Affair is over but I am in love with AP!

[BaileyB]

 

19 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

Just messaged me and then called me. I answered, no feeling from her side, no emotion. Called about work but also to ask me how I am.

You have been used. You don’t even realize how much - 

Quote

She has clearly moved on and is dealing with our relationship better than I am. 

She has moved on because she got what she wanted from you. 

15 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

I guess it’s a case of I wish I had met her early in life before both of us had our respective families and lives.

Indeed, then you could have been the husband who is home caring for the children while she is drunkenly rolling around in bed with another man. 

My friend, I say this with kindness, you need to get your head out of your behind before you ruin your life - for a fantasy. 

[Confused8647]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

 

You have been used. You don’t even realize how much - 

She has moved on because she got what she wanted from you. 

Indeed, then you could have been the husband who is home caring for the children while she is drunkenly rolling around in bed with another man. 

My friend, I say this with kindness, you need to get your head out of your behind before you ruin your life - for a fantasy. 

Bailey

It kills me to admit it but you are 100% correct. I know you are right I have just never wanted to accept it. She used me for the attention and affection and for a time it was amazing, and we had some many incredible adventures together. She clearly does not want that and I have to accept that. I know I need to block her from everything and ignore her messages or calls. As I say I have deleted my socials so I can’t look at her liking other peoples posts or posting stuff. When I heard her voice today it actually made me realise who I am to her today. She called in the car when she was with a friend of ours, when before she didn’t want to talk to me in front of others. This shows me even more so now what I am to her!! 

[Starswillshine]

58 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

Bailey

It kills me to admit it but you are 100% correct. I know you are right I have just never wanted to accept it. She used me for the attention and affection and for a time it was amazing, and we had some many incredible adventures together. She clearly does not want that and I have to accept that. I know I need to block her from everything and ignore her messages or calls. As I say I have deleted my socials so I can’t look at her liking other peoples posts or posting stuff. When I heard her voice today it actually made me realise who I am to her today. She called in the car when she was with a friend of ours, when before she didn’t want to talk to me in front of others. This shows me even more so now what I am to her!! 

Reading this makes me want to bang my head on the wall! 

Sounds like she asked you how you were doing so you would give her some sap, "Oh, not good, I miss you so much, please can we work on this?" sort of bull... to prop her ego. Don't be surprised that when you start to get enough or try to pull yourself away that she starts to contact you again. Which is what seemed to happen last week. It is all about her, and she WANTS you to be reeling. 

[torn_heart]

5 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Reading this makes me want to bang my head on the wall! 

Sounds like she asked you how you were doing so you would give her some sap, "Oh, not good, I miss you so much, please can we work on this?" sort of bull... to prop her ego. Don't be surprised that when you start to get enough or try to pull yourself away that she starts to contact you again. Which is what seemed to happen last week. It is all about her, and she WANTS you to be reeling. 

I totally agree. She is only looking fo her ego boosts.

@Confused8647 please DM me, for some reason I can't DM you.

[Confused8647]

8 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Reading this makes me want to bang my head on the wall! 

Sounds like she asked you how you were doing so you would give her some sap, "Oh, not good, I miss you so much, please can we work on this?" sort of bull... to prop her ego. Don't be surprised that when you start to get enough or try to pull yourself away that she starts to contact you again. Which is what seemed to happen last week. It is all about her, and she WANTS you to be reeling. 

I know, I’ve read enough threads to know she has only done it to make her ego better, but tbh the tone in her voice was different. It was like a harsher version of her, maybe the real version. She knows how I feel yet has called to chat knowing it will set me back. She again has all the control and power again! I thought I was doing well not contacting her this week, even though I was desperate to, and then today Bam, I am back to square one……I know I need to stop and need to not have any contact with her and I know how to do it and I am grateful for all your advice but it’s so hard!

[Confused8647]

14 minutes ago, torn_heart said:

I totally agree. She is only looking fo her ego boosts.

@Confused8647 please DM me, for some reason I can't DM you.

As I’m new I don’t think I’m allowed to DM yet. Although I would really like to 

[Starswillshine]

And I still just can't help thinking about this poor wife...

Let me give a little story that happened to me... (ftr, I was a BS, so this is where I am coming from). 

