He broke our friendship by saying we don't have a future ahead

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

But by talking to him i also came to know that he is a person who don’t want to cross the line or ditch his parents. He never wanted to take any step which will hurt feelings of his family.

With respect, sometimes people say these things because they don't have the courage to directly tell someone "I'm not interested in you that way." 

Reading between the lines, it appears he may have mentioned his family as a reason for not wanting to pursue anything with you. Is that correct? Because while his family may have something to do with it if there are certain cultural expectations, it may also have been an excuse. 

How far away does he live? 

[Ann1297]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

With respect, sometimes people say these things because they don't have the courage to directly tell someone "I'm not interested in you that way." 

Reading between the lines, it appears he may have mentioned his family as a reason for not wanting to pursue anything with you. Is that correct? Because while his family may have something to do with it if there are certain cultural expectations, it may also have been an excuse. 

How far away does he live? 

We live in different cities which are actually very far away from each other. He said that if he has to find a girl he will find someone from his city only. His parents won’t allow someone who lives in different city. 

[Ann1297]

14 hours ago, stillafool said:

Try to meet guys at your university who you can see in person.  Long distance relationships/friendships never work out especially if you never see each other in person.  Date those close to you.

14 hours ago, stillafool said:

Try to meet guys at your university who you can see in person.  Long distance relationships/friendships never work out especially if you never see each other in person.  Date those close to you.

[Ann1297]

14 hours ago, stillafool said:

Try to meet guys at your university who you can see in person.  Long distance relationships/friendships never work out especially if you never see each other in person.  Date those close to you.

Thankyouuu so much for your advice. I will learn from this experience and try to live in real world. I think i have expected so much from a realtion which was virtual. Its hurting and this process will take time i know 😅 i am a overthinker but thankyouu so much for understanding me. Your advice comfort me a lot.

[Deidre]

4 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

He said he will never come back. And i think he was really serious about that. I told his friend to change his mind but he said to his friend that he has made up his mind of not coming back. Also he told his friend too to not to talk to me.

I think it’s kind of strange to be honest and maybe you’re better off without this “friend” in your life. Maybe he started getting feelings, hard to say. But true friends don’t abandon you. That much I know. I hope you find peace with it all soon. 

[ExpatInItaly]

59 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

His parents won’t allow someone who lives in different city. 

How old is this man? 

Have you ever spoken to him on the phone or video call? 

[Ann1297]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How old is this man? 

Have you ever spoken to him on the phone or video call? 

We both are of same age. No we haven’t ☹️

[Ann1297]

23 minutes ago, Deidre said:

I think it’s kind of strange to be honest and maybe you’re better off without this “friend” in your life. Maybe he started getting feelings, hard to say. But true friends don’t abandon you. That much I know. I hope you find peace with it all soon. 

I hope that too 

[ExpatInItaly]

19 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

We both are of same age. No we haven’t ☹️

Oh dear.

I ask because it's also quite possible that this person is just not who he says he is at all. 

It appears you don't really know who you've been talking to. It could be a teenager, an old man, a married man, a woman. Anyone can post anything online. Unless and until you speak to them live and can see their face while you talk, you have to assume that you don't really know if they are the same person in the photos you see on the internet. 

Perhaps whomever this is realized they couldn't keep up the facade any longer and needed to cut you off completely. There's no telling who the stranger behind the screen was, Ann. 

Edited May 15, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Ann1297]

25 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Oh dear.

I ask because it's also quite possible that this person is just not who he says he is at all. 

It appears you don't really know who you've been talking to. It could be a teenager, an old man, a married man, a woman. Anyone can post anything online. Unless and until you speak to them live and can see their face while you talk, you have to assume that you don't really know if they are the same person in the photos you see on the internet. 

Perhaps whomever this is realized they couldn't keep up the facade any longer and needed to cut you off completely. There's no telling who the stranger behind the screen was, Ann. 

Actually i know he was a real person because we have exchanged voice notes plus i was connected to almost all his friends who were same age as him. I was connected to his best friend. And he used to show me his photos every time we talk. His friends also used to tagged him in post and photos so he was a real person 😊 

[ExpatInItaly]

I am not saying he's not a real person, Ann. Obviously someone is behind that screen typing to you. 

I am saying that it's quite possible that he's not exactly who he presents himself to be. 

Edited May 15, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

Yes when i met him i was feeling lonely, i saw him, i liked his face. I sent him request and when i talked to him i came to know he was not only a good looking person but good by heart too. That thing made me go much more closer to him. But by talking to him i also came to know that he is a person who don’t want to cross the line or ditch his parents. He never wanted to take any step which will hurt feelings of his family. Sometimes i used to tell him that you are very coward compare to other guys for which he replied “thats how i am”.

Maybe because of this statement you made to him he could also feel you two are not compatible.  He may want a gf who is obedient to her parents the way he which actually would work best for him.  Like I said before if you are at a University you have a plethora of young men to chose from so don't be down on yourself because you couldn't get this one.  The field is wide open for you.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Ann1297 said:

We both are of same age. No we haven’t ☹️

How old is that?

[Ann1297]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I am not saying he's not a real person, Ann. Obviously someone is behind that screen typing to you. 

I am saying that it's quite possible that he's not exactly who he presents himself to be. 

Maybe you are right 

[Ann1297]

50 minutes ago, stillafool said:

How old is that?

