Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 8 hours ago, YourEyesOnly said: . I don’t know how they manage to creep their way in and keep us hooked. That would be a great question for your therapist. Why you are creating your own prison and what void you are trying to fill. Keep in mind unavailable people choose other unavailable people. So you may be afraid of true intimacy and relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 It's pretty clear that you "want more" of his time, etc and he's not interested in giving you that. Perhaps this breakup will turn out to be a positive thing for you if you stick with it and find someone you can more fully have, since that appears to be what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 On 4/19/2022 at 2:47 AM, stillafool said: Who asked for the separation him or his wife? Where is he living now and do you get to now spend the night with him because of the separation? Hi, I'm in the same situation, how did this pan out pls I'm struggling as were you Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 On 4/18/2022 at 5:45 PM, stillafool said: This is the beginning of the end because more than likely this isn't going to happen. He's trying to slink away. He isn't interested in spending time with you to argue, you are supposed to be his escape and your complaining is taking all the fun out of the affair for him. Exactly. The op is becoming, in effect, the “ nagging spouse” . He wants fun -not another wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YourEyesOnly Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) I need help or advice or thoughts. Before I blocked him fully and tried to go no contact, he sent me a text saying how beautiful I was and for me to tell him that I love him. When I asked why he did that after he was the one who broke it off, he said I needed to hear that he loves me. Then I said “why do I” and he said because I miss him. I pretty much went off on him and said it wasn’t fair and that I accepted the breakup and he was now playing mental mind games and screwing with me. He said he doesn’t know about mental mind games and he’s gotten the hint to leave me alone. He said he stuck with the breakup and didn’t understand the issue. Why do this to someone??? I really don’t understand. I was moving on. Edited August 18, 2022 by YourEyesOnly Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, YourEyesOnly said: Why do this to someone??? I really don’t understand. I was moving on. Who knows why he does and says the things he does. It doesn't matter because now he's blocked and you've moved on. Stop looking back at bad rubbish. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 You may find it easiest to block him completely at some point as that will reduce "re-triggering" your feelings and/or distress. Since it seems this will not go anywhere positive from here, this will probably help you. You might not be ready for this step yet, but I think at some point you will be (and you'll probably know when). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, YourEyesOnly said: Before I blocked him fully and tried to go no contact, he sent me a text saying how beautiful I was and for me to tell him that I love him. When I asked why he did that after he was the one who broke it off, he said I he needed to hear that he I loves me him. Then I said “why do I” and he said because I he miss(es) him me. I fixed it for you. He wouldn’t have reached out if it didn’t benefit him. He wanted you to stoke his ego, that’s all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YourEyesOnly Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:I fixed it for you. He wouldn’t have reached out if it didn’t benefit him. He wanted you to stoke his ego, that’s all. So I literally said to him, “do you miss me? Is that the problem?” He didn’t answer and then got annoyed. Why play the mind games? He is the one who broke it off with me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) 30 minutes ago, YourEyesOnly said: Why play the mind games? He’s been playing mind games with you for years, you just didn’t realize it. He’s not going to stop now. You expect him to mean what he says and say what he means - you got the wrong guy… Edited August 18, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author YourEyesOnly Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: He’s been playing mind games with you for years, you just didn’t realize it. He’s not going to stop now. You expect him to mean what he says and say what he means - you got the wrong guy… This is probably a rhetorical question and I’m just throwing it out to the universe because my feelings are on such edge, so you think even fully blocking him will stop him from attempting to contact me or will he just go away? You’ve read a lot of stories on here. Do they get the hint? