Sorta second chance?

[ATT1C0S]

A year ago I made a post about how I got cat fished (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/601785-stupid-catfisher/) which was a follow up post to another thread I made which is linked in the above post, I'm not including it here for sake of space, but it might help with someone come up with an answer so read the previous two threads I made if you want. Anyway This guy cat fished me with pictures of his GF and I didn't know then I found out and he blocked me, then for me life went on and eventually I forgave him because what could I possibly do to get even, and would it really even be worth my time, plus the time that we spent together even if he was cat fishing did actually help my mental state so I did have feelings for him/her. Now recently, on the same site we met on two years ago,  I found him again, this time he wasn't showing off his GF, rather he was just looking for people to chat with, so I reached out to him with a different account and now we're chatting again.

As of now we've been talking for just short of two months, but it's not an everyday thing. It turns out he's actually really kind and sweet, he's also told me he loves me, but the context of this could have just meant it in a thankful way as I did a favor for him. The thing is, I'm starting to develop feelings for him and I don't know if I should tell him that I'm the same person as before, but he doesn't know I'm the same person. Please help

[basil67]

I'm really confused.  Looking at your history, I think your story is that a guy catfished you with a fake woman who you fell for.   You discovered that she was fake and now you're falling for the guy who catfished you?   Meanwhile the guy has no idea who you really are....

Is this what's happening? 

[ATT1C0S]

39 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm really confused.  Looking at your history, I think your story is that a guy catfished you with a fake woman who you fell for.   You discovered that she was fake and now you're falling for the guy who catfished you?   Meanwhile the guy has no idea who you really are....

Is this what's happening? 

Yeah in a twisted turn of fate, the whole thing about him using his gf's photos was that she wanted to be "exposed" online, and she knew that her pictures were being used, but she probably never knew what happened. Like the guy isn't a super scummy guy, he's very kind.

[basil67]

If online attractions work for you, then go for it.  But if you want a real relationship, this is going nowhere.

Please don't send him any money.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, ATT1C0S said:

As of now we've been talking for  of two months, 

The best thing to do is start getting involved in real life. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses. Meet real life men and women and make friends.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps, (preferably paid apps, since you have fallen for fakes in the past) and start talking to and meeting local single men in a timely manner. 

If someone won't meet within a of couple of weeks, delete and block them.

 

[glows]

18 hours ago, ATT1C0S said:

Yeah in a twisted turn of fate, the whole thing about him using his gf's photos was that she wanted to be "exposed" online, and she knew that her pictures were being used, but she probably never knew what happened. Like the guy isn't a super scummy guy, he's very kind.

It’s a slippery slope as much of this is based on deception and illusion and he doesn’t know you nor you him. Talking to someone for two months without meeting isn’t ideal. I’m sorry you’re feeling confused. 

I wouldn’t continue speaking with someone whom I can’t be honest with or meet early on. I think you may be wasting your time if you don’t feel comfortable being who you really are and yet continue to devote that time and energy to that kind of communication. 

[ATT1C0S]

It's hard for us to potentially meet up, he lives in France and I in the US. International travel and covid are still conflicting with each other unfortunately.

There's also the possibility of me telling him the truth and that I still really like him, would that help, or more likely throw a wrench into everything?

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, ATT1C0S said:

I in the US.

Why not try Grindr or some other apps where you can meet local men to date?

[glows]

45 minutes ago, ATT1C0S said:

It's hard for us to potentially meet up, he lives in France and I in the US. International travel and covid are still conflicting with each other unfortunately.

There's also the possibility of me telling him the truth and that I still really like him, would that help, or more likely throw a wrench into everything?

I'm not sure it matters considering your distance. Take a step back and deep breaths. This guy doesn't have to be in your life for you to be happy.

[ATT1C0S]

17 hours ago, glows said:

I'm not sure it matters considering your distance. Take a step back and deep breaths. This guy doesn't have to be in your life for you to be happy.

No, he doesn't need to be in my life, but we both enjoy each other's company a ton. He's also expressed the idea of learning English to visit/move to the US or UK, which the UK is no closer, but if he moved to the US that would make things easier, but this was him just throwing around random ideas and wishes for his life.

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not try Grindr or some other apps where you can meet local men to date?

I've had bad experiences with local people of both genders for a long time, so I sadly don't see this option working out. I appreciate your suggestion and I hadn't thought of that possibility before either.

[glows]

At this point he is as good as a figment of your imagination and you for him so treat this as a casual pen pal situation. 

[ATT1C0S]

I can live with that, I think that's the best possible outcome for our interactions. Thank you for the idea, I appreciate it a ton, that's an amazing idea!! Thank you so much!