Affair is over but I am in love with AP!

[mark clemson]

On 4/29/2022 at 9:05 AM, Confused8647 said:

I haven’t felt guilty about how I have treated my BS, but now following all these messages and speaking to the AP today has made me realise how much she has changed and how she doesn’t want me anymore. I have to find the courage to move on with my life and be honest with everyone around me starting with my BS.

 

13 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

 even though I have been horrible and clearly don’t deserve to be happy or to have a wife standby me without knowing the truth, I can’t at this time bear the thought of destroying her with the truth. Now this A is over I just need time to get over the AP first 

Respectfully, I think you actually do feel a lot of guilt. Maybe it's unconscious or actually coming from somewhere else, but e.g. the idea that you don't deserve to be happy, etc.

Again respectfully, you also seem to be "all over the place" which IMO could be due to the stress of limerence and losing the AP. However, it's wise IMO to not let the emotion of the hour drive what you plan to do.

As for telling your BS there's an interplay between feelings of guilt, other emotions, personal moral views and rationales, your life situation, and the potential for consequences (broadly speaking, not just for the WS) that occurs WRT to that, and you'll eventually cross that bridge one way or the other.

Edited April 30, 2022 by mark clemson

[Confused8647]

39 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

 

Respectfully, I think you actually do feel a lot of guilt. Maybe it's unconscious or actually coming from somewhere else, but e.g. the idea that you don't deserve to be happy, etc.

Again respectfully, you also seem to be "all over the place" which IMO could be due to the stress of limerence and losing the AP. However, it's wise IMO to not let the emotion of the hour drive what you plan to do.

As for telling your BS there's an interplay between feelings of guilt, other emotions, personal moral views and rationales, your life situation, and the potential for consequences (broadly speaking, not just for the WS) that occurs WRT to that, and you'll eventually cross that bridge one way or the other.

Mark thank you for all your advice. As the previous post said I need to leave her alone. The posting and having an outlet has certainly helped me and has been a little bit cathartic in some ways, as it made me realise how I have been obsessing over AP to the point where I must have been far too much and now it is clear. I will certainly leave her and her family alone. I am grateful for all the comments. Some of them have rightly been scathing of me being selfish which I certainly accept.

[torn_heart]

1 hour ago, Confused8647 said:

Mark thank you for all your advice. As the previous post said I need to leave her alone. The posting and having an outlet has certainly helped me and has been a little bit cathartic in some ways, as it made me realise how I have been obsessing over AP to the point where I must have been far too much and now it is clear. I will certainly leave her and her family alone. I am grateful for all the comments. Some of them have rightly been scathing of me being selfish which I certainly accept.

Believe me, I understand the separation anxiety of having to get away of the woman WE THINK we love. It makes you do wrong things. 

Go to therapy and watch videos on no contact, they will help

[vla1120]

16 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

I have always considered myself a romantic and I guess I have watched too many romantic films which have warped my vote of what love and soulmates should be. In respect of my BS I know I’m not being fair to her and she deserves to know the truth and have a chance of finding someone who wants her and will be there for her. That time will come but right now I need to get over the AP and I am really grateful for all the comments and advice. I keep waking up thinking this is the day I will stop thinking about her as she is clearly not thinking about me, but it’s still too raw.

When is the last time you did something very romantic and unexpected for your wife? You're right, the romantic films tend to make us want that for ourselves, but there probably aren't many relationships that emulate the romance in the films. Certainly no relationship is that romantic without the effort.  

[vla1120]

I had another thought I wanted to share. You've said you think it's possible your OW as moved on and is spending time with someone else. You could keep her unblocked, but then, if she stops contacting you, it may be harder for you in the long run, constantly wondering if she'll contact you. If you block her, at least you'll feel a bit more empowered knowing YOU were the one who took control of your situation. 

