ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 36 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: I said those thing to make him open up Calling someone a coward is demeaning and rude, Ann. It wil have the opposite effect of opening up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 2 hours ago, Ann1297 said: I said those thing to make him open up not only regarding me but also regarding other things like his career, going to places and having fun. Due to his family restrictions he didn’t able to go out to places like his best friend. That doesn't make him a coward but someone who respects his parents and their rules while living under their roof. He will be free one day to live his life the way he wants to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 (edited) Ann, for goodness' sake, you are only 20 years old! And the summer is just around the corner. Do something, anything to get you out of the house. Go get a summer job (there are plenty of opportunities out there), take a summer class, volunteer, do outside activities, or help your parents with something. Join a meet up group to form some new friendships. You are so young and there are plenty of opportunities for you do keep yourself busy and stop obsessing over this guy. Since you are in a school, there are plenty of opportunities for you to meet a guy or to make some friends. Join a dating site if you must. Don't think that this guy was ever your "friend" or a relationship or anything like that. He was just a pen-pal. There was never any sort of a relationship going on with him since the two of you never met in a real life. Perhaps you can explore with a phycologist why you put so much of your time and expectations into some internet person that you've never even spoken on a phone instead of going out and cultivating some real relationships/friendships and life experiences. But you are too young for that, just let it be a lesson for you. Most importantly, go out there, do something. Also, just so you know, some friendships have an expiration date. They serve their purpose and they end at some point (some could be sooner than others). Like you and this guy. You probably helped each other in some ways. Whatever the two of you shared was useful for both of you for the time being. But now, since that time has passed, he is done. You can be friends with someone for years, and poof, just like that, that person can ghost you for no apparent reason. Some friends come and go throughout your life for one reason or another. If you ever move to another city or country, you are probably going to have to make new friendships. That is why it is important to stay active and meet new people all the time. Edited May 16, 2022 by Alvi 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 16, 2022 Author Share Posted May 16, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: That doesn't make him a coward but someone who respects his parents and their rules while living under their roof. He will be free one day to live his life the way he wants to. I didn’t mean to hurt him 😔 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 16, 2022 Author Share Posted May 16, 2022 9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Calling someone a coward is demeaning and rude, Ann. It wil have the opposite effect of opening up. I didn’t mean to hurt him. It was not my intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 16, 2022 Author Share Posted May 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Alvi said: Ann, for goodness' sake, you are only 20 years old! And the summer is just around the corner. Do something, anything to get you out of the house. Go get a summer job (there are plenty of opportunities out there), take a summer class, volunteer, do outside activities, or help your parents with something. Join a meet up group to form some new friendships. You are so young and there are plenty of opportunities for you do keep yourself busy and stop obsessing over this guy. Since you are in a school, there are plenty of opportunities for you to meet a guy or to make some friends. Join a dating site if you must. Don't think that this guy was ever your "friend" or a relationship or anything like that. He was just a pen-pal. There was never any sort of a relationship going on with him since the two of you never met in a real life. Perhaps you can explore with a phycologist why you put so much of your time and expectations into some internet person that you've never even spoken on a phone instead of going out and cultivating some real relationships/friendships and life experiences. But you are too young for that, just let it be a lesson for you. Most importantly, go out there, do something. Also, just so you know, some friendships have an expiration date. They serve their purpose and they end at some point (some could be sooner than others). Like you and this guy. You probably helped each other in some ways. Whatever the two of you shared was useful for both of you for the time being. But now, since that time has passed, he is done. You can be friends with someone for years, and poof, just like that, that person can ghost you for no apparent reason. Some friends come and go throughout your life for one reason or another. If you ever move to another city or country, you are probably going to have to make new friendships. That is why it is important to stay active and meet new people all the time. Thats what i am telling myself 😔 and calming myself that not everyone stay in your life permanently. Some leave sooner some takes time. Actually at the start i never thought i will become habitual to him. I am going to heal myself by doing some other activities and i am trying. Its been 4 to 5 days i have not open my social media, i am trying to give myself time but i know at some place it’s affecting me I don’t know why i am having bad health since that day he messaged. I am not able to sleep properly. But i am not a looser i will overcome this situation and never fall in this situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 26 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: I didn’t mean to hurt him 😔 It's very doubtful that you hurt him because he doesn't care enough. You annoyed him and he felt the association needed to come to an end. It's time to move on from this now. You'll be okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 18 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: But i am not a looser i will overcome this situation and never fall in this situation again. No you are not a Loser but a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. This guy became a habit for you and now it's good you're off social media. Not just because of him but because it's good for your mental health. You need to meet people you can see and feel in real life. Get involved in some type of physical activity. Do you have girl friends in real life that you can go out with to have fun? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: It's very doubtful that you hurt him because he doesn't care enough. You annoyed him and he felt the association needed to come to an end. It's time to move on from this now. You'll be okay. I was going to say the same. I doubt he was hurt, OP. Just irritated. But it's moot now, as he's chosen to end this friendship. Learn from this and stay away from online guys in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 7 hours ago, Ann1297 said: i am having bad health since that day he messaged. I am not able to sleep properly. Sorry this is happening. It would be best to address the real problems in all this rather than blaming him. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the anxiety and insomnia and depression. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. In the meantime take care of yourself. Improve your fitness and nutrition and health. Take some classes and courses. Perhaps yoga or something where you can reduce your stress. Get more involved with real life real people. Make some friends. