How to know if it's just genuine friendship or something more?

[DaisyP]

I have this friend who has been one of my closest friends for 2 years now. We’re in a friend group circle. He had just got out of a 7 year relationship when we got together in a close friend group. He has been single since then.

He would compliment me from time to time and shows care for me. And eventually I felt like I was falling for him. He has been giving me mixed signals for a long time and I just don’t know if he likes me or not. Should I wait for him or just start dating someone else cause it seems impossible with him?

 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, DaisyP said:

 I have this friend who has been one of my closest friends for 2 years now. I wait for him or just start dating someone else cause it seems impossible with him?

If he is not specifically asking you out on a one-on-one date, date other men.

[DaisyP]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If he is not specifically asking you out on a one-on-one date, date other men.

That’s the problem. We have previously went out just the two of us but it wasn’t like a date. He keeps telling me that he would take me out to treat me but hasn’t done so yet because I had been away for quite a long time and now he only keeps implying to see me in the presence of another close friend.

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, DaisyP said:

because I had been away for quite a long time and now he only keeps implying to see me in the presence of another close friend.

Well how long have you been back?

[DaisyP]

 

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well how long have you been back?

Over a month 

Edited April 20, 2022 by DaisyP

[stillafool]

15 minutes ago, DaisyP said:

 

Over a month 

That is plenty of time for him to have asked you out on a one on one date.  You will know he's interested in you romantically when he does that.

[DaisyP]

And how do I interpret him drunk texting to tell me he misses me.

Edited April 20, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[stillafool]

He says "I miss you" then you say "I miss you too, so what should we do about it?"

[Wiseman2]

Reconsider what you want and how you invest your time and in whom.

You seem to be hoping that after 2 years of just friends, that he is interested in more. Unfortunately there's no actions to support that.

Why not date other men who are crystal clear about wanting to date.

If you have an unrequited crush on this friend, it may be best to distance yourself.

Edited April 21, 2022 by Wiseman2

[DaisyP]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Reconsider what you want and how you invest your time and in whom.

You seem to be hoping that after 2 years of just friends, that he is interested in more. Unfortunately there's no actions to support that.

Why not date other men who are crystal clear about wanting to date.

If you have an unrequited crush on this friend, it may be best to distance yourself.

You are right. Thank you for your suggestion. I needed that.

[Alvi]

I think he is somewhat curious about you. But not enough to do anything about it. It's sort of like when you see some strange car parked at the neighbor's house. You are curious, but not curious enough to actually get dressed and to go outside to investigate.

If he misses you, he would have done something about it. Like ask you out. And two years is long enough to ask someone out. If he is interested that is. 

At the very best, he is just a friend. At the very worst, he is a flake and a timewaster. 

Don't wait for him. Date other men. Who knows? Maybe you are going to meet "the one." But it is not going to happen if you get hung up on this guy. If he manages to actually ask you out one day, then great! If not, then not. But don't put any of your time and energy into this.

You know what I've learned in my years of dating? Interested men act interested. If they are not interested, well, all you get is flakiness, confusion, mixed feeling and hell a lot of a headache trying to figure him out.

Edited April 21, 2022 by Alvi

[DaisyP]

23 hours ago, Alvi said:

I think he is somewhat curious about you. But not enough to do anything about it. It's sort of like when you see some strange car parked at the neighbor's house. You are curious, but not curious enough to actually get dressed and to go outside to investigate.

If he misses you, he would have done something about it. Like ask you out. And two years is long enough to ask someone out. If he is interested that is. 

At the very best, he is just a friend. At the very worst, he is a flake and a timewaster. 

Don't wait for him. Date other men. Who knows? Maybe you are going to meet "the one." But it is not going to happen if you get hung up on this guy. If he manages to actually ask you out one day, then great! If not, then not. But don't put any of your time and energy into this.

You know what I've learned in my years of dating? Interested men act interested. If they are not interested, well, all you get is flakiness, confusion, mixed feeling and hell a lot of a headache trying to figure him out.

Quote

Wise words. I’m also tired of trying to figure out what he wants. Better I focus on myself and other potentials.

 

 

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, DaisyP said:

Wise words. I’m also tired of trying to figure out what he wants. Better I focus on myself and other potentials.