[Justanaverageguy]

I don't mean this to sound condescending but what you have described is the stereotypical hall mark of any affair. It's not "real" the intense emotions your talking about. The Hyper Intense feelings you are talking about are brought on not by the person but the circumstances of the affair. Primarily by the fact

1. You've been married for 16 years and your relationship has gone stale and this is new and fresh

2. It's "illicit" and secretive which adds to this

3. Far and away most important just the fact you "can't have her". Humans can be manipulated by this very simple principle we desire things we can't have. We value them more highly. It is the "longing" that creates the intensity of feeling. You are stuck in the "in between" zone. The you staying awake at night, constantly thinking about her, deleting and reaading numbers, social media etc etc etc all of this is just caused by the fact you can't have her. If you could .... All this BS dies off in 6 months like the honeymoon phase in any normal relationship. You don't "long for" something you already have. You stop thinking about and obsessing about the person constantly. Then the relationship moves into the "real" part. When the artificial intense feelings are removed - is their actually any substance to the relationship. And guess what you realise she is just another woman - flawed and with issues like everyone. The "glamour" wares off and the pedestal breaks and you realise you destroyed marriages, engagements and the well being of children and after 2 years you look at her the same way as you do your current wife.  The length of time this affair has gone on in this "limbo" is what has magnified it and made it even worse. 

 

Not saying that to be mean. Just to give you an honest understanding that the "feelings" you have aren't primarily about her.  The intensity is mostly due to the fact you are living in the "limbo zone" of the affair which becomes addictive. Almost like a drug. If you actually got her committed all that dissapears in a few months. Consider the period you are in now like quitting cigarettes. You just need to "break the addiction". Go cold turkey and ride it out

 

Edited May 1, 2022 by Justanaverageguy

[Confused8647]

5 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Believe me, I understand the separation anxiety of having to get away of the woman WE THINK we love. It makes you do wrong things. 

Go to therapy and watch videos on no contact, they will help

That is really it. It has really been torturing me. Constantly reminiscing but also thinking what if I do or say this. The reality is she does not feel the same, and although it really breaks my heart I have to accept that. 

[Confused8647]

4 hours ago, vla1120 said:

When is the last time you did something very romantic and unexpected for your wife? You're right, the romantic films tend to make us want that for ourselves, but there probably aren't many relationships that emulate the romance in the films. Certainly no relationship is that romantic without the effort.  

I’ve bought flowers but with children it’s difficult. I admit I have neglected her and my family. I am beginning to understand thanks for having this platform to express myself and also everyone’s comments and views. I need to stop fantasising and reminiscing about someone who clearly is not right for me and never will be.

[Confused8647]

1 hour ago, Justanaverageguy said:

I don't mean this to sound condescending but what you have described is the stereotypical hall mark of any affair. It's not "real" the intense emotions your talking about. The Hyper Intense feelings you are talking about are brought on not by the person but the circumstances of the affair. Primarily by the fact

1. You've been married for 16 years and your relationship has gone stale and this is new and fresh

2. It's "illicit" and secretive which adds to this

3. Far and away most important just the fact you "can't have her". Humans can be manipulated by this very simple principle we desire things we can't have. We value them more highly. It is the "longing" that creates the intensity of feeling. You are stuck in the "in between" zone. The you staying awake at night, constantly thinking about her, deleting and reaading numbers, social media etc etc etc all of this is just caused by the fact you can't have her. If you could .... All this BS dies off in 6 months like the honeymoon phase in any normal relationship. You don't "long for" something you already have. You stop thinking about and obsessing about the person constantly. Then the relationship moves into the "real" part. When the artificial intense feelings are removed - is their actually any substance to the relationship. And guess what you realise she is just another woman - flawed and with issues like everyone. The "glamour" wares off and the pedestal breaks and you realise you destroyed marriages, engagements and the well being of children and after 2 years you look at her the same way as you do your current wife.  The length of time this affair has gone on in this "limbo" is what has magnified it and made it even worse. 

 

Not saying that to be mean. Just to give you an honest understanding that the "feelings" you have aren't primarily about her.  The intensity is mostly due to the fact you are living in the "limbo zone" of the affair which becomes addictive. Almost like a drug. If you actually got her committed all that dissapears in a few months. Consider the period you are in now like quitting cigarettes. You just need to "break the addiction". Go cold turkey and ride it out

 

You are right. What you have described is quite scary really. I need to wake up and realise that there are certain things that the AP did which I don’t like but have been too scared to do or say anything for hurting her, yet she has broke my heart on more than one occasion, broken this off, refused to see me even for a coffee. I have now blocked her and won’t contact her again, but TBH it’s her birthday in a few weeks and I know I can’t do or say anything, the thought of not wishing her a happy birthday is so scary, but I know I can’t. She will also finally realise that I’m so hurt and need to move on but even though we have been broken up officially for months but have still been speaking or messaging a couple of times a week the conversations have not been the same, the feeling has been gone from her side for months. I have just been too scared to realise that I am trying to hold on to something which is not there and won’t even be there again!

