giotto Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 10 hours ago, nice-easy-day said: It would seem that way. But as I said in my O.P. we went through some very hard times the last two years. I left out what those hard times actually were. It just isn't something I want to post about in an open forum on the internet so I left out some details. If anyone wants to know what those details are you can personal message me and I will tell you. It will make this whole story make a little more sense. I wrote what I could. I'm simply being as respectful to my wife and her personal privacy as I can be. Yeah I'm still here talking about my personal life but I'm also keeping some boundaries. Hope everyone understands. That's fine... the story does make a little more sense now... 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 10 hours ago, nice-easy-day said: . we went through some very hard times the last two years. I left out what those hard times actually were. You're right . This type of thing is for the privacy and professional guidance of qualified therapists. She not happy, you're not happy. That doesn't mean she's cheating or an unfit mother. Apparently some events for the last two years has precipitated this desire for divorce. And these events were never resolved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nice-easy-day Posted June 6, 2022 Author Share Posted June 6, 2022 So for anyone who is interested in an update. Last week, I finally met with my professional counselor (who also knows the entire backstory). His opinion is my wife is very likely dealing with depression. He also said it's very hard to know what the actual cause is without her getting an evaluation for herself but all the signs are there pointing toward depression. Also, that when someone starts to become depressed they just aren't depressed all the time. They go through peaks and valleys. So his advice was to be prepared in the next few months that it will happen again. Also, that he doesn't think she actually knows she has it. To her it's reality (not an illness). She told me something last night. Yesterday she had a one day work trip and on the plane ride home she sat next to a guy that talked to her the whole time. He has been married for 20 years and is going through a divorce. Basically he told her all the reasons why his marriage fell apart and why he left his wife. Then my wife told me she realized she's been doing the same things to me the last three years and she is really sorry for neglecting me and our relationship and she is going to try to make an effort again and doesn't want a divorce. So that's great news, but the only thing is, sadly I don't really believe her. I don't know why it took a stranger on a plane for her to realize the way she's been neglecting me when I've been trying to tell her the exact same thing for years. Maybe the lightbulb went off, IDK. It's just that I've fought so hard recently and I don't have any fight left in me. If she wants to take the initiative to save things that is awesome and I will certainly go along with it. But I bet in a few days it will all be forgotten. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 9 minutes ago, nice-easy-day said: So for anyone who is interested in an update. Last week, I finally met with my professional counselor (who also knows the entire backstory). His opinion is my wife is very likely dealing with depression. He also said it's very hard to know what the actual cause is without her getting an evaluation for herself but all the signs are there pointing toward depression. Also, that when someone starts to become depressed they just aren't depressed all the time. They go through peaks and valleys. So his advice was to be prepared in the next few months that it will happen again. Also, that he doesn't think she actually knows she has it. To her it's reality (not an illness). She told me something last night. Yesterday she had a one day work trip and on the plane ride home she sat next to a guy that talked to her the whole time. He has been married for 20 years and is going through a divorce. Basically he told her all the reasons why his marriage fell apart and why he left his wife. Then my wife told me she realized she's been doing the same things to me the last three years and she is really sorry for neglecting me and our relationship and she is going to try to make an effort again and doesn't want a divorce. So that's great news, but the only thing is, sadly I don't really believe her. I don't know why it took a stranger on a plane for her to realize the way she's been neglecting me when I've been trying to tell her the exact same thing for years. Maybe the lightbulb went off, IDK. It's just that I've fought so hard recently and I don't have any fight left in me. If she wants to take the initiative to save things that is awesome and I will certainly go along with it. But I bet in a few days it will all be forgotten. That's sad. I'm sorry to hear this. Very painful. Yes, sometimes there's not enough left after too much neglect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: That's sad. I'm sorry to hear this. Very painful. Yes, sometimes there's not enough left after too much neglect. I agree with this. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 If she really wants to save the marriage then she needs to do the work. If she brings up divorce again then it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 12 hours ago, nice-easy-day said: my professional counselor. His opinion is my wife is very likely dealing with depression. It's interesting that she's talkative with complete strangers. Your therapist can not diagnose her. And didn't. That assessment is based solely on your description. She is still unhappily married. So you are still stuck in the same place. Link to post Share on other sites
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