Going to be seeing / working in a small town with my ex

[WyoGuy]

So I’d posted back in December about the break up (it wasn’t messy & was extremely civil). My ex & I both work summers at a resort in a small town. We’ve both recently come back to town & have been broken up for about 5 months now. I still have feelings for her but I don’t want to come crawling back or seem desperate. I’ve heard through the grapevine her talking to her friends about it & she apparently also still has feelings for me but I think she wants to move on. I know I shouldn’t try & get her back immediately but I do wish we could mend things & be together again. However I also know it will still hurt me to see her with other guys & I’m having trouble reconciling what I should do/ how to approach this situation I’ll be finding myself in.

thoughts/recommendations appreciated 

[WyoGuy]

5 minutes ago, WyoGuy said:

So I’d posted back in December about the break up (it wasn’t messy & was extremely civil). My ex & I both work summers at a resort in a small town. We’ve both recently come back to town & have been broken up for about 5 months now. I still have feelings for her but I don’t want to come crawling back or seem desperate. I’ve heard through the grapevine her talking to her friends about it & she apparently also still has feelings for me but I think she wants to move on. I know I shouldn’t try & get her back immediately but I do wish we could mend things & be together again. However I also know it will still hurt me to see her with other guys & I’m having trouble reconciling what I should do/ how to approach this situation I’ll be finding myself in.

thoughts/recommendations appreciated 

Also should I try to talk to her? I know we’ll see each other. Should I keep it brief, ask how’s she’s been? Try to meet up one on one to catch up? It’s bothering me not knowing the best way to handle this.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

My ex & I both work summers at a resort in a small town. We’ve both recently come back to town.

Is she on board with a seasonal relationship/flings? That's all you need to know. See how it goes when you see her. Don't go by hearsay.

[glows]

I'd reach out and say hello at the very least. It's a resort town so space, places to hang out and resources are limited. You're bound to run into one another and mingle in mutual social circles. I wouldn't approach this in a date-sense but more as a greeting and acknowledgement that you're both back.

See how things go from there and suggest meeting for coffee even as coworkers or friends. It's doubtful she'd turn you down. You're both there for work, not to create any awkwardness or tension. 

[Mrin]

4 hours ago, glows said:

I'd reach out and say hello at the very least. It's a resort town so space, places to hang out and resources are limited. You're bound to run into one another and mingle in mutual social circles. I wouldn't approach this in a date-sense but more as a greeting and acknowledgement that you're both back.. 

Totally agree with @glows. Just be proactive and send something like "hey, just wanted to get ahead of the oh-so-awkward first time we bump into each other in this small pond. Ha. I hope you are doing well and wish you a really great summer!"

Just leave it at that. Rule of thumb - do not include any question marks or any phrase that could be construed as a question.

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

 I know we’ll see each other. 

Yes. Be patient and get a feel for things in person. That's the only way to assess what the climate is now.

[glows]

4 hours ago, Mrin said:

Totally agree with @glows. Just be proactive and send something like "hey, just wanted to get ahead of the oh-so-awkward first time we bump into each other in this small pond. Ha. I hope you are doing well and wish you a really great summer!"

Just leave it at that. Rule of thumb - do not include any question marks or any phrase that could be construed as a question.

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

Yes, a non-obligatory hello. 

Hopefully this passes. I know you still have feelings for her but I wouldn’t react on it at this point. If you both seem to take more of an interest in one another later, then see how it goes. 

The sad part comes when the season is over so you may want to reconsider whether it’s better to keep that door closed and her as an ex. If that’s the case be busy with work and other activities. Have faith that you have enough respect for one another to go about your duties or life at the resort without complicating matters too much.

Edited May 7, 2022 by glows

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, Mrin said:

Totally agree with @glows. Just be proactive and send something like "hey, just wanted to get ahead of the oh-so-awkward first time we bump into each other in this small pond. Ha. I hope you are doing well and wish you a really great summer!"

Just leave it at that. Rule of thumb - do not include any question marks or any phrase that could be construed as a question.

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

I like the addition of the "ha."

Kind of breaks the possible tension.

I ran into an ex a few years ago and we handled seeing each other by saying “Oh, hi!” and giving each other warm hugs. 

Then went on our way. 

Just try your best to be warm and friendly.

No hiding behind any bushes. 🌳

When you run into your ex unexpectedly one day, all that you need to do is take a deep breath, take a few slow steps, and smile. If you can pull this off and manage to remain calm throughout, the precedent will be for how things are going to be from here forward.

 

 

[WyoGuy]

30 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I like the addition of the "ha."

Kind of breaks the possible tension.

I ran into an ex a few years ago and we handled seeing each other by saying “Oh, hi!” and giving each other warm hugs. 

Then went on our way. 

Just try your best to be warm and friendly.

No hiding behind any bushes. 🌳

When you run into your ex unexpectedly one day, all that you need to do is take a deep breath, take a few slow steps, and smile. If you can pull this off and manage to remain calm throughout, the precedent will be for how things are going to be from here forward.

 

 

So we had our company orientation today, I had sent her basically that message verbatim lol she seemed to avoid me so I didn’t push trying to interact. She liked the message after orientation but I sent it in the morning before it so idk very odd. The last time we saw each other after the breakup we were fine & hugged for a long time before saying goodbye. This was much different but I can’t really say why. I’m sure I’ll see her at the bar/around soon. Ahh this is odd. 
 