[vla1120]

1 hour ago, Confused8647 said:

You are right. What you have described is quite scary really. I need to wake up and realise that there are certain things that the AP did which I don’t like but have been too scared to do or say anything for hurting her, yet she has broke my heart on more than one occasion, broken this off, refused to see me even for a coffee. I have now blocked her and won’t contact her again, but TBH it’s her birthday in a few weeks and I know I can’t do or say anything, the thought of not wishing her a happy birthday is so scary, but I know I can’t. She will also finally realise that I’m so hurt and need to move on but even though we have been broken up officially for months but have still been speaking or messaging a couple of times a week the conversations have not been the same, the feeling has been gone from her side for months. I have just been too scared to realise that I am trying to hold on to something which is not there and won’t even be there again!

In addition, you will not be able to work on your marriage if your thoughts are still with this woman. You really do need to keep her blocked, put her out of your mind and focus on yourself and your family. It sounds to me like she has done more damage to you than your wife ever did, honestly. Besides, I suspect she will have someone else to share her birthday celebration with her, and that should help you refocus your energies to a more deserving person.

[RebeccaR]

5 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

I’ve bought flowers but with children it’s difficult. I admit I have neglected her and my family. I am beginning to understand thanks for having this platform to express myself and also everyone’s comments and views. I need to stop fantasising and reminiscing about someone who clearly is not right for me and never will be.

So having children is the problem? Why are all parents not off having romantic affairs then?

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

it’s her birthday in a few weeks and I know I can’t do or say anything, the thought of not wishing her a happy birthday is so scary

You know what to do. Take your wife and kids out for the day. "Scary" is your untreated obsession with a woman who doesn't want you anymore or provide an excuse to ignore your family for your own thrills.

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, vla1120 said:

It sounds to me like she has done more damage to you than your wife ever did, honestly.

Yes!!

6 hours ago, vla1120 said:

I suspect she will have someone else to share her birthday celebration with her

She will celebrate with her fiancé and her children - perhaps even her new affair partner. She may not even think of you once that day OP. I’m not saying that to be cruel, I just want you to ask yourself why this is such a big thing for you - why it is scary that you will not be able to wish her a happy birthday - when she is likely to celebrate with her family and friends and her former affair partner may not even come across her mind that day…

You have an unhealthy obsession with this woman. You are desperate to love this woman who does not want you. That’s what’s scary to me - this obsession you have for this woman and how it has just about cost you everything. But, at the end of the day, she just walks away… 

I wouldn’t feel love for this woman. I would be angry. Angry at myself more than anything, that I was so completely taken in by this woman. Where is your anger? 

 

Edited May 1, 2022 by BaileyB

[Confused8647]

22 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Yes!!

She will celebrate with her fiancé and her children - perhaps even her new affair partner. She may not even think of you once that day OP. I’m not saying that to be cruel, I just want you to ask yourself why this is such a big thing for you - why it is scary that you will not be able to wish her a happy birthday - when she is likely to celebrate with her family and friends and her former affair partner may not even come across her mind that day…

You have an unhealthy obsession with this woman. You are desperate to love this woman who does not want you. That’s what’s scary to me - this obsession you have for this woman and how it has just about cost you everything. But, at the end of the day, she just walks away… 

I wouldn’t feel love for this woman. I would be angry. Angry at myself more than anything, that I was so completely taken in by this woman. Where is your anger? 

 

I know you are 100% right. I should be angry and there are times I have been. I’ve told myself so many times enough is enough. Thank you for helping me see sense. I know what I have to do now. I really needed to see a different perspective on anything. I have not felt this way before or for a long time and as I’ve said I no now I have been hung up on the memories and wishing and fantasising what might have been. I’m not blaming all the romantic movies I’ve watched or quotes on social media for my warped view of love and I know I have not done that to my BS and I need to make that right. Whatever the future holds and I was certain I would leave home when the time was right re finances, children, I will be moving on from this obsession as you correctly identify. Thank you

[Confused8647]

2 hours ago, RebeccaR said:

So having children is the problem? Why are all parents not off having romantic affairs then?

