How do I deal with being the LAST of my friends to NEVER been married?

[Almost_Incel]

2 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Ummm.... yeah, if THIS is your requirement, 28 is almost definitely too old. Sorry to burst your bubble.

The good news is, changing this requirement is entirely within your ability.

There are very good reasons why I have this criteria. I have evaluated this for many years. Just think, when I meet a woman, I can no longer say we met when we were young. Plus, she has been there done that in terms of relationships.

[Els]

4 minutes ago, Almost_Incel said:

There are very good reasons why I have this criteria. I have evaluated this for many years. Just think, when I meet a woman, I can no longer say we met when we were young. Plus, she has been there done that in terms of relationships.

Eh, okay, seems like you've sealed your own fate then. Good luck...

[Almost_Incel]

1 hour ago, Elswyth said:

Eh, okay, seems like you've sealed your own fate then. Good luck...

What do you mean? I managed to find two girls like that, both around 18. Sadly, both rejected me upon meeting me in person.

[chillii]

18 19 is wayyyy to young op. We can't know ourselves or what we really want, who we are. lf your both that age is one thing but just her, way too soon.

l can understand you preferring someone that hasn't been around to much though. That doesn't necessarily mean some jealously or possessive thing, lt could simply be preferences as you haven't either. There's been plenty of women and men even in this forum, even much older, and there is out in the world to as l was saying earlier. Even a friend of my daughters she's much older than her,your age, married her first bf same age just last yr they've had a baby ha, they'll probably out survive most couples is my guess watching them. They met at night school both doing the same course, he'd never had a gf either.

Edited May 5, 2022 by chillii

[Almost_Incel]

23 minutes ago, chillii said:

18 19 is wayyyy to young op. We can't know ourselves or what we really want, who we are. lf your both that age is one thing but just her, way too soon.

l can understand you preferring someone that hasn't been around to much though. That doesn't necessarily mean some jealously or possessive thing, lt could simply be preferences as you haven't either. There's been plenty of women and men even in this forum, even much older, and there is out in the world to as l was saying earlier. Even a friend of my daughters she's much older than her,your age, married her first bf same age just last yr they've had a baby ha, they'll probably out survive most couples is my guess watching them. They met at night school both doing the same course, he'd never had a gf either.

I sure hope I can find a woman like that. And yes, seeing that I lack experience with love, I don't see why others are giving me hell for wanting the same.

[Foxhall]

22 hours ago, Almost_Incel said:

found a girl that had never even had a male friend before she met me. She had never had a boyfriend or a first love. She was also a virgin. 

there is a certain novelty factor in finding a girl of this nature,

you have to pursue too what floats your boat  and believe you are good enough to find that.

Ive always liked women who had at least a degree of vulnerability or innocence.

 

[basil67]

Nobody here is giving you hell.   Are you being criticised by people in real life?   

[basil67]

I'm going back to your original question How do I deal with being the last of my friends to never have been married? 

I would say that you need to own your choices and with that, be accepting of the outcomes which come with your choices.  You have the absolute right to want what you want. However, that choice does make it harder to find the right woman, and it's going to be more difficult as you get older.  There is simply no getting around that.  Rather than complaining about the difficulty your choices present, perhaps view this challenge as something which shows your dedication to God.

Can you talk to your priest about how you feel?

[mark clemson]

On 5/5/2022 at 7:08 AM, Almost_Incel said:

She did have a crush on a guy, but she wasn't close to him. Today, at 19, she is married. I am heartbroken about it. 

I seek another woman that never had her first love 

You aren't heartbroken as you never had a relationship with this woman. Perhaps you are filled with self-pity?

Women are independent people. Many if not most will have essentially zero interest in being your perfect, virginal little wife-thing. Those who do think like that will have men closer to their own age to select from.

You may be sincere and not intend harm, but your unrealistic and to be frank narrowminded views of what a partner should be, and "need" for this specific type of woman are IMO the real problem here.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and people change over time. Even if you were to find one and marry, she will change over time, and there is a decent chance she will sooner or later outgrow the "role" you have in mind for her and choose to divorce or even seek new partners while still married to you. Not every woman is cut out for just one partner in life, and they won't necessarily really know that at 20.

The bottom line is your distress is likely to continue.

Edited May 6, 2022 by mark clemson

[Almost_Incel]

You guys may have heard my background story already, but I am turning 28 this year and never had a real girlfriend. Meanwhile, I am the last of my former friends to not be married. 

I am trying not to be desperate, but I cannot help to question what is wrong with me as a man. 

Maybe it is my height? I am 5'6". 

Maybe my face isn't that attractive?

Maybe my personality is plain or dull?

Maybe my brown eye color is boring?

There are some men out there with little career development or ambition and men who are abusive and they still manage to get girlfriends and wives. I don't get it.

I just recently as of a few weeks ago lost my job, but normally I make a very decent income as a software developer. 

[basil67]

Your problem is made very clear in your previous thread

It is that you're rejecting most women because they have a history.   The guys who are able to get a woman don't reject most of them.

