Flirted for weeks then denied - let me get over it!

[anika99]

On 5/8/2022 at 3:46 PM, Whatonearth2022 said:

I’m in an unhappy partnership of 10 years, 2 kids.

I started personal training at a local gym.

Connections and combustion is all I can say. Both Aries. Both got on like a house on fire. 4 weeks in, thought nothing of it, currently overweight I don’t tend to pull recently.

I started noticing stuff, deliberate touching, spending more and more time alone together… common hobbies or interests, then began the personal life chat..

he said , ‘I wouldn’t have married’ and ‘me and mine argue all the time’. Then I noticed him looking at me, a lot, the more touching, the casual flirting.

Asking me for help with business things (I run 2 businesses), questioning what I was doing ‘in reference’ to social media I had shared.

 

I literally had to google soulmate. That is how it felt, and I don’t even believe in that stuff but this triggered me hugely, it was like I’d met the one, I was completely head over heels.

He added me on all socials, Snapchat…Fb etc, he watched most of my stuff.

I thought I was going insane. How can this gorgeous amazing man have ANY interest in me????

12 weeks in, one day, turn up for training, a completely different bloke! I was so upset by the change in him I left early in tears.

He messaged me later, am I ok.?!

Using the word ‘mate’ in the sentence. Something he only did in front of others but never alone.

I caved and said a bunch of things like, think we need to talk… how do you feel about me etc.

The response!! Omg… COMPLETE DENIAL. 
Accusing me of trying to ruin his reputation or business, the list goes on. I was in TOTAL shock.

it ended with him telling me not to return and my tail between my knees.

I felt awful. How did this guy make me think all this stuff, was I going insane? Did I imagine it!?

Fast forward a week and my May personal training fee refunded…. I asked if we could meet to clear the air.

he ignored it.

then I noted another gym goer had removed me from Fb, I panicked thinking omg what has he said!!!

I politely asked him if he’d mentioned our scenario to anyone.

message back - we’ll I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong at all so nothing to say and no o haven’t…

I responded- “ look, what I said appeared to get twisted and mistaken for accusations of you coming on to me when that wasn’t the case. I thought we connected and I think you’re hot, that’s pretty much all there is to it’.

messaged ignored. Blocked on WhatsApp.

he deleted from socials, BUT left me on snap.

I’ve been so angry I’ve taken the pleasure of blocking him on everything.

WHAT ON EARTH has happened?!?!?

im left chewing a piece of s*** like this was MY fault!!!? I only asked how he felt and now I’m the one left with naff all.

I did nothing but be honest after HIS actions and I just cannot make sense of any of it!

 

advice - please help me forget this loser.

 

He’s married 3 kids….

Hey OP hope you are starting to feel better. First I want to say that I agree with you. This guy was inappropriate, unprofessional and he led you on. 

However you seem to have left great gaping holes in your first post which is why I quoted it here. Your story goes that everything was hot and heavy between you two, you thought he was your soulmate. Then one day you went for your training and there was a completely different trainer. Later on lover boy messaged you and asked if you were okay. You asked him how he felt about you and he immediately responded by accusing you of trying to ruin his reputation. Then he told you not to come back, refunded your money and blocked you. Now you are bewildered and completely flabbergasted. 

Umm, WTF? This story has huge gaps of info missing but it's clear to me that some actions of yours led to him completely cutting you off. You had become a threat to either his marriage, his job, or possibly both. It sounded like he was enjoying the flirting and sexual play but you did something that threatened him professionally or personally. Why did someone else take his place as your personal trainer? Was that his choice or did the gym think that was best? Why did he say you were trying to ruin his reputation? Had you told other people what was going on between the two of you? Were you behaving in a way that made it obvious to others that there was more than just normal fitness training going on with the two of you? 

