Tired of a new friend that wants constant contact

[Stret]

I met my neighbour's sister and we hit it off. She's a bisexual - maybe that matters here. I'm a heterosexual woman.
We went out a few times and it was during the period I didn't feel well, so talking to her helped me through. All in all, I barely know her. 
After I went back to another country where I normally live, she started sending daily messages. Did I land safely? How am I? What's new? Did my mum get better? Every single day I had to respond to many messages, sometimes blocks of text, so I decided to slow that down and not answer her messages for a couple of days. It is nothing urgent anyway and I am too busy at work and with the life that is around me to get into discussion via messages every day. Now when I don't answer for 24hrs, she follows up with "please just let me know that you're ok". I'm ok for the love of God, and don't want to have to report to her every day. I am grateful for the talks we had which helped me through some tough times when I thought I had cancer, but does that mean that I owe her daily communication? 
She might have a crush on me, I think that is the case, but she knows very well that I am not interested in any woman on the planet. She is about 50, I'm 43.
I cannot take it any more and she is now properly getting on my nerves so I will have to tell her to give me some space and I will see her when I see her.
"I am too busy these days doesn't work" - tried that already. 
Any ideas on how to convey a message are welcome. 

[BrinnM]

I mean, you live in different countries, right? That makes it easier, because all you really have to deal with are her messages. I know it can get annoying, but I would just reply less and less, i.e. let more time pass between your individual replies, without being harsh about it. You don't have to explain why. 

Telling her you need space is too direct, IMO, and I also don't think you owe her that explanation. You're not dating. She's just an acquaintance, so I don't know, I would just reply if I feel like it, less frequently, but friendly, so that way, when you travel back and run into her, you can still be amicable.

Edited April 19, 2022 by BrinnM

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Stret said:

We went out a few times and it was during the period I didn't feel well, so talking to her helped me through. All in all, I barely know her. 

Perhaps what you're asking is how to deescalate the friendship without losing her as a friend (which can sometimes be difficult).

Do you value her friendship? How do you know for sure that she's interested in you romantically?

It sounds like she's helped you through some hard times.

What you describe is a bombardment indicative of differences in the relative needs of you and your friend. Decide for yourself if it is worth the effort. I find it strange how people you rarely see permeate your consciousness more often than those you love.

Perhaps:

"As a heads-up, I appreciate you reaching out and your friendship is important to me, but I've had a long day and I'd like a few days to just zone out."

Alternatively, you can gradually slow down your responses or let the conversation go when it reaches a natural end.

Basically, you don't have to accept a "frequency" schedule that others set, nor do you have to answer every single message that comes across your screen. By not answering her texts, phone calls, and emails right away, she'll understand you created an expectation that she won't get a reply right away. 

If you're good friends, this won't affect your friendship.

Good-luck!

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Stret said:

I met my neighbour's sister and we hit it off. 

Does your neighbor know if she has mental health issues? Or perhaps she misconstrued friends hanging out as "dating"? You'll have to block her.

[Stret]

I don't think she has mental health issues any more than any of "normal people" do, but she is a strange one. She doesn't have a job by choice, lives a hippie lifestyle and is in touch with nature, does her art at home that she can get little money for, etc. Her family is worried how will she manage, she's already 50. 

She is a sister of my neighbour in the country where I have a house - and neighbour is a great guy. I will have to see her again and through my life so I cannot just say anything. It felt like she is getting offended when my answers are short and felt like I had to explain myself why am I not promptly answering.
She couldn't have misconstrued us hanging during the day out in the town as any dating as it is clear that I don't have any interest. I really hung around with her alone 3 times. Other couple of times that I saw her was at her brother's place.  
I'm currently in a bad place anyway having too much work to do and stressed out of my mind. She is the kind of person if I told her this, she would just ask more questions about it and start giving unsolicited advice. I don't need a saviour, I need her to leave me alone and stop giving me more obligations (answering to her every day feels like obligation). She did help me out when we were hanging because we had a few conversations, but I really didn't know it comes with this obligation. 
 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Stret said:

She doesn't have a job by choice, lives a hippie lifestyle

Ok, she's just bored. You'll have to make clear boundaries even if she perceives that as you being the bad guy. She'll find someone else to attach herself to as emotional vampires need their blood meals.

[Alpacalia]

14 minutes ago, Stret said:

I'm currently in a bad place anyway having too much work to do and stressed out of my mind. She is the kind of person if I told her this, she would just ask more questions about it and start giving unsolicited advice. I don't need a saviour, I need her to leave me alone and stop giving me more obligations (answering to her every day feels like obligation). She did help me out when we were hanging because we had a few conversations, but I really didn't know it comes with this obligation. 
 

In that case simply let her know that though you appreciate her helping you during a difficult time, but you do not wish to remain friends.

 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Alpacalia

[stillafool]

I hear you OP this would drive me crazy as well.  I had to cut off a friend of many years who expected daily to every other day communication.  It just wasn't worth keeping them in my life.

[SingFish]

On 4/19/2022 at 7:53 AM, Stret said:

She doesn't have a job by choice, lives a hippie lifestyle and is in touch with nature, does her art at home that she can get little money for, etc. Her family is worried how will she manage, she's already 50. 

She sounds great! 

On 4/19/2022 at 5:38 AM, Stret said:

does that mean that I owe her daily communication? 

No. Why would you? Just respond when you want to and it's sincere. 

[vla1120]

If it were me, I would be very honest and say "I truly appreciate your friendship and help during a very difficult time in my life, but I am not a person who engages in constant contact, so please do not be offended nor surprised when you do not hear from me days on end. I am a private person and tend to keep to myself quite a bit." 

Of course, my daughters think I am a socially awkward introvert, so maybe my advice isn't the best. LOL

[ShyViolet]

You really need to put up boundaries with people and not be anyone's doormat.  This woman needs a very direct message from you letting her know that her communication towards you is not appreciated and she needs to tone it down.  I would say something like "I appreciate your concern but your constant communication is overwhelming to me and I don't have the time or bandwidth for this right now.  I'm asking that you please give me some space and understand that I don't have time for these messages every day."

If she doesn't stop, then block her.  Seriously!  Don't let someone drive you crazy like this.