He broke our friendship by saying we don't have a future ahead

[Ann1297]

He was my good friend. I never forced any relationship upon him. It was pure friendship. One fine day he came saying our friendship is not good for our future relations. When i tried to stop him he blocked me. I cried a lot. how can someone be so heartless. Breaking one and a half year of good friendship in seconds. ☹️ I asked him why you are saying its not good for our future? We are only friends. He said still we have some attraction thats is not good for our future. 

[glows]

It doesn't sound like it was pure friendship and there are some deeper feelings involved.

What he's really saying is that the friendship isn't healthy and is preventing both of you from living more fulfilling lives (with romantic partners). Staying friends with one another doesn't let you both move on and make new friends and relationships. When a friendship gets to that point it's natural for one or both individuals to be unhappy or feeling restricted or trapped, wanting to move forward.

Has this friendship prevented you from dating other people? If the answer is yes, there's some truth to what he's saying. 

[Ann1297]

I don’t know about him but yes i used to like him alot but he continuesly said that we live in different cities far away, we can’t have a future ahead but i always used to tell him don’t worry about the future I don’t want to enforce my feelings upon you. I am happy to be just a friend of yours. But the day he broke our friendship he said “ A girl and guy cannot remain as friends “. In future you will come to know that this decision was the best decision for both of us.

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

I don’t know about him but yes i used to like him alot but he continuesly said that we live in different cities far away, we can’t have a future ahead but i always used to tell him don’t worry about the future I don’t want to enforce my feelings upon you. I am happy to be just a friend of yours. But the day he broke our friendship he said “ A girl and guy cannot remain as friends “. In future you will come to know that this decision was the best decision for both of us.

Has this long distance friendship prevented you from dating men locally? And have you met each other in person at all?

He's doing you a favour letting you go if there's no way you can be together.

[Ann1297]

No we haven’t met in person 😔 but i liked him very much. Its so painful to forget about him and seeing that block thing on Facebook. I cant even view his profile.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

No we haven’t met in person 😔 but i liked him very much. 

Sorry this happened. It's better that you are both free to date  local interested people in person who you can see on a regular basis.

[Alvi]

33 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

No we haven’t met in person 😔 but i liked him very much. Its so painful to forget about him and seeing that block thing on Facebook. I cant even view his profile.

It doesn't sounds like he was ever your friend to begin with. More like a pen pal.

I would say that this is not much about you but about him. In order for him to move on with his life, he had to put you behind. He probably feels a lot more about you that he is letting you know. He realizes that his feelings are not healthy and that the two of you have no future (as he said). So, he did the sane thing by ending this "friendship."

P.S. You felt like you were only friends, but what about him? You may have no idea how deeply he feels about you in a romantic sense.

46 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

I don’t know about him but yes i used to like him alot but he continuesly said that we live in different cities far away, we can’t have a future ahead but i always used to tell him don’t worry about the future I don’t want to enforce my feelings upon you. I am happy to be just a friend of yours. But the day he broke our friendship he said “ A girl and guy cannot remain as friends “. In future you will come to know that this decision was the best decision for both of us.

Like I said, this is about him having feelings for you. He blocked you because he was unhappy to be just your friend and knowing that the two of you cannot have a relationship together. 

Edited May 14, 2022 by Alvi

[Ann1297]

Its hard to let him go 😔 its very hard to forget him. I constantly think about him from morning till evening. I don’t know how to forget him 😔 my heart pains and i cry everytime I remember him. Its not easy to forget him.

[glows]

Be busy and don't isolate yourself. Stay on track with other things you have to do. If you're struggling with concentration see your doctor for advice. 

Do you go to school or live with your parents? Are you working?

[Alvi]

1 minute ago, Ann1297 said:

Its hard to let him go 😔 its very hard to forget him. I constantly think about him from morning till evening. I don’t know how to forget him 😔 my heart pains and i cry everytime I remember him. Its not easy to forget him.

