Incredibly lonely, and struggling to cope.

[Cute-Meet4848]

I feel like I'm going to write my life story with this thread, so please bear with me, as I'm struggling to articulate how I feel. I hope you all can offer some guidance / support, because I don't have anyone in my personal life to open up to.

I'm chronically lonely, and have been for a long period of time. It's been a perpetual feeling; one which I haven't been able to shake off. There are times when I can go about my life and keep it in the back of my mind, but there's other times when I struggle day-to-day. I recently went through an experience (see past posts) which has triggered that feeling more intensely.

On the surface, I'd say my life is good and that I am doing a lot of things "right". I'm a late twenties male with a career that I love, making a positive difference to other people's lives. I regularly exercise and am healthy, and I have a number of hobbies that I am passionate for. I would like to think that I am socially competent, and am generally confident in what I do. I have good moral values, endeavour to live an honest life, and I always do my best to love others.

As for how people would describe me; I've been told that I am an attractive guy, and that I come across as confident. I've been told quite explicitly that I am "comfortable to be around", have a great sense of humour, and I usually hear through the grapevine that people have enjoyed meeting me. At work, everyone sings my praises, both for my character and for my work ethic.

Yet, I don't have much of a social or dating life, and no one that I feel close with. If it weren't for the above feedback, I'd honestly feel like the Elephant Man.

This is a breakdown of a few aspects of my life;

• I can't rely on my family. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, as both my parents are emotionally unavailable, and were neglectful to me as a child. They weren't "bad parents" in the sense that they intentionally treated me in a horrible manner, but they had their own issues, and I've had to witness their abusive marriage unfold as the years went on. Whilst in the present day I am now aware of how this may have effected me, I am unfortunately still having to live under the same roof as them (long story, but I intend to move out when I can).
   
• I have two friends, but we rarely see each other, and they have their own lives. It's always good to see them, and I know they appreciate me, but the lack of communication / meeting means there's a constant distance between us.
   
• I have no dating prospects, and haven't had a date in over seven years.
   
• I've been to therapy numerous times. There was nothing ever identified that would mean I would struggle developing relationships. The only thing that was ever suggested to me was keeping a positive mindset and to keep trying, which I have quite often done.
   
• There have been periods where I may get close to someone, but they were usually very unhealthy and I would have to distance myself.
   

So you may be wondering "What have you tried to resolve this?", and the answer is...quite a lot. For simply meeting new people in general, I regularly go to meetup events, concerts, bars / clubs, and occasionally do volunteer work - through all of these, whilst I have certainly spoken to people, I have never met a new friend out of it. I don't have anyone add me on social media, and my suggestions to do things never lead anywhere. For dating, I've tried all the apps and never got a match. When I do go out to socialise, I very rarely meet available women, and the few I do meet are clearly not interested in me.

I try to be grateful and recognise that people have it far worse than I do, and I genuinely have an appreciation for the good things in my life, but connection is something I am missing out on greatly, and I don't know how / where to find it. Before I wrote this, I was lay in bed with a sharp pang of loneliness in my chest - I felt it was time to reach out.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I can't rely on my family. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, as both my parents are emotionally unavailable, and were neglectful to me as a child.  I am unfortunately still having to live under the same roof as them

Overall you seem to have your life well put together. Since you are working, the most important thing to do is move out of your parents home.

That is keeping you stunted, in a "dysfunctional" environment as you call it , inhibits your social life and most definitely will be a barrier to dating. Also look into a second job to get out of the house more and save some money.

Start now to research affordable housing. Look at houseshares, roommates, studios, rooms, apts., anything. The sooner you move out the sooner your mood, loneliness, social situations and dating life will improve.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Happy Lemming]

What is your height??  Is your height and weight proportionate??  BMI??  Are you properly groomed??  Clean shaven??

Are your hobbies/sports co-ed??

Can you strike up a conversation with a woman based on the circumstances you are in??

Do you present as a "Happy" individual??

[Cute-Meet4848]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

What is your height??  Is your height and weight proportionate??  BMI??  Are you properly groomed??  Clean shaven??

Are your hobbies/sports co-ed??

Can you strike up a conversation with a woman based on the circumstances you are in??