 

I really appreciate all the advice guys.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, WyoGuy said:

So we had our company orientation today, I had sent her basically that message verbatim lol she seemed to avoid me so I didn’t push trying to interact. She liked the message after orientation but I sent it in the morning before it so idk very odd. The last time we saw each other after the breakup we were fine & hugged for a long time before saying goodbye. This was much different but I can’t really say why. I’m sure I’ll see her at the bar/around soon. Ahh this is odd. 
 

 

I really appreciate all the advice guys.

It's a strange thing, isn't it?

It was not so long ago that you and your boo referred to yourselves as a couple. Now that relationship is over and you're just acquaintances.

There are still unresolved feelings on your end so you may come to find that being around her is difficult.

To your own benefit, keep this in mind if and when your paths cross. 

This is why it'd be best to keep it short and sweet and to the point.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't have reached out to her, personally. 

I would have said hello when you ran into her, but left it at that. From here on out, be civil and professional when you see her around work (and polite if you bump into her outside work), but I would not attempt to contact her directly again or meet up with her. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I wouldn't have reached out to her, personally. I would have said hello when you ran into her, but left it at that. 

Agree. Sending any sort of message makes things awkward. It's preemptive and unnessary. Especially any sort of nonsense "have a nice day/ summer" type stuff.

Act naturally when you see her. Be polite friendly and natural. Skip the cheeky messaging in the future.

Edited May 8, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

16 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

So we had our company orientation today, I had sent her basically that message verbatim lol she seemed to avoid me so I didn’t push trying to interact. She liked the message after orientation but I sent it in the morning before it so idk very odd. The last time we saw each other after the breakup we were fine & hugged for a long time before saying goodbye. This was much different but I can’t really say why. I’m sure I’ll see her at the bar/around soon. Ahh this is odd. 
 

 

I really appreciate all the advice guys.

It doesn't have to be odd. I'm sure you're building this up quite a lot in your mind. She's there to earn her paycheque just like you so keep it light when you see her around. 

I suggest you spend less time where you know she'll be also and try to find a new group of friends on the resort so you're not constantly running into one another. Go out and meet other people. There must also be newer faces to get to know and activities/events that don't involve her.

Edited May 8, 2022 by glows

[WyoGuy]

5 hours ago, glows said:

It doesn't have to be odd. I'm sure you're building this up quite a lot in your mind. She's there to earn her paycheque just like you so keep it light when you see her around. 

I suggest you spend less time where you know she'll be also and try to find a new group of friends on the resort so you're not constantly running into one another. Go out and meet other people. There must also be newer faces to get to know and activities/events that don't involve her.

Yes there’s plenty of new faces, I’m going to try and meet some new people & have fun. Luckily I have some good friends to support me out here & keep my mind off of it. I’ve definitely built it up in my mind & let it bother me but it’s hard for me to go from living with someone for six months to acting like a stranger especially when there’s still feelings I mean I really care for the girl & it ended without real closure. That said I appreciate the advice guys, I regret sending that message to her but oh well it happened. I’ll post updates.

[glows]

8 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

Yes there’s plenty of new faces, I’m going to try and meet some new people & have fun. Luckily I have some good friends to support me out here & keep my mind off of it. I’ve definitely built it up in my mind & let it bother me but it’s hard for me to go from living with someone for six months to acting like a stranger especially when there’s still feelings I mean I really care for the girl & it ended without real closure. That said I appreciate the advice guys, I regret sending that message to her but oh well it happened. I’ll post updates.

There was nothing wrong with your message. You tried and it didn't work (she's not interested in any back and forth). Try not to keep beating yourself up for being your genuine self or doing what you'd naturally do in a situation. Trust your gut more and hang out with your friends, get that confidence back and do fun things while working there. 

Closure comes from you, when things start to make sense and you can let go in your own time. It doesn't depend on interaction with the ex or what the ex says or does. 

Yes, keep us updated please. Enjoy your time there most of all. Life is short.

[Alpacalia]

14 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

Yes there’s plenty of new faces, I’m going to try and meet some new people & have fun. Luckily I have some good friends to support me out here & keep my mind off of it. I’ve definitely built it up in my mind & let it bother me but it’s hard for me to go from living with someone for six months to acting like a stranger especially when there’s still feelings I mean I really care for the girl & it ended without real closure. That said I appreciate the advice guys, I regret sending that message to her but oh well it happened. I’ll post updates.

I wouldn't stress too much about it.

Our messages to our ex-partners are often not the ones we want. That can force us to move on.

Being true to yourself and saying what you meant was your message.

I would have liked to send certain messages, but I was afraid. Other times, I was like, "Oh no, someone, please put a sock in my mouth."

I'm sure you're going to have a really great summer ahead of you.

Edited May 9, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Mrin]

15 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

Yes there’s plenty of new faces, I’m going to try and meet some new people & have fun. Luckily I have some good friends to support me out here & keep my mind off of it. I’ve definitely built it up in my mind & let it bother me but it’s hard for me to go from living with someone for six months to acting like a stranger especially when there’s still feelings I mean I really care for the girl & it ended without real closure. That said I appreciate the advice guys, I regret sending that message to her but oh well it happened. I’ll post updates.

Best of luck man. It will be good. Remember, it is only awkward if you make it awkward. Just be a good human and let her be well are wants to be. If you guys are meant to be something more than ex lovers, then something will happen. If you're not, you're not. And there are lots of other truly incredible women out there. We dudes just need to open our eyes and see them rather than getting radar lock on an ex.