Hurt80 Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 Last week my boyfriend of 4 years was showing me a video on his phone and I noticed a dating icon at the top of his screen he clicked on it when I asked and it said welcome back. He told me that he had never used it and it just appeared there. I showed him my page that it doesn’t just come up on your page unless u go into it and he started twisting it to me saying I talk to men online at work etc and I just walked away from him he knows i have trust issues with him because he’s gone behind my back before and he does that and expects me to be ok with it . He still carried on when we were talking on the phone that I am nasty when i go out with my friend i dress like a tart for men I speak to other guys I’m a tramp and and hung the phone on me again and we didn’t speak for the rest of the weekend. On the Monday I called him because he hadn’t been in touch and he did admit to going into the app to see what is what about that he was curious because he hadn’t seen it before but he’s not spoken to anyone then told me because I had not called him over the weekend that he had took our pictures down in his living room because we had a deadline if we go over 3 days not speaking we are done. We argued and he was telling me he hated me im nasty for speaking to men ( which I’ve been telling him for months im not) and hung the phone up on me again and was really texting me abuse swearing and name calling. Yesterday I called him again and he was ignoring my calls and sending me texts at the same time telling me he’s out and he’s busy and that he’s in control not me and I should see how I like it I was asking him to talk to me and he was just ignoring me this went on all night then he switched off his phone. I had had a drink to so I texted him alot more than I should have and feel silly now but he texted back saying your still trying with a laughing face..I told him how he is treating me he’s hurting me but he didn’t care. I wrote him another message telling him I’m not putting up with his behaviour anymore and I’m cutting all contact I felt I was going crazy I blocked him from everything and deleted his number and today I feel so bad im going to stick to my decision for my own health but its hard I loved him but there’s been constant disrespect and verbal abuse from him when we argue and ive put up with it for to long and him not taking responsibility for his actions I felt this was the only thing left to do but now I feel so broken and hurt just trying to get through the day is going to be tough I feel emotionally drained I just need some advice I don’t have anyone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 1 hour ago, Hurt80 said: he’s out and he’s busy and that he’s in control not me. Sorry this is happening. Is he usually this dismissive, controlling and abusive? How old is he? He seems a bit immature, petty and manipulative. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You dodged a bullet. You can be free of bad men like this now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt80 Posted April 24, 2022 Author Share Posted April 24, 2022 Hes 51 and yes he's been like this on and off throughout the 4 years we have been together mainly when i have had issues with how he treats me. He has lied to me and gone behind my back messaging women I lost all trust for him.. ive always been loyal but he's always accusing me and verbually abusing me hanging up the phone on me he wont communicate with me then plays the victim and will ignore me for days I have finally had enough now and for my own peace of mind have walked away but it still hurts and I'm emotionally drained. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 33 minutes ago, Hurt80 said: Hes 51 and yes he's been like this on and off throughout the 4 years we have been together mainly when i have had issues with how for my own peace of mind have walked away but it still hurts and I'm emotionally drained. Did you live together? How did you meet? Did his last GF/wife kick him out? Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Once involved in an abusive relationship, trauma bonds can develop from the brainwashing and isolation. That's why it hurts and that's why you're vulnerable to get back together. All that drama had you convinced you were with someone desirable. Get to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get tested for STDs. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. You'll have to work on rebuilding your circle of friends. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a side hustle, take some classes and courses, get involved in sports and fitness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt80 Posted April 24, 2022 Author Share Posted April 24, 2022 No we don't live together we met online he had only just got out of a 20 year relationship but the ex was still in background and he was still talking and see other woman thats what ruined my trust for him in the beginning of the relationship it just got worse from then on...because of how he's been in the past he's very paranoid insecure it's bad..he is very immature and he can't communicate my anxiety has got really bad im spring to a Councillor next week hopefully I cant start feeling better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 I'm afraid you're going to have to break him off like the terribly bad habit that he is. Go cold turkey and enlist all the help and support you can get whether through your community or healthcare providers. Don't lapse or fall back on someone like this. He was verbally abusive towards you and seems to have been wanting to end this for some time. What he chooses, wants, who he sees, talks to, how he does from now onwards are all none of your concern (actually make it none of your concern). Readjust that focus back on your own life and moving forward and your support systems will help you through that. If you're working through any issues of your own, tend to those. Family issues, financial problems, work and employment, work on all of those. You won't see the effects immediately but you will over a few weeks. If you need help staying sober find support and stay sober. Don't resort to drinking alcohol, over-caffeinating, poor eating habits or neglect exercise. Go out for short walks first and then get into a routine. Exercise is just great in that boost of endorphins and feeling good about yourself. When you move and exercise you're also motivated to eat well and stay hydrated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 Well he was right about one thing - he's the one in control. So glad you've blocked him and decided to end this. He has no respect whatsoever for you. If a man who was supposed to be my bf talked to me that way he would never have to worry about seeing me again. I hope you stick to this breakup because if you beg him back after this he will treat you worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 Sure doesn’t sound like any kind of boyfriend I could ever imagine. Boyfriends respect, understand, support, show affection, show and care for each other, and when they make a mistake, apologize and do not repeat it. You might feel a bit bad about this situation, and that is perfectly normal. Simply remember that it is okay to do things for yourself, and this person clearly wasn't right for you. His behavior has no rational explanation. Don't waste time looking for one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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