A little background: We were together 20 years. We have 4 children. We had what many people would have considered a great marriage. It was not without issues, as none are, but it was good. We didn't fight; anything we disagreed on, we would talk it out. We thought of our marriage as a team and we didn't consider each other opponents but two people always trying to navigate this life and its obstacles together. We had great chemistry, still had a very active bedroom life, did things together, traveled together, and would sit and talk all day long without ever turning on TVs or needing anything else to entertain... we entertained each other. He often would tell me how happy he was and how great our marriage was. This story happened during all this "happiness" however, he had started to work more and was traveling more.... 

My husband (now ex-husband) and I were having a conversation over current events as we often did. He got really angry, threw a beer bottle in the trash that shattered everywhere and stormed out of the house and was gone for hours. He wouldn't answer my phone calls nor texts. It was extremely out of the ordinary and an extreme over reaction to the conversation. I mean, it had nothing to do with us, we just saw a current event in different lights which we did often and we used to like discussing the various view points. It was a good way to challenge our thinking and our worldview. Nevertheless, when we finally do sit down and have a discussion about what was going on. And he just blew up and threw all sorts of things at me. Things like what you are saying, that I never go out, we always have to do things with the kids, blah, blah, blah. He truly sounded like a 22 year old complaining about being an adult. Extremely childish. I was angry and defensive. But later, I sat down, and I wrote down every single thing that I could remember that he complained about and then I tried to brainstorm ways that I could improve them. Because I could only control myself. And this was my marriage and my family, and it was worth doing all that I could. So I started down this list of things. Within a month, he was back to his normal self, loving, I'm the greatest wife of all time, etc. etc. etc. 

Fast forward a few years, and I find out he was involved with someone. Then the more I looked into it... the more someones I found. When he finally confessed to a few of them, and I could cross reference dates, I found the one he was involved with during that fight and it all made sense..... she was single, had a great job, but one that gave her 6 weeks of vacation. She made good money and had the time to travel. So she and her girlfriend traveled the world. She was interesting and a blast. She also had no children.

How could I, as a mom of 4 whose husband was gone all the time, compete with that????? But when I figured it all out, it made so much sense and I could finally relax. Because it had nothing to do with me. And all that running around I did to try to fix everything, it was all for nothing. Yeah, I didn't get to go out with my friends because my husband was gone. And when he was home, I wasn't about to stick with the kids so I could go out (he surely would not have loved that either). I wasn't going out and getting drunk and stumbling in at 3am because I had to get up with kids and be a responsible adult. She didn't and when he was on the road, he didn't either. I was looked down upon because I was being a mom and wife.... it is quite comical. 

I hear you saying the same thing. You're wife isn't fun nor flirty. I bet you're no peach either. And trust me.... she can feel something is going on, she just might not know exactly what. 

[Amethyst68]

Why are you the only one allowed to make decisions about the future of your marriage?

Your wife certainly deserves to have full agency over her own life and the necessary information to make informed choices. 

More importantly she needs to get tested for STIs as soon as possible! 

One thing I was wondering is how involved you are in your children's lives?  You seem completely disconnected from them except in some abstract sense of family and obligation. You seem to have no problem with giving them up. 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Confused8647 said:

I know she is not a coward for staying and her family is the most important thing to her, she has always said that, and it’s one of the things I love about her. I guess it’s a case of I wish I had met her early in life before both of us had our respective families and lives. I need to let her go. I just don’t know how to, well I do know how to but it’s just so hard. The thought of her not being in my life, not being there if I want to talk to her, or me being there for her. I have always done so much for her and at sometimes an outsider would say too much and I’ve been to nice and she has even said herself I’ve been too nice and need to stand up to her more. She said she would call me later and I honestly don’t know what to do or think!

This just makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

What about your wife OP? Are you capable of considering her feelings? At you capable of considering this situation from a different perspective than your own? Or, are you so completely self absorbed that all you can do is bemoan the end of a relationship with someone who could best be described as a very poor choice of partner -

You are potentially going to lose your family here over a fantasy relationship you have created with a woman who has for all intent and purpose, discarded you. 

Your priorities are messed up. That’s the bottom line here. 

