My friends are mean to me

[Episodian]

My friends sometimes are mean towards me. For example a friend of mine once told me that my profile picture is horrible and I should definitely change it because I looked as if I was high. The same day another friend told me that sometimes I dress like a 20-year-old man. I don't really think that they mean any of these things, but this behaviour doesn't really help my self-esteem and confidence. I don't know why they behave like that. We're really really close friends... Another (male) friend is really mean towards me those months. At first I was mad with him for some reason (long story) and when he asked me what's wrong I told him it's nothing and I deal with some personal issues (which was partially true, because I was angry but I had some problems). And now he is angry with me but I don't know why... When he heard that I was kinda dating a guy, he started saying bad things about him without a reason and I didn't like it. So I don't know if he's mad and mean because I don't open up or maybe because of that guy, which seems impossible. What do you think?

 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Episodian said:

 my profile picture is horrible and I should definitely change it because I looked as if I was high. The same day another friend told me that sometimes I dress like a 20-year-old man

Did you ask for their feedback?  

[Episodian]

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did you ask for their feedback?  

No, I didn't

[ShyViolet]

It's hard to tell what's going on because the examples you gave sound a lot like the type of playful jabs that friends give to each other all the time.

But ultimately any friend that you truly feel is mean to you is not your friend.  It's up to you to walk away from people who you feel are disrespectful to you and don't act like true friends.  It only goes on for as long as you allow it.

[glows]

On 4/21/2022 at 5:20 PM, Episodian said:

My friends sometimes are mean towards me. For example a friend of mine once told me that my profile picture is horrible and I should definitely change it because I looked as if I was high. The same day another friend told me that sometimes I dress like a 20-year-old man. I don't really think that they mean any of these things, but this behaviour doesn't really help my self-esteem and confidence. I don't know why they behave like that. We're really really close friends... Another (male) friend is really mean towards me those months. At first I was mad with him for some reason (long story) and when he asked me what's wrong I told him it's nothing and I deal with some personal issues (which was partially true, because I was angry but I had some problems). And now he is angry with me but I don't know why... When he heard that I was kinda dating a guy, he started saying bad things about him without a reason and I didn't like it. So I don't know if he's mad and mean because I don't open up or maybe because of that guy, which seems impossible. What do you think?

 

Those are some strong and negative emotions coming from someone who's a friend. Are you sure he's angry or frustrated? Leave him alone if he has problems with you or criticizes you on a daily basis.

When you're confused about your emotions or unsure about voicing your concerns, the mindful thing to do would be to think through them before letting it all out. Someone who keeps pushing you to reveal your emotions or follow them/agree with them when you're not ready is only rude and aggressive.

First, it's birds of a feather that flock together so you may find yourself not fitting in with this crowd if your values or beliefs clash. Second, everyone is open to growth and change and can change their minds, grow out of a friendship that no longer works or is mutually beneficial. Very few things or people are standard, fixed, stationary or constant in life. The few people who do remain a constant and positive influence, cherish them.

Regarding the comments about your dress or clothing, you can take the criticism with some thought or humour or discard it as you like. Some people are more prone to impressing others or enjoy focusing on their looks. It doesn't mean you need to be the same or dress or look the same as them. If you look high in your profile picture that's some place public you may want to take it down as teachers, employers, parents or others who can see that picture may view you differently or it may negatively affect the outcome of job interviews or other opportunities. 

 

Edited April 27, 2022 by glows

[mortensorchid]

It difficult to measure this based on the little you have said.  Are they just playful jabs like someone mentioned or are they being very nasty?  Know why people do this to one another?  Because they are unhappy with themselves.

I had this friend years ago who was like that.  She was a miserable, bitter person who had screwed her life up royally.  I was in my early/mid twenties and still relatively nieve, but after a while I was really fed up with her lashing out at me and others.  Eventually she drove everyone and anyone away.  I was friendly with her brother and sister, after their mother had died they didn't have that common link or person bonding them to one another.  She came to a sad end a few years ago.  But, I remember that she died as she lived and got what she deserved.  While your friends may not be as extreme as this, remember that karma comes back around. 

[mortensorchid]

Also remember that long term relationships are rough, whether it's working, parent/child, sibling, marriage, etc.  Why?  Because you go through a lot and you go through a lot together.  They may not like certain things about you and them but it's part of what makes a long term relationship.  The ups and downs are part of it, but if someone is telling you constantly how stupid you are, how you did/said something in the past to humiliate you, that it's okay for them but not okay for others to do/say something, etc., then they are not your friends.  They are people who want to be made the center of attention, self centered, and eventually they will get their karma back.