Friend complains about his Job nonstop

[jdesey]

My closest friend has been complaining DAILY to me about his job now for over 3 years.  I am not making this up, it is literally every day.  He actually finally resigned last month, but his employer convinced him to stay the next day.  Both myself and his wife have been encouraging him to resign for years.  At what point do I say,,,,   I am not sure what a good friend should do. There is a part of me that wants to say  "I am sick of hearing this, either stop  complaining about it or make a change" .  His work environment is very toxic/crazy.  I am trying to be a good friend, but this is like some kind of weird co-dependent thing where he can not  make a change. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, jdesey said:

Both myself and his wife have been encouraging him to resign for years.

Don't be his sounding board or give advice. Just distance yourself by being very busy with other friends, family, hobbies, sports, work, home, etc.

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

I would probably tell him - as diplomatically as possible - that he decided to stay despite his unhappiness and that you don’t want to hear about it all the time. I’d do that to see if he finally stops complaining (assuming you haven’t asked  yet)and can just be a friend,etc.  I think people can get into a complaining habit….and maybe he doesn’t realize what a downer he is.

Otherwise, yeah distance yourself.

Edited April 22, 2022 by ClearEyes-FullHeart

[SingFish]

Just say 'let's talk about something else!' @jdesey

 

[glows]

3 hours ago, jdesey said:

My closest friend has been complaining DAILY to me about his job now for over 3 years.  I am not making this up, it is literally every day.  He actually finally resigned last month, but his employer convinced him to stay the next day.  Both myself and his wife have been encouraging him to resign for years.  At what point do I say,,,,   I am not sure what a good friend should do. There is a part of me that wants to say  "I am sick of hearing this, either stop  complaining about it or make a change" .  His work environment is very toxic/crazy.  I am trying to be a good friend, but this is like some kind of weird co-dependent thing where he can not  make a change. 

Do you know why he agreed to stay? 

I'd say very little in response and tell him nothing seems to have changed (in regards to his job). Change the subject. His wife and you have been encouraging him to resign but you are also not his wife. You may be entangling yourself too closely in their marriage and getting too emotionally involved. Try distancing yourself a little more. At the end of each day, no matter how closely tied you are to someone, there are choices each of us are empowered to take to better our lives. No one else can make those choices for us in the same way that you can't make those choices for him. 

[flitzanu]

you don't have to give advice.  

just say "man that sucks!" when he says something about it.  "man that sucks dude!  hey did you see the new episode of Golden Girls?"  some people just like venting and want someone to agree with them.

 

Edited April 22, 2022 by flitzanu
more context / posted too soon

[ShyViolet]

I probably would have distanced myself from this person a long time ago.  

Either tell him "I am really tired of hearing about this, all you do is complain about your job." or stop spending time with him.  One person dumping their problems on another person is not a friendship.