As they say, you can’t see the forest for the tress right now. Your attention is entirely on yourself and affair partner - your wife deserves better than that. She may not be a good or kind person, she may have been a terrible wife to you, and your marriage may indeed be miserable - but your wife deserves better than this. 

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by BaileyB

[Confused8647]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

And I still just can't help thinking about this poor wife...

Let me give a little story that happened to me... (ftr, I was a BS, so this is where I am coming from). 

A little background: We were together 20 years. We have 4 children. We had what many people would have considered a great marriage. It was not without issues, as none are, but it was good. We didn't fight; anything we disagreed on, we would talk it out. We thought of our marriage as a team and we didn't consider each other opponents but two people always trying to navigate this life and its obstacles together. We had great chemistry, still had a very active bedroom life, did things together, traveled together, and would sit and talk all day long without ever turning on TVs or needing anything else to entertain... we entertained each other. He often would tell me how happy he was and how great our marriage was. This story happened during all this "happiness" however, he had started to work more and was traveling more.... 

My husband (now ex-husband) and I were having a conversation over current events as we often did. He got really angry, threw a beer bottle in the trash that shattered everywhere and stormed out of the house and was gone for hours. He wouldn't answer my phone calls nor texts. It was extremely out of the ordinary and an extreme over reaction to the conversation. I mean, it had nothing to do with us, we just saw a current event in different lights which we did often and we used to like discussing the various view points. It was a good way to challenge our thinking and our worldview. Nevertheless, when we finally do sit down and have a discussion about what was going on. And he just blew up and threw all sorts of things at me. Things like what you are saying, that I never go out, we always have to do things with the kids, blah, blah, blah. He truly sounded like a 22 year old complaining about being an adult. Extremely childish. I was angry and defensive. But later, I sat down, and I wrote down every single thing that I could remember that he complained about and then I tried to brainstorm ways that I could improve them. Because I could only control myself. And this was my marriage and my family, and it was worth doing all that I could. So I started down this list of things. Within a month, he was back to his normal self, loving, I'm the greatest wife of all time, etc. etc. etc. 

Fast forward a few years, and I find out he was involved with someone. Then the more I looked into it... the more someones I found. When he finally confessed to a few of them, and I could cross reference dates, I found the one he was involved with during that fight and it all made sense..... she was single, had a great job, but one that gave her 6 weeks of vacation. She made good money and had the time to travel. So she and her girlfriend traveled the world. She was interesting and a blast. She also had no children.

How could I, as a mom of 4 whose husband was gone all the time, compete with that????? But when I figured it all out, it made so much sense and I could finally relax. Because it had nothing to do with me. And all that running around I did to try to fix everything, it was all for nothing. Yeah, I didn't get to go out with my friends because my husband was gone. And when he was home, I wasn't about to stick with the kids so I could go out (he surely would not have loved that either). I wasn't going out and getting drunk and stumbling in at 3am because I had to get up with kids and be a responsible adult. She didn't and when he was on the road, he didn't either. I was looked down upon because I was being a mom and wife.... it is quite comical. 

I hear you saying the same thing. You're wife isn't fun nor flirty. I bet you're no peach either. And trust me.... she can feel something is going on, she just might not know exactly what. 

Thank you for sharing your story. You have been really helpful. TBH I haven’t felt guilty about how I have treated my BS, but now following all these messages and speaking to the AP today has made me realise how much she has changed and how she doesn’t want me anymore. I have to find the courage to move on with my life and be honest with everyone around me starting with my BS. You are right whilst she has been looking after the children I have been out with AP and for a long time that was all I was concentrating on which I know is completely selfish. I am for once going to do everything I can to let her go and tell myself she has chosen to stay with her partner and kids and to wish them luck and never speak to her again.

[Confused8647]

31 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

This just makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

What about your wife OP? Are you capable of considering her feelings? At you capable of considering this situation from a different perspective than your own? Or, are you so completely self absorbed that all you can do is bemoan the end of a relationship with someone who could best be described as a very poor choice of partner -

You are potentially going to lose your family here over a fantasy relationship you have created with a woman who has for all intent and purpose, discarded you. 

Your priorities are messed up. That’s the bottom line here. 