Good choice.  When people are interested you don't have to guess they make it known.

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, DaisyP said:

Wise words. I’m also tired of trying to figure out what he wants. Better I focus on myself and other potentials.

I've dealt with so much flakiness from the guys, I could probably write a book about it. But I've also met some good men along the way as well. You can spend months or even years psychoanalyzing his behavior. Who knows why he did or and said this or that? Maybe he is dating others. Maybe he, himself, doesn't even know what he wants. Better for you to spend your time and energy elsewhere. Get some good pics and a profile description and go register on some reputable dating site. You don't have to cut this guy out of your life or do anything that dramatic or drastic. Just keep busy with your life in general and start dating others. If by some chance he actually wants to get a date with you (and you are actually single and available at that time) maybe consider giving him a chance. But don't look back, only move forward.

[glows]

Why are you leaving yourself open to drunk texts from a supposed friend? I think you have love-blinders on. Take a time out and reconsider what you want in a relationship or what kind of level of involvement and initiative you want out of a legitimate partner. 

I don't think he's a good choice and he would have stepped up to the plate a long time ago if the feelings were mutual or if he "missed" you. Also keep in mind that when someone hesitates like that it's unknown whether it's either not a good match on his side or whether he has personal issues he's dealing with. For whatever reason it's creating hesitancy and putting you in an awkward position being on the receiving end of those kinds of texts. 

[DaisyP]

1 hour ago, glows said:Take a time out and reconsider what you want in a relationship or what kind of level of involvement and initiative you want out of a legitimate partner.  

Quote

someone hesitates like that it's unknown whether it's either not a good match

Since you mentioned hesitancy, I think now might be a good time I give a little background check on myself why I might not be a good match

- I’ve never been in a relationship before (I’m 25)   However, I’ve dated a few.

- Him and I are of different religions. Us dating would definitely be frowned upon.

- I’m at a turning phase in my career where I plan to move to another country If I get a job there but due to some unforeseen reasons there’s been delay and I’m not sure how long it will take.

- I’ve been traveling since last yr(d/t family+ career) and I still have plans to travel this year so dating for me is kind of hard at this point.

 Even I don’t know what I should look for right now.

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, DaisyP said:

- Him and I are of different religions. Us dating would definitely be frowned upon.

- I’m at a turning phase in my career where I plan to move to another country If I get a job there but due to some unforeseen reasons there’s been delay and I’m not sure how long it will take.

- I’ve been traveling since last yr(d/t family+ career) and I still have plans to travel this year so dating for me is kind of hard at this point.

You're right. For all these reasons it's not a good idea to date him.

[glows]

2 hours ago, DaisyP said:

Since you mentioned hesitancy, I think now might be a good time I give a little background check on myself why I might not be a good match

- I’ve never been in a relationship before (I’m 25)   However, I’ve dated a few.

- Him and I are of different religions. Us dating would definitely be frowned upon.

- I’m at a turning phase in my career where I plan to move to another country If I get a job there but due to some unforeseen reasons there’s been delay and I’m not sure how long it will take.

- I’ve been traveling since last yr(d/t family+ career) and I still have plans to travel this year so dating for me is kind of hard at this point.

 Even I don’t know what I should look for right now.

 

Well, if he were on the same wavelength I don't see why you wouldn't date one another. That's based on mutual agreement and two people agreeing that there are certain limitations without issue and also acknowledging that there would be a point where it ends based on your respective goals. You never having been in a relationship might not be an issue at all with the right man. 

The bottomline is he's making no moves towards you and awards you with these lovely drunk texts. That's just disrespectful. It may not be something you want to put up with any longer either as you work out the next chapter of your life or what comes next.

Edited April 22, 2022 by glows

[DaisyP]

19 hours ago, glows said:

Quote

That's based on mutual agreement and two people agreeing that there are certain limitations without issue and also acknowledging that there would be a point where it ends based on your respective goals.

The bottomline is he's making no moves towards you and awards you with these lovely drunk texts. That's just disrespectful. It may not be something you want to put up with any longer

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You’re absolutely right. That’s why despite the limitations ,I was still hoping initially. But now I don’t think I should put up with this kind of unclear behavior anymore.