Do you present as a "Happy" individual??

5'11, healthy weight and my efforts at the gym have yielded good results (I've been told I've got nice shoulders / arms. I'm slim, gradually being athletic and intend to bulk a little eventually). I groom regularly.

Yes. For example, I have done salsa dancing (haven't been in awhile, mind you). Many of the events I go to tend to be simple get-togethers (EG. Bar crawl).

As in, beginning a conversation based on our surroundings? Yes. In fact, two days ago I was at a get-together and struck up a conversation with a woman.

I would say that is a bit of a mixed-bag. On the one hand, I tend to find that people don't approach me and so I do wonder if I give off a "bad vibe". On the other hand, I've had people tell me that I'm positive and have a great outlook on things.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Happy Lemming]

Everything sounds good... I guess the only thing I could offer is keep practicing (talking to woman) at various events and venues.

Like a good salesman, Always Be Closing... No matter where you go -- talk to people, talk to everyone. 

The "bad vibe" thing could be the problem.  Try to always be smiling, have a "happy go lucky" spring in your step.

15 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

As in, beginning a conversation based on our surroundings? Yes. In fact, two days ago I was at a get-together and struck up a conversation with a woman.

 

Yes, that is what I meant and (yes) you stated you were able to do this, so that isn't the problem.  Not every woman (you talk to) is going to be receptive or want to learn more about you.

[Cute-Meet4848]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Everything sounds good... I guess the only thing I could offer is keep practicing (talking to woman) at various events and venues.

Like a good salesman, Always Be Closing... No matter where you go -- talk to people, talk to everyone. 

The "bad vibe" thing could be the problem.  Try to always be smiling, have a "happy go lucky" spring in your step.

Yes, that is what I meant and (yes) you stated you were able to do this, so that isn't the problem.  Not every woman (you talk to) is going to be receptive or want to learn more about you.

I appreciate the feedback, but clearly what I am doing isn't working. "Talking to people, to everyone" hasn't given me any results. I'm also a bit confused as to why you focused on women specifically, when the issue is with people in general.

As for that particular woman, she was receptive to conversation. I don't find that women find me uncomfortable to be around, but A) I've never had one approach me, and B) I've never seen signs of interest.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

5'11, healthy weight and my efforts at the gym have yielded good results I have done salsa dancing

You are doing fine in the socializing department, but moving out to your own place is a priority for you to date . 

[Cute-Meet4848]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Overall you seem to have your life well put together. Since you are working, the most important thing to do is move out of your parents home.

That is keeping you stunted, in a "dysfunctional" environment as you call it , inhibits your social life and most definitely will be a barrier to dating. Also look into a second job to get out of the house more and save some money.

Start now to research affordable housing. Look at houseshares, roommates, studios, rooms, apts., anything. The sooner you move out the sooner your mood, loneliness, social situations and dating life will improve.

For some reason this has only just appeared for me.

Whilst I certainly can understand how my social / dating life could IMPROVE from moving out, I do not think it's the barrier that's currently keeping me stuck.

53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You are doing fine in the socializing department, but moving out to your own place is a priority for you to date . 

Clearly I'm not, as I have two not-close friends and haven't made a new social connection in God knows how many years, despite having worked seven volunteering jobs, salsa classes etc. I don't wish to sound rude, I just felt that was rather dismissive of my issue.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

 I'm also a bit confused as to why you focused on women specifically, when the issue is with people in general.

You stated you had two friends, so you have proven you how to make and keep friends, so that isn't an issue or problem.  You also stated you were male, I made the assumption that you wanted to date a female.  

In my experience, I've noticed I accumulate more friends and acquaintances when I have a girlfriend, as we do more activities/parties/etc. with other couples.  Since you stated you were lonely, logic would dictate that you want more friends and acquaintances to be around, do activities, talk to, etc.  Me, personally... I enjoy traveling with my girlfriend.

What is your perfect dating scenario?? A short term girlfriend?? A long term girlfriend?? A long term girlfriend that you marry (wife)?? A friend with benefits (FWB)??

1 hour ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

..but A) I've never had one approach me

Neither have I...  I've always had to be the one that approached the woman, break the ice (if you will) and start the conversation (chit-chat).  And I've dated A LOT of women.  Yes, (as the male) you have to seek out the female.