Rebecca I am not blaming my children, I accept I should not have started this A, and should have been honest from day one. The bottom line is I fell in love with another woman. I honestly believed / thought she was the one, my soul mate, and she did at a time but she has chosen her partner who she is engaged to and children. I have to respect that and move on and this post was to seek advice and support on how to do that. I know I have behaved awfully to my family but I can’t help how I feel. I am starting to accept the reality of the situation and that no amount of me wanting the AP will make this right. I need to start with my family and work out what is best for them after speaking to my BS. I honestly just want to be happy, which shouldn’t make me a bad person, although I know I should have done all of that before starting with this A. I no longer work with the AP but we are in the same organisation until I can change that at some point in the year. I am not excusing my behaviour or seeking to justify it.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

I can’t help how I feel. 

Yes you can, but you need to speak with a therapist.

[glows]

34 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

Rebecca I am not blaming my children, I accept I should not have started this A, and should have been honest from day one. The bottom line is I fell in love with another woman. I honestly believed / thought she was the one, my soul mate, and she did at a time but she has chosen her partner who she is engaged to and children. I have to respect that and move on and this post was to seek advice and support on how to do that. I know I have behaved awfully to my family but I can’t help how I feel. I am starting to accept the reality of the situation and that no amount of me wanting the AP will make this right. I need to start with my family and work out what is best for them after speaking to my BS. I honestly just want to be happy, which shouldn’t make me a bad person, although I know I should have done all of that before starting with this A. I no longer work with the AP but we are in the same organisation until I can change that at some point in the year. I am not excusing my behaviour or seeking to justify it.

The soulmate concept is only transferring loss and a void in a marriage onto someone else. In reality, I don't think there's such a thing as soulmate or the "one". There is compatible and incompatible. It may be that both women are proving incompatible, both your wife as time goes on and your AP as she doesn't like or respect you. "Soulmate" becomes a necessary concept because the reality of life is too ugly and painful to face, a form of escapism. 

A lot of what you say is textbook affair material "I didn't mean it" or "it wasn't supposed to happen like that" "we weren't supposed to fall in love" These aren't exactly your words but the similar message is there. There was no intention to hurt anyone or look outside your marriage but there was a conscious decision to act on every emotion. If you're not able to connect your actions to your thoughts or how you were responsible for your own pain, there needs to be more reflection, counselling, anything on your own time to try to get to the bottom of these resentments in your marriage, numbness, loss of conscious actions and using forms of escapism to take a break from troubling reality. 

Start with accountability for your actions and then explore and remove concepts that you might have clung to, concepts that were helping you not deal with your current marriage or reality. You'll have no other choice than to face your demons and lay them to rest, whether the marriage is still viable, what your goals or hopes and dreams are, what kind of father you want to be or partner or spouse. Whether you can withstand divorce or go through with it and come out stronger on the other side. You'll have to face all of that. 

This isn't any longer about the AP. If you've not ever been through a breakup this far into adulthood I can imagine this stings a great deal. You can overcome it if you wish but not by telling yourself how hard it's going to be not wishing a happy birthday or how much she meant to you. All this will fade in time and you'll have to trust that it does. 

Why are you leaving your organization? Is it because of the affair? I'd hold on any major decisions and not act based on emotion or impulse related to the AP. Don't let your life spiral out of control because of one person.  

 

[BaileyB]

^^^^ If/when you pay $250/hour to go to counselling, you won’t get any better than this advice OP. It’s very, very well written. 

[Bittersweetie]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

^^^^ If/when you pay $250/hour to go to counselling, you won’t get any better than this advice OP. It’s very, very well written. 

Yes, glows post is spot on and I say that as a former MW. Thank you glows.

[Confused8647]

I went for a long walk today and did a lot of thinking and talking to myself and can’t believe how incredibly stupid I have been to be hung up, obsessing over someone who is engaged, with children and I myself should have been concentrating at home. I then went through all the things the AP did to me, times she really hurt me, and all I did was accept it and have done for years. 
i have come to the realisation that I need help and have to see whether my M is viable as Glows suggests. 

