Is my supervisor being nosy or does she geninue want to get to know me?

[Sunnydays1111]

So I work at a hospital, and 4 days out of the week I'm stuck in my supervisors office doing mundane tasks with this other lady. My supervisor often greets me, makes small talk, asks about my weekend, etc, etc.

When I first started working there I thought she was friendly, but now I think she is nosy and can be rude at times. Like she was asking about my personal life if I was married, had kids and her reason to ask was because she doesn't know anything about me and that "I was quiet."

Then she shared tidbits about her personal life, like her marital status, what she does for fun. One day, I was finished doing my work and asked her if I could sort out reports, she snapped at me and told me, "I don't want you in my way, is that rude? It will get done eventually, but thanks for the offer." I was like what the heck?

Then a few minutes later, she apologized to me for yelling at me. I mean if she apologized then she knew she was being a witch, I think that response was uncalled for. Not only that, I overheard her talk to the director about how she yelled at one of the other employees, she told the director that she has to apologize to him-not sure what he did-maybe he make a mistake, but the way she snapped at me for "offering" help was freaking rude-she could of handled it better.

From then on, I don't offer help to anyone, because I don't want to be in "someones' way unless they come to me and ask for my help. One time-a doctor greeted me that walked in the office-when he left she immediately asked if I "knew" which I thought was a stupid question to ask, its a hospital, doctors come and go. She was surprised he knew my name or if he looked at my name tag. Um yeah, I replied, yeah, he's my specialist.

Then she asked me what santa gave me for christmas-I replied money and gift cards, she replied, "Gift cards? you like that?" In a disgusting tone. Then she asked me what I was doing one weekend, I asked her that I wanted to check out the onsite gym, she asked one of the other employee to show me around since she uses the gym, I'm like what the heck.

Also, everytime when I have to leave early for an appointment-she always asks me the following day, "how was your doctor's appointment?" I just think that's inappropriate to ask me that. I never had to deal with a supervisor to ask me nagging questions. Is me being "quiet" an excuse for her to ask me prying questions? I know people share tidbits about their personal life at work for small talk -like what they did over the holiday, yes, I know its normal chit chat-wanting to know every detail about my life is stupid.

Its hard to avoid her and her stupid questions- because I'm stuck in her personal office with her, its not like I'm outside sitting in a cube where I don't have to interact with her. And I'm not the only one that think she's rude. The lady that is also stuck with me in the office with me think she's rude and one of the other supervisors think she's rude when it comes to handling things.

Edited April 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[glows]

Try to deflect and say nothing by saying something simple. For example if she asks the inappropriate question about how your doctor's appointment went, say it went well. Change the subject and ask her how she's doing. When there's a break in the conversation mention you'll have to finish something or get back to work to keep the conversations short.

Similarly, if she asks you what you're doing on the weekend or how your weekend went, reply that it was relaxing even if it wasn't. Keep it bland and give no details. She seems quite opinionated and doesn't know how to stay in her own lane so don't give her the benefit of knowing anything about you. People like this stop eventually when they realize they can't get anything out of you or that you don't wish to interact past the work relationship that you have. 

[Sunnydays1111]

29 minutes ago, glows said:

Try to deflect and say nothing by saying something simple. For example if she asks the inappropriate question about how your doctor's appointment went, say it went well. Change the subject and ask her how she's doing. When there's a break in the conversation mention you'll have to finish something or get back to work to keep the conversations short.

Similarly, if she asks you what you're doing on the weekend or how your weekend went, reply that it was relaxing even if it wasn't. Keep it bland and give no details. She seems quite opinionated and doesn't know how to stay in her own lane so don't give her the benefit of knowing anything about you. People like this stop eventually when they realize they can't get anything out of you or that you don't wish to interact past the work relationship that you have. 

yeah, I'm gonna keep short and bland then ask her a question to turn the tables-then interrupt her by saying, "oh crap, I forgot to file something in the back."

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

yeah, I'm gonna keep short and bland then ask her a question to turn the tables-then interrupt her by saying, "oh crap, I forgot to file something in the back."

I would suggest you don't go making trouble for yourself by doing this.  This is your supervisor, not a schoolyard. 

I understand that her asking about your life does not sit well with you.   And while it was very unkind of her to snap at you, at least she had the decency to apologise.  It shows that she's aware of her fault and was trying to make it right.  

[glows]

2 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

yeah, I'm gonna keep short and bland then ask her a question to turn the tables-then interrupt her by saying, "oh crap, I forgot to file something in the back."

You don’t have to interrupt. Just be polite and don’t offer any personal info about yourself. People often ask to be polite as well and usually don’t expect a full answer. Keep it light and leave work at work. You don’t want to bring this home with you and feel bad later or feeling like you have to apologize after the fact (or be like her). 

It’s all about boundaries and maintaining them. She’s your supervisor so try to keep it neutral and respectful - the way you wish to be treated. 

Edited April 19, 2022 by glows

[Eternal Sunshine]

I always have this issue with female managers (unfortunately). I am a female manager myself so I don't want this to sound like I am against females being managers or anything like that.

Maybe that's just how men/women are wired differently. I try to say as little as possible about my personal life at work. I always get asked if I am married/have children etc by female managers. If I say no, they start probing why etc. I have overcome this problem by making up a white lie about living with a partner as this seems to attract less follow-up questions. A male manager has never asked me about my personal life or health.