27 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

Whilst I certainly can understand how my social / dating life could IMPROVE from moving out, I do not think it's the barrier that's currently keeping me stuck.

No woman wants to date a guy that is 36 and living at home with his parents.

Is there a reason why you are living at home with your parents at 36?? 

[glows]

It's going to be harder for you to date if you don't have your own place, OP. Try moving out asap and getting settled on your own, keep on with your social outings and meet ups. 

Start distancing yourself from your dysfunctional parents and forming a healthier outlook, even a more positive one independent of that of your family's or any family relationships that are dragging you down. 

[chillii]

Forget the childhood in those ways l know it's the go to these days but people put too much bs into that stuff l don't buy it, when l left home it was a fresh start. Yeah it's good to be aware of any effects and counteract them but your a grown man now, your own boss, you choose to be whatever you want.

Def' move out of home though asap which will be even lonelier for awhile but that's a good thing it'll make you grow and build your life. As for people, you must know the sort of people and interests that you fit best, not to be closed to others but they're the areas and people you should mix more with as you'll be alike and more likely to form friendships.Do things you like to do and others that are also into that stuff will be around or in clubs or whatever. The rest, is kinda like finding love, you get along with whomever you do when you do.

Edited May 16, 2022 by chillii

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

No woman wants to date a guy that is almost 30 and living at home with his parents.

Agree. You're working, doing a lot of volunteering, seem sociable, etc. So that's not the problem.

Start looking for affordable housing, perhaps roommates, etc.

Having all the "game" in the world won't work if you have no privacy or place to take dates. Women tend to recoil from men who haven't cut the apron strings.

[Cute-Meet4848]

I think you've all misunderstood why I communicated the situation with my home life. I was trying to illustrate that I didn't have a good relationship with my family, and thus I couldn't rely on them for support. That was all.

  

10 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

You stated you had two friends, so you have proven you how to make and keep friends, so that isn't an issue or problem.  You also stated you were male, I made the assumption that you wanted to date a female.  

In my experience, I've noticed I accumulate more friends and acquaintances when I have a girlfriend, as we do more activities/parties/etc. with other couples.  Since you stated you were lonely, logic would dictate that you want more friends and acquaintances to be around, do activities, talk to, etc.  Me, personally... I enjoy traveling with my girlfriend.

What is your perfect dating scenario?? A short term girlfriend?? A long term girlfriend?? A long term girlfriend that you marry (wife)?? A friend with benefits (FWB)??

Neither have I...  I've always had to be the one that approached the woman, break the ice (if you will) and start the conversation (chit-chat).  And I've dated A LOT of women.  Yes, (as the male) you have to seek out the female.

No woman wants to date a guy that is 36 and living at home with his parents.

Is there a reason why you are living at home with your parents at 36?? 

I'm not 36. I'm in my late twenties.

As for why I am living with my parents - I was out of work for a period of time for reasons I won't go into, save to say that they were admirable. I am hesitant to pour money into renting a place as opposed to my own housing, but regardless I'm not currently in the financial position to do so. A second job isn't viable.

At this point, it would be nice to just get a date.

6 hours ago, glows said:

It's going to be harder for you to date if you don't have your own place, OP. Try moving out asap and getting settled on your own, keep on with your social outings and meet ups. 

Start distancing yourself from your dysfunctional parents and forming a healthier outlook, even a more positive one independent of that of your family's or any family relationships that are dragging you down. 

 

3 hours ago, chillii said:

Forget the childhood in those ways l know it's the go to these days but people put too much bs into that stuff l don't buy it, when l left home it was a fresh start. Yeah it's good to be aware of any effects and counteract them but your a grown man now, your own boss, you choose to be whatever you want.

Def' move out of home though asap which will be even lonelier for awhile but that's a good thing it'll make you grow and build your life. As for people, you must know the sort of people and interests that you fit best, not to be closed to others but they're the areas and people you should mix more with as you'll be alike and more likely to form friendships.Do things you like to do and others that are also into that stuff will be around or in clubs or whatever. The rest, is kinda like finding love, you get along with whomever you do when you do.