I am sorry. I realize that losing a friendship is hard. Even a virtual one. But do realize that this is not so much about you or about something that you did wrong. This is about him being able to move on with his life. Wish him well, cherish whatever good things the two of you have shared together and start making new friends. Hopefully real friends, the one that at least you can meet in person.

Do you have family that lives around you? How about some real friends, not the internet ones? I hope so. Please, let them know how sad you feel and ask for their help.

[Ann1297]

3 hours ago, glows said:

Be busy and don't isolate yourself. Stay on track with other things you have to do. If you're struggling with concentration see your doctor for advice. 

Do you go to school or live with your parents? Are you working?

I am a university student currently i am studying and i live with my parents. No i am not working currently.

 

[Ann1297]

3 hours ago, Alvi said:

I am sorry. I realize that losing a friendship is hard. Even a virtual one. But do realize that this is not so much about you or about something that you did wrong. This is about him being able to move on with his life. Wish him well, cherish whatever good things the two of you have shared together and start making new friends. Hopefully real friends, the one that at least you can meet in person.

Do you have family that lives around you? How about some real friends, not the internet ones? I hope so. Please, let them know how sad you feel and ask for their help.

Yeah i do have good friends. I will try my level best to not hold onto him anymore. 

[glows]

1 minute ago, Ann1297 said:

I am a university student currently i am studying and i live with my parents. No i am not working currently.

 

There is a lot of opportunity there to be involved in campus activities and join a few groups or associations. Are you just starting or finishing your program? Start thinking about your resume and finding appropriate work experience, speak with academic counsellors and career counsellors if you need help deciding what next. When you find yourself slipping into toxic and unhealthy thoughts again or figuring that he owes you anything, try changing those thoughts. Neither of you owe one another a friendship. It didn't work out and both of you live in different cities. He is not a bad person, neither are you, but you do owe it to yourself to move on and don't dwell too much on the past.

If you're interested in dating look at local meet ups and meet guys locally.

 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

I am a university student currently i am studying and i live with my parents. No i am not working currently.

 

Try to meet guys at your university who you can see in person.  Long distance relationships/friendships never work out especially if you never see each other in person.  Date those close to you.

[Deidre]

Losing a good friend is always sad, but I'm wondering if he started dating someone and he felt having you in his life wasn't a good idea, or she may have become aware of it. People don't abruptly end friendships for no reason, so that's my best guess. If he starts calling you again in a few months, that is most likely what happened, but if I were you, I would go no contact. True friends don't act like that.

[basil67]

15 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

I don’t know about him but yes i used to like him alot but he continuesly said that we live in different cities far away, we can’t have a future ahead but i always used to tell him don’t worry about the future I don’t want to enforce my feelings upon you. I am happy to be just a friend of yours. But the day he broke our friendship he said “ A girl and guy cannot remain as friends “. In future you will come to know that this decision was the best decision for both of us.

Once a friend knows that we have developed feelings, there's no putting it back in the 'friendship' box.   The only way forward is to have mutual affection and make a relationship or that the friendship crashes and burns.  

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he knew that it wouldn't be fair to his future girlfriends to have a woman in love with him hanging around, OP. 

He knew you liked him, and while you say you just wanted to be friends, it was clear you hoped for more. Most women wouldn't be pleased if they knew their boyfriend had a friend like this hanging on to him. He couldn't maintain this friendship with you while likely also looking to date other women. My guess is that he has met someone now and doesn't see it as a healthy thing to keep his connection with you. 

I'm sorry. It will get easier with more time and space away from him. It was a friendship that didn't have a foundation to survive, especially if you have never met each other in person. In the future, be careful not to over-invest in online people.  

