What should I do?

[Alex]

My boyfriend does many nice things for me and is generous. I feel he lacks respect for me in the way he speaks to me though. There was a party thrown for me and during the party in front of my family and friends he continued to make small jokes and references to my flaws. I am not a great cook, he says "I cherish a woman who can cook". I wrote my college entry essay about him. I waited three years to give it to him. I should have graduated in two years though but, once I graduated I presented it to him. The first thing he states are my grammatical errors one right after the next. It really hurt my feelings, to wait so many years and then he critiques my essay instead of paying attention to the meaning and passion of my words. He gave me credit for the entire letter and especially one sentence after pointing out several errors. He then says that "Yes it was a long time for you to give me this letter but, you should have graduated sooner." I just started to cry and I confronted him about how he made me feel when he made all of those comments through the night. He said he does not want to argue, he is sick of fighting, and all I do is point out the negatives. He says he trys and I never appreciate his efforts and he leaves. This was my night, my surprise graduation party and all through the night he put me down and when I tell him patiently how it hurt me he leaves and doesn't want to fight. I just cried and felt so hurt when I should feel so happy. Am I emphasizing on the negatives? I want are relationship to work but, when I went to discuss it he feels that I am starting a fight and just doesn't want to talk to me. I wish he were more sensitive and respectful of my feelings instead, he says I started a fight and I never appreciate anything. Please give me advice. I feel that I should have a boyfriend that can communicate with me and note my faults in private but, not in public in small remarks. I need a second opinion. What should I do?

[Surfer Guy]

I know it can be hard to do, but just tell him how you feel. Because if you don't things could be painful for him. Just be honest!!!

My boyfriend does many nice things for me and is generous. I feel he lacks respect for me in the way he speaks to me though. There was a party thrown for me and during the party in front of my family and friends he continued to make small jokes and references to my flaws. I am not a great cook, he says "I cherish a woman who can cook". I wrote my college entry essay about him. I waited three years to give it to him. I should have graduated in two years though but, once I graduated I presented it to him. The first thing he states are my grammatical errors one right after the next. It really hurt my feelings, to wait so many years and then he critiques my essay instead of paying attention to the meaning and passion of my words. He gave me credit for the entire letter and especially one sentence after pointing out several errors. He then says that "Yes it was a long time for you to give me this letter but, you should have graduated sooner." I just started to cry and I confronted him about how he made me feel when he made all of those comments through the night. He said he does not want to argue, he is sick of fighting, and all I do is point out the negatives. He says he trys and I never appreciate his efforts and he leaves. This was my night, my surprise graduation party and all through the night he put me down and when I tell him patiently how it hurt me he leaves and doesn't want to fight. I just cried and felt so hurt when I should feel so happy. Am I emphasizing on the negatives? I want are relationship to work but, when I went to discuss it he feels that I am starting a fight and just doesn't want to talk to me. I wish he were more sensitive and respectful of my feelings instead, he says I started a fight and I never appreciate anything. Please give me advice. I feel that I should have a boyfriend that can communicate with me and note my faults in private but, not in public in small remarks. I need a second opinion. What should I do?

[WGirl]

Tell him how you feel about what he said to you if you didn't express that already. It sounds like he was being rather thoughtless. He should have been congratulating you on finishing college instead of emphasizing how long you took. Instead of correcting your grammatical errors, he should have been touched that you based your essay on him. That is my feeling on the situation. If someone was nice enough to write an essay about me, I would not be putting it down.

 

Maybe you should dump the guy if he does this all the time. You want someone who is going to encourage you and make you feel good about about yourself rather than having someone who is going to put you down all the time. That over time will do a job on your self-esteem.

 

Everybody has flaws. Nobody is perfect. Ask him how he would like it if you pointed out his flaws every time he turned around. It took me a while to get this but you want someone in your life who is going to accept you for who you are right now, flaws and all. If he can't accept you the way you are, is he really worth it?

My boyfriend does many nice things for me and is generous. I feel he lacks respect for me in the way he speaks to me though. There was a party thrown for me and during the party in front of my family and friends he continued to make small jokes and references to my flaws. I am not a great cook, he says "I cherish a woman who can cook". I wrote my college entry essay about him. I waited three years to give it to him. I should have graduated in two years though but, once I graduated I presented it to him. The first thing he states are my grammatical errors one right after the next. It really hurt my feelings, to wait so many years and then he critiques my essay instead of paying attention to the meaning and passion of my words. He gave me credit for the entire letter and especially one sentence after pointing out several errors. He then says that "Yes it was a long time for you to give me this letter but, you should have graduated sooner." I just started to cry and I confronted him about how he made me feel when he made all of those comments through the night. He said he does not want to argue, he is sick of fighting, and all I do is point out the negatives. He says he trys and I never appreciate his efforts and he leaves. This was my night, my surprise graduation party and all through the night he put me down and when I tell him patiently how it hurt me he leaves and doesn't want to fight. I just cried and felt so hurt when I should feel so happy. Am I emphasizing on the negatives? I want are relationship to work but, when I went to discuss it he feels that I am starting a fight and just doesn't want to talk to me. I wish he were more sensitive and respectful of my feelings instead, he says I started a fight and I never appreciate anything. Please give me advice. I feel that I should have a boyfriend that can communicate with me and note my faults in private but, not in public in small remarks. I need a second opinion. What should I do?