you need to take up the offer of friends and prolong the healing forwards. Since she's made her life private on social media I wouldn't read into it too much either. People are inclined to wanting more privacy after a break up.

[anonymousparrot1]

31 minutes ago, glows said:

You were both insecure. If this was as complete and you felt that you did everything in the relationship or weren't complacent you may not be leaving that door open. That you do feel you had left stones unturned, so to speak, suggests that you feel there was unfinished business on your part or you didn't do as much. To be frank few women will handle sparse affection if you felt it was difficult to overcome that physical barrier or have ED or felt that ED was affecting you emotionally or psychologically. 

I think it's best to focus on yourself and put your best foot forward when the time comes to meet someone new. She explained she had no spark and being friends on the phone but I don't think you need to take up the offer of friends and prolong the healing forwards. Since she's made her life private on social media I wouldn't read into it too much either. People are inclined to wanting more privacy after a break up.

I was confident and felt secure around her in general, any insecurity came in the sex or post-breakup though.

Yeah the day after we broke up, I texted her stating I can’t accept being friends as I see her as more, if she changes her mind then to let me know otherwise I need to move on and cut contact completely

With the ED part, sorry if I misunderstand, but do you mean few women will care if I have ED as all they would think about is the sparse affection?

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[glows]

11 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

I was confident and felt secure around her in general, any insecurity came in the sex or post-breakup though.

Yeah the day after we broke up, I texted her stating I can’t accept being friends as I see her as more, if she changes her mind then to let me know otherwise I need to move on and cut contact completely

With the ED part, sorry if I misunderstand, but do you mean few women will care if I have ED as all they would think about is the sparse affection?

Sex is a big part of most romantic relationships so to be realistic, yes, a lot of partners might not be too keen on being involved with someone who hasn't sorted that out. What I'm referring to is not particular the ED but any psychological issues that you'd hinted at in an earlier post. Every relationship is different and you may find a fit for you that is more understanding.

I don't think she was obligated to stay with you if you had any issues with yourself. My belief is that a person needs to take the time to themselves and clean up any issues or hesitations and problems before setting out on a new romance. Even so there still may be incompatibilities, not enough spark, hesitations, not feeling comfortable enough to continue dating. The point is knowing that you've done your very best and are ready to close doors when they need closing because you've given it your all. It's not to say you didn't care. I'm sure you cared a great deal about her. 

[anonymousparrot1]

1 minute ago, glows said:

Sex is a big part of most romantic relationships so to be realistic, yes, a lot of partners might not be too keen on being involved with someone who hasn't sorted that out. What I'm referring to is not particular the ED but any psychological issues that you'd hinted at in an earlier post. Every relationship is different and you may find a fit for you that is more understanding.

I don't think she was obligated to stay with you if you had any issues with yourself. My belief is that a person needs to take the time to themselves and clean up any issues or hesitations and problems before setting out on a new romance. Even so there still may be incompatibilities, not enough spark, hesitations, not feeling comfortable enough to continue dating. The point is knowing that you've done your very best and are ready to close doors when they need closing because you've given it your all. It's not to say you didn't care. I'm sure you cared a great deal about her. 

I remember her discussing with me that sex wasn’t a big deal for her because she’d gone so long without it, she was just used to porn and vibrators. I remember her saying she didn’t care whether the sex was good or not as she liked the time she was spending around me so much and that she felt like she won the lottery. She had mentioned taking it step by step, if it took 6 months and it wasn’t perfect then she wouldn’t care.

She didn’t seem that bothered about sex, but I do highly regret not making an effort to have sex in that hotel when we went for a weekend holiday. I even said to myself I’d force myself even if ED became a problem but in that moment I took the easy way out and agreed to waiting two more weeks until we were at hers. Wish I could turn back the clock.

[glows]

8 minutes ago, anonymousparrot1 said:

I remember her discussing with me that sex wasn’t a big deal for her because she’d gone so long without it, she was just used to porn and vibrators. I remember her saying she didn’t care whether the sex was good or not as she liked the time she was spending around me so much and that she felt like she won the lottery. She had mentioned taking it step by step, if it took 6 months and it wasn’t perfect then she wouldn’t care.

