Should I message him ?

[AgnesM]

I need an advice. On Thursday it was my first day at work which was terrible. I got home from work and was crying for 2 hours. Then a guy that I recently met online asked me out . I needed some distraction from work so I agreed. We met in a bar. He seemed extremely nervous. He used a lot of gestures. We are both from Europe ( I’m polish, he is French) so we were joking about different stereotypes .We were laughing at them but to me it seemed that some of those stereotypes really bothered him. I came to the conclusion that he overthinks too much which is also my problem . But anyway the date went pretty well ( at least that’s what I thought ) but it was way longer than expected. We were supposed me to meet for one drink and after we finished our drinks we kept talking for the next 5 hours. And even after those 5 hours he was trying to convince me to stay a little bit longer, move to another bar or go for a walk. There was no physical contact. At the beginning of the date we just waved at each other. We are both shy I guess. After the date he walked me to the subway station. I had no idea how to act/ what to do. He was just staring at me and he seemed super nervous and lost. So I have him a super quick hug and got on the train. When I was on the subway I got a message from him asking if everything was ok because I seemed upset and he was just wondering if everything was ok. My phone was about to die so I just said “ Everything is ok, just got home “. 

We used to play this question game on bumble so I sent him one the next day. I have his WhatsApp and before the date we talked on WhatsApp  but I decided to send this bumble question to look less creepy. He didn’t reply. I’m wondering whether I should message him on WhatsApp or not. Should I explain that I wasn’t upset ? Should I dwell in this topic ? Maybe I should just ask him out/ ask for his weekend etc . I never message a guy first but it bothers me that he felt that I was upset. Maybe I was nervous because a stressful day at work plus I was really attracted to him . I would l love to hang out with him again. What should I do? I don’t want to look like a stalker. 
 

from what I noticed we both have a tendency to overthink and are worried about what other people think about us.  We are 28 and 30 y/o. 
 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, AgnesM said:

 the date went pretty well. I have him a super quick hug and got on the train. When I was on the subway I got a message from him asking if everything was ok because I seemed upset and he was just wondering if everything was ok. My phone was about to die so I just said “ Everything is ok, just got home “. 

I’m wondering whether I should message him on WhatsApp or not.

Thank him for the fun time and that you would like to do it again soon. At least thank him, whether you want to ask him out or wait for him to initiate that..

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, just send him a message on What's App. Tell him you enjoyed meeting him, and ask if he wants to get together on X-day to do X-activity. 

If he thought you seemed upset, he might have been hoping for a little positive reinforcement that you enjoyed the date or something. I would encourage you to show some clearer mutual interest by taking the lead on this one. 

[glows]

You seem to think he overthinks or is too similar to you. Is this someone you want to see again? 

If so, I wouldn't respond to the topic of being ok/not upset. You would be ok anyway if you're asking how he's doing a day or two later or telling him you had a good time. Try to be more demonstrative in your thoughts, less verbal or explanatory if it's not needed. You're demonstrating there's nothing wrong on your end and you'd like to see him again by contacting him. 

I'd also add to put a limit on the alcohol and how many drinks you have and say no or end the date when you need to leave. Don't stay on too long if you don't feel comfortable or feel pressured doing so or have some place else to be.

 

Edited May 15, 2022 by glows

[AgnesM]

44 minutes ago, glows said:

You seem to think he overthinks or is too similar to you. Is this someone you want to see again? 

If so, I wouldn't respond to the topic of being ok/not upset. You would be ok anyway if you're asking how he's doing a day or two later or telling him you had a good time. Try to be more demonstrative in your thoughts, less verbal or explanatory if it's not needed. You're demonstrating there's nothing wrong on your end and you'd like to see him again by contacting him. 

I'd also add to put a limit on the alcohol and how many drinks you have and say no or end the date when you need to leave. Don't stay on too long if you don't feel comfortable or feel pressured doing so or have some place else to be.

 

It was quiet funny because I only had one drink.  It took me 2 hours to finish one drink though ( I’m not a fan of drinking). He was afraid to order another beer because he was worried that I’d think he is an alcoholic which is another proof that he overthinks a lot . So the talk we had was totally sober. But you’re right. I should have stuck to my plan and leave early.

I wouldn’t overthink think situation if he didn’t ask whether or not I was upset. I thought it was a good sign that he asked because it seemed that he cared about my feelings but on the other hand I’m not sure maybe he was just curious and it doesn’t mean he will want to meet again .

[AgnesM]

55 minutes ago, glows said:

You seem to think he overthinks or is too similar to you. Is this someone you want to see again? 

If so, I wouldn't respond to the topic of being ok/not upset. You would be ok anyway if you're asking how he's doing a day or two later or telling him you had a good time. Try to be more demonstrative in your thoughts, less verbal or explanatory if it's not needed. You're demonstrating there's nothing wrong on your end and you'd like to see him again by contacting him. 

I'd also add to put a limit on the alcohol and how many drinks you have and say no or end the date when you need to leave. Don't stay on too long if you don't feel comfortable or feel pressured doing so or have some place else to be.

 

Thank you for the answer !!!!

if he doesn’t reply until midnight  I’ll just move on and won’t bother him anymore. 

[S2B]

Don’t respond at all to a guy who isn’t prioritizing you! 
my adult boys are busy busy…and they respond to any communication right away! Every time!

him not communicating = not interested.

[glows]

On 5/15/2022 at 9:45 AM, AgnesM said:

Thank you for the answer !!!!

if he doesn’t reply until midnight  I’ll just move on and won’t bother him anymore. 

I'm assuming from your last two posts that you replied on WhatsApp. Did he respond?