do I give up on trying to meet my ex?

[Shamrock lovers]

My ex and I were together for over 4 years, we lived together for much of this and overall had a loving relationship. Towards the end of our relationship we were both out of work and looking for new roles and both of our lives were unclear and so was the relationship. 

We broke up 3 months ago and both now have our dream jobs. I have been dating lots and enjoying single life but I do miss her. We had a clean and amicable breakup and she sent me a very long and polite happy birthday message two weeks ago. We’ve exchanged a few messages but nothing too much, too regular or intimate at all. 

I have suggested a casual and friendly coffee twice in which she said she definitely wants to meet again but it’s a bit too soon. I don’t want to keep asking, but at the same time, I’ve reflected lots in the last 3 months and I want to see if the relationship is recoverable or if our new jobs and lives have made us realise that we no longer have that connection. 

I don’t want to suggest it a third time but I’m struggling to be patient. I don’t see the need to wait another 3 months to meet as I feel this is just a waste of time. Although I’ve been dating lots, I want to give us getting back together a priority over meeting someone new. She’s politely declined twice and I don’t want to push her away by asking her again. I feel that this time I should wait for her to suggest meeting but I am worried she never will. I feel like her saying we definitely will one day is kind of stringing me along and she’s just being too polite to say no outright. 

Any suggestions or approach ideas will be appreciated but I may have answered my own question already on this!! 

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, Shamrock lovers said:

Towards the end of our relationship we were both out of work and looking for new roles and both of our lives were unclear and so was the relationship. 

I have been dating lots and enjoying single life but I do miss her. she said she definitely wants to meet again but it’s a bit too soon. I want to give us getting back together a priority over meeting someone new.

Sorry this happened. How long were you living together? Where do you each live now? 

What was "unclear" in the relationship? Unless all the issues that caused the breakup are resolved, it's unlikely you'll be able to recover anything.

 Also striking out on dating apps or missing someone does not make a reconciliation work out. On/off relationships are often fraught with unresolved conflicts and unhealthy attachments.

 Step away. Maybe she has moved on, maybe she's not interested in being friends, maybe she's not interested in reconciliation. Unless she contacts you just put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

[flitzanu]

3 hours ago, Shamrock lovers said:

 

I have suggested a casual and friendly coffee twice in which she said she definitely wants to meet again but it’s a bit too soon. I don’t want to keep asking, but at the same time, I’ve I feel like her saying we definitely will one day is kind of stringing me along and she’s just being too polite to say no outright. 

 

so if this wasn't an ex, would you have bothered asking a girl out for a 2nd time after her telling you "no" the first time? 

you're stringing yourself along on this, she told you no, and told you no a 2nd time.

you're getting answers, just not ones you want to see.

[glows]

I don't think she's interested. "Too soon" suggests she was hurt, there was damaged trust or the relationship isn't repairable. Meeting you for coffee doesn't mean reconciliation either. This was a common misunderstanding when I've agreed to meet with an ex to catch up (no longer do this). It leads to someone having false hope or misunderstanding the gesture. 

What caused the break up in the first place aside from finding new jobs and uncertainty? Couples usually work through that if they're happily committed and have shared common goals.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Shamrock lovers said:

I feel that this time I should wait for her to suggest meeting but I am worried she never will.

And this will tell you that she doesn't want to reconcile, hard as that will be to accept.

I would operate under the assumption that she doesn't wish to reconnect, and work on moving forward without her. 

1 hour ago, glows said:

What caused the break up in the first place aside from finding new jobs and uncertainty? Couples usually work through that if they're happily committed and have shared common goals.

I was going to ask the same thing. I am not sure why looking for new jobs means the relationship didn't survive, OP. I am gathering she is the one who called it off?