She didn’t seem that bothered about sex, but I do highly regret not making an effort to have sex in that hotel when we went for a weekend holiday. I even said to myself I’d force myself even if ED became a problem but in that moment I took the easy way out and agreed to waiting two more weeks until we were at hers. Wish I could turn back the clock.

She told you or said those things and still broke up with you. There's no way I'd leave the door open to someone like this. She didn't communicate any issues and seemed to have lovebombed you in the process or misled you into thinking she was very much into you. I might think this is inexperience or fear or just not feeling comfortable. Either way if she let you go and she wasn't feeling enough spark or it was unfulfilling to her, she did you both a favour. I wouldn't waste time on someone like this who said one thing, demonstrated something else. You may not have enough spark for her but she also showed her true colours to you.

[anonymousparrot1]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

She told you or said those things and still broke up with you. There's no way I'd leave the door open to someone like this. She didn't communicate any issues and seemed to have lovebombed you in the process or misled you into thinking she was very much into you. I might think this is inexperience or fear or just not feeling comfortable. Either way if she let you go and she wasn't feeling enough spark or it was unfulfilling to her, she did you both a favour. I wouldn't waste time on someone like this who said one thing, demonstrated something else. You may not have enough spark for her but she also showed her true colours to you.

It’s funny you say “lovebombing” because I introduced her to that word for the first time and she kept using it in jokes.

I’m going to be honest, there were times I felt like the trophy boyfriend, like she was only with me for the sake of having a boyfriend. Maybe she just wanted a plus one to her sister’s wedding haha. But yeah, she could’ve communicated things better but then so should I really.

I also felt like I was one of her students too, or she was trying to mother me sometimes.

I was saying this to my sister - if having sex at the hotel would’ve been a big deal for her, she should’ve communicated with me to say that she feels we’re not being intimate enough and that she was looking forward to it, instead of saying shall we wait a couple of weeks if I didn’t feel ready. I’d have compromised to make her feel satisfied. Definitely fear and inexperience in sex (4-5 years since both our last sexual experience before we met) but also could be fear and inexperience with her when it comes to relationships in general

I did always feel pressured with sex to the point that it felt more like an exam, than fun. I was thinking more about the outcome than the journey. She was a bit robotic and stiff in bed, she’d just lay there if we tried PIV

My sister said the same thing, that the way she went about this all she showed her true colours. I’ll find someone who’s more emotionally experienced

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1

[dramafreezone]

On 4/18/2022 at 9:35 AM, anonymousparrot1 said:

I’d been with my girlfriend for 5 months (3 of them in a relationship). We shared a lot of good fun memories, etc but this was her first proper relationship, she never had real dating experience and she had mentioned to me last month she felt overwhelmed with family/friends asking about us. She had also been seeking council for her mental health and she also works as a teacher where she’s constantly in argument with kids.

 

Anyway a week ago we went on a holiday for a couple of days, everything was positive, body language, physical touch, etc.

 

Everyday after that this past week she reached out to me and on Thursday she said “have a lovely day, can’t wait to see you this weekend”.

 

Friday, she mentioned plans had changed and to come down Sunday instead of Saturday.

 

Saturday she called me saying “hey, i think we should break up, no spark and sees us more as friends”. I was shocked and I reacted quite cold with one word answers like “ yep, ok, fine, fair enough, bye”.

 

Shortly after her dad deleted me from facebook (i assume he must’ve been there with her as she called me, maybe heard how I sounded). I changed my profile photo and she deleted her cover photo of us

 

I went about my day later on posting a positive status on facebook such as “great start to the weekend! Football and beer with friends” not acknowledging the breakup.

 

My friend posted a photo of me with a drink on his Facebook, shortly after my ex deleted my friend but kept me on there.

 

The next day, Sunday morning, I sent her a text saying “Hey, just to be clear I understand how you feel, but it’d be a lie from me to you if I agreed to being friends. I don’t see you as just a friend because when I see you I want to kiss you, and since you only see me as a friend I’m going to have to move on instead. Let me know if you ever change your mind, otherwise it's best we cut things off completely going forward”.

 

Obviously I got no reply and wasn’t expecting one, but I just couldn’t agree to being friends. It was either a relationship or nothing at all.