As they say, you can’t see the forest for the tress right now. Your attention is entirely on yourself and affair partner - your wife deserves better than that. She may not be a good or kind person, she may have been a terrible wife to you, and your marriage may indeed be miserable - but your wife deserves better than this. 

 

I have been totally self absorbed. The highs with the AP were all consuming. You’re right I need to start considering and putting other people including my BS and children first. I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do. I know my BS deserves better than me. I just need to move on and let the AP go and be happy in her life.

[Amethyst68]

Quote

I need to start considering and putting other people including my BS and children first.

You really don't get it. There should be no including your wife and children, they should be first in line, your priority. 

[vla1120]

On 4/28/2022 at 6:28 AM, Confused8647 said:

I know I want to be on my own and work on myself and let everyone be happy. I’m not scared of being on my own, I’m just scared about hurting my BS and children who love me. I know this is very selfish and I should be honest with everyone and I am a coward for not doing so, and may be DD is coming, when I know I have to be honest with everyone as I am miserable at home and it’s not their fault. I stay at work late just so I don’t have to go home and be miserable.

It's funny how our opinion changes over the years. I first came out on this site almost 10 years ago as a BS who stayed in an unhappy marriage for 32 years. Back then, I would have chastised you and said you need to recommit to your wife and family, yada, yada, yada. Now, however, I realize I spent most of my adult life unhappily married to the wrong man. I sacrificed a chance at happiness to keep my family together. 

Even if you never have another chance with your OW, you shouldn't waste years in an unhappy marriage, unless both you and your wife are willing to work equally hard to make your marriage work. I tried hard, but my husband didn't. I should have thrown in the towel when his unwillingness to work on our marriage became apparent. 

[vla1120]

7 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

I sacrificed a chance at happiness to keep my family together. 

Let me add (as I usually do) that because of this, my daughters grew up with a poor example of how marriage/relationships work and it has adversely affected their ability to have a healthy relationship.

[Confused8647]

19 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

It's funny how our opinion changes over the years. I first came out on this site almost 10 years ago as a BS who stayed in an unhappy marriage for 32 years. Back then, I would have chastised you and said you need to recommit to your wife and family, yada, yada, yada. Now, however, I realize I spent most of my adult life unhappily married to the wrong man. I sacrificed a chance at happiness to keep my family together. 

Even if you never have another chance with your OW, you shouldn't waste years in an unhappy marriage, unless both you and your wife are willing to work equally hard to make your marriage work. I tried hard, but my husband didn't. I should have thrown in the towel when his unwillingness to work on our marriage became apparent. 

I think that is where I am. My BS deserves better, my children deserve better. I agree even if my AP never leaves her relationship, I have to respect that, even though right now I would give anything to have her want me like I want her, and like she used to. I have to stop reminiscing about the AP. As others have rightly said I need to consider other people and not be so selfish. The purpose of this post was to have a place to let out my thoughts and feelings and seek some advice and support

[Confused8647]

15 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Let me add (as I usually do) that because of this, my daughters grew up with a poor example of how marriage/relationships work and it has adversely affected their ability to have a healthy relationship.

I am sorry to hear that. This is going to sound awful but I have always felt like there was more out there for me. I wanted more from a partner but was too scared to say and now having been married over 15 years with children have been going along with it. I am now at the point where I realise life is to short and I need to try and live the best life. I am not saying I don’t take my responsibilities serious or I am going to abandon my kids or anything, but I just want my soulmate, my best friend, the one person who I look at every time and think ‘f**k’. That is is what I think every-time I see  my AP but I know now that it can never be and it honestly breaks my heart!

[Confused8647]

39 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said:

You really don't get it. There should be no including your wife and children, they should be first in line, your priority. 

I know they should be, but I need to do what’s best for me as well. I will always love my children and be there for them. 

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

I think that is where I am. My BS deserves better, my children deserve better. I agree even if my AP never leaves her relationship, I have to respect that, even though right now I would give anything to have her want me like I want her, and like she used to. I have to stop reminiscing about the AP. As others have rightly said I need to consider other people and not be so selfish. The purpose of this post was to have a place to let out my thoughts and feelings and seek some advice and support

It's harder because you've found a way not to focus on your family for that long. Breaking any habit is hard. Break ups are generally just that, breaking habits and no longer relying on that person who is not there in that romantic capacity. 

