How do I deal with being the LAST of my friends to NEVER been married?

May 4, 2022

I am 27, turning 28 this year, and I am the last of my former friends to not be married. All the friends that I have had growing up are married, have kids, and/or both.

Meanwhile, I have NEVER EVEN HAD A REAL GIRLFRIEND!!!

Yes, I have high standards, but even so, how did I end up this way? It just BAFFLES me!!! My whole life pretty much, I have always wanted to have a girlfriend, wife, and kids of my own.

May 4, 2022

Just how high are your standards? In particular, have you had interest from women who you feel are below you?

May 4, 2022

You are 27 and you are the last of your friends to get married....? Do you live in a very traditional area or something?

People get married at all ages. Most of my friends (and myself) got married in our 30s. Age is not a factor that will hold you back, ESPECIALLY not at 27.

What else do you have going on in your life? Do you bring to the table as much as you ask for, with your "high standards"?

May 4, 2022

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Just how high are your standards? In particular, have you had interest from women who you feel are below you?

They relate to the inability to get over a woman's romantic past.

May 4, 2022

Ah, so you're not involuntary celebate - you're voluntary celebate. If you want a girlfriend, go to a therapist and get the tools to overcome what is holding you back.

May 4, 2022

2 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

You are 27 and you are the last of your friends to get married....? Do you live in a very traditional area or something?

People get married at all ages. Most of my friends (and myself) got married in our 30s. Age is not a factor that will hold you back, ESPECIALLY not at 27.

What else do you have going on in your life? Do you bring to the table as much as you ask for, with your "high standards"?

Hmm... let's see...

1. Alex is married.

2. Quinton is married.

3. Jacob is married.

4. Nick I think is married.

Plus, many of my mom's friend's kids are married and/or have kids.

Chris may or may not be married, but I cannot find any info on him.

What I bring to the table? I am a software developer who normally makes a good salary. I live on my own and manage my own finances. I have a good car. I am generous and giving. I believe in traditional marriage and really want a family of my own.

Oh, and I live in Tennessee.

May 4, 2022

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah, so you're not involuntary celebate - you're voluntary celebate. If you want a girlfriend, go to a therapist and get the tools to overcome what is holding you back.

I said "almost". I feel I share a lot of similarities. Although not a virgin by definition, I haven't touched a girl in 7 years, and I had to pretty much almost sell my soul to do so in a weekend fling where she didn't want anything to do with me afterwards. I never actually "made love".

May 4, 2022

Not touching a girl for seven years classifies as celebate. One doesn't need to be a virgin to be celebate.

Again, I urge you to see a therapist to get over your hangup about a woman's past.

May 4, 2022

12 minutes ago, Almost_Incel said:

I am a software developer who normally makes a good salary. I live on my own and manage my own finances. I have a good car.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses.

So expand your social life as well as trying OLD.

Incels is a hate group that brainwashes it's readers with the type of confirmation bias you are complaining about. Stop reading that rubbish.

You can't sit behind a screen all day full of self pity, envy and entitlement. You need to get out there and meet women and date.

May 4, 2022

Oh good god,

Look start talking to girls. Work at interacting with them. Do be out just for sex or on the make. See what develops. Everyday talk to a stranger, man or woman to get in to the habit of interacting. Do not "work" at "getting" a date, see what develops. When and if it does, GO ON A DATE. Look up on the internet on what and how to do it. How to dress, and the etiquette. BE A GENTLEMAN. Find out just what that means and really is. I suggest the site "Art of Manliness" (https://www.artofmanliness.com/) They have some good tips on how to act, how to dress and ideas for the date itself. Its all not trying to get her in bed, but relating to her as a person and seeing what happens from there.

As for dealing with her past, it is just a fact of today's life, women can be much more sexual then men in today's society. They just have to say yes, and men have to get them to say yes to to have sex. You are going to have to deal with her sexual past. My advise is to be open and honest, both of you, and her up front. Also, look for a women with a good personality, not just a pretty face. In the long run living with someone comes down to their personality and your and theirs compatibility more then anything else.

There is much truth in the song, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife, So from my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you." Now, I am not saying take this too literally, but we have a messed up view of attractiveness in today's society. Cast a wide net, the girl or woman no body looks at, just may be a Jule in the ruff.

Look, if you want a girlfriend, and maybe a marriage, you are going to have to work at it. Nothing in life, including happiness, is FREE. Also, you can not be lazy, you must apply yourself, and it will take time, but when it happens it will go rather fast.

I wish you luck.

May 4, 2022

7 hours ago, Almost_Incel said:

I am 27, turning 28 this year, and I am the last of my former friends to not be married. All the friends that I have had growing up are married, have kids, and/or both.

Meanwhile, I have NEVER EVEN HAD A REAL GIRLFRIEND!!!