 

Later that day I tagged myself at a bar in town with a photo of a couple of beers and a glass of gin. I noticed someone I know had commented on my status asking if I was on a date. I eventually saw the comment and replied that I was with a mate, but I’d noticed my ex had removed me from facebook after this (both her and her sister). Her mum still has me on there though.

 

Anyway, a couple of questions…

 

1. Did I approach this breakup in the right way?

2. Should I at least send another message stating that even though we broke up I still valued our time and memories spent together? (I’d hate for her to think that I never cared)

3. is there a possibility she could’ve assumed I was on a date? The photo was up for interpretation, it didn’t state who I was with

 

Part of me feels like I acted cold-hearted and that it looks like I’ve “moved on” so quickly, that our time together might look like it meant nothing to me, but it did. I understand her deleting me based off my text wanting to cut contact completely as I couldn’t stay friends, but I hope it wasn’t because it appeared I moved on so quickly and that she might have assumed I went on a date the day after she broke up with me - i did not. I’m guessing it was probably because of my text requesting we cut contact off completely.

 

I had sent a heart felt message to her mum wishing her happy birthday, thanking her for inviting me over and telling her that despite the breakup with her daughter I still cherished the time and memories spent with her, so hopefully this gets back to my ex that I did actually care.

I know she’s not my concern now but I don’t want to burn any bridges in future incase she does want to reach back out, so I hope she doesn’t resent me thinking I was trying to make her jealous, hence the delete (guess she did it based on the text I sent). Obviously I’m going to move on with my life but wanted some thoughts on this!

There's not really a "right" or "wrong" way to be dumped.  Most reactions (that are not illegal) are justified.

That said, I think with your cold initial reaction you let her off the hook so to speak.  She can now say to herself and to others "look at how he responded" and you'll look like the bad guy.  If you'd questioned her (as it seems like it came out of nowhere) and handled everything with more restraint, I think you could walk away from this with no regrets at least.

You didn't "move on" though.  After your cold reaction, you followed it up with a text explaining how you feel, so it in effect nullified any sense of you moving on.  I'm not surprised that she didn't respond, her lack of response is exerting control over you.  She knows you want a response and she didn't give it to you, much like the "silent treatment."

It's understandable to be emotional but to lose control, all that does is really in a weird way make that other person feel validated, one that they were right to break up with you, and two that you must really care immensely about them to have such a strong reaction, just my opinion.

[anonymousparrot1]

29 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

There's not really a "right" or "wrong" way to be dumped.  Most reactions (that are not illegal) are justified.

That said, I think with your cold initial reaction you let her off the hook so to speak.  She can now say to herself and to others "look at how he responded" and you'll look like the bad guy.  If you'd questioned her (as it seems like it came out of nowhere) and handled everything with more restraint, I think you could walk away from this with no regrets at least.

You didn't "move on" though.  After your cold reaction, you followed it up with a text explaining how you feel, so it in effect nullified any sense of you moving on.  I'm not surprised that she didn't respond, her lack of response is exerting control over you.  She knows you want a response and she didn't give it to you, much like the "silent treatment."

It's understandable to be emotional but to lose control, all that does is really in a weird way make that other person feel validated, one that they were right to break up with you, and two that you must really care immensely about them to have such a strong reaction, just my opinion.

Only thing I questioned was whether the sex played a part in the breakup, otherwise I was just acknowledging what she was saying. Personally I didn’t want to prolong the conversation when her decision was already made, but I do wish that I thanked her for the memories and the time together. We had some really good times together and now I feel like I’ve tarnished that. I hope she doesn’t think I’m a dick, but what did she expect? Breakup came out of nowhere, I was shocked and just felt it was better to acknowledge her decision as simply as I could.

I don’t want to be the bad guy, but at least her mum got my thoughtful message about my ex. I’m sure she would’ve shown her.

To be honest, I probably should’ve just disappeared after the call but my text didn’t require a response. It was just me stating I didn’t  want to be friends and that i’m going to move on if she doesn’t want anything more and cut contact. It probably says more about her that she didn’t want to reply.

I wouldn’t say she has exerted control over me though, especially when my positive facebook statuses triggered her to remove me from facebook

I wouldn’t call it a strong reaction either, it was something I was going to say on the phone anyway

Edited April 20, 2022 by anonymousparrot1