We lapse because we keep repeating the same mistakes or avoiding those things we've been avoiding for some time. If it's an unhappy marriage then see what can be done about either repairing the trust and building more intimacy.

Divorce may be far-removed and not something either of you are willing to consider. I think those on the other side of divorce can speak about it but it carries a lot of stigmatism and people still react in fear of the unknown. No one ever wants to break up a home or to see their family negatively affected. These are all personal decisions and speak to a lawyer if you need more input privately.

[vla1120]

9 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

I am now at the point where I realise life is to short and I need to try and live the best life. I am not saying I don’t take my responsibilities serious or I am going to abandon my kids or anything, but I just want my soulmate, my best friend, the one person who I look at every time and think ‘f**k’. That is is what I think every-time I see  my AP but I know now that it can never be and it honestly breaks my heart!

I am not encouraging you to get divorced, but you have spent 15 years with someone you think was the wrong fit. Unless you think the two of you can reconnect and make your marriage work, then I don't think you should spend another 15 years being unhappy. Question: were there sparks in the beginning of your relationship with your wife? Did you feel at that time she was your soulmate and best friend? Did you look at her in the beginning and think 'f**k'? If so, maybe marriage counseling would help the two of you reconnect. If not, then you probably married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You only get one ride on the merry-go-round.

At the very least, you should seek individual counseling to help YOU navigate through this situation. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Confused8647 said:

I just want my soulmate, my best friend, the one person who I look at every time and think ‘f**k’. That is is what I think every-time I see  my AP but I know now that it can never be and it honestly breaks my heart!

At the risk of counting like a broken record, this is not real. I know, it feels real. I know, you don’t understand right now what I’m saying… Guarantee, if she left her husband tomorrow and got with you, life would not be the fantasy that you think it would be. 

1 hour ago, vla1120 said:

Question: were there sparks in the beginning of your relationship with your wife? Did you feel at that time she was your soulmate and best friend? Did you look at her in the beginning and think 'f**k'?

This is a valid question. I’m just not sure if you can give an honest answer OP - because you have long ago checked out and decided that this wasn’t the life you wanted for yourself.

But, perception is the only reality. So, if you truly believe that you have spent the last 15 years with the wrong woman, I agree that you shouldn’t waste the next 15 years of BOTH your lives. As much as you want to find your own happiness in life, SHE deserves to be with a man who feels that SHE is his soulmate and best friend, someone who looks at her and thinks ‘f**k.’ (As much as I believe in this soulmates and maintaining the initial high and attraction of a “new” relationship partner in a long term relationship - which I don’t). Still, you both deserve to find your best relationship/life, and your kids will benefit if their parents are both in a healthy and happy place too.

Edited April 29, 2022 by BaileyB

[Confused8647]

4 hours ago, glows said:

It's harder because you've found a way not to focus on your family for that long. Breaking any habit is hard. Break ups are generally just that, breaking habits and no longer relying on that person who is not there in that romantic capacity. 

We lapse because we keep repeating the same mistakes or avoiding those things we've been avoiding for some time. If it's an unhappy marriage then see what can be done about either repairing the trust and building more intimacy.

Divorce may be far-removed and not something either of you are willing to consider. I think those on the other side of divorce can speak about it but it carries a lot of stigmatism and people still react in fear of the unknown. No one ever wants to break up a home or to see their family negatively affected. These are all personal decisions and speak to a lawyer if you need more input privately.

Glows thank you for your comment. You’re correct I haven’t focused on my family for a long time and have been all consumed by this A.

The breaking up of the home was something I was always conscious of not doing. I have never experienced D in my family so although I have friends who are D or memories of friends from school whose parents D, it is not something I have ever been directly affected by. As I have stated speaking to the AP today after a week and hearing her voice and lack of feeling has made me sad and angry. How someone once said they loved me could sound so cold and distant. As for my BS and children, I think I need time to process what I am doing. It will start with no contact with the AP and I hope that I can stop fantasising about her and what I thought we were. What I never shared was that we worked together and the moment I moved offices is when she immediately pulled away. That should have made me realise I was just used and I feel foolish for thinking that what we had was special.