[torn_heart]

14 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

I went for a long walk today and did a lot of thinking and talking to myself and can’t believe how incredibly stupid I have been to be hung up, obsessing over someone who is engaged, with children and I myself should have been concentrating at home. I then went through all the things the AP did to me, times she really hurt me, and all I did was accept it and have done for years. 
i have come to the realisation that I need help and have to see whether my M is viable as Glows suggests. 

I use an app called Silenzio to keep track of NC and it has an option to record affirmations, the affirmation i got for free I used it to record all the negatives of my OW. It has helped, whenever I want a reminder I got my own voice to remind me of all negative and can see that counter going up and make me proud.

Also I journal once a week. 
 

hope this helps

[spiritedaway2003]

OP, my former MM experienced what you did.  I also experienced it, but perhaps to a lesser degree.  I'm not too inclined to go into the details but a couple of thoughts. 

• Do not make life altering decisions when you're all over the place emotionally.  You seemed to be in that heightened state of being in love /limerence -- and that is a state where your headspace and your heart is on the AP.   I don't doubt that you want to move on and forget the AP, it's just that you literally can't turn off that switch, yet. I actually think you do feel guilt towards your spouse and family, but it's being overridden (temporarily) by your limerent state - where it's difficult to shift focus.  You'd need to need to calm/settle the emotional undercurrent inside so that you can properly switch gears.  Go seek some help therapy, even if it's just working through how you're feeling.  I have no advice other than give it time.  I will also say this - I have always been level headed, but all the logic in the world couldn't resolve the conflict between the head/heart when you are in love/infatuation.
• I am going to offer an uncommon piece of advice:  You know how sometimes someone comes into your life and makes a huge impact. I was that person for my f(MM) and he for me.  We didn't seek it out (not making excuses, just a fact). In fact, what helped me was to accept the truths as they are.  Yes, I was the AP.  Yes, we screwed up in how we handled things.  Yes, we've hurt people and left a path of destruction --no if and buts about it.  That doesn't negate the other truths.  Yes, I still cannot deny that we both experienced a rare connection. Yes, we tried to end things before DD because we want to do the "right" thing.  Yes, we held our boundaries and we didn't sleep together when the attraction was all there.  You accept all the truths in full - not just selectively and then guilt yourselves into oblivion.  It helped to see the full picture --what happened and how it all unfolded and own up to all of it.  I also learned that it doesn't help to put blame on the other person or make up narratives (e.g. she's already moved on or she's already with someone new).  I'd rather not make up  things just so I could move on.  For me, that'd be ineffective because I knew in my heart that it isn't true, so it further blocks me from moving on.  My f(MM) did not move on to someone else and I did not move on to someone else quickly.  Our connection took years to develop and it's not a matter of replacing person A with person B. It doesn't work that way.  If you want to think that it must end because neither of you are in a place where you could be in a relationship with each other (or make those sacrifices to be together), then you have your answer. 
• In the end, my f(MM) left his marriage.  It took many more months before we even tried to get back together, not that because we didn't love each other but because we were both doing work to work through our own issues.  Contrary to all the advice I got, I decided to give us a chance - it's my life and I needed to see it through for myself. As it turned out, the connection we had never faded and we're very compatible people.  The rare connection had evolved and stabilized in a form of deep love and we're still in love.  We've seen the best and worst parts of each other but we have a very healthy relationship.  That's not to say that the damage reverberated from all that happened isn't there...it's a high price to pay. 

Just because I am coming from the AP perspective doesn't mean I'd advocate for affairs.  Quite the contrary.  I do want to acknowledge how difficult it is to grieve over someone you care about when your heart isn't quite there yet.  NC will help but "NC" as I painfully learned isn't a cure all. Time alone doesn't solve your issues.  If you are in an unhappy marriage and you needed to leave, then make that decision independently of AP.  Simply assume that she won't be with you in the end and if that is the case, would you still go through with it?  If you feel like you could salvage the marriage, then what would you do differently?  Whether you want to tell your spouse what happened, people have a lot of takes here. Ultimately, that's a personal decision and you'll figure it out when you cross that bridge.

Edited May 1, 2022 by spiritedaway2003

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

I went for a long walk today and  went through all the things the AP did to me, times she really hurt me, 

Ok, so now you're walking while obsessing, but you're still in the same unhappy marriage.