I'm not sticking up for him because it doesn't matter what you said or did. If he didn't want his reputation ruined then he shouldn't have been acting inappropriately with a married client. It's his own actions that threatened his reputation and he's got nobody to blame but himself. However it's concerning the way you seem to view yourself in such a passive role in this story. Everything just happened to you for some unknown reason and you don't know why. As if none of your own actions had any bearing on anything. Have you been watching the Jonny Depp/Amber Heard drama? I picture her telling this story in much the same way you did, lol. I'm not saying that your ex trainer isn't a total jerk because obviously he is but I think for the sake of your own healing some self awareness would serve you well. 

 

 

 

[Eeejay]

Quote

I’ve been so angry I’ve taken the pleasure of blocking him on everything.

So...how did he send the snapchat if you had him blocked?

Did he send this snapchat out of the blue after all this time of no-contact (specifically, did he coincidentally contact you hours after you agreeing with the ONE poster whose response you liked that said his wife busting him was the reason he freaked)? Had you unblocked him again at some point before he did it? Or did you never really block him?

Or did you reach out to him to again insist on a talk after getting all the feedback here that you didn't like? Or did you just want to post something that would shut us all up because we only made you feel worse?

Listen, I'm truly, truly not trying to be a jerk here. But you've freely admitted you are insecure about yourself right now, and the consensus of this thread is that the whole situation with the trainer was at least partially the result of your need for outside validation. The reason you came to this forum in the first place was because you wanted validation that your perspective was correct and instead, you got challenged. Then suddenly this most recent update, again seeking validation from all the people who challenged you by 'proving' them wrong. If I'm off base, then please feel absolutely free to ignore me, BUT...

If he did contact you and validated all your thoughts and feelings, then no matter how validating it feels it still shouldn't matter because whether it was all real or not was never the point. The ultimate takeaway is that you need to get a grip on your insecurity, start loving yourself, STOP putting yourself down (you're not hot, you have no idea why he'd like you, you're overweight, blah blah) and start finding your validation from within. Not from sleazy married personal trainers...or a forum full of internet strangers.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Eeejay said:

So...how did he send the snapchat if you had him blocked?

Did he send this snapchat out of the blue after all this time of no-contact (specifically, did he coincidentally contact you hours after you agreeing with the ONE poster whose response you liked that said his wife busting him was the reason he freaked)? Had you unblocked him again at some point before he did it? Or did you never really block him?

Yes odd thing to do when the wife is monitoring the phone and admit to precisely what you needed to hear, even though it puts his profession/business at risk.

[Whatonearth2022]

On 5/13/2022 at 3:44 PM, anika99 said:

Hey OP hope you are starting to feel better. First I want to say that I agree with you. This guy was inappropriate, unprofessional and he led you on. 

However you seem to have left great gaping holes in your first post which is why I quoted it here. Your story goes that everything was hot and heavy between you two, you thought he was your soulmate. Then one day you went for your training and there was a completely different trainer. Later on lover boy messaged you and asked if you were okay. You asked him how he felt about you and he immediately responded by accusing you of trying to ruin his reputation. Then he told you not to come back, refunded your money and blocked you. Now you are bewildered and completely flabbergasted. 

Umm, WTF? This story has huge gaps of info missing but it's clear to me that some actions of yours led to him completely cutting you off. You had become a threat to either his marriage, his job, or possibly both. It sounded like he was enjoying the flirting and sexual play but you did something that threatened him professionally or personally. Why did someone else take his place as your personal trainer? Was that his choice or did the gym think that was best? Why did he say you were trying to ruin his reputation? Had you told other people what was going on between the two of you? Were you behaving in a way that made it obvious to others that there was more than just normal fitness training going on with the two of you? 