 

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You're working, doing a lot of volunteering, seem sociable, etc. So that's not the problem.

Start looking for affordable housing, perhaps roommates, etc.

Having all the "game" in the world won't work if you have no privacy or place to take dates. Women tend to recoil from men who haven't cut the apron strings.

Whilst I agree with all of you in respect of moving out, I disagree with the amount of weight that you are putting on this. Whether I live alone or with family, it is NOT going to change my circumstances.

A) I'll still be going to the same social events and not making new friends.

B) Women don't know that I live with my parents, because I'm not getting to a stage where they would discover that about me.

You're trying to address an upcoming obstacle, not to the current issues. Can we please focus on that? Otherwise it's a waste of my time even trying to seek help.

Edited May 16, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[glows]

Respectfully, if you've not moved out before you won't know how it'll change your circumstances. Your current issue is feeling lonely and your dating circumstances so others are trying to help you. You lack self-confidence and that is your main problem. The more you seek for it, the less you find of it. Have you also seen your doctor for an overall check up? You seem depressed and anxious.

I'd work on improving your financial situation then and work step by step, take your time. Volunteer, join clubs and be more involved with anything that interests you and keeps you motivated. Unfortunately when you date potential dates are screening for partners that are independent, put together and who have a decent and stable outlook on life. You are not getting to that stage in dating (no matches) because women are filtering you out or your profile doesn't contain enough info perhaps to suggest that you are the things I described above. I'm sorry you're feeling down and I wouldn't rule out health concerns so speak with your doctor also if you are struggling.

[Els]

4 hours ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I am hesitant to pour money into renting a place as opposed to my own housing, but regardless I'm not currently in the financial position to do so. A second job isn't viable.

You don't have to rent on their own - lots of people your age live with housemates. So you would be splitting the rent for a 3-bedroom house 3 ways, rather than paying it all by yourself. It's not ideal, but it's a million times better than living with your parents. I don't think it's viable for a person in their late 20s to date if they're living with their parents - I suppose you could "date" and pay for a hotel room for some nights, but it's just not feasible in the long run, and also likely to be very unattractive to women. If you want a relationship, I'd make this your primary focus.

As for why women aren't initially attracted to you, I don't think that is something any of us can tell you without seeing you in real life. Not just photos, but how you interact with people.

Re: making friends, why is it that you haven't made any through work or your volunteer work? Could you elaborate on that?

Do you have any hobbies? Not stuff that you do specifically to meet people, but actual hobbies, stuff that you are interested in? Do you go to places where you could meet people interested in those same hobbies? Aside from work/school, this is how I've made most of my friends.

Edited May 16, 2022 by Elswyth

[stillafool]

32 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

You don't have to rent on their own - lots of people your age live with housemates.

I notice a lot of young people are not doing this now.  When I was young people did whatever they had to do to get away from home and not live with their parents.  Roommates were the answer back then or a second job.  We had a lot of friends when young ;but I notice a lot of young people don't have many friends now.  I don't know why that is tbh.

[Cute-Meet4848]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Respectfully, if you've not moved out before you won't know how it'll change your circumstances. Your current issue is feeling lonely and your dating circumstances so others are trying to help you. You lack self-confidence and that is your main problem. The more you seek for it, the less you find of it. Have you also seen your doctor for an overall check up? You seem depressed and anxious.

I'd work on improving your financial situation then and work step by step, take your time. Volunteer, join clubs and be more involved with anything that interests you and keeps you motivated. Unfortunately when you date potential dates are screening for partners that are independent, put together and who have a decent and stable outlook on life. You are not getting to that stage in dating (no matches) because women are filtering you out or your profile doesn't contain enough info perhaps to suggest that you are the things I described above. I'm sorry you're feeling down and I wouldn't rule out health concerns so speak with your doctor also if you are struggling.

I have moved out before. I lived away from my parents for a number of years. I still had the same issue.

To put it another way - if I were to move out tomorrow, and come back in a few months / years time saying I still haven't made any friends / got a date, what would your answer be then?

Regardless, I'm already looking at moving and it should be viable within a few months, but I am dead certain it will not improve the aforementioned problems.

