Feelings for colleague / friend

[Hiddenwizz]

Well, let me paint the picture.

I have a friend who I have known for around nine years, we are quite close - even go on short breaks away.  He is (as of a couple of years ago) my boss too.  Albeit, arguably we both run the team.

He is younger than me, but is married with a small child.

I’m a single bi guy

i have started to develop feelings for him, I’ve not acted on them, but there has been times we have fooled around… for example play fighting, cuddling, playing with each other’s feet, holding hands walking home from the pub.   We got drunk at a friends house last week, we both ended up staying over and he begged me to share his bed.  Nothing happened.  We have shared beds before too when away in hotels.

Recently I just can’t get him out of my head, I would never make a move as I respect his wife but it’s affecting me at work… I avoid him etc 

How do I move on!!  Any advice would be welcome.  

Edited May 6, 2022 by Hiddenwizz
Incorrect info

[glows]

Let him know that you'll have to stop engaging in the touchy feely gestures and limit your time spent with him during non-working hours.

This is largely dependent on you and your self-restraint as you can't depend on him to stay away. He's married and has a young child with more at stake and he's already taking these risks. It's unlikely he has much willpower. Hopefully he at least has some respect for you and doesn't cross any boundaries at your explicit request.

The onus is really on you to stay away and try your best. 

Edited May 6, 2022 by glows

[Hiddenwizz]

Thanks…. Certainly keeping my distance, will hopefully all settle down.  He did ask the other day “if everything was alright”. Sensing me distancing…. All will be well I’m sure 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Hiddenwizz said:

 He is my boss too.  He is younger than me, but is married with a small child.  Im a single bi guy

Is he on the down low or openly bi as well? Sounds like he preys on new men at the workplace to cover his cheating and sexuality..

.It may be best to find another guy to hook up with. Since you're coworkers and he's married, this could blow up in your face. 

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he on the down low or openly bi as well?

I guarantee he's on the down low and his wife has no idea that he really desires men.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 5/6/2022 at 11:35 PM, Hiddenwizz said:

I would never make a move as I respect his wife

My dude, you two already have made moves that disrespect his wife. Holding hands, cuddling, sharing beds - lines have already been crossed. I get that you haven't had sex, but make no mistake, the behaviour so far has been in appropriate as well. 

On 5/6/2022 at 11:35 PM, Hiddenwizz said:

How do I move on!!  Any advice would be welcome.

Stop all the lovey-dovey stuff. Keep in mind that he's not a stellar guy if he's behaving this way while he's married and has a child. He puts his own needs and desires first, and you better believe that is part of his character. Tell him directly that you cannot continue this and you are going to stop. And then stick to it. 

Start looking for other people to date. 

Edited May 8, 2022 by ExpatInItaly