Also, you're now looking at women who are very young, so it's natural that most will reject you as being too old for them.

Edited May 7, 2022 by basil67

[Almost_Incel]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Your problem is made very clear in your previous thread

It is that you're rejecting most women because they have a history.   The guys who are able to get a woman don't reject most of them.

Also, you're now looking at women who are very young, so it's natural that most will reject you as being too old for them.

No woman has shown interest in me for at least 7 years. I haven't had the chance to even reject a woman in a very long time. Usually, they are the ones rejecting me. 

Rachel was 19 when she recently got married 2 weeks ago. She was perfect when we first met online. She never even had a male friend before she met me! Now this other guy got to be her first everything.

[basil67]

So you're interested in talking to and dating women who aren't virgins?

 

[Almost_Incel]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So you're interested in talking to and dating women who aren't virgins?

 

I am specifically seeking a woman that has never had her first love. Her virginity doesn't matter as much as whom she shared her heart with before. 

But in order to find this out, I gotta talk to women first. Most women see me as off-putting for some reason. I just got scammed at the bar by two college girls yesterday who also requested my debit card. Thank God I was smart enough not to provide it, but I did contact the police. 

[Woggle]

Stop putting so much effort into getting women and put effort into building your life. If you build it they will come and be better quality.

[Almost_Incel]

8 minutes ago, Woggle said:

Stop putting so much effort into getting women and put effort into building your life. If you build it they will come and be better quality.

My self esteem has taken a major blow. I honestly don't know one person that is my age and never had a real girlfriend/boyfriend.

[basil67]

And you're unlikely to find someone who's never loved another.  Even if it was a chaste teenage love, nearly everyone has loved another by the time they are in their 20's 

All in all though, this goes back to what I said earlier - our choices have consequences.   You can either accept the consequences of your choices or change your choices

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Almost_Incel said:

I am specifically seeking a woman that has never had her first love. Her virginity doesn't matter as much as whom she shared her heart with before. 

But in order to find this out, I gotta talk to women first. Most women see me as off-putting for some reason. I just got scammed at the bar by two college girls yesterday who also requested my debit card. Thank God I was smart enough not to provide it, but I did contact the police. 

How do you go about finding your perfect woman?  Your method could well be very off-putting.   

[Almost_Incel]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

And you're unlikely to find someone who's never loved another.  Even if it was a chaste teenage love, nearly everyone has loved another by the time they are in their 20's 

All in all though, this goes back to what I said earlier - our choices have consequences.   You can either accept the consequences of your choices or change your choices

I managed to find two girls that fit my criteria. Both, sadly, rejected me upon meeting in person. One is 19 today, but sadly married some other guy. Another is turning 18 this year if she hasn't already 

[Lisa]

Thank you for your participation.  You've given @Almost_Incel a lot to think about, however we are closing the thread as it is not progressing.

[Almost_Incel]

I have a homeless friend I took in. He is 22 (I am 27) and short in height like me. Although, he has already been in 3 relationships before and he is talking to a couple girls right now, some of which are flirty with him.

Meanwhile, I am 27, almost 28, and I never had a real girlfriend. I haven't touched a girl in over 7 years. He is asexual, yet had sex with more than one woman in his lifetime.

Yes, I am heavyset, but he is underweight and has no muscle mass.

What the hell?!

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Almost_Incel said:

I have a homeless friend I took in.

Direct him to social services for help with housing, food stamps, medical and mental health care as well as employment assistance and job training.

Don't let people walk all over you.

It's doubtful a homeless "asexual" has any game. He's lying. Is he a male prostitute to support a drug habit or eat? 

[Almost_Incel]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Direct him to social services for help with housing, food stamps, medical and mental health care as well as employment assistance and job training.

Don't let people walk all over you.

It's doubtful a homeless "asexual" has any game. He's lying. Is he a male prostitute to support a drug habit or eat? 

He has applied for disability and section 8 housing and is awaiting a decision atm. I met him at the psych hospital. He has some sexual trauma from a girl that took advantage of him against his will when he was young.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Almost_Incel said:

I met him at the psych hospital. 

Were you both in-patients together? Were you both there for the same reasons? Such as drugs/detox, psychotics episodes etc.?

Are you following up with your doctors and therapists? Do not give him money. Let him get some sort of job, anything. Bagging groceries, walking dogs, whatever. He need to feed himself.

[Almost_Incel]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Were you both in-patients together? Were you both there for the same reasons? Such as drugs/detox, psychotics episodes etc.?

Are you following up with your doctors and therapists? Do not give him money. Let him get some sort of job, anything. Bagging groceries, walking dogs, whatever. He need to feed himself.

He claims he can't work due to his mental health issues. He stated he will just lose his job.

I kinda understand because I have held 20 different jobs since age 15 and I lose just about every single one of them due to my social and mental/emotional issues.

 

Edit: Oh, and yes, I just recently saw my psychiatrist. He wants me to partake in Brainsway therapy.

Edited May 13, 2022 by Almost_Incel