[Confused8647]

4 hours ago, vla1120 said:

I am not encouraging you to get divorced, but you have spent 15 years with someone you think was the wrong fit. Unless you think the two of you can reconnect and make your marriage work, then I don't think you should spend another 15 years being unhappy. Question: were there sparks in the beginning of your relationship with your wife? Did you feel at that time she was your soulmate and best friend? Did you look at her in the beginning and think 'f**k'? If so, maybe marriage counseling would help the two of you reconnect. If not, then you probably married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You only get one ride on the merry-go-round.

At the very least, you should seek individual counseling to help YOU navigate through this situation. 

I think counselling is now a must. I need to process everything I have done and my own thoughts. That is why I was so determined to leave as I felt like I needed to be honest for once in my life and be a man and let my BS and children be happy as I haven’t made them happy in a long time.

[Confused8647]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

At the risk of counting like a broken record, this is not real. I know, it feels real. I know, you don’t understand right now what I’m saying… Guarantee, if she left her husband tomorrow and got with you, life would not be the fantasy that you think it would be. 

This is a valid question. I’m just not sure if you can give an honest answer OP - because you have long ago checked out and decided that this wasn’t the life you wanted for yourself.

But, perception is the only reality. So, if you truly believe that you have spent the last 15 years with the wrong woman, I agree that you shouldn’t waste the next 15 years of BOTH your lives. As much as you want to find your own happiness in life, SHE deserves to be with a man who feels that SHE is his soulmate and best friend, someone who looks at her and thinks ‘f**k.’ (As much as I believe in this soulmates and maintaining the initial high and attraction of a “new” relationship partner in a long term relationship - which I don’t). Still, you both deserve to find your best relationship/life, and your kids will benefit if their parents are both in a healthy and happy place too.

TBH in the beginning the relationship with my wife was good, although we were young when we met, she was 20 and I was 24. We were opposites but in the early years it didn’t bother me. As we’ve got older we have drifted apart.

I am beginning to realise the true feelings of the AP and how she is. There are quite a few red flags which i overlooked as I had been so consumed.

One of my earlier posts I suggested I wished I had met my AP earlier and the reply made me really think, it said that if I had been with AP before children then I may be the one staying home looking after the kids whilst she was out getting drunk with some other male. This clearly hit a nerve with me and as I think about more I think I am seeing her for what she is. 

[torn_heart]

13 minutes ago, Confused8647 said:

TBH in the beginning the relationship with my wife was good, although we were young when we met, she was 20 and I was 24. We were opposites but in the early years it didn’t bother me. As we’ve got older we have drifted apart.

I am beginning to realise the true feelings of the AP and how she is. There are quite a few red flags which i overlooked as I had been so consumed.

One of my earlier posts I suggested I wished I had met my AP earlier and the reply made me really think, it said that if I had been with AP before children then I may be the one staying home looking after the kids whilst she was out getting drunk with some other male. This clearly hit a nerve with me and as I think about more I think I am seeing her for what she is. 

Lol. I made the same comment about hoping I had meet her earlier in life at one point to my OW.

You need to go No Contact, not as revenge, but you need to calm down and gain perspective, go to therapy, don't give her ego boosts. 

The relationship with your BS won't get better all of a sudden, you also need to decide if you want to try to save it or not, but get out of the noise OW gives you and assume it will take time and effort to make it better, maybe you just don't want to invest any of those anymore. 

[Confused8647]

2 minutes ago, torn_heart said:

Lol. I made the same comment about hoping I had meet her earlier in life at one point to my OW.

You need to go No Contact, not as revenge, but you need to calm down and gain perspective, go to therapy, don't give her ego boosts. 

The relationship with your BS won't get better all of a sudden, you also need to decide if you want to try to save it or not, but get out of the noise OW gives you and assume it will take time and effort to make it better, maybe you just don't want to invest any of those anymore. 

Torn it’s incredible how one phone call today can make me almost wake up and how the thoughts of other has really helped. I have to do NC. She clearly doesn’t have the same feelings for me, and I have known that for a while but just ignored them. I think she likes the attention I give her but also now think she only talks to me if I make the first move, which I have always done!

I do need to work on my relationship with BS but before all these comments was adamant that I wanted out and wanted to give her the opportunity for love. I wish I could be the man the BS deserves, but I don’t think I am or can be