New guy at work asking about the single status of the lady co-workers

[QuietRiot]

There's this new guy at work, late 20s, never married, no kids...and an eligible bachelor and on the prowl.

I'm also single as well, older.  I was training him and about a couple of months into his employment, he would start talking about dating, the ice breaker that segued into this was Valentines day. He later started asking about whether or not certain co-workers were single/married/unattached, etc. 

He would ask me "Hey, is Susie single?" and recently, "You know Sally is really cute, and she's almost my age". 

I just acknowledge it, but really try to deflect the topic as I don't really want to talk about my co-workers as dating prospects like he does. I mean...I do notice they are cute, and wonder...to myself...if they are single...usually I just find out over time their status like they'll mention a boyfriend or husband, etc. I never directly ask.

I feel like telling him one thing though, "Dude, don't eat where you crap" and that's about it. 

That said, do you try to kind of steer the conversation away from these single men's comments about women at work? I mean, I don't want to even agree with another guy at work about how a woman looks so I don't it to get back to the woman I was thinking that was "cute" even though I was just agreeing with him.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

He later started asking about whether or not certain co-workers were single/married/unattached, etc. I just acknowledge it, but really try to deflect the topic as I don't really want to talk about my co-workers as dating prospects like he does.

Exactly. It's not your place to steer him towards harassing women co-workers.

Make sure as part of your training, he is aware of your sexual harassment policies.

Reiterate that the workplace is for a paycheck, it's not a dating app or singles club.

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

....That said, do you try to kind of steer the conversation away from these single men's comments about women at work?

Heck yes.  Wholly not what he should be asking when new to the job.   I'd say something like, "I don't know but I bet HR would."  Then hopefully he'd get a clue.

His lack of judgment and filter here would have me wondering if he is a harassment suit waiting to happen.

[QuietRiot]

On 5/2/2022 at 10:16 AM, SumGuy said:

Heck yes.  Wholly not what he should be asking when new to the job.   I'd say something like, "I don't know but I bet HR would."  Then hopefully he'd get a clue.

His lack of judgment and filter here would have me wondering if he is a harassment suit waiting to happen.

Yeah, I get you, but he isn't some perv or anything like that. He's never said anything sexual. No innuendos, nothing.  He's basically just sizing his co-workers up. I guess being in a field where it's dominated by mostly 20-something women, some early 30s...he feels like he has options...and they are right there in front of him.

Chances are this is due in part of him not having any other means of meeting people outside of work.

[QuietRiot]

...wanted to add...the other day, we had this unofficial work gathering (like a picnic), othat happened outside of work. Off-the-clock. We carpooled together to this event, and he, me, this one girl he likes (co-worker) that he liked went along with us on the trip. They were getting to know each other better, so we'll see what happens? I mean, I can't be on top of him telling "No dude, knock it off!"

Thing is, the off-the-clock , outside of work stuff can be tricky?

 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

...wanted to add...the other day, we had this unofficial work gathering (like a picnic), othat happened outside of work. Off-the-clock. We carpooled together to this event, and he, me, this one girl he likes (co-worker) that he liked went along with us on the trip. They were getting to know each other better, so we'll see what happens? I mean, I can't be on top of him telling "No dude, knock it off!"

Thing is, the off-the-clock , outside of work stuff can be tricky?

 

No, absolutely you can't do that as it's none of your business.   You can choose to not participate in his questions about whoever may be single, but the rest is up to him.  And hey, he might get lucky.  

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, absolutely you can't do that as it's none of your business.   You can choose to not participate in his questions about whoever may be single, but the rest is up to him.  And hey, he might get lucky.  

...or he might get fired.

[basil67]

And yet, it's still none of your concern

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 I mean, I can't be on top of him telling "No dude, knock it off!"

 So you're not his supervisor or training him? You two are simply engaging in "who's hot?" office gossiping?

Let him get in his own trouble. He's a big boy and if he's stupid enough to use the workplace like a singles club, let him.

 

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

 So you're not his supervisor or training him? You two are simply engaging in "who's hot?" office gossiping?

