Is it conditional love?

[Ari_ya]

Hello internet friends. I’d like your opinions on my problem. I’m Asian and I met my bf, an American man, online. We’ve been talking for 5 months, and we are in a serious relationship. We’ve talked about marriage. Our plan is to meet and plan our marriage on our first meeting.

Like other LDR couples, we have our intimate time online, and I can say our type is not the vanilla one. Bf told me those are western styles. This is the first time I’m exploring that far even though I had LDR with foreigner before. Bf has so many fantasies and he really wants one of them to happen. He really wants a cuckold. At first, he said he wanna do it after we are married. So, I was still considering it bcs I’ve never thought of such act before.

But last month, he suddenly asked me to do it now – before we meet in person. This led to arguments, and he made it such a threat that if I don’t do it then all plans are cancelled – no meeting, no marriage. But I tried, even though I feel uncomfortable. I started to search for a bull locally. However, this cuckold thing is uncommon in my culture. [ ] And there are other risks for me, social and health risk. Everytime I talked to a potential bull, I had to explain what it is about and ended up they back off. Moreover, after knowing they will be recorded in a video.

And I’m still struggling inside with mixed feelings. The feelings of shame, disgust, but also thrilling and challenged. Ended up I could not deal with the feelings, and I stopped searching. Bf was so disappointed, saying it showed how I’m not committed in our serious relationship. It’s been a month, we are like in limbo. He keeps talking to me, still insisting his desire. I told him I cannot but he doesn’t want to let go. And to be honest it’s hard for me to let go as well.

But my disappointment is, he can’t see our relationship this whole time, my attention, effort, and time for him. All he can see is this fantasy as his base to make the final decision. Perhaps I was wrong as well, giving him false hope as I said I was considering it. I thought I would be able to do it when I’m in different culture – meaning when I move and live with him. And bf told me that I have to follow western styles when I’m with him. I was wondering how common is cuckold in western? After reading some sources, I don’t think it’s that common

Edited April 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language/group berating

[glows]

Don't record yourself and share anything with this person you haven't met. He's not your boyfriend if you haven't spent any time in person. This is only someone who's manipulating you into exposing yourself online and he may blackmail you with the video as well or use it as a form of extortion. 

I wouldn't continue any relationship with this kind of person. Find out what attracts you to these bullies and manipulators as it seems you find it thrilling and challenging.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Ari_ya said:

Our plan is to meet and plan our marriage on our first meeting.

Did you start talking through a bride site? You never met so at this point, it's just cybersex and nothing more. He's not going to marry you. He just doesn't want to pay for a sexcam situation.

Delete and block him asap.

[stillafool]

I agree it's a Con.  Someone online is trying to trick you into fulfilling their sick fantasies and promising to marry you.  Don't fall for it.  Any man who is in love with you will not want to share your body with another man before he even has sex with you.  Stop talking to that guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Ari_ya said:

Moreover, after knowing they will be recorded in a video.

Please, do not proceed with this. I guarantee that video will then be posted online for others to watch. 

6 hours ago, Ari_ya said:

he made it such a threat that if I don’t do it then all plans are cancelled – no meeting, no marriage.

Great idea! This man is a predator, OP. He is some internet weirdo trying to manipulate you, not a guy who actually cares about you. This is not love. It's a random creep trying to get his rocks off, and maybe even make money off you by procuring and then selling your video. 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, he is exploting your naivety. He sees you as an easy target and lord knows what he is actually capable of. For your own good, please stop all contact with this person. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Please, do not proceed with this. I guarantee that video will then be posted online for others to watch. 

I agree and he will probably charge for others to see it.  I bet you aren't the only girl he's doing this with because it's a scam.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Noooo don’t do it. He is using you. He does not care about you.  There are many many better men than him.  Dump him and block him for being a jerk.

You will be very unhappy if you marry him. Don’t do it.