Els Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 7 minutes ago, Freddie We said: Haha I’m certainly not getting any comfort from any of these replies !! I understand we’ve had our challenges and I know people change but we had great times. She wouldn’t have stayed with me for so long if she thought otherwise. so if you love someone you shouldn’t take the rough with the smooth? this is brutal I'm saying that she probably thought the "great times" were over a long time ago. Yes, everyone is entitled to their limits, and like I said, several months of a horrible relationship would be a limit for most people, let alone a 25yo girl who has nothing tying her down to you and whose friends are likely all in fun, light relationships. It's not a realistic expectation for you to have. And frankly if the roles were reversed, for instance if she experienced depression for two years and did not want to touch you at all during that time... would you really stay just because of "love"? What if it was 4 years, or 10 years? Everyone has limits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 6 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Why would you want to do that?? This woman has showed her true colors. When times get tough, she is going to leave... Every single human being out there has struggled with work issues at some point in their lives. We've all had jobs that forced us to work long hours or come in on weekends or whatever. In life, sometimes you have to acquiesce to our employer's demands because you need that paycheck. I know I have!! What a good woman does is weather the storm with you, while you get through the tough times at a job or until you secure a new and better job. This woman had no desire to do that... If you guys had only been dating 4 months, I could understand her actions... but you had been dating 4 years and had future plans. Nope, you are much better off without her -- Good riddance!! LOL, aren't you the guy who says he'll leave if his partner turns him down for sex three times??? 🤣 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WorstOneEver Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Elswyth said: I'm saying that she probably thought the "great times" were over a long time ago. Yes, everyone is entitled to their limits, and like I said, several months of a horrible relationship would be a limit for most people, let alone a 25yo girl who has nothing tying her down to you and whose friends are likely all in fun, light relationships. It's not a realistic expectation for you to have. And frankly if the roles were reversed, for instance if she experienced depression for two years and did not want to touch you at all during that time... would you really stay just because of "love"? What if it was 4 years, or 10 years? Everyone has limits. Why we can't think about our loved ones with grace? I bet she was the greatest person for mentioned 4 years. Does a breakup make our loved ones bad ones? I don't think so. Even if my ex hurt me badly and turn into someone else after Bu, I wouldnt be that resentful Edit: Wrong quote sorry meant to Happy Lemming Edited May 6, 2022 by WorstOneEver Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 1 hour ago, Freddie We said: so if you love someone you shouldn’t take the rough with the smooth? this is brutal People in a committed relationship would need to. It is hard, but it also tells you she's not long-term relationship material, she bailed just when you needed extra support! Better to find that out now. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 30 minutes ago, WorstOneEver said: Does a breakup make our loved ones bad ones? Not in this case, since OP wants her back. I did think she might have waited until he got the new job going, her timing wasn't very supportive! Sometimes things don't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 2 hours ago, Elswyth said: LOL, aren't you the guy who says he'll leave if his partner turns him down for sex three times??? 🤣 I don't see what sex has to do with him having to work some mandatory overtime or stay late... Apples vs. Oranges. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 6, 2022 Share Posted May 6, 2022 2 hours ago, WorstOneEver said: Edit: Wrong quote sorry meant to Happy Lemming If you are asking me if it makes her a bad person to leave when the relationship hits a bump in the road because of his employment/job. Then yes... after 4 years she should be able to "weather the storm" until he secures new employment. Life isn't sunshine and unicorns 100% of the time. The pandemic has wreaked havoc with various industries, business have closed and people have had to take less than perfect jobs to make ends meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 14 hours ago, Freddie We said: it was 10 people living in a flat. That sounds untenable. So you weren't living as a couple, just sort of all crammed into a flat as roommates? It seems like you spent too much time on the computer. And 10 people crammed into a flat with you two working from home sounds horrible. Not much you can do except work at getting your own place and a better job. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 11 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: I don't see what sex has to do with him having to work some mandatory overtime or stay late... Apples vs. Oranges. He said that he was emotionally and physically unavailable to her for almost a year. It's hilarious that you expect the 25-yo woman to remain with a person who was essentially not a boyfriend for a whole year - that's waaaaaaaaaaaay more than declining sex three times, lmao. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 16 hours ago, Freddie We said: so if you love someone you shouldn’t take the rough with the smooth? No, I don’t believe so but she’s entitled to leaving anytime she wants and similarly for you if you had no longer felt inspired or interested by the relationship. Longer relationships have ended over lesser issues. The way I’ve been reading this is your strong feelings of regret are coming from not feeling like you showed her enough of who you could have been (happier, more positive or feeling successful at life). Try working on that regret and letting go. It means letting go of the situation and thinking that you ought to have been any different. You weren’t. Forgive yourself and move on. You’ll always be living in the past if you can’t let go of those wistful feelings. The most you can do is learn from the mistakes. Stay focused on what you have to do for yourself and don’t slip back into any old habits. If you’re in a better place now appreciate where you are. Don’t ruminate like this and get distracted or pull yourself down. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 2 hours ago, Elswyth said: He said that he was emotionally and physically unavailable to her for almost a year. That fact wasn't in the opening post... which is what I based my response on. From the opening post it appeared the breakup occurred because of his work situation. If it turns out that they did not have sex for almost a year (because of him) then that is a "horse of a different color". Perhaps the OP will chime in and provide some clarity about ALL of the reasons for the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted May 7, 2022 Share Posted May 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: If it turns out that they did not have sex for almost a year (because of him) then that is a "horse of a different color". Not really, it's her choice, of course it is, but it still demonstrates she's not committed to the relationship or the person. Reality bites! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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