[Ann1297]

15 hours ago, glows said:

There is a lot of opportunity there to be involved in campus activities and join a few groups or associations. Are you just starting or finishing your program? Start thinking about your resume and finding appropriate work experience, speak with academic counsellors and career counsellors if you need help deciding what next. When you find yourself slipping into toxic and unhealthy thoughts again or figuring that he owes you anything, try changing those thoughts. Neither of you owe one another a friendship. It didn't work out and both of you live in different cities. He is not a bad person, neither are you, but you do owe it to yourself to move on and don't dwell too much on the past.

If you're interested in dating look at local meet ups and meet guys locally.

 

You are right 😔

[Ann1297]

5 hours ago, Deidre said:

Losing a good friend is always sad, but I'm wondering if he started dating someone and he felt having you in his life wasn't a good idea, or she may have become aware of it. People don't abruptly end friendships for no reason, so that's my best guess. If he starts calling you again in a few months, that is most likely what happened, but if I were you, I would go no contact. True friends don't act like that. 

[Ann1297]

Just now, Ann1297 said:

5 hours ago, Deidre said:

Losing a good friend is always sad, but I'm wondering if he started dating someone and he felt having you in his life wasn't a good idea, or she may have become aware of it. People don't abruptly end friendships for no reason, so that's my best guess. If he starts calling you again in a few months, that is most likely what happened, but if I were you, I would go no contact. True friends don't act like that. 

He said he will never come back. And i think he was really serious about that. I told his friend to change his mind but he said to his friend that he has made up his mind of not coming back. Also he told his friend too to not to talk to me.

[Ann1297]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think he knew that it wouldn't be fair to his future girlfriends to have a woman in love with him hanging around, OP. 

He knew you liked him, and while you say you just wanted to be friends, it was clear you hoped for more. Most women wouldn't be pleased if they knew their boyfriend had a friend like this hanging on to him. He couldn't maintain this friendship with you while likely also looking to date other women. My guess is that he has met someone now and doesn't see it as a healthy thing to keep his connection with you. 

I'm sorry. It will get easier with more time and space away from him. It was a friendship that didn't have a foundation to survive, especially if you have never met each other in person. In the future, be careful not to over-invest in online people.  

This was my first and last time 😔 i think i have harmed myself by taking this seriously. I am never doing it again. 😔

[Ann1297]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Once a friend knows that we have developed feelings, there's no putting it back in the 'friendship' box.   The only way forward is to have mutual affection and make a relationship or that the friendship crashes and burns.  

You are correct 😔 i think i am the only one who have created this situation. From the starting I should have known that this will not work.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

This was my first and last time 😔 i think i have harmed myself by taking this seriously. I am never doing it again. 😔

It's a tough but important lesson. 

We need to disconnect sometimes, and focus on forming bonds with people who don't exist only in our online world. When we seek out people we don't know in real life, there is usually something missing in real life. Maybe you were feeling lonely, or have trouble meeting a good guy locally. What do you think led you into this situation? That's what will help you avoid it in the future. 

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

I am a university student currently i am studying and i live with my parents. No i am not working currently.

Ok, there is a place to start. Get a part-time job asap. Start feeling better making your own money. Take some extra classes and courses. See if you can take some In person classes.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports, fitness, health and self-improvement. Make new real-life friends. Expand your social circle.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men In Person in a timely manner.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Ann1297]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's a tough but important lesson. 

We need to disconnect sometimes, and focus on forming bonds with people who don't exist only in our online world. When we seek out people we don't know in real life, there is usually something missing in real life. Maybe you were feeling lonely, or have trouble meeting a good guy locally. What do you think led you into this situation? That's what will help you avoid it in the future. 

Yes when i met him i was feeling lonely, i saw him, i liked his face. I sent him request and when i talked to him i came to know he was not only a good looking person but good by heart too. That thing made me go much more closer to him. But by talking to him i also came to know that he is a person who don’t want to cross the line or ditch his parents. He never wanted to take any step which will hurt feelings of his family. Sometimes i used to tell him that you are very coward compare to other guys for which he replied “thats how i am”.