We both are 20 years old.

[Ann1297]

55 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Maybe because of this statement you made to him he could also feel you two are not compatible.  He may want a gf who is obedient to her parents the way he which actually would work best for him.  Like I said before if you are at a University you have a plethora of young men to chose from so don't be down on yourself because you couldn't get this one.  The field is wide open for you.

 

Yeah when we used to chat. He used to wish i was living in his city. So we can meet nd have a future. He said that i would have come to met you if you were living here.he actually wanted a real one 

 

 

Edited May 15, 2022 by Ann1297

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

We both are of same age. No we haven’t ☹️

You haven't even had a phone conversation with this guy.  Why would you think you had a future with him?

[Ann1297]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

You haven't even had a phone conversation with this guy.  Why would you think you had a future with him

 

Actually i was the one who told him i like you but he told me that’s even if” i like you too “  we don’t have a future ahead. I told him I don’t want to force relationship ( and yes actually I didn’t want to) so i told him lets become friends. He said okay i am ready for friendship. But then I don’t know why suddenly on 12 may he sent me a long text saying,our friendship is not good blah.. blah.. 

I thought asking him for call will make him think that i am a desperate girl nd I didn’t want to show that he and i both used to send voice notes to each other.

I thought slowly- slowly i will do everything for eg. ask for his number and everything but that slowness turns out to be bad.

[Ann1297]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, there is a place to start. Get a part-time job asap. Start feeling better making your own money. Take some extra classes and courses. See if you can take some In person classes.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports, fitness, health and self-improvement. Make new real-life friends. Expand your social circle.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men In Person in a timely manner.

Yeah i think i will focus on me, my studies and career now. Not gonna date and like anyone until i find someone who will be real. Not gonna be a fool again and also i am think of leaving my social media on which i used to chat with him. I am not going back now. I feel bad its was okay till he said he is breaking our friendship but when he blocked me it was rude of him. Neither I will gonna beg to him again to stay, like i did this time nor if he will again come back not gonna accept him.

[glows]

51 minutes ago, Ann1297 said:

Yeah i think i will focus on me, my studies and career now. Not gonna date and like anyone until i find someone who will be real. Not gonna be a fool again and also i am think of leaving my social media on which i used to chat with him. I am not going back now. I feel bad its was okay till he said he is breaking our friendship but when he blocked me it was rude of him. Neither I will gonna beg to him again to stay, like i did this time nor if he will again come back not gonna accept him.

The abruptness of this does make me think that he might have been uncomfortable knowing that you had feelings for him and it was no longer a friendship in the true sense of the word. He did both of you a favour. You keep saying it was a friendship but it wasn't any longer unfortunately. It turned into something else whether you want to admit it or not.

It's ok because this has opened you up to meet someone new, more local. There's that for a silver lining even though it hurts now. Good of you to move on and not look back.

Edited May 16, 2022 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Ann1297 said:

I thought asking him for call will make him think that i am a desperate girl nd I didn’t want to show that he and i both used to send voice notes to each other.

I think stillafool meant that in the whole time you have known each other, you haven't had so much as a phone call - so it was a big leap to assume this was going to become something more. 

A guy who likes you is going to be eager to speak to you live, not just text and send voice notes. It sounds as though this guy was just filling his time with you and you were a chat-buddy but he didn't view you as a potential romantic interest. In the future, avoid getting too attached to digitial communications with a stranger. It creates false intimacy and often leads to disappointment when real life catches up. 

[basil67]

19 hours ago, Ann1297 said:

Sometimes i used to tell him that you are very coward compare to other guys for which he replied “thats how i am”.

This makes it sound as though you weren't keeping your feelings to yourself.  Instead, you'd gotten to the point of insulting him because he didn't do what you wanted him to.  I'm quite sure this name calling would have contributed to him ending this friendship with you.  

Whether it be friends or lovers, if you insult people, they will leave you.

 

[Ann1297]

6 hours ago, glows said:

The abruptness of this does make me think that he might have been uncomfortable knowing that you had feelings for him and it was no longer a friendship in the true sense of the word. He did both of you a favour. You keep saying it was a friendship but it wasn't any longer unfortunately. It turned into something else whether you want to admit it or not.

It's ok because this has opened you up to meet someone new, more local. There's that for a silver lining even though it hurts now. Good of you to move on and not look back.

Yup i will not.

[Ann1297]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think stillafool meant that in the whole time you have known each other, you haven't had so much as a phone call - so it was a big leap to assume this was going to become something more. 

A guy who likes you is going to be eager to speak to you live, not just text and send voice notes. It sounds as though this guy was just filling his time with you and you were a chat-buddy but he didn't view you as a potential romantic interest. In the future, avoid getting too attached to digitial communications with a stranger. It creates false intimacy and often leads to disappointment when real life catches up. 

Yes i will avoid this in future and never going to make this mistake again.

[Ann1297]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

This makes it sound as though you weren't keeping your feelings to yourself.  Instead, you'd gotten to the point of insulting him because he didn't do what you wanted him to.  I'm quite sure this name calling would have contributed to him ending this friendship with you.  

Whether it be friends or lovers, if you insult people, they will leave you.

 

I said those thing to make him open up not only regarding me but also regarding other things like his career, going to places and having fun. Due to his family restrictions he didn’t able to go out to places like his best friend.