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a side hustle. You can't expect an online chat buddy to fill the voids in your life. You'll need to rethink sitting behind a screen all day getting depressed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 12 hours ago, stillafool said: No you are not a Loser but a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. This guy became a habit for you and now it's good you're off social media. Not just because of him but because it's good for your mental health. You need to meet people you can see and feel in real life. Get involved in some type of physical activity. Do you have girl friends in real life that you can go out with to have fun? Yes i have very amazing friends. They don’t know about this incident about my Facebook friend because if they had they never allowed me to talk me to him. They are more mature than me. They think that i am like a kid. I don’t know whats good and bad for me. I am actually a very emotional person in real life. I get attached to prople easily. So i am now embarrassed to tell them this. I know i am the one who is responsible for this situation 😔 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I was going to say the same. I doubt he was hurt, OP. Just irritated. But it's moot now, as he's chosen to end this friendship. Learn from this and stay away from online guys in the future. I read his messages again today, due to my panic situation I didn’t able to read his messages that time. He said that “ i dont know if you are attracted towards me or not even a little but i swear to god that i am started getting attracted to you. If we dont broke our friendship today it will hurt our feelings “. actually you guys were right i think he started developing his feelings for me and to avoid that feelings and to escape from those feelings he choose the path to end it. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. It would be best to address the real problems in all this rather than blaming him. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the anxiety and insomnia and depression. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. In the meantime take care of yourself. Improve your fitness and nutrition and health. Take some classes and courses. Perhaps yoga or something where you can reduce your stress. Get more involved with real life real people. Make some friends. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a side hustle. You can't expect an online chat buddy to fill the voids in your life. You'll need to rethink sitting behind a screen all day getting depressed. I am trying my best. I am trying to engage myself. I don’t want to go to the doctor. I want to learn to handle my problems myself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 On 5/15/2022 at 7:01 AM, Ann1297 said: I told his friend to change his mind but he said to his friend that he has made up his mind of not coming back. Also he told his friend too to not to talk to me. Make sure to not talk to his friend anymore or continue to ask him about this guy. It will further annoy this guy and keep you stuck. 1 hour ago, Ann1297 said: actually you guys were right i think he started developing his feelings for me and to avoid that feelings and to escape from those feelings he choose the path to end it. 😊 This is not what we told you but the opposite. It's important that you see this situation for what it was so you don't make the same mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 43 minutes ago, stillafool said: Make sure to not talk to his friend anymore or continue to ask him about this guy. It will further annoy this guy and keep you stuck. This is not what we told you but the opposite. It's important that you see this situation for what it was so you don't make the same mistake again. Yeah right! He has deleted all his last voice messages what he sent to me. Now why it’s bothering him? Why he is deleting them? Deleting all his voice messages but didn’t deleted “i love you” which he send me before his voice messages. What he is trying to show now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 4 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: Yeah right! He has deleted all his last voice messages what he sent to me. Now why it’s bothering him? Why he is deleting them? Deleting all his voice messages but didn’t deleted “i love you” which he send me before his voice messages. What he is trying to show now. I thought you said you weren't going to be checking on him again and you were off social media. Stop looking and wondering why he is deleting you. Just move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 4 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: Yeah right! He has deleted all his last voice messages what he sent to me. Now why it’s bothering him? Why he is deleting them? Deleting all his voice messages but didn’t deleted “i love you” which he send me before his voice messages. What he is trying to show now. Have you blocked and deleted him from ALL your social media and messaging apps? How do you now what he is or isn't deleting? It would be best to move forward and accept that this cyber-situation didn't work out as a romance or friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 28 minutes ago, stillafool said: I thought you said you weren't going to be checking on him again and you were off social media. Stop looking and wondering why he is deleting you. Just move on. I just wanted to check.. 😔 sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you blocked and deleted him from ALL your social media and messaging apps? How do you now what he is or isn't deleting? It would be best to move forward and accept that this cyber-situation didn't work out as a romance or friendship. Actually he is the one who blocked me.. nd i was checking whether he has unblocked me or not… 😔 i know i am stupid Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 You're not stupid, just hurt and getting past something. So you checked. Let it go and start again and don't keep looking at his contact. You might do better blocking and deleting the contact. Every time you feel the urge to check something that involves him, do something else. Either get out of the room and leave your phone behind and do something else, or actively engage your mind in another activity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 4 hours ago, glows said: You're not stupid, just hurt and getting past something. So you checked. Let it go and start again and don't keep looking at his contact. You might do better blocking and deleting the contact. Every time you feel the urge to check something that involves him, do something else. Either get out of the room and leave your phone behind and do something else, or actively engage your mind in another activity. Yes i will do this next time 😔 i will follow your advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 (edited) 17 hours ago, stillafool said: This is not what we told you but the opposite. It's important that you see this situation for what it was so you don't make the same mistake again. Some folks did tell her that he was probably developing feelings for her. Regardless, I think the same advice applies: OP, you should leave this experience behind you and move on. Edited May 18, 2022 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted May 18, 2022 Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 3 hours ago, Acacia98 said: Some folks did tell her that he was probably developing feelings for her. Regardless, I think the same advice applies: OP, you should leave this experience behind you and move on. Yes i am trying 😔 3 hours ago, Acacia98 said: Some folks did tell her that he was probably developing feelings for her. Regardless, I think the same advice applies: OP, you should leave this experience behind you and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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