I'm not sticking up for him because it doesn't matter what you said or did. If he didn't want his reputation ruined then he shouldn't have been acting inappropriately with a married client. It's his own actions that threatened his reputation and he's got nobody to blame but himself. However it's concerning the way you seem to view yourself in such a passive role in this story. Everything just happened to you for some unknown reason and you don't know why. As if none of your own actions had any bearing on anything. Have you been watching the Jonny Depp/Amber Heard drama? I picture her telling this story in much the same way you did, lol. I'm not saying that your ex trainer isn't a total jerk because obviously he is but I think for the sake of your own healing some self awareness would serve you well. 

 

 

 

I just asked him if we need to talk and that we had clicked.

also that he had been flirting with me too for the past weeks or so.

his response was that he never did anything.

 

I’ve got the screenshots but not the place to share them here.

 

I’ve left it as history now.

yes he led me on.

then he denied.

then admitted to being a douche.

 

that’s it really.

 

the intention of my post was to see if this is norMal behaviour or I’m in som me dodgy dreamland.

 

[Whatonearth2022]

On 5/13/2022 at 6:59 PM, Eeejay said:

So...how did he send the snapchat if you had him blocked?

Did he send this snapchat out of the blue after all this time of no-contact (specifically, did he coincidentally contact you hours after you agreeing with the ONE poster whose response you liked that said his wife busting him was the reason he freaked)? Had you unblocked him again at some point before he did it? Or did you never really block him?

Or did you reach out to him to again insist on a talk after getting all the feedback here that you didn't like? Or did you just want to post something that would shut us all up because we only made you feel worse?

Listen, I'm truly, truly not trying to be a jerk here. But you've freely admitted you are insecure about yourself right now, and the consensus of this thread is that the whole situation with the trainer was at least partially the result of your need for outside validation. The reason you came to this forum in the first place was because you wanted validation that your perspective was correct and instead, you got challenged. Then suddenly this most recent update, again seeking validation from all the people who challenged you by 'proving' them wrong. If I'm off base, then please feel absolutely free to ignore me, BUT...

If he did contact you and validated all your thoughts and feelings, then no matter how validating it feels it still shouldn't matter because whether it was all real or not was never the point. The ultimate takeaway is that you need to get a grip on your insecurity, start loving yourself, STOP putting yourself down (you're not hot, you have no idea why he'd like you, you're overweight, blah blah) and start finding your validation from within. Not from sleazy married personal trainers...or a forum full of internet strangers.

 

 

He blocked me on WhatsApp and removed as friend on Fb.

I deleted him as friend on snap, he read added me a day later. Got the message.

removed him.

That’s all there is to it 

[glows]

11 minutes ago, Whatonearth2022 said:

the intention of my post was to see if this is norMal behaviour or I’m in som me dodgy dreamland.

 

It's a mixture of both. Glad this is history and he has no other impact on your life.

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, Whatonearth2022 said:

the intention of my post was to see if this is norMal behaviour or I’m in som me dodgy dreamland.

Well, whatever it is/was it certainly wasn't a normal, full relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Whatonearth2022 said:

yes he led me on.

This is where I am still a little confused. 

I don't see where he made you any promises or insinuated that you would be together. What exactly did he lead you to believe was going to happen here? 

[Whatonearth2022]

20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is where I am still a little confused. 

I don't see where he made you any promises or insinuated that you would be together. What exactly did he lead you to believe was going to happen here? 

He made me feel like he wanted me.

that was all 

[Whatonearth2022]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Well, whatever it is/was it certainly wasn't a normal, full relationship.

Obv 🤣

[ExpatInItaly]

47 minutes ago, Whatonearth2022 said:

He made me feel like he wanted me.

that was all 

Right, but you were game for that too. I don't think he led you on, as such. 

He never indicated to you that anything was actually going to happen. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Whatonearth2022 said:

He made me feel like he wanted me.

that was all 

It isn't his fault how he made you "feel".  What did he say that led you on?  Actually, I can't believe you're still thinking about that guy.

Edited May 16, 2022 by stillafool

[Lisa]

This question has been asked and thoroughly answered.  Thank you for your participation

Edited May 16, 2022 by Lisa