I mentioned before about therapy, but I haven't been in over a year now. The last few I had were essentially repeating the same things - I was an affable guy who was doing the right things, and that it would all happen in time. I sought help at the age of 20, and here I am nine years later with the same problem...

1 hour ago, Elswyth said:

You don't have to rent on their own - lots of people your age live with housemates. So you would be splitting the rent for a 3-bedroom house 3 ways, rather than paying it all by yourself. It's not ideal, but it's a million times better than living with your parents. I don't think it's viable for a person in their late 20s to date if they're living with their parents - I suppose you could "date" and pay for a hotel room for some nights, but it's just not feasible in the long run, and also likely to be very unattractive to women. If you want a relationship, I'd make this your primary focus.

As for why women aren't initially attracted to you, I don't think that is something any of us can tell you without seeing you in real life. Not just photos, but how you interact with people.

Re: making friends, why is it that you haven't made any through work or your volunteer work? Could you elaborate on that?

Do you have any hobbies? Not stuff that you do specifically to meet people, but actual hobbies, stuff that you are interested in? Do you go to places where you could meet people interested in those same hobbies? Aside from work/school, this is how I've made most of my friends.

If I knew why I hadn't made any friends, I wouldn't be here talking about it. 😛 I wish I could tell you. All I know is that, generally speaking, I will hear through the grapevine that people like me - I know my colleagues think highly of me, I know people enjoy my company and the conversations I have with them, but ultimately in all of these different events, groups etc, I'm the only one who never gets added on social media, spoken to outside of events etc. I literally have only those two friends I mentioned previously, and even then I hardly hear from them. I had a female friend not too long ago, but that relationship broke down.

Yes, I have a few hobbies, and yes I do those things in public.

Edited May 16, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[glows]

These sound like a great start. Your therapist may be right as it’s a matter of staying positive.

I’m also not sure if you’re going to these meet ups to look for friends or due to genuine interest in these topics.

People usually have their own contacts and people they’ve been meeting with for some time and it takes time to see whether a newcomer fits in. Continue working on being more positive and go about doing things that truly bring you joy.

[Happy Lemming]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Having all the "game" in the world won't work if you have no privacy or place to take dates. Women tend to recoil from men who haven't cut the apron strings.

If I could expand upon this statement...

Independence breeds confidence. Women will react (more) favorably to a confident man.

 

[Els]

1 hour ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

but ultimately in all of these different events, groups etc, I'm the only one who never gets added on social media, spoken to outside of events etc. I

Have YOU added people on social media, tried to speak to them outside events, etc? Someone has to make the first move.

[Cute-Meet4848]

2 hours ago, glows said:

These sound like a great start. Your therapist may be right as it’s a matter of staying positive.

I’m also not sure if you’re going to these meet ups to look for friends or due to genuine interest in these topics.

People usually have their own contacts and people they’ve been meeting with for some time and it takes time to see whether a newcomer fits in. Continue working on being more positive and go about doing things that truly bring you joy.

I go because I enjoy them; (hopefully) making friends is a by-product.

All I can really say is that it's not been my experience that people want to develop a friendship with me, regardless of the situation. I've read online on how to deal with this, but usually it's filled with stories of "I went to a concert, got talking to people, and now we meet up regularly". Never happened to me.

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

If I could expand upon this statement...

Independence breeds confidence. Women will react (more) favorably to a confident man.

 

Generally speaking, I am confident, and I have lived independently. This really isn't the issue...

I may just have to accept that I will never get a date, because I refuse to get settled for when I'm older anyway.

1 hour ago, Elswyth said:

Have YOU added people on social media, tried to speak to them outside events, etc? Someone has to make the first move.

Yes - I've taken numbers, invited them to events etc. No dice.

Meanwhile, they all seem happy to establish friendships with one-another outside of the event.

Edited May 16, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Weezy1973]

Generally I've found that issues like this have to do with a lack of self worth. Self worth is a bit hard to pin down, but generally it can mean you're happy with all the superficial stuff, the way you look, your career, your sense of humour etc. but there's this nagging feeling that you're still not good enough. That if somebody really got to know the real you, they wouldn't love you. You don't feel you're worthy of being loved and accepted for who you are. And yes, it likely is a by product of your childhood.