Let him get in his own trouble. He's a big boy and if he's stupid enough to use the workplace like a singles club, let him.

 

I am training him. Not really "who's hot" but, "Who here is single?"...though it was more one-sided. He must've inquired about 3 different women's single status. I told him one of them is engaged...and didn't know about the others.  In fact, in the time that I worked there, I never really asked about my co-workers dating lives or singles status.  If they were in a relationship, it came up organically.

Already told him, "Don't eat where you sh*t" 

[mortensorchid]

I have said this before, and will say it again : Coworkers are NOT FRIENDS.  It is easy for you to think that they are because you will spend more time with them than anyone else, therefore you think they are friends.  And a lot of people in their early/mid 20s who come to their first jobs will make this mistake because they are wanting to make new friends and hope that a job will provide them with a social outlet in order to do so.  He sounds like someone.  NEVER have your social or sexual needs met by a coworker, you will regret it in some way, shape or form.  

As for this guy?  I would simply say to him that it's your policy not to get involved with coworkers, be it friendship or otherwise.  It's for his as well as your safety.  

[QuietRiot]

44 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

I have said this before, and will say it again : Coworkers are NOT FRIENDS.  It is easy for you to think that they are because you will spend more time with them than anyone else, therefore you think they are friends.  And a lot of people in their early/mid 20s who come to their first jobs will make this mistake because they are wanting to make new friends and hope that a job will provide them with a social outlet in order to do so.  He sounds like someone.  NEVER have your social or sexual needs met by a coworker, you will regret it in some way, shape or form.  

As for this guy?  I would simply say to him that it's your policy not to get involved with coworkers, be it friendship or otherwise.  It's for his as well as your safety.  

Looks like you came at a much later time, he's already been on one date with her, with another one planned already.  So, mission successful?   Not sure where my safety comes into this...it's his deal. 

The thing is though, I find this to be more common than naught in a blue collar, low paying profession in a smaller community, and this is not uncommon in a job where people are always coming and going. They typically wind up leaving for another job or college, etc.  This is more of a "go-between" type of job.

[mortensorchid]

6 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Looks like you came at a much later time, he's already been on one date with her, with another one planned already.  So, mission successful?   Not sure where my safety comes into this...it's his deal. 

The thing is though, I find this to be more common than naught in a blue collar, low paying profession in a smaller community, and this is not uncommon in a job where people are always coming and going. They typically wind up leaving for another job or college, etc.  This is more of a "go-between" type of job.

Ah, well I did scroll back and see that he had already had a get together with her outside of the office.  But my last post is my opinion and I stand by it.  So best of luck to these people.

[QuietRiot]

7 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Ah, well I did scroll back and see that he had already had a get together with her outside of the office.  But my last post is my opinion and I stand by it.  So best of luck to these people.

 

Yeah, it is kind of cringy to see a dude at work asking around about the availability of their co-workers.   Comes off as thirsty. 

The last guy that attempted this was trying to gather some people up to go bowling after work, I think they did it once, but that was a one in done deal. It didn't turn into anything routine. People here in this community just want to go home and be with their families and sig.others.

Just curious, if not dating...then what's wrong with friendships outside of work.  Figured that'd be a happy medium since there's no romance involved, yes?

 

[glows]

There’s nothing wrong with friendships outside of work as long as they don’t interfere with your work when at work. 

Regarding your inappropriate coworker or others that come along, don’t answer those types of questions. Deflect and change the subject.

Do you have something else lined up for yourself? You mentioned this was a low paying “go between” type of job. Regardless of what others are doing have some long term plans for yourself and leave this type of work if it’s not where you want to be.

 

 

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, glows said:

There’s nothing wrong with friendships outside of work as long as they don’t interfere with your work when at work. 

Regarding your inappropriate coworker or others that come along, don’t answer those types of questions. Deflect and change the subject.

Do you have something else lined up for yourself? You mentioned this was a low paying “go between” type of job. Regardless of what others are doing have some long term plans for yourself and leave this type of work if it’s not where you want to be.

 

 

I may at most try to find something internally. But this post isn't about me.

Edited May 23, 2022 by QuietRiot