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, YourEyesOnly said: Do they get the hint? If he has any respect or care for you, he will let you be. If he is intent on pursuing his own agenda, his own best interest, at your expense, he will continue to try to contact you. Only time will tell which it is - Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 6 hours ago, YourEyesOnly said: I need help or advice or thoughts. Before I blocked him fully and tried to go no contact, he sent me a text saying how beautiful I was and for me to tell him that I love him. When I asked why he did that after he was the one who broke it off, he said I needed to hear that he loves me. Then I said “why do I” and he said because I miss him. I pretty much went off on him and said it wasn’t fair and that I accepted the breakup and he was now playing mental mind games and screwing with me. He said he doesn’t know about mental mind games and he’s gotten the hint to leave me alone. He said he stuck with the breakup and didn’t understand the issue. Why do this to someone??? I really don’t understand. I was moving on. Because he wants to keep you on that string, it's cruel 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 4 hours ago, YourEyesOnly said: so you think even fully blocking him will stop him from attempting to contact me or will he just go away? You’ve read a lot of stories on here. Do they get the hint? They find another OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Yes easy for me to say I know but block him, I'm still in touch with my AP as we haven't broke it off and don't want too but if she ended it I would have to block on all avenues, it's either on or off, can't be any inbetween. It's hard though being in affair whether it's on or off. A strong love and being apart is pain like no other Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 I honestly wonder at the emotional torture you subject yourself to in an affair. Months and years go by and people keep hanging on for such sweet nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 Yesvery true but so hard to get out of, if you've ever been there you will know, I'm sure others will agree Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 Just now, Darcus30 said: Yesvery true but so hard to get out of, if you've ever been there you will know, I'm sure others will agree Because you're addicted like Pavlov's dog - one text or look your way and you're back to waiting for the reward. The intermittent contact is what you're addicted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 What's the best, easiest way to break the cycle pls Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 Just now, Darcus30 said: What's the best, easiest way to break the cycle pls? Does it work both ways? Is she addicted too Link to post Share on other sites
Jonttu Posted August 20, 2022 Share Posted August 20, 2022 On 8/19/2022 at 6:52 PM, Darcus30 said: Even a forum for cheaters has the following WARNING (in capital letters): Quote Don't let yourself whitewash the potentially catastrophic results, that having an affair can have on spouses, partners, kids, family, friends, etc. This is the path of HELL: deception, lies, abused trust, and all sorts of other sins abound. The moral predicament isn't something everyone can handle, probably for good reason. People 'fall' in what they believe is 'love'. Fall! When was the last time, that you recognized yourself, that you felt like yourself? When people 'fall in love' they fall into darkness and forget who they used to be. They have to be reminded of themself. They have to come out of the darkness before they can leave destructive affairs behind them. How many have ongoing 'discussions' with their AP in their head? If it would be real Love, then no mental discussions would be going on. Zero! You asked how to break the cycle? It is easy -- if you want to break the cycle: Whenever she comes to your mind, all you have to do is think "She. Is. Not. My. Problem. Godspeed. You have to do it as many times as needed, because she will bombard you with her thoughts and you have to cut her off every single time. She Is Not Your Problem. Godspeed! As time goes by you start to remember yourself, who you used to be before starting the affair. When you are down in the darkness you forget yourself. Think only about yourself and your own recovery. NOT about her, let God take care of her. Provided she wants to come out of the darkness. Usually one party of the affair is already in darkness, which is why you should concentrate on you only. She is NOT your problem! Unless you focus on yourself only, the danger is that you will be drawn back again and again by the other person. Even the forum for cheaters warn of the path. This is the only advice I have to give 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 On 8/19/2022 at 7:46 AM, Darcus30 said: Yesvery true but so hard to get out of, if you've ever been there you will know, I'm sure others will agree My AP didn't seem to have a hard time leaving me in the dust. Once his wife found out, he ditched me. He totally blocked me and I haven't heard a word from him since. His wife, on the other hand, did some crazy things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darcus30 Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 That's awful,just goes to show where his priorities lay, hope you are ok now? How long ago was it Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 4 hours ago, Darcus30 said: That's awful,just goes to show where his priorities lay, hope you are ok now? How long ago was it It was quite a while ago now. It still amazes me. That a two month affair which involved only 2 sexual liaisons, could cause so many lives ruined. I'm talking spouse, spouses family, my family, my kids, my friends. Total chaos for nothing much Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 On 8/21/2022 at 10:13 AM, Maylady said: My AP didn't seem to have a hard time leaving me in the dust. Once his wife found out, he ditched me. He totally blocked me and I haven't heard a word from him since. His wife, on the other hand, did some crazy things. Yeah you know that sounds like me. Wife found out blocked and done. Literally worst pain ever. Op... You need to walk away from this. Link to post Share on other sites
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