Yes, I have high standards, but even so, how did I end up this way? It just BAFFLES me!!! My whole life pretty much, I have always wanted to have a girlfriend, wife, and kids of my own.

Man, you’re 28! Jeez still so much life ahead of you, so many opportunities. Don’t be jealous of the friends you have that settled, or feel pressure cos your pier group is loving the grown-up part of life you play in the second half. They played it early. Some people can just do that and like life mapped out that way.

I'm 36. Most people my age are “older” than me. Settled, married, kids…. Etc etc. Don’t wish your life away- so much is waiting for you. I’m eternally grateful I can still do the things I want to do, I don’t have anyone else to look out for. My friend groups are all sorts of ages. Mostly younger. Success to men usually comes in their 30’s and it’s absolutely correct for me- I’ve just built a mind blowing empire and opportunity for myself since the start of this year. So I’m grateful I didn’t meet anyone yet. That time will come for you too.

Go have some one night stands, play the field. The right person will come along at the right time there will be a point in your future you’ll be thankful for getting to live your life. Meanwhile your married friends, a portion of them will likely end up separated and have to start over just at the point you’re settling down and found happiness. Trust me man- you're winning and you don’t even know it yet :) all good things ….

Edited May 4, 2022 by Fox Sake
Add a word… stupid dyslexia

May 4, 2022

Oh my goodness, please stop comparing yourself to your friends and treating this like some kind of competition. It absolutely doesn't matter if the people in your friends circle have gotten married before you. That's not a healthy or mature way to look at life. Look at what YOU are unhappy about in your life and work to make changes. But stop keeping track of who has achieved what goal "first".

May 4, 2022

12 hours ago, Almost_Incel said:

What I bring to the table? I am a software developer who normally makes a good salary. I live on my own and manage my own finances. I have a good car. I am generous and giving. I believe in traditional marriage and really want a family of my own.

I... still don't really understand what you're claiming to bring to a relationship and a partner? Are you saying that you wouldn't mind supporting a financially-insecure woman? Because otherwise, living on your own, managing your own finances, having a decent job and a car... that's all pretty much standard and expected for both genders in their late 20s. So your partner probably would have that too in addition to the other things you're expecting of her (again, unless you're saying you're intending to financially support a woman who doesn't make her own money?).

May 4, 2022

From what I have seen, when someone describes themselves as an incel it often seems like there is an underlying psychological issue (such as a complex) that either drives women away or causes the person to reject women they could be with. Financial independence is great and all, but it's simply not the "clincher" that some folks would have you believe it is.

There seem to be plenty of people in the world (both men and women) who desire a "real relationship" but simply aren't ready and/or psychologically well suited for one. I'm not sure how easy it is to "change oneself" in the right ways to address this, but it seems like somehow adjusting your own attitudes and/or psychology would be key here. No doubt that is a lot easier said than done.

Can you become "less conservative"? Less idealistic and more realistic about what women "should be"? More flexible in your "standards" and (I suspect) in how you treat and regard women?

Absent a significant and genuine psychological makeover of sorts, I would, quite honestly, question if it would perhaps be doing both yourself and a potential LTR prospect a disservice to get involved. I suspect it wouldn't last long or work out particularly well. The exception would be a "unicorn" who happens by chance to be genuinely well-suited for your specific psychology/approach. However, as the word implies, you're simply not likely to find one.

People tend to slowly change over time, so perhaps one day you'll have changed enough and/or in the right ways where getting what you want will be easy AND have a chance of working out. However, if you want to speed up that process AND not leave the variance of "how you change" to chance, it will IMO require a lot of concerted effort, e.g. through therapy as folks above have suggested, and perhaps though other efforts.

Edited May 4, 2022 by mark clemson

May 4, 2022

Just on one area alone , if you have trouble dealing with their pasts , it could be about the sort of women your trying to go for. Not all women are out there partying or sleeping round or have had 20 bf's by your age. There are plenty of women that haven't had any and quiet lives like yourself in those ways,or maybe one bf. Things like that just like everything else that needs to be between two people to make up a relationship or marriage , matter. We go for people we relate to and with , and people that are somewhat like minded to ourselves and our own values and that we have some things and ways in common with.

l won't go into the rest but most def' agree with the age thing also , 27 is still very young especially these days and absolutely anything can happen for you in life yet.

Edited May 4, 2022 by chillii

May 5, 2022

5 hours ago, Elswyth said:

I... still don't really understand what you're claiming to bring to a relationship and a partner? Are you saying that you wouldn't mind supporting a financially-insecure woman? Because otherwise, living on your own, managing your own finances, having a decent job and a car... that's all pretty much standard and expected for both genders in their late 20s. So your partner probably would have that too in addition to the other things you're expecting of her (again, unless you're saying you're intending to financially support a woman who doesn't make her own money?).

