Author Sugarkane2 Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 What to do when we never got an explanation why they wanted custody? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 30, 2022 Share Posted April 30, 2022 You've expressed over the years here that you have a lot of problems in your family relationships. Frankly, you've painted a picture of an environment where a healthy life for a child would be very unlikely to achieve. I don't know whether your in-laws or other family members will provide a better environment for a child, but you've given the impression that you and your husband would need to do a lot of serious work with professionals to learn how to parent appropriately. This would require you being willing and ready to look at yourself only and work on yourself. The blaming and focus on your parents, in laws and husband would have to stop. Certainly they have contributed to your situation but the only thing you have any control over is your own part in things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 Being nagged constantly by my husband, to do the business. The only thing stopping me is I’m doing the parenting program for CPS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 What to do when I don’t get answers as to why my in laws did this? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2022 Share Posted April 30, 2022 4 minutes ago, Sugarkane2 said: What to do when I don’t get answers as to why my in laws did this? They did it because they believed the child was unsafe. This is the same reason the courts granted them custody, why CPS wants you to do parenting classes and live with your family to ensure your child's safety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 34 minutes ago, basil67 said: They did it because they believed the child was unsafe. This is the same reason the courts granted them custody, why CPS wants you to do parenting classes and live with your family to ensure your child's safety. I disagree that the child is unsafe Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 1, 2022 Share Posted May 1, 2022 You may disagree but the courts and CPS clearly believe otherwise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted May 1, 2022 Share Posted May 1, 2022 2 hours ago, Sugarkane2 said: What to do when I don’t get answers as to why my in laws did this? You don't need answers as to why your in-laws did this. Knowing wouldn't solve your problems. I'm glad you are following CPS' requirements and taking the parenting classes. If I were you, the way I would solve ALL of this is to: 1. Cut out all the toxicity from your life, including your husband and your family. If you cannot communicate with your husband without fighting, it's time to seek a divorce. Constant fighting is no environment for children, so I doubt CPS would give your children to you and your husband in your current state. 2. Work very hard toward complete independence, starting with moving out on your own. I don't care what you THINK CPS is looking for from you, I guarantee until you prove to them you can live autonomously, support yourself and your children, and maintain a healthy, safe household for your kids, CPS is not going to give you custody of your children. You have to get to a point in your life where you are independent and successful at supporting yourself and show you are able to successfully support and raise your children on your own. Continually blaming your parents and/or his parents will never get you to that point. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 2, 2022 Author Share Posted May 2, 2022 On 5/1/2022 at 12:08 PM, vla1120 said: You don't need answers as to why your in-laws did this. Knowing wouldn't solve your problems. I'm glad you are following CPS' requirements and taking the parenting classes. If I were you, the way I would solve ALL of this is to: 1. Cut out all the toxicity from your life, including your husband and your family. If you cannot communicate with your husband without fighting, it's time to seek a divorce. Constant fighting is no environment for children, so I doubt CPS would give your children to you and your husband in your current state. 2. Work very hard toward complete independence, starting with moving out on your own. I don't care what you THINK CPS is looking for from you, I guarantee until you prove to them you can live autonomously, support yourself and your children, and maintain a healthy, safe household for your kids, CPS is not going to give you custody of your children. You have to get to a point in your life where you are independent and successful at supporting yourself and show you are able to successfully support and raise your children on your own. Continually blaming your parents and/or his parents will never get you to that point. Period. It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just take my kid and go anywhere. As I’d lose my kid permanently to CPS. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 On 5/1/2022 at 1:58 AM, Sugarkane2 said: I disagree that the child is unsafe That doesn't mean the legal system will just take your word for it. And it's the opinion of the court that counts here. What steps are you taking to demonstrate your ability to parent to the court's satisfaction? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 On 4/30/2022 at 7:17 PM, Sugarkane2 said: What to do when I don’t get answers as to why my in laws did this? Have you asked your in laws why? They know the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 13 hours ago, Sugarkane2 said: It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just take my kid and go anywhere. As I’d lose my kid permanently to CPS. I'm well aware of how it works. I didn't mean to move out and take your kids. I meant move out on your own and prove to CPS that you have a stable home, stable income, and can provide a stable life for your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 Are there areas of your life, activities that you currently do, or people you interact with that bring you positive feelings? What are they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 4, 2022 Author Share Posted May 4, 2022 Husband keeps nagging me tO do the business but the parenting program gets in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 5, 2022 Share Posted May 5, 2022 On 5/1/2022 at 9:15 AM, Sugarkane2 said: Being nagged constantly by my husband, to do the business. The only thing stopping me is I’m doing the parenting program for CPS. What exactly does this parenting program entail? I find it hard to believe that they are requiring you to spend 40+ hrs/week on it, as everyone knows that children require financial support, and that requires you to be working... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 6, 2022 Author Share Posted May 6, 2022 5 hours ago, Elswyth said: What exactly does this parenting program entail? I find it hard to believe that they are requiring you to spend 40+ hrs/week on it, as everyone knows that children require financial support, and that requires you to be working... It’s the travel time. I go by public transport. By the time I leave, it’s time for me to go home again. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 The parenting program is not standing in your way. Evidently it is your one and only lifeline to getting the opportunity to parent your child again. Is this a priority to you? If it is, stop complaining about your husband's weight, his nagging, your parents, his parents, etc. Focus on learning how to parent your child, and hopefully, you'll get a chance to do it once you learn what you need to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 On 5/4/2022 at 7:49 PM, Sugarkane2 said: Husband keeps nagging me tO do the business but the parenting program gets in the way. What is he doing all day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 7, 2022 Author Share Posted May 7, 2022 9 hours ago, stillafool said: What is he doing all day? He is at work doing the business Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 On 5/6/2022 at 10:53 AM, Sugarkane2 said: It’s the travel time. I go by public transport. By the time I leave, it’s time for me to go home again. How many times a week exactly is this program, and for how long? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 (edited) On 4/26/2022 at 9:56 PM, Sugarkane2 said: We’ve been living separately as CPS wouldn’t let us live together Why is that? You need to get divorced. Was he abusive to you or your child? Why is CPS Involved? Why can't you post under your original user name? Edited May 7, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 9 hours ago, Sugarkane2 said: He is at work doing the business Doesn't he realize that you have to go the parenting program so you can get your kids back? Which is more important to you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 8, 2022 Author Share Posted May 8, 2022 16 hours ago, Elswyth said: How many times a week exactly is this program, and for how long? It’s twice a week for a few hours Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane2 Posted May 8, 2022 Author Share Posted May 8, 2022 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why is that? You need to get divorced. Was he abusive to you or your child? Why is CPS Involved? Why can't you post under your original user name? CPS is involved because someone contacted them about us. I don’t know why I can’t post under my original name Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 8, 2022 Share Posted May 8, 2022 14 hours ago, Sugarkane2 said: It’s twice a week for a few hours How does that prevent you from working? I mean, even if we take it at your word that transport literally takes you 4 hours return each time, preventing you from working on those days... there are 5 other days in the week? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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