[Confused8647]

9 hours ago, spiritedaway2003 said:

OP, my former MM experienced what you did.  I also experienced it, but perhaps to a lesser degree.  I'm not too inclined to go into the details but a couple of thoughts. 

• Do not make life altering decisions when you're all over the place emotionally.  You seemed to be in that heightened state of being in love /limerence -- and that is a state where your headspace and your heart is on the AP.   I don't doubt that you want to move on and forget the AP, it's just that you literally can't turn off that switch, yet. I actually think you do feel guilt towards your spouse and family, but it's being overridden (temporarily) by your limerent state - where it's difficult to shift focus.  You'd need to need to calm/settle the emotional undercurrent inside so that you can properly switch gears.  Go seek some help therapy, even if it's just working through how you're feeling.  I have no advice other than give it time.  I will also say this - I have always been level headed, but all the logic in the world couldn't resolve the conflict between the head/heart when you are in love/infatuation.
• I am going to offer an uncommon piece of advice:  You know how sometimes someone comes into your life and makes a huge impact. I was that person for my f(MM) and he for me.  We didn't seek it out (not making excuses, just a fact). In fact, what helped me was to accept the truths as they are.  Yes, I was the AP.  Yes, we screwed up in how we handled things.  Yes, we've hurt people and left a path of destruction --no if and buts about it.  That doesn't negate the other truths.  Yes, I still cannot deny that we both experienced a rare connection. Yes, we tried to end things before DD because we want to do the "right" thing.  Yes, we held our boundaries and we didn't sleep together when the attraction was all there.  You accept all the truths in full - not just selectively and then guilt yourselves into oblivion.  It helped to see the full picture --what happened and how it all unfolded and own up to all of it.  I also learned that it doesn't help to put blame on the other person or make up narratives (e.g. she's already moved on or she's already with someone new).  I'd rather not make up  things just so I could move on.  For me, that'd be ineffective because I knew in my heart that it isn't true, so it further blocks me from moving on.  My f(MM) did not move on to someone else and I did not move on to someone else quickly.  Our connection took years to develop and it's not a matter of replacing person A with person B. It doesn't work that way.  If you want to think that it must end because neither of you are in a place where you could be in a relationship with each other (or make those sacrifices to be together), then you have your answer. 
• In the end, my f(MM) left his marriage.  It took many more months before we even tried to get back together, not that because we didn't love each other but because we were both doing work to work through our own issues.  Contrary to all the advice I got, I decided to give us a chance - it's my life and I needed to see it through for myself. As it turned out, the connection we had never faded and we're very compatible people.  The rare connection had evolved and stabilized in a form of deep love and we're still in love.  We've seen the best and worst parts of each other but we have a very healthy relationship.  That's not to say that the damage reverberated from all that happened isn't there...it's a high price to pay. 

Just because I am coming from the AP perspective doesn't mean I'd advocate for affairs.  Quite the contrary.  I do want to acknowledge how difficult it is to grieve over someone you care about when your heart isn't quite there yet.  NC will help but "NC" as I painfully learned isn't a cure all. Time alone doesn't solve your issues.  If you are in an unhappy marriage and you needed to leave, then make that decision independently of AP.  Simply assume that she won't be with you in the end and if that is the case, would you still go through with it?  If you feel like you could salvage the marriage, then what would you do differently?  Whether you want to tell your spouse what happened, people have a lot of takes here. Ultimately, that's a personal decision and you'll figure it out when you cross that bridge.

Spirited thank you so much. That has really helped. I am still a mess and will be a mess for a long time. I hope the NC will help and time heal. The M is I think over but I just can’t for financial reasons and children leave just yet. I don’t want to cause any more hurt than I have already done. I know the AP did love me and the connection we had was something I have never experienced. I know I will be derided for even saying that again, but for now it is over. She has decided to stay for her children and partner and I have to accept and respect that. I know what we had was real and will be moving forward one day at a time.

[Confused8647]

Not obsessing. I just needed space and air to breathe. To remind myself of all the reasons why it wouldn’t work and that I deserve better. Yes i know that the BS deserves better to. Right now I need to try and move on and accept reality of my situation and life.

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, so now you're walking while obsessing, but you're still in the same unhappy marriage.