The thing is, I don't really know because I never even had a real girlfriend before. I don't even know how I would do in a relationship. Most teens have more relationship and intimacy experience than I do!

May 5, 2022

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Just on one area alone , if you have trouble dealing with their pasts , it could be about the sort of women your trying to go for. Not all women are out there partying or sleeping round or have had 20 bf's by your age. There are plenty of women that haven't had any and quiet lives like yourself in those ways,or maybe one bf. Things like that just like everything else that needs to be between two people to make up a relationship or marriage , matter. We go for people we relate to and with , and people that are somewhat like minded to ourselves and our own values and that we have some things and ways in common with.

l won't go into the rest but most def' agree with the age thing also , 27 is still very young especially these days and absolutely anything can happen for you in life yet.

I found a girl that had never even had a male friend before she met me. She had never had a boyfriend or a first love. She was also a virgin.

We talked online for 5 months. Sadly, when I traveled to see her for the first time in person, she rejected me.

She married a guy 2 weeks ago who was able to be her first everything. I am sick to my stomach thinking about it

I want to find another girl just like her when we first met

May 5, 2022

On 5/4/2022 at 12:39 AM, Almost_Incel said:

Hmm... let's see...

1. Alex is married.

2. Quinton is married.

3. Jacob is married.

4. Nick I think is married.

Yeah, Alex and Quinton I can see. Jacob is a bit of a surprise, but if Nick actually is married, I would just throw in the towel. Focus on work and maybe get a parrot.

May 5, 2022

8 hours ago, Almost_Incel said:

. She had never had a boyfriend or a first love. She was also a virgin.

Is this your criteria for dating? If so you're going to have difficulty finding anyone who never went on a date, never had male friends, never had a crush and never had sex.

Are you from a background/culture/religion where any contact with the opposite sex is for after marriage?

At 28 years old you may have to accept the ambient surroundings and mores as far as available interested women goes.

Why not try church groups or a dating app that encompasses these criteria.

May 5, 2022

23 hours ago, understand50 said:

There is much truth in the song, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife, So from my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you." Now, I am not saying take this too literally, but we have a messed up view of attractiveness in today's society. Cast a wide net, the girl or woman no body looks at, just may be a Jule in the ruff.

I agree with most of your post, but this part. I've found that less attractive women either think I'm settling for them or they have much higher standards than I could meet. Some even bullied me. While their more attractive friends are cool with me and make me feel comfortable.

Edited May 5, 2022 by Envy123

May 5, 2022

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this your criteria for dating? If so you're going to have difficulty finding anyone who never went on a date, never had male friends, never had a crush and never had sex.

Are you from a background/culture/religion where any contact with the opposite sex is for after marriage?

At 28 years old you may have to accept the ambient surroundings and mores as far as available interested women goes.

Why not try church groups or a dating app that encompasses these criteria.

She did have a crush on a guy, but she wasn't close to him. Today, at 19, she is married. I am heartbroken about it.

I seek another woman that never had her first love

May 5, 2022

On 5/4/2022 at 12:39 AM, Almost_Incel said:

Hmm... let's see...

1. Alex is married.

2. Quinton is married.

3. Jacob is married.

4. Nick I think is married.

Plus, many of my mom's friend's kids are married and/or have kids.

Chris may or may not be married, but I cannot find any info on him.

What I bring to the table? I am a software developer who normally makes a good salary. I live on my own and manage my own finances. I have a good car. I am generous and giving. I believe in traditional marriage and really want a family of my own.

Oh, and I live in Tennessee.

Do you want to be married, or do you want to find a good life partner. To be clear, there is a difference.

May 5, 2022

It would be different if you happened to meet someone and ended up being her first love. To specifically seek out a virgin or have a thing for women who have no experience with men strongly suggests there's some issue with jealousy or fear being compared to other men. I hate to be the one to tell you this but most people would run from that or don't want to have anything to do with a man who is that insecure.

I agree with the earlier suggestion about seeing a therapist. It's not the preference that is an issue but the inflexible nature of your demand or criteria that causes far more questions than it provides any answers.

May 5, 2022

On 5/4/2022 at 9:34 AM, Almost_Incel said:

They relate to the inability to get over a woman's romantic past.

That's just going to get worse as the years go by. Everyone will have past lovers.

May 5, 2022

3 hours ago, Almost_Incel said:

She did have a crush on a guy, but she wasn't close to him. Today, at 19, she is married. I am heartbroken about it.

I seek another woman that never had her first love

Ummm.... yeah, if THIS is your requirement, 28 is almost definitely too old. Sorry to burst your bubble.

The good news is, changing this requirement is entirely within your ability.

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