 

So how this manifests is that while you want to feel that sense of love and belonging, actually getting close to people really frightens you because as I mentioned above, you deep down feel that if that really got to know the real you, they wouldn't like / love you. So you subconsciously keep everybody at a safe distance. They can appreciate the superficial things and see you as likeable and you don't have to risk anything.

 

All relationships, including friendships generally start the same way. It's a slow build. You start out chatting about very superficial things, the weather, the bar you're at, a local sports team, and over time you each reveal a bit more personal things. Your favourite food, your best travel experience, your hobbies and why you enjoy them. And then over more time you each begin to reveal deeper, more personal things. Your family life, any health struggles you might have, talking about past relationships. This is how real connection is built; slowly over time. I suspect you (again subconsciously) stop this process from happening. Even your two friends are kept at arms length. 

[Wiseman2]

On 5/15/2022 at 1:42 PM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I can't rely on my family. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, as both my parents are emotionally unavailable, and were neglectful to me as a child. They weren't "bad parents" in the sense that they intentionally treated me in a horrible manner, but they had their own issues, and I've had to witness their abusive marriage unfold as the years went on.

You've gotten a lot of good tips and advice as far as dating/meeting women. I had a friend from a "dysfunctional" family and he too stalled out.

That is worth looking into, even though you claim living at home/on your own makes no difference. Maybe not on paper, but something is stalling you out.

[Cute-Meet4848]

59 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Generally I've found that issues like this have to do with a lack of self worth. Self worth is a bit hard to pin down, but generally it can mean you're happy with all the superficial stuff, the way you look, your career, your sense of humour etc. but there's this nagging feeling that you're still not good enough. That if somebody really got to know the real you, they wouldn't love you. You don't feel you're worthy of being loved and accepted for who you are. And yes, it likely is a by product of your childhood.

 

So how this manifests is that while you want to feel that sense of love and belonging, actually getting close to people really frightens you because as I mentioned above, you deep down feel that if that really got to know the real you, they wouldn't like / love you. So you subconsciously keep everybody at a safe distance. They can appreciate the superficial things and see you as likeable and you don't have to risk anything.

 

All relationships, including friendships generally start the same way. It's a slow build. You start out chatting about very superficial things, the weather, the bar you're at, a local sports team, and over time you each reveal a bit more personal things. Your favourite food, your best travel experience, your hobbies and why you enjoy them. And then over more time you each begin to reveal deeper, more personal things. Your family life, any health struggles you might have, talking about past relationships. This is how real connection is built; slowly over time. I suspect you (again subconsciously) stop this process from happening. Even your two friends are kept at arms length. 

This is certainly a possibility given my upbringing, but generally there are two issues with this;

1) I don't really get to a point where I could start getting close to people, as our relationships don't extend beyond casual acquaintance.

2) The few people I have opened up to, I generally find do not stay in my life for very long.

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You've gotten a lot of good tips and advice as far as dating/meeting women. I had a friend from a "dysfunctional" family and he too stalled out.

That is worth looking into, even though you claim living at home/on your own makes no difference. Maybe not on paper, but something is stalling you out.

I'm not suggesting it isn't a contributing factor, only that in the grand scheme of things, it would play a smaller role.

The fact of the matter is, as I said before, despite doing all these activities...I rarely meet available women of my age group. They're usually much older, taken etc. I don't have any female friends, currently.

[Weezy1973]

8 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

1) I don't really get to a point where I could start getting close to people, as our relationships don't extend beyond casual acquaintance.

2) The few people I have opened up to, I generally find do not stay in my life for very long.

 

Again, it's likely that these things happen because you (subconsciously) make sure you aren't getting to close. You make sure your relationships don't extend beyond casual acquaintance and when you do open up, it's with people that won't be staying in your life for very long. Again it's really hard to see, because these are subconscious defense mechanisms. What you are waiting for is the "guarantee". That a person very obviously likes you and wants to be your friend, or a woman you're attracted to makes it very clear she wants to date you. You don't want to risk that rejection. You want a guaranteed connection, without the risk of rejection. And that's not how connection works. There's always a risk of rejection, it's just that rejection doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. And you'll be fine even if you're rejected.