I currently have a male direct manager and he is managed by a female but there are both pretty involved. I sent both an email that I am taking a day off to undergo a minor medical procedure. Reply from male manager: "Good luck with it!". Reply from female manager: "What kind of a procedure is it?". Follow-up from female manager the next day: "How did the procedure go?"... I don't think she means anything bad by it but I am private so it's annoying.

I never ask any of my staff a personal question beyond what they chose to share.

Edited April 19, 2022 by Eternal Sunshine

[Sunnydays1111]

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

I would suggest you don't go making trouble for yourself by doing this.  This is your supervisor, not a schoolyard. 

I understand that her asking about your life does not sit well with you.   And while it was very unkind of her to snap at you, at least she had the decency to apologise.  It shows that she's aware of her fault and was trying to make it right.  

I'm not making any "trouble." I'm simply dodging her nosy questions. So what if she is a supervisor? I don't need to respect her. I don't owe her anything to share about my life. Its funny you mention schoolyard, seeing that a majority of people that make posts about their jobs are about upper management being unprofessional and act like they are in high school

[Sunnydays1111]

21 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I always have this issue with female managers (unfortunately). I am a female manager myself so I don't want this to sound like I am against females being managers or anything like that.

Maybe that's just how men/women are wired differently. I try to say as little as possible about my personal life at work. I always get asked if I am married/have children etc by female managers. If I say no, they start probing why etc. I have overcome this problem by making up a white lie about living with a partner as this seems to attract less follow-up questions. A male manager has never asked me about my personal life or health.

I currently have a male direct manager and he is managed by a female but there are both pretty involved. I sent both an email that I am taking a day off to undergo a minor medical procedure. Reply from male manager: "Good luck with it!". Reply from female manager: "What kind of a procedure is it?". Follow-up from female manager the next day: "How did the procedure go?"... I don't think she means anything bad by it but I am private so it's annoying.

I never ask any of my staff a personal question beyond what they chose to share.

But her "excuse" of her asking me personal questions is that I'm "too quiet" and that she doesn't know anything about me. Even if I do chit chat with her about work-she will still accuse me of being quiet to her standards and will still ask me probing questions. I do think women managers are the worse though. Out of all the women managers that I've had they always wanted to know my martial status-as a way of "girl talk." I've had male supervisors where they would never ask my marital status-all of them were married and asking me if I had a man would be inappropriate. Men supervisors do not care-unless he was being a pig-that's a whole different story. I just didn't feel any competition with other women, women hate other women. Its weird if a man supervisor ask a female her marital status-because they would seem like they would be hitting on them, yet a woman supervisor asks that its only to gossip.

Edited April 20, 2022 by Sunnydays1111

[basil67]

On 4/19/2022 at 11:48 AM, basil67 said:

ask her a question to turn the tables-then interrupt her by saying, "oh crap, I forgot to file something in the back."

This is what I was referring to by making trouble: Asking her a question so that you can deliberately cut her off.  

3 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

yet a woman supervisor asks that its only to gossip.

This is very unfair.  There are also a great number of women who want to be kind and inclusive and so getting to know you can also be part of that.   I don't know....perhaps you'd be more comfortable in a male dominated industry? 

[Sunnydays1111]

On 4/18/2022 at 6:08 PM, glows said:

Try to deflect and say nothing by saying something simple. For example if she asks the inappropriate question about how your doctor's appointment went, say it went well. Change the subject and ask her how she's doing. When there's a break in the conversation mention you'll have to finish something or get back to work to keep the conversations short.

Similarly, if she asks you what you're doing on the weekend or how your weekend went, reply that it was relaxing even if it wasn't. Keep it bland and give no details. She seems quite opinionated and doesn't know how to stay in her own lane so don't give her the benefit of knowing anything about you. People like this stop eventually when they realize they can't get anything out of you or that you don't wish to interact past the work relationship that you have. 

Yeah, I don't like to share ANY info with her -like you said she's very opinionated, like when I told her I received gift cards for christmas-she replied with digust, 'GIFT CARDS?" YOU LIKE THAT?" Which was rude. She went on a cruise earlier this month, my opinion of cruises is that they are disgusting, a petri dish ship floating on water,  something that has never interested me nor will I ever consider going on, but I didn't say to her, "CRUISES? YOU LIKE THAT? THAT'S DISGUSTING AND BORING."

[basil67]

It's sounding to me like you need a transfer or a new job.

[glows]

A lot of people look down on gift cards though. The premise is that they lack enough thought and preparation as a gift idea, an easy way out of a gift giving process, so to speak. In my mind, I'd have let it roll off my back and slot her opinions into a certain type in my mind. She was sharing a negative opinion about gift cards that is actually not all too uncommon. Whether I would like her comments or like her is a different subject but her comments are not too enlightening or insightful to me so I may not pay much attention. 

I don't have a preference over male or female managers or leaders in general. Depending on outlook and experience, any group of people can bring valuable insight to an organization. What I don't appreciate are very ignorant comments or utmost arrogance in an individual. 

If you are staying in this company for awhile, I wouldn't pay too much mind to what she's saying as they don't seem to substantiate much. If she asks personal questions about your days or time off, keep it very bland and move on throughout the day.

[Lisa]

Thread closed due to civility issues.